<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Stranger in Her Own Land by JaKedeSnaKe</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470552">Stranger in Her Own Land</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaKedeSnaKe/pseuds/JaKedeSnaKe'>JaKedeSnaKe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Human Spinel AU (But Not Much Changes) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociation, F/M, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Spinel Gets Therapy, Spinel goes to Little Homeschool, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Unrequited Love, ain’t no beta reads here, but it’s only Spinel, thems for weaklings, trigger warnings in notes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>116,046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaKedeSnaKe/pseuds/JaKedeSnaKe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spinel: Pink Diamond’s stretchy companion who was abandoned in the Garden for millenia and sought to enact her revenge on Earth and Pink’s son, Steven Universe. Now living on Earth, she is learning how to become a better person and adapt to Earth life, all while grappling with trauma and self-doubt. Yessiree, this human has been through the ringer alright.</p>
<p>Wait. Human?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli &amp; Spinel (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Spinel &amp; Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Human Spinel AU (But Not Much Changes) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2225301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Kidnapping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks for checking out this here fic! Even tho S.U ended, I still have a lotta writing fervor ‘cause I got a lotta plans ‘n ideas for this fic. Be sure to stick around!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dusk fell on the quaint Neolithic village. The villagers were looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep in their conical wooden hovels, especially after a back-breaking day tending to crops and herding livestock. Atop a steep earthen mound, surrounded by a moat, and encircled by a wooden palisade, the quiet ancient European community slept easy knowing that they were safe from recent hostile raiders. <i>Human</i> raiders, that is.</p>
<p>They had no way of protecting themselves from the Diamond Authority.</p>
<p>A cacophonous rumbling echoed across the sky that night, instantly waking the village. It didn’t sound like any sort of thunder they knew of. It sounded unnatural. Ungodly. Unearthly.</p>
<p>Two giant crystalline objects emerged from the nighttime clouds and landed in the village’s cropland surrounding the village, instantly flattening much of the wheat. One side on each of them opened up, and out stormed two dozen large, bulky humans. In the nighttime aura they almost looked purple. </p>
<p>The village sentry instantly warned the groggy community of these strange invaders as they began orderly marching towards the village. The men grabbed their spears, bows, stone hammers, sickles, <i>anything</i> to repel these raiders. </p>
<p>A man feverishly grabbed his spear as he ordered his wife and infant child to hide. Their faces screamed terror, lines stretched in fear - even their redheaded baby was disturbed by the hurried shouts coming from outside as she bawled.</p>
<p>“Head out to the forest,” the husband commanded. “You’ll be safe there. They’e here to sack the village.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t we s-safe inside the walls?” his wife cried.</p>
<p>Her husband gravely shook his head. “The sentry said there was something, <i>different</i>, about these attackers. Those monstrous sounds must’ve been caused by them.” He finished polishing his spear. “The elders decided it’s too dangerous for us to stay here. You’re to head north to the larger village. They have larger walls, and a larger group of warriors.”</p>
<p>“O-Okay, well, w-what about you?”</p>
<p>The man gave a weak smile. “I’ll be fine - I promise. You’ll see, we’ll hold off these raiders.” He gave both his wife and child affectionate and longing kisses before turning and leaving the hut. If only he knew what he was going up against.</p>
<p>The woman stood stiff for a moment, her baby still bawling in her swaddle. No longer able to chase off the growing terror consuming her, she ran outside into the fray.</p>
<p>The normally quiet village was anything but so. A scene of pure chaos played as people ran to-and-fro; some charged to confront the invaders, while others fled towards the forest. The mother joined the throng of refugees fleeing through one of the gates. </p>
<p>She desperately tried shutting out the agonized screams of the men getting slaughtered, and desperately tried blotting out the tears swelling in her eyes. <i>Focus</i>, she admonished. <i>Focus on getting your baby to safety now</i>.</p>
<p>As she and the others fled through the dense woodland, they were horrified to see the raiders suddenly appear and cut them off in their pursuit to safety. Gods, they were <i>huge</i>. And <i>terrifying</i>. The raiders began nabbing everybody in sight, along with their possessions.</p>
<p>The mother managed to escape as she turned abruptly on her heels and fled down another path, alone. As she sprinted she turned her head to get a look at the terrifying scene. She was so engrossed in the appalling sight that she didn’t even notice she ran headlong into a tree.</p>
<p>*<i>Smack</i>*! The woman groaned as she got herself up off the ground, thankful that she took the brunt of the impact and not her baby.</p>
<p>“Well, well, lookit what we got ‘ere!” the tree announced in a burly tone.</p>
<p><i>What? Oh, no. Oh no</i>. The mother snapped her neck up at the “tree”, only to see that it was one of the invading warriors. Another one stepped out of the brush behind the woman, effectively pinning her between them. As she frightfully looked between the two, confusion began bubbling in her mind as she noticed that the two raiders looked almost exactly the same. The only difference they possessed were the shiny rocks embedded in different places in their bodies.</p>
<p>“Hey, ya think our Diamond will like this one?” one of the grunts asked condescendingly as she pointed at the baby, the mother shaking in terror.</p>
<p>“Eh, sure. Our Diamond said to grab anything to help her get a better understandin’ of Earth, and this does qualify as ‘anything.’ Grab the small one, we already got enough of the big ones.”</p>
<p>“No! <i>No</i>!” the mother shrieked, backing away from the amethyst in front of her only to bump into the other. The amethyst grabbed hold onto the screaming infant and began a tug-of-war with the mother. Due to her superior strength, however, she quickly won the match.</p>
<p>“<i>Please, please no!</i>” the woman sobbed as she began banging her fists onto the hefty gem’s chest, who remained unflinching.</p>
<p>The amethyst looked over to her comrade, unamused. “You gonna let this thing keep doin’ this?”</p>
<p>“Eh, it’s kinda funny,” the other commented with a grin. “*Tsk* Alright, <i>fine</i>,” she relented.</p>
<p>She summoned her nightstick from her cheek gem and whupped it across the woman’s head. She fell to the forest floor with a thud, as if she were a puppet that had its strings cut off.</p>
<p>The amethyst looked disgustingly at her bloodied nightstick. “Yeesh, I forgot these things leak red liquid when that happens.”</p>
<p>Horrified, the ginger baby began screeching louder. This greatly annoyed the amethyst holding it as the pair began marching back to their drop ship. “Ugh, how can I get this thing to shut up?”</p>
<p>“Hey! You know what Pink Diamond said: don’t break any Earth stuff!” the other admonished. “She wants them in prime condition.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay!” the amethyst retorted. She grimaced as she held the wailing infant further away from her. “Really fuckin’ annoying, though.”</p>
<p>The grating noise was starting to get on the other gem’s nerves as well. “Yep,” she delivered sardonically.</p>
<p>The duo joined the other amethysts in marching back to their ships. They all carried either human artifacts or humans themselves, with some either unconscious or desperately flailing against their captor’s hold. With all gems and pillaged items accounted for, the two ships lifted off the farmland and rocketed off into space.</p>
<p>In the human holding chamber of one of the ships was the redheaded baby, surrounded by sobbing, terrified, hysterical villagers. It was currently being held by one of those villagers, trying to soothe it despite her tears and all the surrounding panic. But the baby still kept on crying.</p>
<p>Sure, she was in a pretty sorry situation <i>now</i>. But once Pink and the rest of the Diamonds got their hands onto her, it would get far, <i>far</i> worse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A New Member</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pink is fascinated by a new human specimen.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, Pearl - isn’t this exciting!”</p>
<p>The gem in question skimmed her eyes across the assembly of human paraphernalia in front of her. Clay pots, flint spears, woven mats, all sorts of items were laid out front of her Diamond’s moon base.</p>
<p>“It certainly is, my Diamond,” Pearl responded as if she were a prerecorded voice.</p>
<p>Pink picked up a wicker basket and began observing it as if it was the rarest gemstone of all. “Wow! To think humans can even <i>use</i> such primitive technology!”</p>
<p>Pearl smiled at Pink, her relative calm giving her the courage to ask a question. “My Diamond, if I may ask, why bother going through all the hassle of collecting these human trinkets?”</p>
<p>Pink scoffed. “It was all Yellow’s idea. She said I should ‘take initiative’ and ‘find out about this planet’s dominant species’ or whatever. It’s supposed to make my colonization easier, but it’s all kind of ridiculous. Humans are cool and all, but what can they do against us? Gems?”</p>
<p>Her servant stood by patiently as Pink went through her tirade. As she finished they heard a chime ring from the control panel. Pearl moved over to it and pulled up a recent notification.</p>
<p>“My Diamond, the humans you requested are ready for examination,” the lithe gem announced as she turned to face Pink.</p>
<p>“About time!” Pink announced giddily as she pulled Pearl down with her to the bottom floor. As they stood outside the Moon Base’s entrance, the drop ship responsible for ferrying the humans docked outside and linked it’s entrance with the Moon Base’s.</p>
<p>The pentagonal doors opened and in fluttered an aquamarine, its gem located on her thigh. “Aquamarine Facet 3U9, Cut 0T2. My Diamond, it is such an honor to be in your presence,” she groveled, her arms stiff in the Diamond Salute. Pink nodded eagerly in acknowledgment.</p>
<p>The aquamarine turned back to the pentagonal entrance and snapped her fingers. A dozen amethysts immediately began marching in while tugging levitating cages, each sporting a terror-stricken human enclosed within a miniature forcefield. They lined themselves up in front of Pink, their cages positioned beside them. With a simple “that will be all,” the aquamarine directed the purple soldiers out of the room and back into the drop ship.</p>
<p>“As you can see,” the aquamarine announced, “our soldiers selected only the <i>finest</i> humans for studying. Even still, our peridots have recorded that humans are highly uncooperative, dim-witted, very weak, and fairly disgusting. It’s a wonder they ever became the dominant species of this planet.”</p>
<p>Pink Diamond payed little attention to the speaker. Her gaze was focused rather on one of the crying humans in the cages. Specifically, the incredibly tiny one on the far left.</p>
<p>“Are you okay, my Diamond?” Pearl questioned as she noticed the stars dancing in her Diamond’s eyes.</p>
<p>She stepped closer to meet the caged human. “I-I’ve never seen humans with <i>red hair</i> before! I didn’t even know that was possible!”</p>
<p>Silence befell the Moon Base entryway as all eyes became glued on the particular human with the crimson hair. The baby kept crying only for a moment before it cautiously opened its scrunched-up eyes. Its twinkling eyes further captivated the Diamond, earning a squeal from her.</p>
<p>“How do you open this thing?” Pink requested.</p>
<p>“Uh, o-okay, here,” the pint-sized gem stated, a little flabbergasted by her Diamond’s forwardness. With a flick of her wand the cage’s forcefield fell in a shimmer.</p>
<p>Pink lifted up the infant to get a better look at her. The baby let out a surprised sob at the movement, but she soon calmed down as she gazed upon the leader’s iridescent eyes. Diamond pupils as black as night, surrounded by a sea of fuchsia. She smiled as her two stubby arms reached out towards the Diamond, and that’s all it took.</p>
<p>“Oh, she’s so special! I simply <i>must</i> have this human!” Pink announced.</p>
<p>The two other gems in the room were taken aback. “My D-Diamond, are you sure about t-this?” Pearl asked fretfully.</p>
<p>“Of course I am! I <i>am</i> a Diamond, after all,” she replied presumptuously.</p>
<p>She then noticed the aquamarine flying awkwardly in place. “Oh, you can go now. Bring the other things with you.”</p>
<p>“My Diamond, you wish not to examine the other humans?” the aquamarine asked, confused.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, go,” she shot back impatiently, briefly taking her eyes off of the crimson baby before returning to her. “<i>This</i> is the only human I wanna examine!” she cooed.</p>
<p>“My Diamond,” Pearl interrogated as aquamarine left and the amethysts drove the other caged humans out. “Is this really a good idea? We don’t even know how to care for these, things! Shouldn’t we call in some experts?”</p>
<p>Pink paused for a moment, conflicted. It didn’t take long for a new, angered resolve to flood through her. “I. Am. A. Diamond. I am <i>not</i> about to go and have some lesser gem think they know more than a <i>Diamond</i> by ordering them to find out what <i>I don’t know</i>!” she exclaimed, her voice rising in volume.</p>
<p>The redheaded baby began sobbing at the tyrant’s monumental inflection. Pearl squeaked, cowering in her place. “I-I’m sorry, my D-Diamond. I wasn’t d-doubting your judgement, I swear!”</p>
<p>Pink’s rage instantly disintegrated, quiet horror quickly replacing it. “. . . Pearl, I-I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” She turned to the infant in her hands. “Please, don’t cry. I’m all calm now, see?” The baby didn’t understand what she said, and kept crying incessantly.</p>
<p>Hands shaking, Pink brought the baby down to Pearl. “H-here, take her. I . . . I have some duties to attend to in the observatory.” </p>
<p>“Should I follow you, my Diamond?” Pearl quietly inquired. </p>
<p>Pink paused as she began lugging herself up the revolving stairs. She glanced down at herself, clad in her puffy and jester-like wardrobe. She then goggled up at the murals of the other Diamonds, large and imposing and giving off a sense of elder wisdom. Finally Pink gazed over to her expectant Pearl, holding the wailing scarlet baby in her arms.</p>
<p>
  <i>What would a Diamond do? What would a wise, omniscient, omnipotent Diamond do?</i>
</p>
<p>“. . . Take her to some experts. See what they can do. Return to me when you’re done,” she sighed.</p>
<p>“And please - <i>don’t</i> let Blue or Yellow or White find out about this.”</p>
<p>Pearl didn’t have to ask why. She fully understood the dangers keeping this organic presented.</p>
<p> </p><hr/><p> </p>
<p>“I am Pink Diamond’s Pearl, on a mission by direct orders from Pink Diamond,” Pearl informed the gems in their Homeworld laboratory. She arrived there via space shuttle after discovering that the tiny organic Pink had taken a liking to couldn’t even access warp streams.</p>
<p>The three hematites in question instantly perked up once they realized this was <i>Pink Diamond’s</i> Pearl of all pearls. She instructed them that her Diamond wanted these top scientists to carefully examine the small organic she carried in her arms - its biochemistry, its psychology, stuff that an aquamarine couldn’t determine from simple observations. The trio stated that they weren’t going to disappoint. In all honesty, they really had no choice.</p>
<p>Things went fairly swimmingly for the first hour or so after Pearl left. They put the human through the gem equivalent of an MRI machine that not only mapped the infant’s brain but also all the other organs in her body. The hematites also examined her with a bunch of other endoscopic tools and scales. Thankfully the baby girl was either peacefully napping while all these nonintrusive tests were going on or being placidly captivated by these strange beings and machines.</p>
<p>Then everything went downhill when she began crying.</p>
<p>“How do you get it to stop?!” one hematite called to her colleagues, frantically running through her diagnostics. </p>
<p>“I - I don’t know!” another replied, her voice warbling. “Is it damaged?”</p>
<p>“Pink Diamond will <i>shatter</i> us if anything happens to this organic!” the former warned with a quaking voice.</p>
<p>The last hematite gasped as she pulled up a holographic diagram of the infant’s current bodily state. “There’s something wrong with this component!” she cried as the others crowded around her, pointing to a saclike organ: the stomach.</p>
<p>“It says it‘s ‘low on sustenance.’ W-What does that even <i>mean</i>?!”</p>
<p>“How do we solve this, oh I don’t wanna be shattered!”</p>
<p>“<i>Hey</i>! 7D2, 5F3, focus!” the more composed of the three demanded. “Nobody is getting shattered here today. We have to think like <i>educated</i> gems here; we are not weak-minded pearls here.”</p>
<p>The others took in a deep breath. “Sorry, 6E4,” 7D2 apologized.</p>
<p>She nodded in response. 6E4 also took in a deep breath, blocking out the infant’s wails. “Okay, now, what is the problem here?”</p>
<p>5F3 paused. “This organic is crying and we do not know how to quell it.”</p>
<p>“Correct. Now, why is it crying?”</p>
<p>“There is a flaw in one of it’s components,” 7D2 stated.</p>
<p>“<i>Exactly</i> - it has a flawed component. And just like any broken piece of a machine, it must be expelled.”</p>
<p>“But this organic’s internal systems are highly interconnected; taking anything out might break it!” 7D2 protested.</p>
<p>“We are not taking anything out. We are simply pacifying this component indefinitely.” 6E4 summoned a syringe-like object filled with pink fluid from a slot on one of the walls. </p>
<p>“We can presume that this component is flawed not because it is broken, but rather because it is obsolete. On it’s planet this component may have served this organic well. But it is now on Homeworld. It’s component requires something not endemic to our society, and it therefore is reduced to redundancy. And redundant pieces must be removed from the equation. </p>
<p>“We can assume that this organic ‘sustenance’ is synonymous with energy. As we gems receive all the energy we need from our gems, this organic must’ve required replenishments of it on its home planet. But because its sustenance is no longer found on Homeworld, it must have a substitute.”</p>
<p>6E4 injected the pink fluid into the crying baby’s stomach. Almost instantly she ceased crying. The others looked shocked.</p>
<p>“This chemical compound I just administrated will provide this organic with whatever energy it will need for the rest of its short lifespan. I suggest that we take note of any other potential disruptors in this organic’s body, and make sure to do the same to them.”</p>
<p>The hematites eagerly began fixing the human infant. The body needed frequent dosages of liquids? Giver it the ability to never require liquids again. The human often required eight hours of rest? Supply her with the energy needed to never need to sleep again. Her body was incredibly weak? Make her as hardy and strong as a gem. (The hematites injected a solution into the baby that instantly and harmlessly turned her bones into a durable and elastic sort of cartilage. This alteration actually had a couple interesting and unforeseen side effects, one being her now-malleable body parts. 5F3 got quite the shock when one of the baby’ arms stretched out twenty feet across the lab to grab a fistful of her bowl-cut hair.) The team even found out that the human couldn’t use warp pads and, not wanting to cause any inconveniences for their Diamond in the case of transporting this infant, implanted a microscopic chip that would allow her warp pad access.</p>
<p>Soon Pearl returned to retrieve the infant girl, the upbeat hematites happy to say that they have “made certain she wouldn’t be any more hassle.” Pearl didn’t really know what that meant, but she decided not to press. The scientists gave her the report and she went began her journey back to Pink.</p>
<p><i>Did this human offspring always have such striking vermilion eyes?</i> Pearl thought as she carried the infant back to a galaxy warp that would return them to the Moon Base. The baby only babbled and let its limbs deflate all the way down to the floor. <i>Huh. That’s new.</i></p>
<p>Thankfully the baby’s stretched-out limbs reverted themselves to their normal state once Pearl arrived at the galaxy warp. “Now, those hematites said that they made it so that this organic could enter warp streams,” she thought aloud. “Hopefully that’s true.” True to their word, Pearl was happily surprised to see the baby still remaining in her arms as she zipped across countless parsecs of space.</p>
<p>Once she arrived back at the Moon Base she ascended the stairs up to meet Pink in the control room. “My Diamond, I have returned,” Pearl announced.</p>
<p>Pink sat in her throne and turned to face her, a concealed moroseness cast over her exterior. It lightened up into a true smile as she saw the baby. “Oh! Welcome back, Pearl.”</p>
<p>The baby cooed as Pink took hold of her. The leader cocked her head to the side as she looked down at the baby in her arms. “Were her eyes <i>always</i> . . . crimson?” </p>
<p>“Do you not like it, my Diamond?” Pearl implored.</p>
<p>“No, no, it’s just. I didn’t know they can, <i>change</i> like that. It’s . . . kind of interesting.”</p>
<p>Pearl remained silent as she took in what she said before querying something else. “Have you thought up a name for it?” </p>
<p>“A name?”</p>
<p>“Yes - all proper members of a Diamond’s court must have a name.”</p>
<p>“You’re starting to sound like White,” Pink quipped. “Hmm, okay, uh, how about, Spinel?”</p>
<p>“Spinel?” Pearl repeated.</p>
<p>“Yeah - she’s magenta, like a Spinel,” Pink explained, referencing her rosy baby skin and her ginger hair. </p>
<p>Pearl only nodded. “Very well, my Diamond. This organic shall forevermore be known as Spinel!” she proclaimed.</p>
<p>The giant chortled. Suddenly a tiny hand shot up to grab a tuff of her cotton-candy hair. Spinel giggled as she squeezed it, a delightfully sonorous sound that found its way into Pink’s heart.</p>
<p>“You’re <i>definitely</i> gonna be my new best friend!” Pink gushed.</p>
<p>For all she knew, Spinel was having a grand old time with her new mom. This giant woman was pretty to look at, she smelled wonderful, and the lady’s affection for her oozed off of her whenever she held her. And she guessed the smaller woman could be another one of her new moms as well - she was also pretty and held her kindly. This all was practically made her forget the recently harrowing experience she went through.</p>
<p>She didn’t know what “best friend” meant, but it probably was along the lines of “mom.” Because that was for sure what Spinel was getting at.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Her Little Gimmicks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Blue and Yellow pop by, and Spinel is delivered a bombshell(s).</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laughter echoed through the Moon Base.</p><p>“Haha! That was wonderful, Spinel, do that again!” Pink cheered to the human, who was clad in her usual puffy, vibrantly pink clothing (which, Pink and Pearl discovered, had to be replaced as she got bigger).</p><p>Spinel - now eight years old - had just finished showing off to her best friend a new routine she had made up for her. It consisted of around eight balancing balls of various sizes, a ribbon wand, and Pearl.</p><p>“Spinel! <i>Please</i> refrain from using me as part of your, routines!” Pearl demanded exasperatedly as she tugged the tangle of ribbons off of her.</p><p>“Oh it’s fine, Pearl - she’s just living things up a bit,” Pink argued, siding with Spinel and encouraging her antics <i>as usual</i>.</p><p>The human chuckled. “YEAH! This boring ol’ Moon Base can be so, <i>boring</i> sometimes!” the child added.</p><p>“Are you <i>that</i> bored? You went with us to that spire in the Andromeda Galaxy just last week,” Pearl reminded pointedly, her face and inflection plain in matter-of-factness.</p><p>Spinel giggled exuberantly as she remembered. “Oh yeah! Remember when I knocked over that statue?”</p><p>“Oh, I remember . . . .“ Pearl grumbled under her breath.</p><p>Pink tilted her head back and barked out a laugh. “Oh, yes! The look on that bismuth’s face was to shatter for!” </p><p>She sighed. “It’s . . . so hard to believe that it feels as if it were yesterday that you couldn’t even jump, and yet you could leap all the way up to the top of that statue.” </p><p>The child gushed at the comment while the servant gem sighed. You could say that the two had some <i>very</i> opposing views on Spinel’s development. Pink was simply enamored by how much her little organic pet had changed in such a short period of time, and greatly appreciated the levity she brought with her during the monotony of running a colony. Pearl thought of it as, <i>erm</i>, more of an inconvenience. A nuisance, really. The bigger Spinel got, the more trouble she could cause. And the more of it <i>she</i> would have to clean up.</p><p>Just then a shimmering sound echoed up from the Base’s first floor warp pad. Then two bellowing voices. “Pink? Are you here?” | “Pink! We’ve come to check up on you!”</p><p>The Diamond in question turned white as a sheet along with Pearl. “<i>It’s Yellow and Blue!</i>”</p><p>“The color ladies?” Spinel queried innocently. The child thought back to the various times she was hidden away in far off rooms, small compartments, or Pearl’s commodious gem - all whenever these strange mystery women come to talk with Pinkie. But she couldn’t for the life of her understand why. She’s never even had a chance to see them before! They can’t be <i>that</i> scary - right?</p><p>Pink ran a frantic cursory inspection around the Moon Base’s control room, her heart seizing as she noticed how Spinel’s toys were strewn all about the place. She turned to a worried Pearl.</p><p>“Pearl! Store all this into your gem!”</p><p>“A-At once, my Diamond!” She threw herself around the room, tossing Spinel’s knickknacks into her gem without rhyme or reason.</p><p>“Pink? Answer us!” a deep voice commanded.</p><p>“I-I’m here, Yellow!”</p><p>“Okay, we’re coming up~!” a softer, slightly more cheery voice announced. Two sets of enormous feet announced themselves on the staircase.</p><p>Spinel had yet to realize the severity of the situation. “Pinkie? Pearlie? Why can’t I meet these gems?” she huffed.</p><p>Pink turned to Pearl with a jerk. “Don’t forget Spinel!” she ordered in a hush.</p><p>The gem in question caught the rebuttal in her throat, making it sound as if she choked. <i>Stars, this part is the worst</i>. With feverish hands she seized hold of Spinel - who yelped, “C’mon, not <i>this</i> again!” - and summoned her into her gem. It wasn’t a second too early. </p><p>“Hello, Pink!” Blue and Yellow greeted. Pearl hobbled up next to Pink to stand at attention.</p><p>Pink let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. “H-Hi, Blue. Hi, Yellow.”</p><p>Blue took notice of the lesser Diamond’s unease. “Are you okay, Pink? You seem stressed.”</p><p>She blinked. “Yep! I’m, just, a little stressed, that’s all! Running a colony is . . .” She didn’t want to say “hard,” lest she make herself look incapable in the others’ eyes. “. . . <i>busy</i> work, y’know?”</p><p>“Quite,” Yellow agreed. “I’m glad to see you’re finally realizing the monumental duty you possess as a Diamond, Pink.” </p><p>She nodded, easing down a little. The two elders moved past her to get a look at Earth from the geodesic observatory. Unfortunately, Pink’s unease returned to her at full force one she saw the incredibly strained look on Pearl’s face.</p><p>“Pearl?” she asked under her breath. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>The servant’s face twitched ever so slightly as she began lightly perspiring. “Sp-Spinel. Sh-She won’t s-stop, <i>mo-moving</i>.”</p><p>Pink glanced to the Diamonds and back to her. “Just, try holding it in, okay?” she pleaded. “The others’ll leave here soon.”</p><p>“Pink. Come here and join us,” Blue requested to her. She stepped over to the others and joined in on their gazing upon Earth.</p><p>“A Diamond’s duty is never fully done,” Yellow began, sternly looking out on Pink’s colony. “Once you colonize one planet, you move on to subjugating the next. Once you dedicate one piece of art in your image, you move on to affirming the next. Once you construct one Kindergarten, you move on to building the next.”</p><p>“And not only will you have to deal with matters of leadership, you’ll also deal with promoting a Diamond’s image!” Blue added enthusiastically. “Making sure you maintain proper poise, grandeur, and radiance is <i>key</i> to ensuring the integrity of the Empire.”</p><p>Pink forced herself to smile through all the same hogwash she heard before. <i>Why can’t they just let me rule how </i>I<i> want to rule, huh?!</i></p><p>Yellow took her eyes off of the colony to glance down at the Littlest Diamond. “This is only the beginning of a long line of things to come, Pink. With growing confidence, I can say that this first colony of yours will help you transform into a honorable and responsible -“</p><p>*<i><b>pi-tonk!</b></i>* Out of nowhere a large pink ball smacked Yellow right backside the head!</p><p>“Wh-What the?!” The Diamonds spun around to see Pearl collapsed onto the ground, holding her head as it spun. No sooner did that occur when Spinel popped out of Pearl’s gem.</p><p>“Hey! My ball!” she called naively. She intrepidly looked up at three giant faces of shock, fear, and anger. “. . . Uh-oh.”</p><p>Yellow whipped around to face Pink, who instantly shrunk back. “<i>Pink!</i> Who - who is <i>this?</i>” she spat.</p><p>“The color ladies! Hiya!” Spinel welcomed.</p><p>“Hold on, Yellow. I think she’s just a member of Pink’s court,” Blue reassured.</p><p>The child toddled up to Pink. “Well, I dunno what a ‘court’ is, but,” She wrapped her arms around Pink affectionately. “I <i>do</i> know that I’m her bestest friend!” Pink winced.</p><p>“Wh-What are you even going on about?” Yellow demanded.</p><p>Spinel assumed a fake face of shock. “*<i>Gasp!</i>* You don’t have <i>friends???</i> Don’t worry, buddy - I can be your bestest friend too!” A noodle-like arm moseyed its way up to Yellow’s nose, giving it a little tap before reeling away like a fishing line. “Boop!”</p><p>Welp, that did nearabout nothing to calm Yellow’s anger. “<b>Get your court members <i>in line</i>, Pink,</b>” she ordered through gritted teeth. “If I were you, I’d have this gem personally <i>shattered</i> for her insolence.”</p><p>Spinel didn’t really know what that meant, but she nonetheless shrunk down (literally) at this yellow woman’s harsh and strident tone.</p><p>“Where <i>is</i> her gem, anyways?” Blue interrogated. “She barely even <i>looks</i> like a gem,” she remarked, plucking at Spinel’s getup. </p><p>“Hey! What’s the big idea?” Spinel hissed, backing up behind Pink.</p><p>“Wait Blue! Spinel, she’s . . .” Pink paused, desperately wondering if lying was the best route to go here. <i>No</i>, she decided. <i>They </i>finally<i> see me as responsible - I can’t ruin this by lying now. I mean even if I do, Blue and Yellow would find out eventually. This . . . this has to happen</i>. “She’s not a gem. She’s . . . human.”</p><p>The two tyrants gasped. A palpable languor briefly fell onto the tension-rife Moon Base. Just <i>briefly</i>, as Blue and Yellow’s boiling anger easily overcame the suffocating stillness.</p><p>“Are you seriously letting <i>non-gems</i> run amok around your court?!” Blue cried.</p><p>“You think it’s acceptable to give an <i>organic</i> a gem’s place?!” Yellow barked, pointing an accusatory finger at Spinel.</p><p><i>“Non-gem?” “Organic?”</i> Spinel pondered. <i>But I </i>am<i> a gem! I look like a gem, I walk like a gem, I talk like a gem - of course I’m a gem!</i></p><p>Pink begged. “I - please, it’s not what it looks like!”</p><p>Yellow scoffed virulently. “Oh honestly, Pink. This is <i>exactly</i> what it looks like!”</p><p>“She’s <i>just</i> here to provide small bits of entertainment as I run the colony. We held balls on Homeworld, why can’t I have Spinel?”</p><p><i>W-What?</i> The girl being referred to started to tremble ever so slightly. <i>Why is Pinkie saying that? Wh-Why isn’t Pinkie telling them I’m not a hooman?</i></p><p>“There is a time for <i>levity</i> and a time for <i>work</i>,” Blue argued, “and you are <i>muddling</i> the two together!”</p><p>“You will <i>exterminate</i> this creature at once!” Yellow bellowed. Spinel yelped.</p><p>Pink’s face contorted in horror. “<i>No</i>! Please, I just - let’s talk about this!”</p><p>Yellow rolled her eyes, placing her head in her hands and sighing. “<i>Why</i>, Pink, <i>why</i> should we allow any sort of compromise?”</p><p>“I’m a Diamond too!” she retorts. “I’ve shown that I’m capable of running a colony on my own, making responsible decisions on my own. That should <i>mean</i> that I’m able to negotiate with you on the same field!”</p><p>This actually caused the others to pause and think. Sure, Pink had apparently allowed this, <i>thing</i>, to exist in her company, likely causing untold amounts of distraction and un-Diamondlike character. But still, Pink had also showed much growth in the character of a Diamond. She wasn’t the same spoiled, bratty gem she once was. She was transitioning into a true member of the Diamond Authority. If Blue could have her baths, and if Yellow could have her saunas, then they <i>guess</i> they could allow Pink to barter for her toy, her means of entertainment.</p><p>Blue let out a reluctant sigh. “Very well,” she relents. “What do you want?”</p><p>Pink silently thanked the stars above for her luck before speaking. “I’ll order the construction of a retreat that’ll be set aside for Spinel. It’ll make sure she’ll <i>never</i> be of distraction to me as I actively run my colony, while also making sure I have a place for unwinding.”</p><p>Yellow looked a tad unsure. “You honestly <i>care</i> that much for this, varmint? To waste your resources on constructing a little zoo for it?” </p><p>Pink swallowed. “Y-Yes.”</p><p>The two exchanged a look before returning their eyes to Pink. “That’s acceptable,” Yellow sighed.</p><p>“We’d better be returning to <i>our</i> duties - as Diamonds do,” she delivered with obvious intent behind her words. She and Blue strode over to the observatory’s stairwell, and didn’t begin marching back down until Blue turned and spoke to Pink.</p><p>“I hope you know what you’re doing,” she warned, her eyes bagged with tiredness.</p><p>Pink only stared on as they left, an aura of confidence surrounding her figure. Once the sound of warping was heard did the atmosphere finally let go of its choking tensity.</p><p>“Pearl, let go of Spinel’s toys,” Pink directed with an edge of frustration. With a sigh of great relief Pearl allowed all of Spinel’s accessories to plunk out of her gem and onto the floor.</p><p>“Augh!” the giant exclaimed, her hands clenched in fists in front of her. “Why do Blue and Yellow still think they can boss me around like that! I’m a <i>Diamond</i> like them, more than I’ve ever been!” She began pacing around the control room. “I’ve got a colony, I’ve got responsibilities, I’ve got duties, but ‘<i>ooohhh nooo</i> let’s just keep ordering Pink around like a child-‘“</p><p>Suddenly a tiny, sniffling voice made itself known. “Pink? A-Am I *<i>sniff</i>* n-not a g-gem?”</p><p>“Wha -“ Pink was temporarily broken out of her venting by Spinel. “- of course not!” she answered as if it were the most redundant question in the cosmos.</p><p>The human looked as if something broke inside her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she began shaking like a leaf.</p><p>Pink raised a concerned eyebrow. “. . . You didn’t know that?”</p><p>Spinel’s dam finally broke as she bawled and flung her arms around Pink, who only gawked down at the sobbing youngster.</p><p>“Geez, calm down - you haven’t cried this hard since you were small,” she stated with uneasy eyes flitting about the room. “I tell you, you humans are <i>so</i> emotional. If you really were a gem, you’d get <i>much</i> more than a reprimanding for this type of behavior!” she joked.</p><p>Spinel kept sobbing incoherent words as her spindly arms kept circumnavigating around Pink. Deciding that this was enough, Pink pried the mess of limbs off of her and stood up, letting the tangle collapse onto the cold floor. “Alright, uhm. Pearl, keep Spinel busy here while I go and, uh, check the globe room downstairs.”</p><p>Pearl trotted over to the trembling girl as Pink exited. Spinel didn’t even notice her presence as she continued wailing. Pearl hated to admit this, but this whole scene <i>was</i>, um, off-putting. Seeing the usually giddy and upbeat Spinel look like such a wreck was somewhat distressing. She wouldn’t call it sympathy, of course! Spinel is a toy, here to serve her Diamond and nothing more! An accessory just like, just like… her.</p><p>Well, her feelings don’t matter! She’s just a lowly Pearl! She’s <i>nothing</i> like Spinel! I mean, she isn’t so needlessly emotional and senseless that <i>she</i> has to be calmed like this! It’s absurd! Ugh, let’s just get this over with. . . </p><p>Pearl knelt down beside Spinel, clasping a firm hand on her shoulder. “Spinel, you must stop with this incessant blabbering.” Could she even speak to Spinel in such a manner? She was a Pearl after all… buuut Spinel was organic, so maybe she held a bit of leverage over her? Yes, that seems likely.</p><p>Spinel took in a shaky breath riddled with hiccups. “I *hic* she *hic* what am *hic* why did -“</p><p>“Spinel!” Pearl interrupted, face full of exasperation. “Look at me!” She inhaled calmly. “<i>Breathe</i> with me, alright?”</p><p>The child did as she was commanded. After a couple reps of following along with Pearl’s breathing she finally calmed down to a communicable degree.</p><p>“Am I n-not a gem? What’s a, hooman?”</p><p>Pearl exhaled. “They are a species from Earth - the dominant one, specifically.”</p><p>“Earth? Pink’s colony?”</p><p>“Correct. You were presented to Pink along with a selection of other humans, and she took a liking to you specifically.”</p><p>Spinel looked as if her spirit was instantly replenished as her face lit up with joy. “She did?!” </p><p>A smile barely escaped from Pearl’s lips. Almost. “Yes. Pink found you most adorable among the human specimens and chose you to become a sort of pet for her.”</p><p>“Wowee! That means I’m special to her, right?” </p><p><i>Special</i>. Pearl felt her throat get all jammed up at that. “. . . I, suppose so. She wanted you because you fascinated her, and you continue to provide entertainment for her.”</p><p>The girl’s grin grew even wider at that. “Gosh! Thank you, Pearlie! If I’m that special to Pink, then I’m gonna be her <i>super duper bestestest friend ever!</i>”</p><p>“That’s - good for you, Spinel!” Pearl congratulated with a tad bit of surprise. <i>Huh. Who knew human adolescents could switch emotions like that on a dime.</i></p><p>Spinel chuckled before assuming a more somber tone - or as somber as a happy go lucky 8-year-old can be. “Why did the color ladies not like me?”</p><p>“Those were Blue and Yellow Diamond,” Pearl responded, dodging the question. “They’re Diamonds, like Pink. But they have a more, well, <i>strict</i> interpretation on what is deemed as acceptable leadership.”</p><p>“Why don’t they want me around Pinkie? Where am I going?”</p><p>Oof. This was going to be a hard dance around. The servant’s metaphorical heart stalled for a moment. “They, um . . .” Stars, what was she supposed to say to this weak-minded human that <i>wouldn’t</i> warrant any more worthless crying? “. . . The Diamonds want Pink to focus on her governing of Earth. They don’t tolerate many distractions.”</p><p>“But I’m not a distraction!” Spinel refuted. “I <i>help</i> Pinkie, I make her feel happy!”</p><p>“Sure, you purpose <i>is</i> to bring enjoyment to her life, and you do. But that doesn’t always mean it’s beneficial.”</p><p>“Whaddya mean?”</p><p>The gem examined Spinel under her gaze, specifically her legs. “Remember last week when you leapt atop that statue?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Spinel responded, not yet grasping Pearl’s point. “What about it?”</p><p>“‘What about it’ is that you caused that statue to topple over and break,” Pearl answered with a bit of an edge.</p><p>“And I make Pinkie laugh!” Spinel stuck out her arms. “I did good!”</p><p>Pearl glowered. “No, you didn’t. The only reason she laughed was because she was the most powerful figure in the room. If it were Blue and Yellow there and not some Bismuth, I can tell you with absolute certainty Pink wouldn’t have found that any sort of amusing.”</p><p>A glimmer of disquietude flashed across Spinel’s face. “Wh-Whaddya talkin’ about? She still would’ve like it! . . . Right?”</p><p>Pearl shook her head, “While Pink took you away for you to show her a routine <i>I</i> had to stay behind and help the Bismuth clean up. And do you know what look I managed to see in her eye?” The child shook her head fearfully.</p><p>“Disgust. It was disgust not just for you, but even for <i>Pink Diamond</i>,” she declared with a grave tone, as if even uttering such a sentence was a crime against gemkind. Spinel’s eyes widened at the statement.</p><p>“Spinel.” Pearl laid a hand on Spinel’s shoulder with a slight squeeze. “I <i>need</i> you to understand that your little, antics, put Pink Diamond in a bad light. Such tomfoolery in the presence of such a prestigious gem makes her look less regal, less powerful - less respectable. Do you understand that?”</p><p>“I-I . . .” For the first time in Spinel’s life, she realized her presence could be a detriment to the person she sought to make happy in any way, shape, or form. “. . . Y-Yeah, I do.”</p><p>“You do?” Pearl asked, not for clarification but in affirmation. “Good.” She turned away and stood at attention. “Then you will understand why you need to be confined to your own area.”</p><p>“<i>What?!</i>” Spinel shrieked, causing Pearl to cringe. “Why does - why does <i>that</i> mean I gotta leave you guys?!”</p><p>“I <i>just</i> explained why: it’s to preserve Pink’s image,” Pink begged as she whipped around to face Spinel once again. “She has to be seen as a capable ruler!”</p><p>The whole Moon Base seemed to be spinning - heck, the whole Moon itself. Spinel threw herself at Pearl’s legs as she resumed weeping. “I - I don’ wanna l-leave you gu-uy-uys!” she wailed, her last word being interrupted by wails.</p><p>“Oh <i>please</i>, Spinel!” Pearl snarled, prying Spinel off of her legs. “We’ll still be seeing you,” Pearl informed.</p><p>Spinel sniffled. “. . . Wha?”</p><p>Something in Pearl’s throat hitched. “Did you <i>honestly</i> think we were going to abandon you somewhere in space?” Spinel nodded quickly.</p><p>“<i>Spinel</i>. . . .” she sighed, bringing a hand to her gem. “Pink is going to order the establishment of a special place that, while also serving as your permanent place of residence, will also be where you and Pink will play in.”</p><p>The girl just stared. For once, Spinel didn’t say anything as she let the thought settle. <i>A place, just for Pink and I? My own little home, where Pinkie ‘n Pearlie can come and visit whenever?</i></p><p>“. . . I didn’t know that,” she stated bluntly, her eyes glued to the floor below her where she knelt. Pearl bit back an “of course you didn’t” (she didn’t want any more rotten crying) as she pressed herself of any wrinkles Spinel might have caused. </p><p>“I didn’t do anything wrong?” Spinel pondered aloud.</p><p>“Well. . . “ She paused for a split second. Spinel did often screw things up, but Pearl would never say that she does that on purpose. “No. No, Spinel; it’s not your fault your gimmicks have a tendency to complicate things,” Pearl clarified. She cleared her throat. “Now that that matter is settled, I am ordered to be by your side here until Pink Diamond requests anything further.” <i>Please don’t start running amok</i>.</p><p>Thankfully for Pearl, Spinel for once remained sitting on the floor of the control room, her mind swirling with revelation. <i>Golly, this is a lot to take in . . . What I do could harm - no, </i>is<i> harming Pinkie</i>, she ruminated. <i>But, I’m only doing what my purpose is!</i></p><p>She gazed over to the stairwell. <i>But, Pink’s purpose is bigger than mine. She needs to run a colony, and if Pearl says I goof things up then I guess that means I shouldn’t tag along with her</i>, she concluded, a tad melancholic while also being accepting.</p><p>The girl peered anxiously into space. <i>Mmm, but being alone somewhere without Pearlie or Pinkie sounds really scary! . . . Well, okay, maybe it wouldn’t be </i>that<i> bad. That one game of Hide-‘n-Seek, I hid in a little cranny for a week straight! And I won! So, yeah, I could live on my own; see new things, make new friends, and find new fun spots to play in! And I’ll still be seeing the others a lot, and we’ll have lots of fun!</i></p><p><i>Aww, but not being with Pink or Pearl all the time ‘cause I screw things up really stings. Well, that means I’ll . . . just . . . have to be better at being fun, that’s all!</i> Spinel decided with great resolve. <i>Yeah! If I can’t see Pinkie all the time now, I’ll just have to be </i>really<i> fun for whenever she does visit! If colonies are that hard, then she’ll need all the relief she can get!</i></p><p><i>Yeah, I think I get it now. I gotta have my own space - for Pinkie’s sake and my sake. But Pinkie is gonna need me a lot, so I’ll need to be there for her whenever she needs a break! I </i>can’t<i> let her down.</i></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Playdate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel grows. Pink decides.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: pms and periods</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinel hated to admit it, but she took a liking to her new home. Officially dubbed “the Garden,” it‘s colorful and vibrant appearance juxtaposed against the surface of an desolate and ruined chunk of moon. Enclosed within a towering glass dome and encircled by imposing green hedges, there were many fancies that could make even the most stalwart gem wish to stop and admire them. The Garden sported meticulously manicured polygonal bushes, pink pillars draped with vines and topped with shrubs, and neat walkways that all lead to a stone monument topped by a warp pad.</p>
<p>It was there where Spinel tearfully said goodbye to Pink and Pearl, who both tried to keep straight faces in their dignified departure. But still, despite Pink’s attempts to maintain a Diamondlike figure her eyes still welled up with tears as Spinel squeezed her leg with the force of a thousand quartz soldiers. Even Pearl, who mostly regarded Spinel with disdain, would be lying if she said that she wasn’t at least a bit sad to see the human who occasionally brought her enjoyment leave.</p>
<p>For the first day or two of Garden-living Spinel hung around in the vicinity of the monument, mournfully wishing she could somehow return to being alongside Pinkie and Pearlie yet knowing in her heart that that couldn’t be done. That is until her natural urge to see new things tempted her to fan out and explore the Garden. And boy, did <i>she</i> grow to love it. She became enamored by the abundance of Earth-endemic flora planted there: red spider lilies, forget-me-nots, hibiscuses - such a contrast against the hard metal she had known all her life. She would throw things into the various ponds and stare mesmerized at the ripples in the water. She‘d even leap from pillar to pillar as a part of her own little obstacle course. Imagine the new jokes and new routines she created! Yessiree, Spinel quickly grew accustomed to her colorful little world.</p>
<p>And of course Pink (and sometimes with accompaniment by Pearl, who would give her little check-ups to see how she was holding up) came to visit for her “unwinding.” She would arrive around every month, sometimes two, and stay for up to half a day to play with Spinel. Gosh, did she <i>love</i> those times. Cheering up Pink was the highlight of Spinel’s life and her main drive. Whenever Pink teleported in to hang she was met with a showering of confetti and Spinel tooting on a horn. Sometimes the duo would go and play Hide ‘n Seek, balance on various objects, and play Make Pretend. And starting recently, Spinel would just sit by and be the ears to Pink as she discussed (often through venting) her duties in running a colony, occasionally broken up by Spinel’s attempts to cheer her up. Spinel liked those types of playdates the least, however. Pink had Pearl to talk about such boring stuff to - why choose her? She’d much rather jump and run and spin and dance with her best friend than just, <i>sit around</i>, for Stars’ sake! </p>
<p>(However, during one such get-together Spinel learned of Pink’s armada of bioweapon injectors. It was one of the few “boring” topics she genuinely took an interest too - mainly because her Diamond said she colored the bioweapon pink, after her.)</p>
<p>But still, she and Pink had a lot of fun during their many playdates with each other. But as time wore on it appeared to both Pink and Spinel that something . . . changed with the human. Sure, they knew that humans grew bigger as time wore on, no biggie; but something about this development was different than the previous ones. Bumps began appearing on Spinel’s face. Her cheery and bubbly voice got deeper. She began smelling from her armpits, which would’ve reeked had not she flowers to shove in there and pools to bathe in. Her bosom and posterior started expanding, except the growth of the latter was <i>definitely</i> more noticeable. And to Spinel’s horror, it seemed that on a monthly basis . . . <i>blood</i> would trickle out of one of her openings and seep into her bloomers! It was disgusting! And the cramps - <i>ooohhh</i> the cramps. It felt as if punches were being sent repeatedly to her area. The fatigue, too; Spinel was <i>never</i> tired, and yet she somehow found herself being so whenever she came down with these spells. They were a nightmare. </p>
<p>Spinel knew she could <i>never</i> let Pink harbor any inkling of knowledge about this possibly human oddity. Sure, Pink was fascinated by Spinel’s many other human features, but she knew that this was different. She <i>knew</i> that gems regarded blood with disdain, if that was anything she learned from . . . <i>that time</i>.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>It was well into nighttime on the planet where Pink was to attend a celebration in her honor. It was dedicated to her so-far successful colonization attempts on Earth. But the celebration wasn’t going to be held on that untamed, disgusting planet, of course! That’d be improper! The event was to be held on a fully colonized planet, one of Blue’s, who requested she borrow a ballroom from her.</p>
<p>
  <i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i></i>
</p>
<p>
The human must’ve been only four as she, Pearl, and Pink walked to the ballroom, her piggybacking on the servant. She had on the brightest smile; never before had she gone to a place with so many gems! 
</p>
<p>
  As they approached the massive doors to the ballroom, Pink ordered that Pearl let Spinel walk into the ballroom - it would look more refined, she explained.
</p>
<p>
  The trio entered in a procession-like manner: first Pink, followed right behind by Pearl, trailed by a clumsy Spinel.
</p>
<p>
  As per custom, all the attendants of the event erupted in dignified applause for the Diamond - <i>only</i> for their Diamond. They heeded no mind to the slender pearl walking behind her in a funeral-like manner, nor did they pay attention to the small, toddling creature that they heard was Pink’s pet. They did their darnedest to not even pay attention to the pet when it tripped over its two left feet and skidded harshly on its elbow.
</p>
<p>
  But all restraint left the crowd as soon as they noticed the red liquid.
</p>
<p>
  Spinel, owing to her heavy genetic manipulation, was very resistant to physical injury and seldom noticed whenever it did happen. She didn’t even notice her bloody elbow when she bounced herself up off the ground.
</p>
<p>
  But all those gems certainly did. They all watched captivated as the strange red substance trickled down the organic’s arm, occasionally splattering onto the cold floor as the pet swung her arms about.
</p>
<p>
  Pink soon noticed the growing amount of disgusted confusion upon her subjects’ faces as they stared at something behind her. Oh, how she didn’t want to look behind her and risk ruining her poise. But, she knew it would be better to get it over with sooner. Maintaining her composure, she stopped and calmly turned around. Still, her eyes nearly bulged out of her head as she noticed the strange crimson liquid spreading down Spinel’s arm.
</p>
<p>
  Swiftly the Diamond scolded her pet, who had yet to notice what was wrong. Only when she glanced down to her arm did she finally realize, and after an initial moment of shock her eyes began welling up and her lip quivering.
</p>
<p>
  Pink commanded her pearl to hurry Spinel out and back into the hallway before she could make a scene, to which she performed with great urgency. Looped under Pearl’s arm, Spinel’s waterworks finally broke as soon as the doors slammed shut behind her. 
</p>
<p>
 She remembered Pearl initially ordering her to stop, but that eventually transitioned into begging as the liquid kept flowing. Pearl’s anxiety only heightened when the toddler sobbed to her that she couldn’t stop the bleeding, no matter how much she willed herself to do it. Eventually Pearl resorted to summoning forth a ribbon from her gem and tying a haphazard bandage around Spinel’s elbow.
</p>
<p>
 It was only after an hour had passed did Pink welcome back Pearl. <i>Only</i> Pearl. Spinel was told to wait outside the ceremony hall until the ceremony had concluded.
</p>
<p>
  And so she did.
</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Spinel didn’t like to think about that day. She <i>really</i> didn’t want a repeat of it.</p>
<p>But thankfully for her, Pink initially only took notice to Spinel’s outer changes, and not so much any internal developments that may or may not involve blood. Well, okay, <i>initially</i>. That is until the human was 15 years old.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Spinel was feeling irritable. <i>Really</i> irritable. She was fairly certain by now it had something to do with the bleeding, because whenever that happened her emotions would enter a spin cycle. Normally, this wouldn’t be that much of a problem. She’d be all alone, just her and her festering emotions, which would eventually die down once the bleeding began. And the bleeding itself wasn’t that much of a hassle. Sure, sometimes her bloomers would get soiled, but a quick wash in the pools could (mostly) fix it. They <i>were</i> red after all - they stains were never <i>that</i> apparent! And the cramps were never <i>that</i> bad! She was particularly durable for a <s>gem</s> human - she manages fine! And if she just keeps pumped up, then the fatigue’ll never slow her down!</p>
<p>But she knew today was gonna be different. Because earlier that day Pink sent her a message on the transmitter stating that she’d be coming over to play. Great. She never came over whenever Spinel was like . . . <i>this</i>. What was she supposed to do now? She felt her stomach twist into knots at the thought of disappointing Pink with her stupid, <i>pointless</i> problems. She gently tugged at her heart-shaped buns.</p>
<p><i>Okay, okay, just breath - like Pearl taught you</i>. She took in a hefty breath before shooting it out. A bit better. <i>C’mon, Spinny, you can pull through this! It’ll just be one playdate - you can push down those nasty thoughts! You know that the bleeedin’ won’t start for a bit too, so that’s good!</i></p>
<p>Spinel plastered on a smile, ignoring the fact that she felt like a lit fuse. <i>It’s gonna be fine.</i></p>
<p>Soon enough her Diamond warped in, a disgruntled look in her eyes. “Hello, Spinel,” she greeted without any zeal. She slumped down in the grass and patted a spot next to her.</p>
<p>Oh, joy. It was gonna be one of <i>those</i> playdates, huh? Grr, she didn’t <i>want</i> to do any <i>infernal talking</i> - no, no. Calm down. Push those feelings aside. Now it’s time to be there for her Diamond.</p>
<p>Spinel pranced over to Pink and plopped down beside Pink. “What’s up, Pinkie?”</p>
<p>The Diamond grumbled. “Not much. Some humans in Quadrant 5B somehow managed to stage a successful hit-and-run on a platoon of amethysts.”</p>
<p>“Heh,” Spinel chuckled. “Well, I’m a human; maybe I can go down there and give those ol’ humans a talkin’ to.”</p>
<p>Pink grinned hollowly, not looking at Spinel. “That’d be the day.”</p>
<p>Spinel silently cheered. <i>Yes!!! I made Pinkie smile! This is, this is goin’ swell!</i></p>
<p>Oh, but that didn’t last long. For only moments after that conversation ended, Spinel felt a sharp, poking sensation in her privates. Her eyes would’ve widened in fear had not the pain made them scrunch up instead. <i>No, not now! No no no no no -</i></p>
<p>“Spinel? Is something the matter?” Pink questioned, shifting to face her. The teenager felt the anxiety and pain bubble up inside of her, two ravenous beasts slowly clawing her way through her body and mind.</p>
<p>“No-!” she choked out, responding a bit too harshly. Pink moved her head back in surprise at her brash tone. “I - I mean, I’m f-fine.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? You seem fairly distressed . . . were those flowers making you expel air from your nose again?”</p>
<p>“I, I-“ Stars, what was she <i>supposed</i> to say?! The pounding kept getting worse and worse, and her fear that Pink would notice only grew in tandem. All of a sudden, the teen felt a slow trickle of liquid escape from her.</p>
<p>“<i>Aii!</i>” she shrieked, bolting up. </p>
<p>“Spinel!” Pink yelped. “What has gotten into you?”</p>
<p>Spinel didn’t respond, rather turning her legs into springs and launching herself away from Pink and her cries. Once she got amongst the foliage she flattened herself like paper and frantically slithered over to a dense collection of shrubs and bushes. It was the spot where she usually went whenever the bleeding sprouted, where she could just sit, perfectly concealed, and wait the process out. </p>
<p>She desperately tried shutting out the fact that Pink was here, calling her name, probably searching for her, she really did. She searched within the deepest bowels of her willpower, looking for material to build up a wall to shut the truth out.</p>
<p>But it didn’t last. It didn’t take long for Pink to detect her, with Spinel’s attire not quite being the best suited for camouflage. Her quiet squeamish sobs also didn’t make matters better.</p>
<p>“Spinel?”</p>
<p>The teenager gasped as the bushes parted to reveal Pink leering down. Her friend. Her <i>best</i> friend. The one she was supposed to unconditionally love and make feel better. And look at how well of a job she was doing.</p>
<p>“<i>Go - go ‘way</i>,” Spinel growled, her rage inspired both by hormones and fear.</p>
<p>“*<i>scoff</i>* No! What, what is going -!“ The Diamond finally noticed the crimson liquid soaking into the grass. Spinel sat there with eyes scrunched, arms coiling around herself in shame.</p>
<p>Pink bolted upright with wide eyes. “You’re - you’re doing <i>that</i> again?!”</p>
<p>Spinel choked out a sob, gravely nodding her head.</p>
<p>“I -“ she paused, ruminating on the strange human phenomenon. “… You can’t stop this, correct?” </p>
<p>A nod.</p>
<p>“Is it coming from, from inside you?”</p>
<p>Another nod.</p>
<p>“Does this happen, often, whenever I am not around?”</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
<p>Something in Pink’s mind twitched.</p>
<p>“I, I see,” Pink responded. “I . . . let’s bring this playdate to a hold, shall we?”</p>
<p>Spinel felt a pit in her stomach. Great, <i>now</i> look what she did! Her stupid problems made Pinkie go away! Granted, she knew this would be the best option, but still!</p>
<p>The two remained silent as they parted ways, Pink leaving behind a sobbing Spinel alone in the Garden.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Pink did like her Spinel. She really did. So that’s why she would never say to Spinel’s face that she found her recent growth, well, unnerving. But this, <i>this</i> took the cake.</p>
<p>The sudden upticks in moodiness and uncharacteristically rebellious attitude, the strange patterns of off-putting bodily growth, those were fine and dandy when compared to Spinel apparently <i>regularly bleeding from one of her orifices</i>.</p>
<p>She returned to the Moon Base where Pearl was. Unwavering, never-changing Pearl.</p>
<p>That, that was the big issue with Spinel, Pink decided. Sure, her little human perks were enjoyable at first, especially how rapidly she grew. But now Pink could see that it had gotten too much. This isn’t how change should be at all!</p>
<p>But, ironically, Spinel didn’t appear to change in <i>other</i> departments. All Pink wanted was just someone to talk to about her job of overseeing a colony. Pearl wasn’t exactly the <i>best</i> conversationalist, so the ever-bubbly Spinel should be the logical choice for someone to talk to, right? Wrong. All Pink ever got from her were inane jokes in some baseline attempt to cheer her up.</p>
<p>She was through with it. Spinel just, didn’t make her feel the way she once did. Her toy had been used for all its worth, apparently.</p>
<p>Should she just, ditch her, in the Garden? Let that playdate be the last ever time they meet? Well, as much as that was a tempting option, she knew enough about humans to tell that Spinel had a fairly sizable portion of her life to live out. She didn’t want to doom her to live out her days until she became some organic husk. And what if she needed Spinel for something some day? It still would be useful to have her on standby, if anything.</p>
<p>She knew what she had to do.</p>
<p>Pink Diamond sat down in her throne in the Moon Base, determined as ever. “Pearl?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my Diamond?”</p>
<p>“What is the update about the cryogenic chambers for organics?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me, a dude: guess i gotta google “what is pms like”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Waiting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pink went out for a pack of cigs.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ooo man, I’ve been <i>itching</i> to write this here chapter, and I really liked how it turned out. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinel blew it. She absolutely, unquestionably, 100% blew it. Gah, why did her body just <i>hate</i> her so much?! All she had to do was one thing, <i>one</i> - to make Pinkie smile and laugh and feel better and all that jazz - but <i>noooo</i>, she had to go and revolt her Diamond with her stupid bleeding! </p><p>She tugged at her heart-shaped hair buns, harder than last time.</p><p>It wasn’t fair! She tried <i>so hard</i> to live up to Pinkie’s expectations! It just seemed like recently that things have been turned on their heads. Hadn’t she been doing a good job like, all her life? Why the sudden change in Pinkie’s attitude towards her?</p><p>It . . . it must be her. She must’ve not been doing as good as a job as she used to. That’s why Pinkie seemed so low when she showed up earlier that week - she was dreading a playdate because she knew Spinel had been underperforming. Or because of how she was changing, but she preferred to think the former was the only reason. It was something she had control over, anyways.</p><p>Well, no biggie! She’ll just try super-duper <i>extra</i> hard to put a smile on her Diamond’s face! Yeah, that won’t be too hard! She’d recently been working on a new routine anyways, involving the fountain, some flowers, and a couple juggling balls. That’ll be sure to put a smile on Pinkie’s face!!</p><p>Spinel jumped up from her spot on the monument and out of her head when she heard the oncoming roar of a . . . spaceship? She whipped up to see giant pink legs descending closer towards her. The same pink legs she had traveled in with Pearlie and - </p><p>
  <i>Pinkie?! She’s here already??!! But, but she was only gone for a week! Well, no matter! The sooner she’s here, the sooner I can make up for last time!</i>
</p><p>The ship straightened out its legs as it passed through the Garden’s atmospheric forcefield. Spinel literally sprung over to where it landed near the monument. A large, pink bubble emerged from the legs and floated down in front of Spinel.</p><p>The teen’s excitement only grew as the bubble slowly disappeared from top-down. Her heart soared as she saw Pink’s face who was, just, looking at her. But soon confusion emerged in her mind as the bubble fully vaporized to reveal two shorter, previously hidden gems. </p><p>They were peridots. And in their grasp was a large, canister-like object.</p><p> </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>
  “The cryochamber - or, more correctly, cryogenic stasis vessel - is a partially remote-operated tool that encases an organism inside a specially enclosed vessel that maintains the organism’s homeostasis,” Pearl explained with glitched-out eyes, reading off the dossier.
</p><p>
  Pink nodded, face steely in determination.
</p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>“Pinkie!!!” Spinel rejoiced, leaping onto the Diamond as she wrapped every limb around her torso like a boa constrictor. “Oh, I have <i>so</i> much planned for today!”</p><p>Face deep within Pink’s chest, Spinel failed to notice the grimace held on her face. She had no idea of the anger bubbling within her, with the fact that <i>she</i>, an organic, was daring to touch her so liberally when there were members of her court present. Gah, Pink could practically <i>hear</i> the blasphemous thoughts developing within the peridots’ feeble little minds about her. </p><p>She pried Spinel off of her, like she was ripping a weed out. “Hello, Spinel,” Pink greeted as she placed Spinel down on the ground. </p><p>The girl’s eyes immediately shot over to the peridots, still holding the vessel. “Wowzers! I haven’t seen a gem besides Pinkie ‘n Pearlie in <i>ages</i>, let alone peridots!” The peridots made an effort to acknowledge the organic with a simple glance, trying not to break their air of professionalism in spite of the organic’s unorthodox behavior.</p><p>Pink smiled softly before speaking to Spinel. “Would you like to see something amazing?”</p><p> </p><p>~~</p><p> </p><p>Pink hummed. “So that means that I can, like, <i>preserve</i> Spinel in this indefinitely? And I can control it from far away?”</p><p>
  “That is correct, my Diamond. However, only her bodily functions and growth will be halted - her mind will still be active.”
</p><p>
  “Hmm.”
</p><p><i></i><br/>
~~</p><p> </p><p>Spinel gasped in excitement. “Oh boy, <i>do</i> I!”</p><p>Pink ordered the peridot duo to bring the device over to be more in the Garden’s center, where they placed it down and began last-chance maintenance. </p><p>“This is called a <i>cryochamber</i>,” Pink clarified to a fascinated Spinel. The tool wasn’t anything significant in size; it was only slightly larger than Spinel in height and width. The chamber had an icy blue coloring and looked stony in texture. On its back was a round blue gem that powered the whole machine.</p><p>“Golly! What does it do, what does it do?” Spinel demanded, bouncing in her heels. Did it make you invisible? Smaller? Ooohh, she was <i>dying</i> to know what fun this thing brought!</p><p>Pink beckoned forward once the peridots moved aside. “Step inside and find out.”</p><p>Spinel squealed in glee as she bounced over to the cryochamber. As she absorbed the feel of being inside the chamber she couldn’t help but notice how, cold, it felt. It wasn’t too apparent, but it was a definite contrast against the perpetual temperateness of the Garden climate.</p><p>She turned to face Pink. “Sooooo, what do I do now?”</p><p>“All you have to do is stand <i>very</i> still.”</p><p>Hands clasped, eyes wide, smile huge, Spinel did as she was told.</p><p> </p><p>~~</p><p><br/>
“That’s good. This’ll, this’ll work,” Pink nodded, considering the cryochamber’s potential.
</p><p>
  She typed away on her monitor. “Order two peridots to bring the device here, Pearl, where we shall use my ship to transport it over to the Garden.”
</p><p>
  The Diamond sighed. “This is for the best.”
</p><p><i></i><br/>
~~</p><p> </p><p>Pink Diamond pressed her hand down onto a button on top of the cryochamber. Instantly, Spinel was frozen where she stood when a chilly, mystical gust filled the chamber. Simultaneously a clear, glass-like material sealed off the entrance.</p><p><i>Whooooaaaahhh - this is cool!</i> Spinel thought. All she could do was think, while her unblinking gaze became permanently fixed on the landscape in front of her. </p><p>Pink met Spinel’s perpetual stare with a happy, yet overall somber expression. “This contraption will ensure that you will, erm, <i>remain</i> as you are for extended periods of time,” she explained.</p><p>“Wait here until I return. I mean, I guess you can’t really <i>not</i>,” she chuckled at the last part. </p><p>Without so much as a wave or even a goodbye, Pink Diamond and the two peridots took off in the ship.</p><p>And Spinel just stared, already excited for her next playdate.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Time wore on, its flow never slowing nor ceasing. Identities were forged, wars were waged, gems were shattered. Inventions were made, civilizations grew and fell, people were born and people died. It seemed as if everything in the grand cosmos was changing in some way. </p><p>All except Spinel. Her body trapped in cryostasis, she stayed still as a statue for over six millennia. Even her mind, though not put in stasis, still remained as innocuous and bright as ever.</p><p> </p><p><i>. . . Gee, this is one  </i>long<i>  wait. Feels like years, hehe! Ah, I’m probably just imaginin’ things, it definitely hasn’t been that long . . .</i></p><p>
  
</p><p><i>. . . Pink  </i>sure<i>  must be busy, hehe . . .</i></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>. . . Did the flowers always look that, brown? . . .</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>. . . When did everything start lookin’ so, crumbly? . . .</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>. . . Were there always vines growing on the glass? . . .</i>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It finally happened one day. One minute, Spinel was frozen on time. The next, the chamber forcing her confinement just suddenly died. Spinel didn’t know at the time why she was released, but that was only one of several things on her mind.</p><p>The first was feeling the absolute <i>shock</i> running through her body and mind like currents of electricity. In the span of only several seconds the cryostasis ended and the glass opened up, ripping up the vine husks crawling up its surface. Immediately Spinel tumbled out of like a newborn deer with her unused legs. Oh man. She could, she could <i>feel</i> again. The air, the sensation of moving, the rapid rise and fall of her chest from her breathing. Oh, <i>breathing</i>. She practically forgot what that felt like.</p><p>“<i>*cough!* *cough!* *cough!*</i> Oh - oh gosh,” she sputtered as she felt the frigid-seeming air course through her airways. And <i>talking</i> too, bleh.</p><p>After a short coughing fit Spinel regained her composure and stood up to look around. “Wow . . . I didn’t know the <i>whole</i> place looked like this,” she noticed glumly. The pillars she used to leap from were crumbling. The rich blue pools she fed her eyes with became nothing more than greenish-brown sludge. The variety of flora she loved trekking through and admiring were now just rotting husks of their former, beautiful selves.</p><p>“How… how <i>long</i> was I in there?”</p><p>She - nah, Pinkie would never leave her alone for <i>that</i> long! That‘s silly! How ridiculous she is to think that!</p><p>Suddenly she heard the telltale chime of the Diamond Communicator Device. See, there’s Pink right now! The pink holographic screen unfurled to reveal . . . a purple book? Huh? </p><p>It opened up to reveal an insignia of the Diamonds, as well as a voice.</p><p>“Once upon a time,” a heavenly voice announced, “the Gem Homeworld was ruled by Diamonds: White, Yellow, Blue, and the Littlest Diamond, Pink.”</p><p><i>What is this? Where’s Pinkie?</i> Spinel wondered, staring quizzically at the projection.</p><p>The page turned and the voice continued. “While the other Diamonds conquered many worlds across the galaxy, Pink had only one - the planet Earth.” </p><p>The page flipped. “One day, Pink fled the comforts of Homeworld.”</p><p>
  <i>Huh?</i>
</p><p>“On Earth, she made a new home, new <i><b>friends</b></i>, and finally, new life; giving up her form to bequeath her gem to her half-human son.”</p><p>
  <i>W-What?</i>
</p><p>Spinel didn’t really listen to the rest she had to say. She really couldn’t, anyways. All she could hear was the sound of pounding against her skull.</p><p>
  <i>W-What’s goin’ on? Why is that lady sayin’ this?</i>
</p><p>This, that’s <i>wrong</i>! She can’t be gone! Pinkie - she would never leave her! She’s her best friend, she can’t just, she can’t just <i>leave</i> her!</p><p>That voice. Whoever she is, she has to be lying! Yeah! Who are <i>they</i> to speak so illy of a Diamond anyhow?!</p><p>As if on some morbid cue the book abruptly shut, and the image panned up to reveal <i>White Diamond</i> of all people. A gem that Spinel had only heard about in fearful whispers.</p><p>White. It . . . it must be - no, no, no, that doesn’t mean anything. This proves nothing.</p><p>White resumed her speech. “And now, dear Gems everywhere, I'm pleased to announce that Steven is finally ready to take his rightful place on Pink Diamond's throne!”</p><p>The telltale human announced himself. “How’s it goin’, everybody?” he quizzed in a sickeningly chipper attitude.</p><p>There he is. Steven. Another human. An organic, not being treated like a monster in the other Diamonds’ presences. He, he must be really special then, huh? For, for a completely different reason, of course! . . . Right?</p><p>“I know you all might be thinking of me as the new Pink Diamond, but you don't have to put me on a throne. I already have a rightful place, and it's on Earth,” he clarified.</p><p>The new Pink Diamond. The <i>new <b>Pink Diamond.</b></i></p><p>Spinel starts having trouble breathing as she fell to her knees. She tried Pearl’s breathing techniques, but they felt as useful as using a fan to blow away a hurricane. They, they used to work - why weren’t they working now?!</p><p>Steven had the gall to continue wrenching Spinel’s heart out. “It’s a beach house, where I live with my friends: Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. As much as I’ve <i>loved</i> dismantling the Empire and saving all your planets, I can’t wait to get home and spend some quality time with my friends.”</p><p>Spinel starts crying, mascara running down her cheeks. Steven smiled. He fucking smiled.</p><p>And then it ends. Leaving Spinel alone with her thoughts.</p><p>
  <i>. . . It’s true. It’s all true. She’s gone. She’s really gone. Pinkie went down to Earth to live a - a brand new life and got to experience brand new things.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Without, me.</i>
</p><p><i>Didn’t, didn’t I make her happy, though? All the times I made her laugh or giggle or even smile, did they all mean  </i>nothing<i>  to her?! All the time and effort and heart I put into cheerin’ Pinkie up - was it all for  </i>nothing<i>!?!</i></p><p>Spinel hunched over.</p><p>
  <i>. . . Did she even love me? You, you don’t do this to people you love, you don’t.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Right?</i>
</p><p>Her mouth curled open. “. . . aaaaaaAAAAAA<i>AAAAAAAA<b>AAAAAAAAA!!!!!</b></i>”</p><p>She sobbed. She sobbed louder than she ever had in her life. Not when she witnessed her mother get clubbed over the head in front of her. Not during the humiliation she caused herself by scraping her elbow in front of Pink, Pearl, and so many others. Not after she drove Pink away with her shameful bleeding while cowering away in some shrubbery. They - they all came out like the faintest whispers when compared to this screaming. Horrified, blood-curdling, throat-clawing screaming. Screaming that failed to even come close to expressing the tidal wave of pain she was drowning in.</p><p>
  <i>Why - Why did s-she, do th-this?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She said she would come back!</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Did she ever even l-love me?</i>
</p><p>Something clicked. The gears to a violent, malicious machine started cranking.</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>No.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>She abandoned you.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>She never loved you. She thought of you as nothing more than an accessory. Just like Pearl. You never meant anythin’ to her. You were nothing to her. Nothing.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>She wouldn’t’ve abandoned you if you meant something to her. She would’ve taken you to Earth to explore new places and meet new friends, but instead she put you in   a   prison   instead.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>You were nothing.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>A joke.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>A toy.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>And yet,</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>You never good enough for her, after all.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>The teenager started shaking. Unbridled rage coursed through her system, making it feel as if she was on fire. It almost scared her, the feeling of pure anger. It was something she seldom felt, after all. But the malice pushed such thoughts away: all she was focused on now was how to get rid of this anger. How, how, how?!</p><p>Her hair.</p><p>She grasped at her heart-shaped buns and pulled, pulled as if her deepening sanity depended on it. Harder, <i>harder, <b>harder.</b></i></p><p>Spinel felt a moment of relief as she felt her delicately-manicured hair-buns unravel into unruly ponytails. But no sooner did the anguish come roaring back to her as she realized how, deranged, she looked. She then turned her frustration on her attire, using all of her willpower to rip tears through her elastic clothing. But that only worsened the problem.</p><p>Spinel looked around with wild eyes to the decaying Garden. Perfect. Enlarging her fist she sent it careening towards one of the crumbling pillars, instantly shattering it. She plunged her fist into the decaying shrubbery, instantly flattening it. She thundered her fist onto the pavement, instantly cracking it.</p><p>But Spinel still couldn’t quench the fire that was licking at her bones. It just, it just kept reigniting. She had to do something <i>big</i>, something <i>impactful</i>.</p><p>And then she thought of Steven. How he had friends. How he had family. How he was <i>happy</i>. Why should, why should <i>he</i> be so happy when Spinel was in the pits, huh?! Why would Pink apparently sacrifice her entire existence for him and yet leave <i>her</i> in the dust?! It wasn’t fair!</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Steven deserves to suffer as much as I have.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>And I know juuuusssst how to make that happen.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>Spinel leapt over to the warp pad, and imagined the object Pink had told her about so vividly during one of her vents.</p><p>A giant glass injector, with three pincers, filled with pink fluid, capped off with a small pink cockpit up top.</p><p>It only took five seconds for Spinel to warp into an ancient, decrepit hangar, filled to the brim with rows and rows of injectors.</p><p>She sneered, her eyes spiraling.</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Perfect.</b>
  </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Steven Universe: The Movie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’ma only include parts of the movie that are real relevant or substantially different from the movie. Retelling the whole thing is just plain pointless.</p><p>Cw: blood, self-depreciative thoughts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven didn’t know <i>what</i> the heck just happened. </p><p>Okay, yeah, he knew a couple things. For starters, he knew that a gem just attacked his home and his family with a scythe (and poofed them all in one hit too, holy crap), but he was still being thrown for a loop about the whole situation.</p><p>First off, this gem looked really peculiar. He couldn’t see any visible gemstone on her. Heck, her skin tone - only several shades darker than his - almost made her look human. Her clothing was ripped and tarnished; which was odd, seeing how the only other gem Steven’s ever seen with purposely ripped clothing was Amethyst. But even still, she’s a Crystal Gem, and this gem who he <i>guessed</i> could be Homeworld-aligned had a tarnished design on purpose.</p><p>Secondly, she made some odd comments before she up and attacked Steven and the others. That she apparently knew “Pearlie”, his mom - or “Pinkie” - took Pearl to Earth instead of her, and how she had a “new style.” He figured the latter meant she changed from who she used to be? Yeah, that could explain her wardrobe.</p><p>But right now he wasn’t in the mood for deciphering whoever the heck this gem was. Here he was, vibing with the Gems, and out of the blue <i>she</i> comes and wrecks everything. God, he just wanted to <i>relax</i> after spending two whole years as a space diplomat. He just turned sixteen, for crying out loud! This whole ordeal was making him plain pissed. And he wanted to make that clear.</p><p>“<i>That’s enough!</i>” he demanded, whipping out his shield.</p><p>The gem smirked. “Aw, what's the matter, Steven? Miss your friends already? Well, don't worry. <b>You're <i>right</i> behind 'em!</b>”</p><p>With that threat the gem sprung upwards and brought the scythe downwards onto him with a brutal slash. But thankfully, besides having his shield dissipate and feeling kind of tingly, he was hunky-dory.</p><p>“Ha!” he proclaimed. “That was nothing!”</p><p>The gem chuckled, malice oozing from her tone. “Then I guess you won’t mind, if I do it <i>again!</i>” </p><p><i><b>*Slash!* *Slash!* *Slash!*</b></i> Okay, <i>now</i> it was starting to sting. Each swipe felt like the sensation of pulling on those shocking gum sticks, except it was being felt throughout Steven’s entire body. The discomfort and slight pain only kept building up and up. And she just kept <i>laughing</i> and <i>laughing</i>.</p><p>“Cut it out!” Steven yelled as he got a grip on the gem’s scythe.</p><p>She smiled. “You don't poof, do you? Hmm, figured as much. <b>Just wait!</b>“ Her eyes bobbled like insane googley eyes. “Your human half won't stand a <i>chance</i> against my Injector. Not after what I just did to your gem~!”</p><p>What the heck was she even saying?! “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You weren’t always a powerful hero, were you?” she sneered, prodding deep inside him.</p><p>Alright, this has gone on long enough. With a burst of strength, Steven wrested the scythe out of the maniacally-laughing gem’s hands and swung it down through her.</p><p> </p><p>And it . . . did nothing.</p><p>No light, no poofing, no weblike circuits of pink electricity - nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Steven just stood there, a fearful confusion in his expression. <i>Why, why didn’t she poof?</i> He didn’t poof because, well, he’s part human. That, that can’t mean . . . no . . . .</p><p>“What - who <i>are</i> you?” Steven barely managed to squeeze out as he dropped the scythe to the ground.</p><p>The gem - or whoever the heck she was - fell to the grass, howling with laughter. “You <i>seriously</i> haven’t figured it out yet?” she mocked. She leered up towards Steven, who shuffled back in fear. </p><p>“Punch me,” she ordered, tapping her nose. “Right here.”</p><p>“W-What?”</p><p>“<i>Do it!</i>”</p><p>Fearing possible repercussions from refusing, Steven walloped her right on the nose. Her head rattled like a bobbly head from the impact momentarily before bringing it back to face Steven. She gave a toothy grin as, as, <i>blood</i> trickled down from her nose and ran down her lips.</p><p>Steven’s eyes nearly grew to the size of dinner plates. “Y-You’re, you’re -“</p><p>“Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner, folks!” Spinel interrupted, refusing to swipe away the blood.</p><p>“H-How -“</p><p>“Oh, let’s not focus on the <i>specifics</i>, Steven,” Spinel chastised, wrapping her arm around the fellow teenager. </p><p>He stuttered for a moment before wrestling himself away from Spinel. “Wh - how - if - how, how do you know Pearl and my mom?! What the <i>heck</i> is going on!?!”</p><p>“I know a <i>lot</i> of things, Stevie,” she explained in an unhinged tone with a hint of emotional distress. “But all <i>you</i> need to know is that <i>I’m</i> here to make you suffer.”</p><p>Her eyes darted to the scythe laying on the ground. Her arm shot out to grab it and quickly reeled it back in. “I mean,” she said, examining and flipping the scythe in her hands. “I thought I could just swipe you with this and then grind Pinkie’s gem into dust, <i>but</i> seeing as how ya don’t poof, I guess that’s outta the question.” Steven just stared, too shook to do anything.</p><p>“So then I thought <i>hey, what if instead, I just reel this thing in and just beat you ‘til you’re black and blue?</i>” With a click of a button, the blade of the scythe disappeared and Spinel whipped the bar across Steven’s face. He instantly was sent to the ground with a thud, a pounding in his ears.</p><p>“But now, I think I’ll just let you wallow in misery with the knowledge that this’ll be your last day alive, all because of my Injector.”</p><p>Spinel gazed towards the Injector’s hole into the Temple hill, its dead zone already expanding. “Heh, looks like it’s happenin’ quicker than I thought.” She turned back to the teen. </p><p>“Tick tock, Steven. Better make your final hours count.” </p><p>And with that, she laughed and sprung herself all the way up to the top of the Injector, leaving Steven in the dust.</p>
<hr/><p>“She rode in on <i>that</i>?!” Peridot exclaimed as she heard Steven tell his story, just after he left reset Amethyst and Pearl with Greg.</p><p>“She’s <i>human</i>?” Lapis said, confused as ever.</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven said morosely. “She, she says my human half won’t stand a chance against her Injector, and that today’ll be my ‘last day alive’ because of it.”</p><p>“Oh, Stars… you, you think we could get her to talk?” Lapis wondered, a bit anxious.</p><p>Steven’s breath hitched in exasperation. “I - I <i>tried</i>! But she just didn’t want to talk about that! She just, went on about how glad she was to cause me suffering!”</p><p>Bismuth hummed, deep in thought. “And she took <i>all</i> of them put with one hit?” she asked, motioning to Ruby and Sapphire. “With what?”</p><p>“It looked like a scythe, except it was all pink and the blade was made of, like, electricity or something.”</p><p>Bismuth ran her hand through her dreads. “Oh, no. I was really hoping this wasn’t the case.”</p><p>“What?” Lapis, Peridot, and Steven questioned.</p><p>“That was a rejuvenator,” she clarified. “Homeworld used those things on Gems that started steppin’ outta line. One hit with that, and you’re back to how they made you.” She looked sadly to Ruby and Sapphire, the former assuming a defensive stance and snarling at her.</p><p>Peridot pressed her palm against her head in worry. “Wait, how did, how did <i>you</i> survive being hit by that thing, Steven?”</p><p>“I - I think I didn’t. My human half kept me from poofing, but - but my Gem half, it took the hit! She sent me back, it’s like I’m a kid again! I can barely control my powers! How do we reverse this? Oh no - do I need to get the Diamonds?”</p><p>“Shit …,” Lapis expressed her discomfort at the whole situation. “I mean, well, you’re the one with healing powers. If anyone can fix this, it’s you,” she stated, fretting.</p><p>“No.” Bismuth announced, grabbing everybody’s attention. “No, no, no, no, we’re <i>not</i> lettin’ you do this alone. Stars,” she resumed running fingers through her hair, “a <i>human</i>, able of doing this alone?”</p><p>“She didn’t look completely human. Her eyes were pink, and she could stretch her body in a way that <i>no</i> human can do.”</p><p>“And she’s still up on top of that thing? Armed?” the buff gem asked. Steven nodded.</p><p>“Alright, it’s settled: we’re helpin’ you fix this,” Bismuth decided. She started pacing. “Now, I know the most about Pearl and Garnet second to you, Steven, I’ll help you with that. Peridot, see if you can figure out anything else about the Injector. Lapis, fly up to the girl and see if you can get her to step down.”</p><p>The two gems nodded, with the technician already booking it to gather supplies and the terraformer being more visibly unsure. She received a reassuring pat on the shoulder from the bulky gem, the simple action encouraging her to finally fly off on her mission.</p><p>Bismuth turned to Steven, kneeling to face him. “This sounds really dangerous, Steven. We’re Crystal Gems; we help each other out. I’d be damned if we left all of the heavy lifting to you.”</p><p>Steven sniffled, chock full of emotion at the help from his friends. “Thanks, Bismuth.”</p><p>She nodded before getting up. “We really oughta grab a Diamond Communicator - just in case anything gets hairy.”</p><p>Steven agreed before turning to face Garnet’s components. “Okay. Let’s get to work.”</p>
<hr/><p>In a twisted way, this was becoming one of the best days of Spinel’s life.</p><p>As she sat atop the Injector with the rejuvenator in her hand, dried blood on her face, gazing over the surrounding townscape and countryside, her mind was overjoyed with the knowledge that all of it would be destroyed. Because of her.</p><p>Everything that Pink had fought, suffered, and sacrificed for will all be gone soon. All of her friends will perish along with this planet.</p><p>. . . Her planet, too, now that she really thought about it. Well, this hunk of rock never felt like home, anyways. Earth was more of a reminder of where she’s from, instead of it being a place that evoked any sense of belonging or identity.</p><p>She didn’t even care that much when it dawned on her that she too would die once the Injector did its work. Her life was nothing but a <i>joke</i> after all. Might as well go out enacting some sick, twisted punchline, eh? Her life, its only service to serve Pink, ends with her destroying all of Pink’s legacy. Including her.</p><p>But fate wouldn’t let Spinel wait out her remaining hours. She only barely registered the flapping of wings when it soon arrived beside her in the form of an averagely built, incredibly blue gem.</p><p>Spinel jumped up, brandishing the rejuvenator. “Back off, slick. I’ve used this thing on other gems today, and they don’t haveta be the last.”</p><p>She raised her hands up in peace. “Woah, relax there. I’m just here to talk.”</p><p>“Fat chance! What’re you gonna do, huh? Try laying one on me like the others tried doing?” Spinel accused. “‘Cause that didn’t end too well for them!”</p><p>The gem’s lips pressed into a thin line in deliberation on her next move, before ultimately choosing to sit down, legs crossed. “I just. Want. To talk.”</p><p>The brainwaves in Spinel’s mind zoomed around with the speed of lightning. This gem looked to be passive enough. Should, should she trust her? Everything in her mind screamed for her to just hit her with the rejuvenator already and not risk anything. </p><p>“What’s your name?” the mysterious gem suddenly asked calmly.</p><p>Spinel’s mind stuttered for a moment before responding. “. . . Sp-Spinel.”</p><p>“Spinel, hmm,” the blue gem hummed. “Pretty name.” Spinel blushed.</p><p>Wait, no, <i><b>no</b></i>! Spinel shook her head. She’s, she’s lying to her! This is all an act to get her to trust her, only for her to eventually go and swipe the rug out from under her feet!! It’s all lies, she can’t trust <i>anyone</i>!</p><p>Spinel growled, gritting her teeth as her eyes spiraled. “<b>Get out of here, blue-face, before I send you back into factory settings.</b>”</p><p>The ocean blue gem stood up, assuming a defensive stance with anxiety-riddled eyes. “Hey, calm down, I don’t want to -“</p><p>“<b>Liar!</b>” Spinel shrieked, launching herself at the gem, who only narrowly avoided her blade as she summoned wings and flew outwards and upwards.</p><p>“<b>I bet you’re with <i>Steven</i>.</b>” she interrogated. “<b>Tryna get me to lower my guard, eh? So you can get all this to stop? Well it <i>ain’t</i> workin’! Now buzz off before you end up regrettin’ stayin’ here!</b>”</p><p>Spinel stared down the flying water gem, who looked back with fear and pity. <i>Fake fake fake it’s all fake</i> the human reminded herself. Only when the gem finally flew off did Spinel relax a little, and allow herself to sink back down to sit on the Injector.</p>
<hr/><p>Aside from the minor disturbance with that blue gem, the next couple of hours went swimmingly for Spinel. Sure, some peridot’s robonoids began crawling all over her Injector and scanning it, but she tolerated that. Not like they can get the Injector to stop. So she remained on top of the machine, relishing in the Injector’s expanding death and decay and the knowledge that everyone else was powerless to stop it.</p><p>It was only until nighttime did she get her next unwanted disturbance.</p><p>“<i>Spinel?</i>” a teen voice called, to whom Spinel immediately recognized as belonging to none other than Steven. The blue one must’ve told him her name.</p><p>A spike of anger drilled through her mind. Stars, he’s <i>back</i>? Eh, she should’ve expected that. Pinkie’s lil’ goody two-shoes son, the one who dismantled the Diamond Authority, probably thinks he can get her to back down just like with the Diamonds. That’s, that’s just <i>rich</i>.</p><p>She grumbled, ignoring Steven’s call, only for him to shout again. “<i>Spinel!</i> I know you’re up there, and I think we have somethings to talk about.”</p><p>
  <i>La, la, la, I can’t <b>hear you.</b></i>
</p><p>“I - um - Pearl’s back, too.”</p><p>Alright, Spinel had to admit: that <i>did</i> pique her interest. He must’ve found out some way to fix her. What could Pinkie’s lil’ associate <i>possibly</i> have to say?</p><p>Spinel got up and slunked over to the edge of the Injector. Leering down, she could see (surprise, surprise) Steven, Pearlie, the blue gem from before, and some large, hulking bismuth she’s never seen before.</p><p>“Whaddya <i>want</i>?” demanded Spinel sourly.</p><p>Steven turned beside him to Pearl, who he encouraged to speak with a nod. She stepped forward, hands folded and eyes darting in nervousness. “Spinel . . . I’m . . . I’m sorry.”</p><p>Spinel paused. “What?”</p><p>“I just want to say sorry for, well, you know. I . . . I can’t ever imagine being abandoned for six-thousand years. The pain from that must be unfathomable,” she admitted guiltily.</p><p>Spinel was shaking. This, this isn’t real - none of this is real. Pearl doesn’t really feel this way. It’s all lies. Lies, <i>lies, <b>lies</b></i>.</p><p>Seeking to get out of her conflicting headspace, she turned her attention to the two gems behind her. “Who’re <i>they</i>?”</p><p>“Backup.” The one with rainbow dreadlocks curtly  responds, with a hint of a threatening tone.</p><p>“Just in case!” Steven quickly followed up in reassurance. </p><p>He continued looking up to Spinel. “So, would you like to, come down now?” he grinned. God, he just wanted to get this over with.</p><p>She just continued staring down at the group, her mind forming a wall against all of their attempts to get her to step down.</p><p>Steven, noticing Spinel’s unyielding stance, looked over to Pearl, who simply nodded. He turned back. “I, I heard about the Garden.”</p><p>Spinel bristled. Her mental wall rumbled on its foundations. </p><p>“Yeah, Pearl said it was where you lived? And you, you had a lot of fun times there with, uh, my mom,” he made sure to say carefully. “And how you were always so, bubbly and carefree when you lived with her and Pearl,” he said.</p><p>“But, that’s all I really know about where you came from and who you are. I just want to help you out. Could you please come down?”</p><p>Again, Spinel’s brain was telling her she’d be a fool to take an offer that was so blatantly a trap. But for some reason, her better judgement was ruled out in favor of the possibility that maybe, <i>maybe</i>, all their apparent goodwill she was desperate for might be true.</p><p>She eyed the Rejuvenator in her hands. Not only was it a tool of offense, Spinel also took it as defense against anyone who could harm her. She debated on taking it. But, her yearning for goodwill somehow managed to rule out bringing this along as well. Heck, it almost surprised her how willing she was to go down into a potential death sentence. Was she really <i>that</i> desperate?</p><p>Still, Spinel allowed her wall to come tumbling down as she threw the Rejuvenator over to the side. “. . . Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>The quintet warped into the remains of the Garden. Everyone gasped at its decrepit state, especially Pearl who brought a hand to her mouth. All except Spinel.</p><p>“This . . . was the Garden,” Spinel admitted gloomily. “A special world, built just for me.”</p><p>She began walking ahead. “After I couldn’t live with Pinkie or <i>you</i> anymore,” she shot a look at Pearl, “I was sent here to live. Every now and then Pinkie would come by and we would play for hours. We had a, a lotta fun,” she explained with a hint of longing hidden underneath her bitterness. “At least, that’s what <i>I</i> thought.”</p><p>“Did something happen?” Steven asked. Behind him Pearl looked away.</p><p>At first Spinel glared, but that soon melted away into shame. “I - I wasn’t doing as good of a job as I, as I used to. I just couldn’t make her as happy as I once was able to. My - <i>I</i> was changing, too. And Pinkie didn’t like that.”</p><p>“What did she do?” Lapis questioned.</p><p>Spinel breathed for a moment before beginning. “<i>Here in the Garden, let’s play a game . . .</i> “</p><p>Spinel continued her song, which told how Pink abandoned her in the cryochamber, how she remained there giddily for thousands of years, and the excruciating torment she went through as she learned the truth.</p><p>As Spinel finished her lament, her noodle legs folded under her and she collapsed to the ground, tears running down her face and mixing with dried blood.</p><p>Steven was immediately sympathetic. “Spinel, I can’t believe Mom did that to you.” He paused. “Actually, I can totally believe it.”</p><p>He looked down at himself, then back to Pearl and Bismuth. “You’re not the only one she hurt -“</p><p>As Steven placed a consoling hand upon Spinel’s shoulder, Spinel exploded in size, wheeling around and pinning Steven to the ground. “<b>Yeah, you must know all about her life without me! <i>Rub it in, why don’tcha?!</i></b>”</p><p>Ahead of them the three other gems summoned their weapons. “<i>Spinel!</i> Don’t do this!” Pearl begged.</p><p>“Spinel, it’s not like that!” Steven pleaded, trying and failing to summon his shield. “You deserve a better friend.”</p><p>With a roar of anger, Spinel slammed her fist into the cryochamber, creating an indelible crater in it and sending the machine flying past the others to crash into the crumbling fountain. Her rage flailing, she instead let sadness consume her and she crumpled into a spindly heap onto the ground.</p><p>Steven waved his hand in reassurance to Pearl, Bismuth, and Lapis, who cautiously lowered their weapons. </p><p>He sat down beside the whimpering teen. “Spinel, come back and save the Earth with me. You can start over there, make new friends, find your own purpose in life.”</p><p>Steven began a comforting lullaby promising Spinel that, surrounded by the right people, she can learn to love again. But Spinel knew that was bullshit. She turned away from Steven, refusing to give into such a fever dream. </p><p>That is, until he offered her his hand. Out of the corner of her eye she watched it waiting for hers. She gradually turned to face Steven’s hand, her hand slowly accepting the open palm. It, it felt almost, surreal, how genuine his clasp felt. How it felt as if he wasn’t going to stab her in the back at any point in the future. </p><p>He stood up with her hand in tow, guiding her up. Her eyes remained glued to their handholding. </p><p>And the she looked into his eyes. And experienced an emotion she thought she’d never experience again. Those deep brown eyes glimmered with tenderness and care in their shared gaze. They were almost like Pink’s, except <i>so</i> much better. This kind stare wasn’t brought on by Spinel making Pink happy or doing something right. This, this stare didn’t come in response to Spinel doing anything absolutely <i>remotely</i> acceptable. But it was still caked in pure, unadulterated warmth.</p><p>And <i>Stars</i>, how much she longed for that.</p><p>Pinkie was never her friend, no no. She used her. Tricked her. <i>Steven</i>, on the meanwhile, was her friend. He had always been. He wouldn’t trick her or use her, absolutely not. Not with how <i>purely loved</i> Spinel was feeling because of him right now.</p><p>As the two neared the end of their duet and the group moved to warp back to Earth, Spinel sung one last line.</p><p>“<i>Today, right here, right now, I already feel found.</i>”</p>
<hr/><p>Peridot was fretting. No, not fretting. More like nearly losing her shit. The Injector was hitting critical mass, and the others were <i>nowhere</i> nearby. Maybe, maybe Spinel already finished them off! Oh Stars, what was she going to -</p><p>“Hey, Peridot.”</p><p>She spun around from her scientific instruments. “<i>STEVEN!</i> Oh, thank the <i>Stars</i> you’re okay!”</p><p>“Of course,” Steven spoke, the others following behind him. Glued to his back, however, was <i>Spinel</i>.</p><p>The technician stared. “Is she… passive?”</p><p>“Yeah. And she’s here to help.”</p><p>She stepped out from behind him, warping her finger into a horn and sounding its call. Slowly the Injector retracted from the Earth, lifting itself above the hill as everybody cheered.</p><p>“Okay. Can <i>someone</i> fill me in?” Connie asked, who had only recently arrived and was in the dark about what was going on.</p><p>Steven sighed as if he just finished some final exam. “Thanks, Spinel.”</p><p>She glowed. “Aw, gee. What’re friends for?” Golly, their friendship was off to such a great start!</p><p>He stepped away. “Okay. We've almost cleaned up this mess. Now, all we need are Garnet's memories and my powers, and we can all get back to living happily ever after.” He tapped his chin. “What could work for Garnet? Something about fusion . . . Something about love . . . “</p><p>“What about me?” a tiny voice asked.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Is that all you needed me for? To turn off my Injector?” Spinel questioned, blood still on her lips. <i>Please say no please say no we’re best friends please say no -</i></p><p>“No! Well, sort of, but -“</p><p>“But what <i>now?</i>” Spinel asked frantically. Everything was unraveling. “I-I-I did what you wanted. That’s <i>it</i>?!” </p><p>He just smiled. “Well, yeah! We can just, move on from this whole experience!”</p><p>“How are you gonna move on with <i>me</i> around?” she prodded. “I’m the source of <i>all</i> your problems! Don’t pretend you want me here!” Stars, of course he didn’t want her here. Obviously! She was so fucking <i>stupid</i>! </p><p>He used her. This ugly, disgusting doll served its purpose, and now it was going to be disposed of. “What’s your plan for me, huh? Gonna put me somewhere? You gonna leave me somewhere, alone? <i>You gonna put me back in a machine?!?</i>”</p><p>“Spinel -“ Steven began, but he didn’t get the chance to continue as she pummeled him in the chest, sending him flying back a bit.</p><p>Something fell out of Steven’s jacket as he crashed to the ground, tumbling over a couple feet behind him. His eyes widened as he saw it. Spinel eyed it too. It was a small, 3D, prism-like object.</p><p>A Diamond Communicator.</p><p>No. <i>No, please no</i>.</p><p>“Why do you, <i>have</i> that?” Spinel asked, tone hollow in shock.</p><p>Steven stumbled over to retrieve it before it could activate. “It - It’s now what it looks like! I grabbed this earlier ‘cause at first I thought I might need it, but then, y’know, things worked out differently!”</p><p>Spinel eyed the group, noticing how Steven was closer to them than her. Of course. They just saw her as a threat, nothing more. An <i>exploitable</i> threat, of course, but now that she did what they wanted -</p><p>They were going to ship her off to be dealt with.</p><p>“‘We can just move on from this whole experience,’ huh? You mean, <i><b>you all</b></i> get to move on from this experience!” She cackled, almost at a loss for words. “<b>What a plan!</b>”</p><p>She threw her hands up. “I turn off the Injector, then you go and call up your ol’ pal Whitey and <b><i>BAM! PRESTO! CHANGE-O! PROBLEM SOLVED!</i> Well, <i>think again</i>. You’re not gettin’ rid of me <i>that</i> easy!</b></p><p>With a blow of her horn she plunged her Injector back into the hillside, with everyone dispersing to avoid its piercing tip. </p><p>As the dust cleared, a frighteningly gangly Spinel glared down a coughing Steven. “<b>I’m not lettin’ you get one over me, <i>Steven Universe</i>.</b>”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to call the Diamonds, Spinel!” the other teen pleaded.</p><p>She shifted. “You expect me to believe, that you want me around after <b><i>everything</i> I’ve done?!</b>” she snarled.</p><p>“Steven?” a distant, innocent voice called. “Why are you fighting? And who‘s your new friend?”</p><p>Spinel turned, malice gleaming in her eyes. “Looks like we still got an audience!” she announced, flinging her arms over to and around the still-reset Garnet, reeling her in like a fishing line. “How ‘bout a front-row seat?”</p><p>“Garnet!” Steven called.</p><p>“Y’know - this is <i>pretty</i> twisted - but I’m a little flattered that you actually think of me as a threat.” She chuckled. “Who could’ve imagined? Innocent, loving, <i>stupid</i> Spinel - pet of <i>Pink Diamond</i> - being able to cause so much <b>chaos!”</b></p><p>She kept her vice-like grip on Garnet. “I wonder what the <i>Diamonds</i> haveta say ‘bout <i>this</i> threat to their Empire . . .” Spinel didn’t know much about Gem politics, but she did know a couple things. “Last time I checked, I heard cross-fusions were <i>shattered</i> if they were discovered!”</p><p>Her arms coiled around the fusion like a boa constrictor, humming. “Ya think I could spare the Diamonds a lil’ time by <b><i>shattering</i> her myself?</b>”</p><p>Steven gritted his teeth, getting up in an offensive position. He may not have his powers, but he still was a pretty strong dude, tiredness be damned. “<b>Get. Away. From. Her.</b>”</p><p>“Oh, you’re so protective of your <i>real</i> friends, and you’re so <i>careless</i> with your <b><i>fake</i> ones!</b>”</p><p>“Stop it!”</p><p>“Then <i>stop me!</i>” she goaded. “You <i>wanna</i> get rid of me, just admit it! Or better yet, <b>just <i>try</i> it!</b>”</p><p>“<i>No</i>!”</p><p>“<b>Why not?!</b>”</p><p>“Because that’s not <i>the truth</i>!” he stomped, slamming the Diamond Communicator down onto the ground and smashing it to bits.</p><p>Something in Garnet clicked. “<i>The truth</i>,” she echoed.</p><p>In a burst of strength Garnet broke free of Spinel’s confinement, eyeing her down with steely eyes. “I’ve known hardships and confusion, but love can live through it all, if you face the truth together!” Suddenly, her body became engulfed in white light.</p><p>Steven grinned from ear to ear. “Her final piece!”</p><p>“<b>No!</b>” Spinel growled. “<b>Don’t you dare!</b>” She turned and hurled a boulder at the fusion. But when the dust cleared, the boulder was revealed to have smashed into bits by the fusion, now standing mightily with a fist raised.</p><p>Spinel shot daggers at the fusion. One thing was obvious: this wasn’t going to end civilly. A full-on battle was about to go on. And <i>hoo</i>-boy, was Spinel <i>eager</i> to deliver.</p>
<hr/><p>Boy, did they <i>battle</i>. First, Spinel fought against Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl simultaneously (she did great, honest). Afterwards, she sank the entirety of the Injector’s bioweapon poison into the Earth (sure, it didn’t marinate properly and only caused superficial damage, but still). And now, she and Steven just began an epic climactic battle atop the Injector (he was singing <i>another</i> song too. Joy). And Spinel was just about to put the hammer down. </p><p>“<i><b>Just can it, won’t ya?!</b></i>” she shrieked at Steven, high up in the sky. </p><p>Gritting her teeth, she coiled her arm into a giant, spring-mounted fist. “<b>You can’t just make everything better by singing <i>some. STUPID. SONG!!!</i></b>”</p><p>With one gargantuan blow, Spinel sent Steven flying down back on top of the Injector, sending rumbles through the Earth and cracks through the machine. As she landed, however, she was pissed to know that Steven simply summoned his shield to absorb the impact.</p><p>She thought back to how Steven sung that she could change. “All that stuff’s easy for <i>you</i> to say. When <i>you</i> change, you change for the better. <b>When <i>I</i> change, I change for the <i>WORSE!!</i></b>”</p><p>Steven braced himself as the girl lunged herself at him, landing blow after blow at his shield. </p><p>“<b>I used to be just not good enough - <i>just not good enough for Pinkie!</i> But now, <i>now</i>, I’m not good at ALL!</b>”</p><p>Inflating her fists to a stupidly big size, she sent it careening down onto Steven, already feeling the damage that caused to her Injector.</p><p>But, all of a sudden, the rage high she was on just. Stopped. In its tracks. And an overwhelmingly crushing wave of sadness consumed her entire being like a white blood cell would some pathogen.</p><p>“That’s funny, r-right?” she cried, falling to her knees with her fists still on Steven’s shield. “At least you found me entertaining. You, you actually . . . <i>liked</i> me, didn’t you. . . ?”</p><p>Her head fell into her hands. “What am I doing? <i>Why do I wanna hurt you so bad?</i> I’m supposed to be a friend. <i>I just wanna be a friend.</i>”</p><p>As tears flooded down Spinel’s cheeks, Steven dispelled his shield and looked on with empathy. “Spinel . . .”</p><p>The Injector glowed. Bright white light pierced through the many jagged cracks on the top’s surface. The two teens looked at each other, knowing what was to come.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <i>*KABOOM!!!*</i>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>In a brilliant pink orgasm of light, the Injector imploded in a mushroom cloud. Pieces of it were sent out in all directions. Out of the dust and ash, a pink bubble flew out and made its descent to the crater.</p><p>As the two made landfall they took in the sights. Mainly, the obliterated landscape around them.</p><p>“Woah,” Steven muttered.</p><p>“Oh no, no, no no, no!” Spinel wailed. “What did I do!? I’ve wrecked <i>everything</i>!”</p><p>“Well, that’s… <i>one</i> way to get rid of your injector.”</p><p>“But what about the poison? What about Earth? What about your ‘happily ever after?’”</p><p>Suddenly Steven stood up. “There’s no such thing as a ‘happily ever after,’” he admitted solemnly. “I’ll always have more work to do.”</p><p>Boy, did Spinel feel crummy. She looked to the ground, averting Steven’s eyes. That didn’t stop him from extending a hand to her to help her up, which she begrudgingly accepted. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Steven?” a distant but rapidly nearing voice called. The human girl Spinel saw earlier approached the crest of the crater, riding the lion. “Steven! Where are you!”</p><p>“Connie!” Steven called. Just as he was about to meet her, he turned to Spinel. “I’ll be right back. Really.”</p><p>She knew that he wasn’t lying. But she still couldn’t help but feel bad. Not hurt, just. Bad. Lousy. Terrible. Even after everything Steven said, about how she “deserved better” and all that, her mind couldn’t possibly accept that that was true in any sense. That point was only further hammered in as she saw Steven’s other friends clamor around him - the Crystal Gems and that human man. <i>He</i> deserved them as his friends, out of anyone she’d ever known. <i>She</i> didn’t. </p><p>The idea that she deserved better was so foreign to her, now that she was really starting to think about the heinous actions she just committed. Spinel knew from the start that what she was doing was nasty, but blood-boiling rage and desires for revenge blinded her to the ethics of her horrible, evil actions. I mean, look at what she did! Rejuvenating Steven’s friends? Relishing in his pain? Trying to <i>destroy</i> the entire Earth? Stars, she was, she was worse than -</p><p>Than Pink. </p><p>The growing pit in her stomach practically became a sinkhole as that realization hit her head-on. She was worse than Pink. So much so that Spinel wondered if she even had a right to hate her when she had done all of <i>this</i>. </p><p>God, it was really starting to hit her. She was evil. Vile. No-good. Rotten. A piece of shit. A complete and utter monster -</p><p>“Spinel?”</p><p>The choking fog in her mind drifted away as she saw Steven and the others approach her. <strike>Closing in on her. Getting ready to kill her like the monster she is -</strike></p><p>They all stopped in front of her, causing her to shuffle back like some scared little creature. Noticing this, Steven put his hands up in peace. “It’s okay, we just think that we ought to, talk,” he clarified.</p><p>Spinel looked at the others behind him, specifically aiming for their eyes. You can always tell how a person is feeling by looking at their eyes. If her eyes are bright, you’re doing a good job! If her eyes are downcast, try harder at cheering her up! If her eyes are solemn, then that means she’s about to <b>abandon you -</b></p><p>“Are you… okay?” the peridot inquired.</p><p>“I - I -!” Spinel stammered, voice sounding strained and confined. “Why are you bein’ so <i>nice</i> to me!? I, I ruined <i>everything</i>! You guys should <i>hate</i> me!”</p><p>The group exchanged looks before Steven spoke up. “We don’t hate you. Like, yeah, all of this-” He gestured to the surrounding destruction. “- isn’t good, at all. But, I understand where you’re coming from. I mean, like a third of the people you see here have tried to kill me at some point!” he laughed.</p><p>“It took me months to stop trying to kill Steven,” the peridot stated.</p><p>The bismuth spoke next. “I say it took me a day, day ‘n a half?”</p><p>“I’m <i>still</i> on the fence!” the blue gem from earlier joked, earning a laugh from the others.</p><p>Steven opened his mouth to finish off his little speech, but before he could a howling wind swept across the crater, followed by an imposing shadow. Spinel turned her head, and her stomach did flip-flops. She knew those ships. </p><p>For a split second, Spinel was enraged at the thought that Steven somehow managed to actually contact the Diamonds. But then she remembered Steven’s honest feelings, him smashing the Communicator, the feeling that she deserves whatever’s coming to her, all that.</p><p>Despite the latter, her guilt still didn’t prevent her from making a beeline towards a chunk of debris and hiding behind it. The memory of Blue and Yellow wanting her dead still clung to her like glue.</p><p>A giant white bubble descended from the ship’s head and revealed the three matriachs of Homeworld.</p><p>“Hello, Steven!” White spoke.</p><p>“Are we interrupting something?” Blue followed up.</p><p>Steven balked. “Uh, yeah! What’re y’all doing here?”</p><p>“Well, Steven, we were all talking and -“ Yellow began before pausing to sniff the air. “I’m sorry, but what is that <i>smell?</i>”</p><p>Steven tested the air. “. . . I don’t smell anything.”</p><p>“Ugh, that’s ‘cause you <i>live</i> here.”</p><p>Blue held her hands together. “Anyway, we were talking, and we decided -“</p><p>“This is taking too long!” White butted in, shoving the other two aside. “We’ve come to Earth to live with <i>you!</i>”</p><p>Steven and Spinel alike nearly passed out right then and there. “<i>What?!</i> I - my house isn’t big enough for all of you!”</p><p>White pondered. “Oh, well, I’m sure that we could make do with, um . . . .” Her gaze turned to the surrounding ruins of Beach City.</p><p>“Has your planet always been this, <i>destroyed</i>?” she asked with a wave of her hand.</p><p>“Not that we’re judging in any way,” Blue reassured.</p><p>“<i>Goodness no!</i>“ White proclaimed. “Because judging anything based on appearance is <i>wrong!</i>“</p><p>Steven looked unamused. “Yeah, I dunno about this.”</p><p>“But Steven, it’s been <i>sooo boooring</i> since you’ve left Homeworld!” She sighed faux-dramatically. “I guess we’ll just -“</p><p>“Steven? Who’s that?” Yellow asked, pointing to a pair of pigtails from behind a piece of rubble.</p><p>Spinel squeaked. She shook her head frantically as Steven looked over to her, silently asking her if she would like to come out.</p><p>“Have you met the Diamonds before?” Steven asked with a hint of concern at her adamancy against meeting them.</p><p>“Y-Yeah, Blue and Yellow.” Her voice came out as a whisper an octave higher. “They - they wanted to kill me, they thought I shouldn’t be around Pinkie - Pink, anymore, ‘cause I was human.”</p><p>His eyes widened, then turned into angry slits as he faced the Diamonds. “You guys met Spinel before?” he interrogated, voice low.</p><p>“Who?” White asked. Spinel grimaced - of course she wouldn’t know who the hell she is. It still didn’t make it hurt less, though.</p><p>“Blue. Yellow. Do <i>you</i> know who Spinel is?” Steven questioned before sighing defeatedly. “‘Pink’s playmate?’”</p><p>The two former despots gasped in remembrance.</p><p>“Spinel!” Yellow boomed. “You, you <i>know</i> her?”</p><p>“We thought humans couldn’t possibly last that long!” Blue spoke.</p><p>“It - that’s a long story, but you should know that she’s here with me.” With eyes full of kindness at Spinel and firmness towards the Diamonds, she ushered the quaking teen out from behind the Injector chunk. She stood in the matriarch’s presence like a terrified knight facing a monstrous, three-headed dragon.</p><p>“Pink’s lost treasure . . . .” Blue cooed, reaching a hand out to touch Spinel, who jumped back with a whine.</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven began his reprimanding. “Spinel said that you and Yellow tried to <i>kill her</i> at some point, and I’m pretty sure what she said is true.” Despite Steven’s word choice about her trustworthiness, Spinel’s heart leapt at how he was defending her <i>from the Diamonds.</i></p><p>Yellow and Blue spared a look with each other, confused. That is, until Blue let out a cry in recollection. “Of course! We were angry with Pink for having an organic in her court!”</p><p>“And I was mad at her for hitting me in the head with that ball . . . .” Yellow stated, slowly remembering as well.</p><p>“Oh, Spinel, we’re <i>so</i> sorry for how we treated you!” Blue wailed.</p><p>Yellow nodded in consensus. “There <i>must</i> be some way to make it up to you,” she said, determined.</p><p>“Oh, well the answer to that is <i>obvious</i>,” White answered. “Let’s just bring her with us to Homeworld!”</p><p>“What!?” everybody asked.</p><p>“Yes!” Yellow agreed. “Steven, since the Earth is so disgusting, we would like to bring Spinel with us to live on Homeworld.”</p><p>“She’ll stay in our very own Diamond Palace and be loved and cared for!” Blue thought jubilantly.</p><p>The young man hummed, almost chuckling at his aunts’ enthusiasm. “Well, that isn’t really my decision to make. It’s hers.” He turned to Spinel. “What do you think?”</p><p>By now, Spinel had stopped shaking at the sight of how, nice, the Diamonds were being. Huh, guess Steven’s message to the universe really wasn’t fooling around when it said the Diamonds had changed.</p><p>—“<i>You will exterminate this creature at once!</i>”—</p><p>Still, even in the face of their apparent changes in the present, Spinel couldn’t shake the horrors of the past. “I . . . I dunno . . . .”</p><p>The Diamonds frowned, looking at each other. However, they all wordlessly came to the same decision on how to respond: they began to sing.</p><p>
  <i>“Come live with us, in the palace,</i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i>“There’s a room waiting for, you,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Come on,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Come on,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Come ooon,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Just let us adore, you.”</i>
</p><p>It took a moment for the truth to settle in, but eventually Spinel realized that the Diamonds were singing. To <i>her</i>. The abhorring creature she was; they were practically <i>begging</i> her. They, they really wanted her to live with them. In their very own <i>Diamond Palace</i>. There was a room that could be ready for her. They wanted to smother her with love and affection. They wanted to forget the past and move on.</p><p>Yes, <i>yes!!</i> Spinel was starting to take a liking to this idea after all! Forget the bad blood that had existed between them in the past! It was a new day, a new era, where Spinel could start anew! Imagine her - toddling around with the Diamonds, goofing off with them, making them laugh. It would be just like -</p><p>Just like. Living with. Pink.</p><p>And just like that, Spinel was rudely awoken out of her hopeful euphoria by that notion. It, it really <i>would</i> be like living with Pink again. Her, feverishly trying to make them feel happy - again. Her, feeling dejected whenever they wouldn’t have time for her - again. Her, feeling like she was just a tool to be used - again.</p><p>. . . Did the Diamonds even, <i>like</i> her? Or was she nothing but a piece of memorabilia for them? Would they want her for her, or for her having belonged to Pink?</p><p>But maybe, <i>maybe</i>, it wouldn’t be like that. Like, she gave Steven a chance when he wanted to learn more about her, and that worked out good, eventually! Maybe it would be the same her? . . . Oh, but Stars, she didn’t want to risk that. Not again.</p><p>And even if the whole offer wasn’t too good to be true, who was <i>she</i> to take up such a wonderful offer anyways? She was the opposite of wonderful! She’s terrible! Hell, she could write a fucking thesis on all the awful things she’s done! In <i>no</i> possible way did she deserve to potentially be pampered and primped, and cared for like she was actually a good person.</p><p>Spinel knew her final answer.</p><p>“<i>Come ooon,</i></p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p><i>“Just let us adore, y-</i>”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Silence hung in the air. The Diamonds froze in mid-stanza, the Crystal Gems were balking, hell Spinel could just about feel Steven’s slightly-surprised stare at the back of her head.</p><p>“I - no. No, I don’t wanna come along with you guys,” Spinel explained, rubbing her hands together and sweating slightly. “I, I still have a lotta things to work out, and I just kinda need to be on - uh - where my own kind is, I guess. Plus, I, I don’t deserve any of this. At all.”</p><p>The Diamonds held various emotions. Blue looked like she just saw her puppy die, Yellow appeared constipated, and White seemed - poker-faced, surprisingly. Spinel couldn’t tell whether that was silent rage or something else entirely, and she really didn’t want to find out.</p><p>After what seemed like hours, Steven cleared his throat. “Okay! Umm, you guys heard Spinel, so, uh . . . yeah. We’ll keep in touch!” he added with a playful jab of his finger.</p><p>Finally, Blue sighed. “Oh, well, alright. We’ll - we’ll go now.” She glanced over to Yellow. “We shouldn’t overstay our welcome, Yellow.”</p><p>Yellow just kept on staring, her miffed expression now more confused if anything. “Yes, well, um. We’ll make sure to arrange visits with each other, Steven,” she said while rubbing her temples in a manner that read <i>huh, really thought the singing would work.</i></p><p>As the bubble flew back up towards the Diamond Mech, White gave one more wordless stare back at Spinel. It was almost pleading, before her body turned to face her ship in resignation, the action finally pulling her eyes away from the teenager. </p><p>The group was wordless as the Mech ejected off of Earth into space. The only thing running through everybody’s minds - Spinel’s in particular - was how different things would be from now on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the first fic I’ve made that includes mental illness as an integral theme (borderline personality disorder). While I am doing my research on the affliction, does anybody have any sorta tidbits about bpd that I may wanna now about for future reference? Thanks a bunch!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cleaning Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel helps clean up the town, and herself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cw: self-loathing, semi-suicidal thoughts, slight dissociation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waves skimmed their way across the beach, only to be swiftly rekindled by the darkening sea. This pattern repeated itself indefinitely as Spinel sat beside the beach at night. After the Diamonds had left, Steven had asked the others to allow Spinel to “collect her thoughts” before helping them clean up the destruction, which everybody agreed to. So she trekked down to the beach, where her mind became embroiled in thought well into dusk.</p><p>She, she did it. She really did it. She said <i>no</i> to the Diamonds. She actually refused their offer. Man, she was just about positive that she would’ve gotten killed turning the Diamonds down like that! And yet, she’s was allowed to live! And before that, they <i>sung</i> to her! To <i>her</i>!!! Golly, everything was so, utterly, topsy-turvy now. </p><p>Her eyes flicked to the toxic ribbons of magenta spreading out in the ocean. She snickered. Yeah, especially her. <i>She</i> might be the topsy-turviest of them all. An adorable little delight bringing enjoyment to all, having been warped into some deplorable monstrosity delivering harm to all. Was she the way she was because she was abandoned for six thousand years (apparently it had been six thousand years) or was it something else entirely?</p><p>Stars . . . why did the Crystal Gems and Steven even let her <i>live</i>, let alone tolerate her presence? And don’t give her any of that “oh it’s because she can change” crap - Spinel knew she was far beyond being able to be redeemed in any possible way. She didn’t deserve any of their kindness. </p><p>Spinel gazed off into the never-ending ocean. She knew from her times spent swimming in the Garden’s pools that humans couldn’t breath underwater. </p><p>How long would it take?</p>
<hr/><p>It was the following day, and Steven and the Crystal Gems had begun their reparation efforts in Beach City. Despite the focus needed to clear the rubble from the streets, Steven mind was focused on something else.</p><p>“Hey, uh, Garnet? Do you know where Spinel is? I went looking for her at the beach this morning, but I couldn’t find her.”</p><p>“<i>What?!</i>” Pearl squawked, dropping the hunk of cement she was carrying. “She’s <i>escaped</i>!?”</p><p>“She was never technically our prisoner, Pearl,” Garnet reminded.</p><p>“But she still <i>ran off!</i> Oh, she could be <i>anywhere</i> now! I, I never even got to -“</p><p>“Relax, Pearl,” Garnet stated, throwing the wreck of a destroyed car into a dump truck. “Spinel hasn’t run off. She just merely went atop the lighthouse to think. She should be showing up riiiiigggghhht -“</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Pearl whirled around to face the girl standing shyly in the street. “Spinel!” she exclaimed brightly, before clearing her throat. “Um, good! You can assist us in clearing the rubble.”</p><p>Spinel nodded gravely, eyes glued to the surrounding destruction. The destruction <i>she</i> caused. Her face contorted in shame, her eyes wincing closed. </p><p>“Spinel.” She creaked open her eyes a sliver. There was Steven, looking at her with an understanding in his eyes. “What happened, happened. And, yeah, it wasn’t good. But you’ve apologized, and you’re here helping to make up for it.”</p><p>He smiled. “That means you’re on the right track. I’m really happy for you.”</p><p>Because of something completely foreign to her, butterflies fluttered in Spinel’s chest. With a bit more pep in her step, she followed Steven to assist in cleanup.</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel was, surprisingly, a pretty handy asset to the town’s cleanup efforts. Her elasticity, combined with her strength, made it easy for her to lasso her arms around rubble and throw them into dump trucks. She didn’t really take time to notice the odd looks some of the humans were giving her. </p><p>After helping the Gems clear some rubble from the streets, she was tasked with removing the rubble from the Injector’s crater to make room for Steven, who was busy kissing the ground. All the while he received assistance from the human girl named Connie and the human man named Greg, who were both bringing him water in little containers that he poured down his throat.</p><p>That proved to be Spinel’s first insight that something else was wrong with her.</p><p>“. . . What are you doin’?” Spinel asked, lifting up a nearby hunk of debris.</p><p>Steven paused from taking a swig out of the bottle. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“That,” she stated, pointing at the water bottle.</p><p>“Uh, drinking?” Steven asked, raising one eyebrow askew.</p><p>“That’s what that’s called?”</p><p>Steven handed the water bottle to Greg, still looking at her with thorough confusion. “It - it’s something - you’ve never drank water before?”</p><p>“Y-yeah?” </p><p>“Have ever eaten anything before?” Connie asked, perplexed as well.</p><p>“‘E-eaten?’” Were, were those things she was supposed to be doing? Oh, fantastic, now there’s more things that she had apparently been doing wrong all her life - and she wasn’t even <i>doing</i> anything! </p><p>Steven looked down at the dirt, thinking. “. . . Huh,” Steven put his thoughts simply. “I’ll have to ask Pearl about that later. For now, uh, don’t worry about it.”</p><p>What was wrong with her? “How can I <i>not</i>?!” Spinel shot out, a little snappier than she intended. “I -“ she retracted a bit. “I mean, am I <i>supposed</i> to be doing those things?”</p><p>Steven shook his head. “No, no! It’s just that, all humans on Earth have to eat and drink to survive, that’s all!”</p><p><i>All humans</i>. All regular, non-broken humans. Spinel clenched her fists.</p><p>Connie threw in her two cents. “It’s possible that Homeworld could’ve done something to Spinel that removed her need to eat and drink. I mean, there’s gotta be <i>some</i> reason why she’s super strong and flexible.”</p><p>Beside her, Steven nodded, mulling over her hypothesis. “That could be it. I still still wanna ask Pearl about it, though.” He went back to his dirt-kissing.</p><p>Spinel was close to hyperventilating. The memory of the identity crisis she went through still felt fresh in her brain. The time she found out she wasn’t a gem, but instead was a human. But now, <i>now</i>, she was being told that she wasn’t even all that?! </p><p>Her anxiety was almost replaced by rage at the irony of that notion. But only <i>almost</i>. Her last little explosion of rage was barely more than twenty-four hours old, and her emotional circuits were still fried and still dulled with self-loathing.</p><p>She sighed. She could cry about this later. <i>For now, just keep working. Just keep working.</i></p>
<hr/><p>The skies grew dark once again. Spinel labored on, scouring the surrounding landscape for pieces of her Injector. After finding a piece and adding it to the pile of others, Steven trudged up to her, some sort of high-pitched, drawn-out moan coming from him.</p><p>“*<i>Yawn</i>* Welp, I’m beat.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m surprised you don’t seem tired.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Steven was too sleepy to register her confusion. “Everybody’s going home to bed. I know last night you didn’t really stay anywhere, but there’s bound to be a place around town for you to crash in.”</p><p>“‘Crash?’”</p><p>“If not, you can come over to my beach house and sleep on the couch.”</p><p>“<i>‘Sleep?’</i>”</p><p>That finally woke Steven up. “Uh, yeah? D-Do you -“ He paused. “Ooohh. I’m guessing you’ve never slept before?”</p><p>He interpreted her stunned silence as confirmation of that. “Oh, wow. Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of! That’s probably just another Homeworld modification. That doesn’t make you bad. Just, different.”</p><p>Spinel knew she had always been different. Pearl said ages ago that being an organic was one of the reasons why Pink liked her. But to find out there’s another reason why she’s different from other organics - her own kind - well, that just plain stung.</p><p>“. . . What’s it, like?” she asked sheepishly.</p><p>“Oh! Well, you basically lie down in the dark and, just, let your mind drift until you lose consciousness, I think.”</p><p>Spinel didn’t like the idea of letting her mind wander. “I . . . um,” she struggled to find her words. “I think I’ll just, wait the night out here.”</p><p>“You sur-“</p><p>“Yes! Yes, I’m fine, Steven! Really!” she snapped frantically. “Just, wanna get back to work, that’s all!” she defended with a shaky laugh.</p><p>He frowned. “. . . Well, alright,” Steven said, making no effort to hide the disbelief in his voice. But Spinel knew that he was willingly dropping the conversation and wouldn’t prod any further.</p><p>As he walked away, Spinel felt fear flood through her. It’s just - why was she so scared?! Was it the idea of sleeping and being alone with her thoughts? Or was the reality that she had to actually be <i>introduced</i> to the concept of slumber freaking her out? Just <i>another</i> normal thing to humans that was an oddity to her?</p><p>F-Forget it. There’s more rubble to find, more things to clean up. <i>Just keep working. Just keep working.</i></p>
<hr/><p>The morning light was already shining bright when Steven returned to the rubble pile. He looked extremely pensive, and seemed to have been wanting to say a lot at that moment, Spinel feared. But, instead, he settled with a simple request.</p><p>“Hey - do you, wanna go shopping?”</p><p>Spinel blinked. “H-Huh?”</p><p>His eyes clung to her faded, shredded attire. “The Gems and I thought that since you’re living on Earth now, and as a reward for helping us, it’d be good to get you some human clothing!” he expressed hopefully. “This’ll would be really good for you. Plus, I think it’s unhealthy staying in one piece of clothing for too long.”</p><p>Well, she had to admit: she <i>did</i> kind of reek. But she caught herself: of course Steven would think she earned such niceties. He’s the nicest person she ever met. “I . . . you know I don’t deserve your hospitality, Steven, let alone new, uh, clothes.”</p><p>Steven took hold of Spinel’s hands, the simple action making her heart do somersaults. He spoke, “I know you think that way right now. But I know, with help from kind people and a little bit of help from Earth’s delights,” he motioned to the nearby forest and healing town, “you‘ll finally know that you deserve better than what you think you do.”</p><p><i>His hands are so, soft, and yet so, firm.</i> Spinel wouldn’t mind spending some more time with Steven, despite her better mind chastising her for treating herself when she knew she didn’t deserve no such thing. Still, she giggled. “Fine. Lead the way, Universe.”</p><p>He led her through town to some store that was fortunately open and mostly intact, save for some shattered windows. Choosing several pieces of clothing for Spinel (which she didn’t mind, after all she knew nothing about clothing style) Steven encouraged her to go and change into them. But, once she actually got <i>into</i> the clothing did her willingness to do this start to crumble.</p><p>“You <i>sure</i> humans like dressing like this?” Spinel called from inside the changing booth.</p><p>“I’m positive, Spinel! You’ll look great!” Steven responded cheerily from outside. “Are you ready to come out?”</p><p>“Yeah? But, I mean, <i>golly</i>, I look so stupid!”</p><p>“I’m telling you, Spinel, you look fine! Don’t worry about what others think of you!”</p><p>“. . . Alright.”</p><p>The door opened and Spinel shuffled out as if she were wading through quicksand. She was sporting a tight, black, sleeveless crop top, a simple pair of blue jeans, and some white sneakers, as well as some seemingly unnecessary pieces of clothes thing called “socks” and “underwear.” In her hands was her old bodysuit.</p><p>Her mouth was drawn in a tight line as her eyes glanced around in discomfort. The clothes themselves didn’t feel too bad - well, except for the jeans - but the idea of her wearing a different style from what she had literally worn all her life almost felt blasphemous. She gladly wanted to get rid of anything that reminded her of Pink - she really did - but for some reason it just, it just seemed so <i>hard</i> to.</p><p>Steven eyes brightened as he saw her new look. “Hey, you look great!” She felt heat rush to her cheeks.</p><p>He continued. “Trust me, this suits you <i>way</i> better than that old bodysuit.”</p><p>Pink probably had that bodysuit made for her. She probably loved how it looked on her. And now look at what she was doing: disgracing her Diamond by -</p><p>
  <i>No. Shut up shut up shut up <b>shut up</b>. She’s gone. She’s <b>dead</b>. She doesn’t matter anymore. I’m on Earth now.</i>
</p><p><i>But . . . why, </i>why<i> does it feel like <b>she’s still here??</b></i></p><p>She practically clung to Steven as he walked to some counter near the store’s back. She felt, safe, whenever she was around him. She didn’t really know why. Maybe it’s because Spinel thought of him as the least likely person to betray her? Maybe it was how kind he was? Maybe it was how warm he made her feel? It was, it wasn’t anything like how Pink made her feel. Pink would make her feel worthless. Disposable. Pink would want her to keep her clothes.</p><p>Oh. Oh no.</p><p>At that counter Steven began explaining something about Earth trade, but Spinel wasn’t paying attention as she stared at the bodysuit in her hands.</p><p>“This is called ‘buying.’ It’s how you purchase stuff on Earth!”</p><p>
  <i>Pink would feel hurt by what I’m doing. Ditching the clothes she made for me. Pink wouldn’t like this at all.</i>
</p><p>“First, the cashier scans your items. But since you’re wearing them right now, I’ll just tell them how much your clothes are.”</p><p>
  <i>Pinkie wouldn’t think I’m doing a good job. Pinkie would know I failed her. </i>
</p><p>“Then they’ll tell you how much you have to pay in total - which includes something called ‘tax’, but we’ll get to that later.”</p><p>
  <i>Pinkie would leave me alone somewhere. In a machine. Alone.</i>
</p><p>“Finally, you pay the cashier how much you owe. You can pay in cash, or credit, or debit - I’ll tell you what those are in a sec.”</p><p>
  <i>Forgotten. Alone. Forever. Alone. Decaying leaves. Alone. Crumbling stone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Al-</i>
</p><p>“Spinel? Are you o- <i>whup!</i>”</p><p>Spinel seized Steven’s shirt and bolted towards the door. She had to get out. She could change back into her bodysuit later, but for now she just had to get out. She had to get back to work. Extending her legs well beyond their usual length, she swiftly tumbled out of the clothing store with Steven in tow. </p><p>The teens coughed as they landed in a heal outside. Using a knee to help himself up, Steven sputtered.</p><p>“Spinel! W-What happened?! We can’t just leave, we gotta pay for -“</p><p>He stopped his confused and slightly frustrated tirade once he heard sobbing. Slowly squatting down beside Spinel, he noticed how both of her hands were slapped over her mouth, trying to conceal the sound as tears fell from her eyes. Eyes that were boring down onto her jeans.</p><p>Everything below the knee was in tatters.</p><p>“I - why did i-it break?” her voice quivered. “I just, st-stretched out my legs, why d-didn’t they stretch w-with?” </p><p>Steven remained silent for a moment, mouth opening for a moment before closing it, then ultimately choosing to sit down beside her. “Spinel,” he began, thinking of what was the best thing to say here. “Human clothes . . . they don’t, like, move like that. Your bodysuit may have been able to, but these clothes can’t.”</p><p>She sobbed harder. Not only had she broken Steven’s gift to her, but that also proved how much of an ungrateful wench she was - having the gall to want to replace her bodysuit, tailor-made for her, with clothes that didn’t even work with her.</p><p>Because, as has been proven time and time again, she was barely even human. </p><p>Why was she even here? Heck, she’d fit in more on Homeworld than on Earth. She hiccuped. “Th-This was a mistake.”</p><p>“No, Spinel, you didn’t mean for this to -“</p><p>“Staying here. On Earth. This was a mistake.”</p><p>Steven stared. “What? No, it’s - you’re human, Spinel. You deserve a chance to get to know your kind.”</p><p>“I don’t ‘deserve’ <i>anything</i>!” she spat, abruptly standing up. The shredded pieces of jeans limply hung against her legs. She huffed in anger. “How, how can you even <i>say</i> that after all the horrible stuff I’ve done!?”</p><p>Now Steven stood up. “But you’re making up for it! You feel bad for what you’ve done, you’re helping Beach City - you’re making progress, Spinel!”</p><p>“That doesn’t matter! That doesn’t change the fact that I almost <i>destroyed</i> the Earth, that I almost <i>killed</i> you! That I <i>liked</i> doin’ those things!” she shouted, face getting more flushed with anger. “Stars, I almost dropped you off of the Injector. Why do you keep ignoring that?!”</p><p>“Because I know you’re a good person, Spinel.”</p><p>“<b>Shut up!</b>”</p><p>Spinel threw her fist into the nearest lamppost, causing it to go crooked and making a mean, fist-shaped dent in its structure. </p><p>“<b>I’m <i>not!</i> I’m a <i>horrible</i> person! Why won’t you all just <i> get rid of me already!!!</i></b>”</p><p>She paused, getting a second to catch her breath before laughing pitifully. “I, I’m not even a person, now that I think about it. . . . I don’t know what I am.”</p><p>That struck a chord with Steven. He watched with baited breath as Spinel stared hollowly at the ground in front of her, waiting for her next move. When nothing happened, he finally released his breath and spoke understandingly. </p><p>“I used to feel the same way.”</p><p>Only her eyes moved, darting upwards to look at Steven with wobbly eyes. “. . . What do you mean?”</p><p>Steven blinked. “Did you think I was fully human?” he asked, no sense of mockery in his voice but rather expressing genuine concern.</p><p>“Y-Yeah? I thought that, that Pink’s gem was just sort of, embedded inside you.”</p><p>He sighed. “I get that,” he nodded sagely. “Some other people I know used to think the same.”</p><p>The two remained silent for a couple moments before Spinel slumped over to a nearby bench. Steven joined just after, sitting beside her. He glanced over to Spinel, who was looking apprehensively at him.</p><p>“When I was younger,” he began, looking ahead, “I grappled for a long time on who I was. Like, initially I figured was my own person and all, but I also had my mom’s gem. It was all really confusing. So, I didn’t really know.</p><p>“But then I started remembering things I shouldn’t have been able to. Stuff my mom experienced. And some people just kept calling me my mom’s nam . And, I dunno, maybe it got to me? Afterwards I… I sort of began thinking I was her. And that my human half of me just, didn’t matter. That it wasn’t really me.</p><p>“Eventually, I,” he paused, lips drawing tight as he recollected some of the horrors of his past while Spinel stared on with great intrigue. “Long story short, I finally learned that although I did remember some things from Mom’s life, I was my own person. I was always, me.”</p><p>He turned to face a gawking Spinel once more. “You shouldn’t have to worry about who you are. You’re human - you’re just not quite like other humans. You have some extra perks about you. Like me.”</p><p>Spinel swallowed. “I . . . I still don’t know what being human even <i>is</i>. I don’t even know where to start. You’ve lived on Earth your whole life, you <i>know</i> how to act human. I don’t.”</p><p>“Do you want to learn how?”</p><p>She pondered his offer. In all honesty, she didn’t know. Did she really want to? Or did she only feel as if she ought to? Did she even deserve such a chance? After everything she had done? After everything she is?</p><p>But, once again, that fleeting feeling of hope sprouted up in Spinel’s mind. Learning to be human . . . maybe that could be something. It could help her to not feel so lonely among her own kind. Maybe, maybe it even could fix her. Maybe it could get rid of the exhausting self-loathing she felt almost constantly. Granted, she knew she deserved that feeling, but only after several days was the tiredness taking its toll on her. She just wanted it to stop. So maybe being human could help her end that cycle. Because humans didn’t hate themselves. Because humans weren’t so broken. They were cool, confident, fleshy beings like Steven. And she was already one of those things for sure.</p><p>Maybe it could help her connect with Steven more. He had it figured all out. He liked her. She liked him. She, she really liked him. She felt safe around him. Being around him made her feel, less bad. It made her feel special. Warm. Maybe that was the human in him making her feel that way. Pink’s half <i>definitely</i> wouldn’t make her feel so genuinely loved. </p><p>Being human . . . could work. It could get her to stop feeling so weak. So broken. So worthless. It could make her more confident. More stable. More happy. It could work.</p><p>“Okay. Yeah, I’ll do it.”</p><p>“Really? That’s great!” Steven exclaims, making Spinel’s heart soar and making her feel as if she was the most loved girl in the world.</p><p>“Do you want me to get rid of that?” he asked, pointing to the bodysuit resting in her lap. She responded with a flurry of eager nods. He grabbed it and dumped it inside the trashcan beside the bench. Spinel was overjoyed to discover that seeing that only hurt a little bit.</p><p>“Now, I gotta go in to pay for the clothes,” he announced. “Wanna come?”</p><p>“Uh-huh!” She hopped up, not wanting to be separated from his side for a second. “You could tell me more about Earth trade, too!”</p><p>This will work.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Ages and Makeovers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steven warms Spinel up to human living - both literally and figuratively.</p><p> </p><p>aka: Spinel is lowkey horny and she doesn’t even know what that means yet</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Originally Steven was eager to get Spinel’s fiasco all sorted out. He now knew his dreams for a “happily ever after” were delusional, but he still wanted to get another one of his mom’s problems fixed as soon as possible. He’d help her clean up with him and the Gems, cheer her up, maybe tell her a couple life lessons, and then have her to go Little Homeschool once it’s finished being built. But his plans changed as Spinel revealed her struggle to him about her humanity, and how she didn’t know how to connect to it. That, that spoke to him. So, yeah, he guessed he wouldn’t mind taking a bit extra time to help her before Little Homeworld was finished being built.</p><p>At the dinner table in the beach house, Steven was busy giving Spinel some know-how on more human life. “While we <i>will</i> be going over eating and sleeping, I’d thought we keep human trivia simple to begin with. For example, one thing humans have is an age,” he started with.</p><p>“‘An age?’” Spinel repeated with a cock of her head.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s a number that signifies how old you are in years. Do you know yours?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, years, I know what those are!” Spinel cheered, soaking up the praise she received from Steven nodding at that.</p><p>Spinel was so happy that she was spending time with Steven, she was practically on cloud nine. Yes, Spinel knew in the back of her mind that she was being a weight on Steven’s shoulders and she didn’t deserve a chance at redemption. But Steven believed in her, in the idea that she could be good and worthwhile. Which still sounded kinda like a joke, but it did feel nice to think. And I dunno, maybe Steven’s infectious optimism was starting to rub off onto her? Possibly. She also figured that whatever vestiges of what she <i>guessed</i> was selfishness were clinging to this opportunity to feel better like burs on clothing.</p><p>So yeah, despite her self-loathing, she was pretty darn joyful. But, nonetheless, the question Steven asked caused her eager grin to falter a bit.      “. . . But, no. Nobody ever bothered tellin’ me that.” It quickly popped back up, however. “But, that’s okay! You’ll help me find out!” </p><p>“Well, that’s gonna be tough,” Steven admitted. “This is a hard thing to find out if you don’t know when you were born.”</p><p>“When I was ‘born?’” Spinel asked for clarification, tugging at the shreds of her jeans from beneath the table.</p><p>“It’s, uh, it’s when you were first brought into existence.”</p><p>“Oh. How does that happen? Like is it like a Kindergarten where you come out of a hole or -“</p><p>“Let’s just focus on how old you are!” Steven quickly said, growing rather flustered for some reason Spinel could not pin.</p><p>“Uh, Pearl!” Steven called over the gem whose nose was shoved deep within some book about environmental cleanup. “You knew Spinel from way back when - do you have any idea how old she is?”</p><p>The gem didn’t respond, instead remaining as still as a statue. Man, was Pearl looking at that book hard. It looked as if she thought she could bore holes into them with her eyes if she willed herself hard enough.</p><p>“Pearl?”</p><p>“Oh! Steven!” Pearl suddenly pops up from behind the book. “What were you saying?” she says in a shaky attempt at casualty. </p><p>“Do you know how old Spinel is?” he repeats.</p><p>“Erm . . . six-thousand and fifty-eight.”</p><p>Steven leaned back. “Oh, wow,” he mutters mostly to himself. “Okay, but like, biologically, how old is she?”</p><p>Her eyes dart over to the girl, who looks at her expectantly. “. . . Fifteen.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s good,” he nods. “Do you happen to know her birthday?”</p><p>“I - no, she was already several months old when she was, retrieved, so to speak. Possibly . . . some time in February?”</p><p>“Hey, that’s coming up! You’re only half a year younger than me!” Steven announces jovially, turning to Spinel. “Since we don’t know the exact date, I guess that means you can choose whatever day you want to be your birthday.”</p><p>“What’s a ‘birthday?’”</p><p>“It’s basically the day you were born. And every year, you get to celebrate it!”</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Humans sure did have a lot of strange rituals. Aw, damnit, she’s a human too, she ought to know about this! But, but that’s okay! Steven will help her learn, it’s okay! <i>Don’t ruin how happy you’re feeling right now!</i></p><p>Just as she finished her thoughts, Pearl abruptly slammed her book shut. “Welp! I should be going on my way! More cleanup work needs to be done!”</p><p>“I - uh, okay?” Steven responds, the two teens a bit confused at Pearl’s uneasy demeanor as said gem marches over to the warp pad. He chooses to ignore her for the time being once she leaves, then turns to face Spinel. “When do you want your birthday to be?”</p><p>“How do I choose?” she asks.</p><p>“For this, you can basically just choose a number between one and twenty-eight, with twenty-eight being the number of days that usually makes up that month.”</p><p><i>What’s a month?</i> the teen questioned, deliberating on whether or not to ask Steven that. But she didn’t want to <s>be even more of a burden</s> overburden him with questions, so she reminds herself to focus on the task at hand. </p><p>“Any of those numbers? Uh . . . fifteen, I guess? No, no - sixteen!” </p><p>Steven chuckled, the heartiness in its inflection making Spinel’s heart throb. “Your birthday isn’t your age, they’re independent from each other!”</p><p>“What do you <i>mean??</i>” Spinel whined. “I thought your age had to do with your birthday!”</p><p>“Yeah, but not like that!” he laughed. <s>Laughing at her. Laughing at how fucking stupid she is. Laughing at how she can’t get anything right no matter what. Laughing at how no matter what attempt she made at being happy or normal, she always made it come crashing down.</s></p><p>Her brief stint into happiness came to a crushing end. “I - <i>grrr!</i>” she growled, yanking her pigtails down and pulling them over her face with them in shame. She shrunk in her chair as she curled herself up.</p><p>Steven, immediately noticing this, quickly sobered up and lowered his voice. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I get it; this is a lot to take in for someone who has no familiarity with this sort of stuff. I understand if you’re overwhelmed even a little.” He hums. “If you want, we could take a bit of a breather.”</p><p>Her pigtails parted an inch, revealing a twinkling magenta eye. “. . . Really?”</p><p>Steven blushed. “Y-Yeah, of course,” he confirmed, rubbing his arm. He focuses on her mangled and misshapen hair. “Hey, would you mind if we did your hair?”</p><p><i>Did my hair?</i> “Why?”</p><p>“We don’t have to, I just thought that it might help to ease your mind a bit,” he reasons.</p><p>Spinel didn’t really care what her hair looked like. I mean, she already had an eternally shattered mental state, so why bother covering it up? . . . But, but she was supposed to be healing. That’s why she’s here, with Steven. To feel better about herself, and feel more connected to Steven. . . . Okay, yeah, she could deal with her hair being done. </p><p>“. . . Okay, yeah, we could do that.”</p><p>“Great!” Steven bolts up from his chair, giving Spinel a quick flash of fright, before he begins charging upstairs. “I got some hair-ties, scissors, and some other stuff to use up here, lemme grab ‘em!” </p><p>Rounding the corner of the stairs, he turned and gave Spinel a smile. “I’ll be right back. Trust me.”</p><p>Spinel nodded. She knew what he was saying was true. Well, I mean, she <i>liked</i> to believe so. . . . Why was she being so paranoid? It wasn’t that big of a deal! She had been alone before, many times! Like, like during her night atop the lighthouse. And the night cleaning up rubble. And the countless nights she spent confined to the cold stillness of a machine -</p><p><i>No, no, no, no, <b>shut up.</b> You’re fine, you’re fine. You’re on Earth now; things are different. But, argh, why?? </i>Why<i> does it still hurt so much to be alone?!!</i></p><p><i>Okay, alright, relax. Take a couple deep breaths.</i> Spinel did, in deeply, out deeply. . . . Woah. How, how long was she just staring at the table? That - the breathing kind of just, snapped her out of it. Heh, guess Pearl’s advice still holds water, even after all this time.</p><p>
  <i>But it didn’t work when you came out of the machine, didn’t it?</i>
</p><p>
  <i><b>No.</b> Bad thought. Bad thought. Deep breaths, Spinel. Deep breaths.</i>
</p><p>A bit more calm, her eyes began to float around the room, taking in all of Steven’s little toys. A broken sword. Boxes with strange, unfamiliar writing on them. Some type of container with handles on them (a cup?) hanging from hooks on the - oh, what’s this place called - oh! - the kitchen wall. </p><p>Yea, this was fine. This was tolerable. She could handle this. Easy-peasy. No biggie. No problem-o. </p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>No. No, it wasn’t fine. It didn’t feel fine. Spinel’s patience was wearing thin, the reassurances she told herself starting to fade from her conscience. She, she didn’t know <i>why</i> that happened; it was as if her mind was embroiled in a state of civil war, and the forces aligned with paranoia were winning. </p><p>She felt herself getting antsy, her fingers twitching. When was Steven coming back? Every minute felt like an hour, time itself seemed to slow to a crawl.</p><p>. . . Stars, how long did it take to grab some hair-ties and scissors? Were they really hard to get or something? To be fair, she didn’t know what those things really were. She guessed they could’ve been like the stuff she and Pink would use to shorten her hair. </p><p>Pink. <i>Ooohhh, Pink. Why’d you leave? Did I not tie your hair good enough? Did I not cut my hair correctly? Was I always doin’ a bad job? </i></p><p>
  <i>Was I always bad?</i>
</p><p>That did it. Spinel had surpassed her limit. Once these thoughts had fully invaded her mind, she sprung up from her chair and began bolting up the stairs. Steven. She had to find Steven. He could help chase away the thoughts.</p><p>
  <i><s>That is, if he hasn’t abandoned you already.</s></i>
</p><p>Oh <b>fuck</b>. <i>Run faster. Run faster. Run - </i></p><p>
  <b>
    <i>*BLAM!*</i>
  </b>
</p><p>Somewhat fortunately, Steven was already rounding the second flight of stairs when Spinel slammed into him. He dropped his retrieved hair-ties, scissors, towel, and several other hair supplies before falling down alongside Spinel.</p><p>Spinel groaned from the impact, before realizing Steven was back with her. “Steven!! <i>Where were you!?!</i>” she nearly sobbed, grabbing hold of the teen’s shoulders.</p><p>He stuttered, confused. “I - I was only gone for, like, five minutes!”</p><p>Her expression grew somewhat startled. “Wh-Wha?” She looked into his wide and bewildered eyes; she could tell he wasn’t lying. <i>It, it felt so much longer. Like you abandoned me.</i></p><p>“Yeah, sorry, it took me a bit to find all these hair-ties.”</p><p>She stood up, heartbeat quickened and completely abashed. “Oh Stars, Steven, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry I couldn’t trust you! I just, I don’t know why - my mind just doesn’t -“</p><p>“Woah, woah, woah, it’s okay!” Steven reassured. “We don’t have to talk about this right now!” He knelt over to scoop his arms around the hair products. “Right now is all about unwinding.”</p><p>Walking down the stairs, the older teen led Spinel to the couch, laying the towel down on one of the cushions and patting it down. Sitting down, Spinel eyed Steven as he prepped his beauty supplies.</p><p>“The salon is now open!” he joked, smiling. “That, that’s a place humans go to get their hair done,” he clarified after noticing Spinel’s confusion.</p><p>“O-Oh, yeah, okay,” she replied almost instinctively. It seemed to be becoming her go-to response to learning whatever Earth thing being introduced to her.</p><p>He picked up a comb. “I know this might sound hard to do, but for right now just, free your mind. Try not to think about the past. It’s all about relaxing right now.”</p><p>“Okay, yeah.”</p><p>And so Spinel’s appointment to the hair salon commenced. From years spent on doing Connie and the Gems’ hair, Steven’s hands flew with the speed and expertise of a licensed hairdresser. And with each delicate maneuver, each time Steven glanced in her staring eyes, Spinel gradually felt better. </p><p>Spinel was feeling warm again. But, she was gradually growing to know that she felt other things, too. Much more alien things. Her chest felt fluttery. The way Steven touched her hair made her feel bashful. The gentle tugs of her hair made her feel vulnerable. But, but a good kind of vulnerable. <i>Why</i> did she like feeling vulnerable? Why did it feel so embarrassing, and yet she craved more of it??</p><p>“You doing good, Spinel?”</p><p>Blink. “Huh? What?”</p><p>Steven chuckled, the deep, throaty sound once again penetrating deep within Spinel’s soul. “Are you feeling comfortable?”</p><p>“Y-Yeah, I’m feelin’, peachy.” Was this another strange, human thing? Something that until then had been a completely foreign concept to her? Well, if so, she’s here with Steven. He can help her figure this out.  </p><p>She began unabashed. “Do you ever feel a certain kind of, warm, when you’re around some people? Like, does your chest feel queasy, but in a good way?”</p><p>Steven paused mid-snip, deciphering the question in his mind. “Yeah, I do. What you’re describing is love, I’m pretty sure.”</p><p>Love. She already knew what that was. She felt that way with, well, you-know-who. But this was different, Spinel knew that. “No. I mean, this is different.“</p><p>“There are different kinds of love,” Steven elaborated, putting his pair of scissors down. “Like, there’s platonic and romantic love.”</p><p><i>There’s different kinds?</i> “Really? Golly, that’s somethin’! What are they?”</p><p>He rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, jeez, maybe I should get Garnet for this,” he admitted. “But, I dunno, maybe I could try telling you myself,” he said.</p><p>“Platonic love is where you really care for someone but, like, you don’t feel attracted to them. I, um - I guess to help you understand, that’s probably what you felt like with my mom?”</p><p>That kind of stung, in a <i>yep-that’s-correct</i> kind of way. “. . . Yeah, yeah that’s true.” On the bright side, that confession only affirmed Spinel’s suspicions that what she felt with Steven was different. “So, what’s ‘ro-man’ love?”</p><p>“‘Romantic’ love is, well,” he blushed, chuckling a bit. “It’s different. It’s when you <i>are</i> attracted to someone. You love their personality like you would in platonic love, but you love more about them. Like how pretty they look in their new clothes. Or how their laughter echoes through the phone during study breaks. Or whenever they look at you with beautiful, dark eyes.”</p><p>He sputtered once he caught on to the strange look Spinel was giving her. “B-Basically, romantic love is when you really, <i>really</i> like a person.”</p><p>“What’s it feel like?” she asked, wanting further confirmation.</p><p>“Well . . . it can vary among people. But, for most, you feel special when you’re around whoever you love. Thinking about them gets your heart racing. You just, you just want to spend every waking second with them,” he explained, a bit of a dreamy look in his eye.</p><p>Yep, that was  <i>definitely</i> what Spinel was feeling like. Fully confident now, she was just about to tell Steven that’s how she felt with him when -</p><p>“Oh! One more thing! Romantic love is, kind of sacred, I guess? It’s, well, you don’t feel it with everybody. You usually only feel that way with one other person, and when that happens it’s a really special thing.”</p><p>Oh. Huh. That, that kind of dampened Spinel’s mood. Here she was, ready to casually tell him how she felt, and now she learns it’s apparently some really important thing? Damnit, she didn’t want to screw things up! </p><p>She guessed she’ll just have to wait for the right moment, or something. When she had things figured out more. When she wasn’t so broken. When she was better - which now she <i>really</i> hoped was going to happen eventually.</p><p>After that, Steven picked up the scissors and resumed Spinel’s makeover. It only took a couple more minutes, a couple more snips of the scissors, and a couple more twists of the hair ties for one of Spinel’s steps into transitioning to Earth living to be complete. </p><p>He took a second to admire his handiwork before holding up his phone, the screen facing Spinel. “Check yourself out!”</p><p>Spinel could feel the blush exploding across her face as she got a good look at herself. She, she looked, <i>not</i> horrible! The mess that was her unkempt former hair-buns became fashionable twin ponytails. Tied atop Spinel’s head with hair-ties, they hung down on the sides of her head to reach a bit below her shoulders. The ponytails were somewhat straight, only having a slight waviness to them. All in all, she loved them. Platonically, of course.</p><p>It was so hard to believe that she - the broken monster she was - could look so, well, not-broken and not-monstrous. In a strange way, it made her feel . . . optimistic? About the future? About the possibility that she could actually have the ability to change (even at the sight of something so mundane as her hair)?</p><p>“What do you think?” Steven asks.</p><p>“I . . . I love it,” she whispered. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “I love it! Thank you, Steven! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she praised, wrapping her arms around Steven like a coiled hose.</p><p>“<i>Whup</i> - of course, Spinel!” Steven coughed. “I knew you’d love it! . . . Maybe I should’ve showed you how to shower first, now that I think about it. But, we’ll get to that.” Once she released him from her hold, he stared at her face. Specifically her cheeks.</p><p>“Do you want to wash that off?” he suggested.</p><p>She touched at her cheeks, feeling the tear-streaks of dried mascara. “This?”</p><p>“Yeah! It could be like an extension of your makeover!”</p><p>Yeah, sure! More progress on her end! But, <i>oh</i>, did she have a suggestion. Did she dare test the waters? Would he consider this an act of love? Don’t mess this up <i>don’t mess this up <b>don’t mess this up -</b></i></p><p>“Spinel? You o-“</p><p>“Could you help me wipe it off?” she blurted out. Fuck.</p><p>Thanks only to the grace of the stars themselves, Spinel figured, Steven accepted her proposal. “Uh - yeah, sure!” he affirmed, initial taken-abackness being replaced with his eternally goodwilled nature. </p><p>“Lemme get a wet wipe real quick,” Steven hoisted himself up from the couch. “And I <i>know</i> for a fact where these are, so they won’t take too long,” he once again reassured.</p><p>The guilt that Spinel usually would’ve experienced at being reminded at how broken she was refused to show up. Instead her thoughts were focused solely to the rapid thumping, thumping, <i>thumping</i> of her heart. <i>Why am I gettin’ so worked up - in a good kinda way? He’s just, gonna be helpin’ me clean up. By gettin’ a nice, wet piece of cloth and cleanin’ my face with his strong, gentle hands. Hands that could feel me all over -</i></p><p>“<i>Eep!</i>” What was <i>that?!</i> Thank the <i>stars</i> Steven didn’t hear her embarrassed squeal - she did <i>not</i> want to explain the incredibly gross thought that just crossed her mind. <i>Why did she like that gross thought?!?!</i></p><p>Evidently Steven returned with a box of wet wipes. “Here,” he said, pulling out a wet wipe and bringing it up to Spinel’s cheek. She instantly melted underneath Steven’s touch as soon as he began cleaning. The firm, yet gentle rubbing motions on her body made her cheeks flare up and mind go crazy. His hands were the sculptor’s, and she was the putty.</p><p>Obviously Steven “I’m An Empath” Universe wasn’t some dumbass - he was quick to catch on to Spinel’s near-euphoric expression. But that was only because Spinel was probably so touch-starved, he reasoned. Which was partly true, granted. But that poor boy was too chaste for his own good know what was mostly running through Spinel’s mind.</p><p>He drew his hand away from Spinel’s now clean cheeks, much to her chagrin. “There you go! All clean!”</p><p>“Oh. Thanks.” Man, this was the last thing Spinel wanted to end. But, she knew it was pointless to ask him to continue; it would only serve to raise his suspicions. But still, Spinel just had one of the best experiences since she was let out of the cryochamber.</p><p>Her savior/love cleared his throat. “Now that you feel better, I guess we could get back into the swing of things. Do you mind?” She nodded attentively.</p><p>“To resume what we were talking about, when do you want your birthday to be?”</p><p>“Sixteen.” That was how old he was, anyways.</p><p>Steven grinned, happy at her coming to a conclusion, albeit unknowing of her reasoning. But nevertheless, that honest, kind smile achieved Spinel’s desire to feel whole again. She couldn’t wait for there to be more of that feeling every day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sm0lsuccubus’ human design for spinel: exists</p><p>me: hey look. character design inspiration</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A Little Accident</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel drinks, eats, and uh … oh. Ew.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So . . . you swallow liquids . . . on <i>purpose?</i>”</p><p>It was the next day. After another night of spending her time atop the lighthouse, Spinel was pumped to have Steven teach her more about humans and familiarize her with human ways of life. Although, she still felt a little confused at times on what he taught. . . . Okay, <i>most</i> of the time.</p><p>“Well, yeah!” Steven replied, bright as ever. “That’s one of the two ways people get their nutrients needed to survive . . . actually, there might be more, like - I think Connie said the <i>Sun</i> is one, uh . . . .” His voice eventually trailed off.  “But, that’s besides the point! Drinking is an essential, everyday human activity.”</p><p>He passed her one of two little cups of water. “We’ll take it slow. For now, just watch me.”</p><p>Spinel examined Steven as he slowly drank his cup of water, with him pointing out drinking’s features with jabs of his finger all the while. With a sigh of quenched thirst, he placed the cup back down.</p><p>“Ah! Nothing like a good drink of water!” he sighed over-dramatically. Spinel chortled - what a dreamboat!</p><p>“So, you saw how I had my lips completely over the edge of the cup?” he asked. Spinel nodded. “And how I <i>wasn’t</i> talking? Because if you do, you would choke.”</p><p>“<i>What?</i> How?” she wondered, sounding so genuinely horrified and so innocently confused that Steven couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.</p><p>“The part of your body that allows you to speak is connected to the part that you swallow food and water - which is called your throat,” he explains, smiling. “So if you talk or breath through your mouth while you’re eating or drinking, the pathways can get mixed up and you’ll choke.”</p><p>Spinel nods, a grin slowly creeping onto her features as a joke coalesced in her mind. “Welp - there goes my plans.” They both got a hearty laugh out of that.</p><p>He wipes his lips using his hand. “You wanna try it now?”</p><p>Spinel’s stomach twisted slightly at that. Even after watching Steven, the idea of <i>purposely</i> putting something <i>inside</i> of you sounded like some sort of torture technique. But . . . she guessed it wouldn’t be <i>that</i> bad; if humans could do it, surely a fairly modified one could as well? Surely? Hopefully?</p><p>“O-Okay,” she gave in. With a trembling hand, she lifted her cup of water up to her lips. Her eyes dart over to Steven, who gives her a thumbs up. <i>Okay. Don’t mess this up. <b>Don’t mess this up.</b></i></p><p>Lips parting slightly, she collected the water in her mouth and braced herself for it’s evident flow down her throat. She couldn’t help but jolt slightly when she finally felt the flow. But, to be honest, it . . . it didn’t feel <i>that</i> bad. Kind of like whenever she accidentally got Garden pool water in her mouth. The sensation felt, oddly soothing. Almost replenishing, even though she knew she never needed outside sources of energy before. It was nice.</p><p><i>Holy crap.</i> She, she was doing it! She wasn’t messing up! A huge smile tore across her face as she felt the last droplets of water empty from the plastic cup. She slammed it down on the table in triumph.</p><p>“I - I <i>did</i> it!” she cheered, magenta eyes starry as she gazed at Steven, awaiting praise.</p><p>“Good job, Spinel!” he lauded, making Spinel giggle from her blush. “I’m proud of you!”</p><p>He gets up and walks over to the pantry. “But we’re not quite done yet,” he says, pulling some food out from the pantry and returning to the table.</p><p>A bit of Spinel’s anxiety came roaring back as she saw what he brought. “I, <i>heh</i>, I guess that’s food?” she warily questions.</p><p>He nods. “We’re gonna be taking this slow as well, starting with mushy foods and going on from there.”</p><p>The teenager then gave her a run-down on how to eat. From the different types of foods, to the different types of consistencies, to how to chew and swallow. Again, Spinel was mighty nervous, but her overwhelming trust in Steven eased her fears a tad.</p><p>The teenager passed Spinel something. It looked like a shiny, colorful pouch of some sort, able to fit in the palm of her hand. Rubbing her thumb on its surface, she felt small, squishy lumps inside of it. “What is this?”</p><p>“Gummies!” Steven answers. “They’re a pretty soft, chewy type of food, and I think they’d be a good way to introduce you to eating.”</p><p>He ripped open his pack of gummies and popped some in his mouth, making an effort to display how his jaw moved when he chewed. “Now you try.”</p><p>She owlishly eyed the minuscule bag of sweets as if it was a thermonuclear bomb. Water - water was one thing, but this was a whole other ball game. But Steven was here, and if this was going to help her heal and make Steven proud, then she ought to do it. She opened the packet up and popped one in her mouth.</p><p><i>Holy shit.</i> Almost instantly an orgasm of flavor erupted in her mouth. It, it was so. <i>Sweet</i>. Every inch of her tongue was practically coated the flavor. The gummies tasted nothing like the bland, neutral water. They tasted, exciting.</p><p>Following Steven’s instruction, she chewed and swallowed the tasty snack. But she didn’t want that incredible sensation to end, so she eagerly threw more gummies into her mouth.</p><p>Steven snickered. “I’m guessing you like it?”</p><p>She nodded furiously. “I wove it <i>sho</i> much!” she said through a mouthful of treats, forgetting the fact that she wasn’t supposed to be talking while eating for a second there.</p><p>“I’m glad! Maybe you’ll like this, then,” he replied, placing a bag between him and her once she consumed all of her gummies.</p><p>“Whuzzat?”</p><p>“These are called ‘tortilla chips,’” he explained. “They’re a hard, but brittle type of food.”</p><p>Oh, geez. Hard food. She, she guessed she could wrap her head around eating soft food. But now that she thought about it, putting hardier foodstuffs in her mouth and having to <i>grind</i> it up into soft food not only seemed hard, but also having needless extra steps. Why make hard food soft when you could just eat already soft food?</p><p>“I . . . I dunno, Steven,” she finally spoke up after inspecting the chip bag. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”</p><p>“That’s okay! You progress at whatever pace makes you most comfortable,” he said in reassurance.</p><p>Oh my Stars, did she love him. She loved everything about him, really. Especially how willing he was to make her feel assured and safe. <i>Heh</i>, and this was how she was repaying him - by rejecting his attempts at helping her assimilate to Earth living. Man, wasn’t she the epitome of being upstanding.</p><p><b>No.</b> There was <i>no</i> way she was going to let him down like this. She was already making big strides in being human - choosing a birthday, getting a makeover, and drinking, and eating soft food. She was already making Steven so proud. She can’t stop now. She <i>won’t</i>.</p><p>“No no, Steven, I’ll eat it.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“M-hm,” Spinel nods, face firm in determination. “I wanna try it.” </p><p>She ripped open the tortilla chip bag for her and Steven to share. After watching him eat the chip, she was just about to pop one in her mouth when Steven interrupted.</p><p>“Make sure you put the chip in flat-wise,” he reminded. “You don’t wanna put it in vertically, or you’ll scrape your mouth.”</p><p><i>Oh, what? You kiddin’ me? Why should food be able to hurt you if you need it so much?!</i> “G-Gotcha.”</p><p>Practically sweating now, she gingerly placed the chip inside her mouth and bit down and <i>holy shit.</i> It, it felt like biting down on a slate of shale. Heck, it almost had the same amount of flavor, too. <i>Nothing</i> like the gummies that just bursted with flavor. </p><p>Her face contorted into a grimace, which Steven was quick to take notice to. “You don’t like it?” he knowingly asked.</p><p>A whine escaped from her closed mouth as she pitifully nodded her head. In spite of the obvious discomfort she stormed on, her mouth determined on defeating this fragile but dangerous food by rendering it to mush.</p><p>Steven grew a tad concerned. “Spinel, you don’t have to -“</p><p>“Mm-mm!” she protested like a baby that didn’t want to eat the food being handed to it. Which, ironically, was the opposite of what was happening then.</p><p>Somehow, Spinel managed to force that grimy, gritty, flavorless pile of mush down her throat with a shudder. “<i>Eugh.</i>” She swallowed again, wanting to rid her throat of any possible trace remnants before weakly chuckling. “D’ya have anymore of those gummies around?”</p><p>He snickered. “Yeah, I do.” The teen flashed her a warm smile as he began walking back over to the pantry. “But, besides that, I’m really proud of you for all the progress you’ve made today. You tried the chip even though you were a bit worried to do so, and even swallowed it after you didn’t like it. Those are some big steps, Spinel!”</p><p>Red erupted across her face. “D’aw, thanks, Stevie,” she purred, trying to play it cool as she twisted a bit in her chair. Those emotions she only felt with him came roaring back, alongside the gratitude that came whenever she did something right.</p><p>But some other feeling materialized as well. Something that was definitely an actual <i>feeling</i>, and not an emotion. Like, some sort of throbbing down in her, well, erm, crotch. Oh no, could this be another one of her bleeding times!? But, but a month hadn’t even passed since her last one (well, a month for <i>her</i>, specifically)! And it didn’t really feel like the bleeding, either. It just, it just felt like it needed to be quenched or, or, <i>released</i>, if that made any sort of sense.</p><p>Oh, Stars, the feeling was <i>magnifying.</i> She, she had to find a bush. If this was anything like her bleeding, she knew she needed a bush to cower away in. Thankfully, she happened to remember noticing some outside when Steven was walking her to the beach house.</p><p>She leapt out of the chair as if she was forcefully ejected. “I, uh, I gotta go!” she hastily replied to Steven’s concerned asking of her name.</p><p>Throwing herself out the door, her eyes darted left and right to find the most suitable bush, with only panic swelling inside her as she couldn’t find one right away. Then she remembered having spotted some rose bushes growing underneath the porch, so she flew down the porch stairs and into the greenery currently basking in the golden rays of early evening. Thankfully, there was a small clearing hidden amongst the bushes for her to do her dirty work.</p><p>“<i>Spinel! Where are you going?</i>” Steven called, Spinel hearing his worried footsteps on the porch above.</p><p><i>Stars, not again.</i> She had to get the jeans off <i>now</i>. She squatted down and tried to simply pull them off. It didn’t work, as Spinel remembered with horror how jeans came with these complicated things called “buttons” and “zippers.” </p><p>“<i>Spinel? Spinel?</i>” The thudding of feet on the porch steps grew closer to her.</p><p><i>No, no, no!</i> Fuddling with the button on her jeans was getting nowhere. How are humans supposed to wear these things?!? No matter how hard she tugged, no matter how delicately her fingers maneuvered, the damn thing <b>wouldn’t come undone</b>. The strange feeling just kept getting worse and <i>worse</i> and <i><b>worse</b></i>, how was it happening so quickly!? This was a nightmare. </p><p>“<i>Spineeeelll?</i>”</p><p><i>Eep!</i> She didn’t know he was so close to her, practically just outside her concealed clearing. That scared her, and for a moment there she forgot about holding in the sensation -</p><p>Oh. Oh no.</p><p>Her head jerked down to her crotch just in time to watch a darkness slowly spreading through the area. She, she couldn’t stop. <i>No.</i></p><p>Her body thanked her for finally releasing whatever substance that was with an immense, tingly feeling of satisfaction. But Spinel was anything but satisfied. She, she <i>completely</i> ruined Steven’s gift now. First shredding the leggings to bits, and now contaminating the rest. Spinel sincerely doubted she could wash whatever the hell this was out of her jeans - it had already been proven that they were <i>nothing</i> like her old bodysuit. It was over.</p><p>Why? <i>Why!?</i> It just seemed like no matter how hard she tried, she <i>always</i> did something wrong! No matter what she did, she would do the wrong thing. No matter what state of mind she was in, she couldn’t force herself to do anything right. So it made sense that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t force back the sob poking through her lips, begging to be released.</p><p>“Spinel?” She heard leaves rustling. </p><p>“<i>No! Stay back!</i>” she barked, attempting to shield herself further by curling up into a ball and turning away from the movement, despite the fact that the substance was barely but still trickling out of her. She couldn’t have him see her like this.</p><p>Some more rustling was heard, only for it to come to a halt. “What happened?” he spoke, sounding much clearer. His head must’ve poked through the foliage. “Are you o-“</p><p>“<i>STEVEN, PLEASE!</i>” she bawled, shrinking herself further. “You *<i>hic</i>* you need to leave!”</p><p>More rustling, except it sounded much more slow and cautious before it again stopped. For good this time, as Spinel could just about feel Steven standing right behind her in the clearing.</p><p>
  <i>No, no, <b>no!</b> He can’t see me like this, he can’t! <s>She can’t leave me again!</s></i>
</p><p>“Sp-“</p><p>
  <b>*PUNT!*</b>
</p><p>In a flash Spinel whirled around, plunging her foot into Steven’s midsection and sending him tumbling through the brush and away from her. The girl heard a thud and pained “oof” that could’ve only come from him. </p><p>She tried stifling the wave of regret and shame that threatened to swamp her soul, ruling that it would be better for Steven to not be near her. But the knowledge that she ran away from and assaulted the person trying so hard to help her evidently caused Spinel to succumb to those feelings. Her stomach full of bricks, she collapsed onto the ground, squeezing her eyes shut and curling into a fetal position.</p><p>Gah, she <i>knew</i> something like this was going to happen! Something that would make Steven so disgusted of her that he wouldn’t want anything more to do with her. And if <i>that</i> wouldn’t do it, then her own recklessness would. The good times she had with Steven were bound to come to an end sooner or later. Guess she couldn’t end up delaying the inevitable, much less prevent it.</p><p>The fact that Steven was a versatile dude didn’t help. Already he had returned, the displacement of branches only proving that as Steven knelt beside her. Unlike before, she had no fear of him discovering her sorry state. </p><p>“Please. Tell me what’s wrong.” Stars, he was so kind. How did he have Pink’s gem?</p><p>She may gave more or less submitted to her fate, but she still wouldn’t go down without a fight. “I - I can’t tell you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“‘Cause you’ll wanna leave if I do.”</p><p>“Wh - no, of course not!” he protested earnestly. He remained silent, probably waiting for some sort of retort from her. Unfortunately for him, she stayed silent as she huddled herself up further.</p><p>“Spinel. Look at me. Please.” Nothing. So, he took hold of one of Spinel’s hands balled up under her chin. A zing shot through the teenage girl, finally coaxing her to open her eyes and stare up at Steven.</p><p>He spoke. “I‘m not like my mom; I will never abandon you like she did. Nothing you do will make that happen. You chose to stay on - and you’re already so determined to assimilate to Earth life! </p><p>“I just want to help you do that. Please. Let me do that for you.”</p><p>If Spinel’s chest could’ve swelled with complete adoration for the absolute godsend in front of her any further, she would’ve burst. Maybe he would take this more kindly thank Pink. “O-okay.”</p><p>He sat down beside her as she pulled herself up off of the ground, her arms looped around her knees as she tucked them into her chest. “So, what happened?”</p><p>Spinel grimaced, squeezing her legs closer together in some futile attempt to hide the stain. Why she did that just before she was to explain to him why she ran off, she didn’t understand. “I . . . .” She sighed.</p><p>“I - some sort of, liquid, c-came out of me and, and ruined the jeans you gave to me,” she admitted hangdog-like, face flushing in shame. She chuckled bitterly. “As - as if I already hadn’t ruined them enough!”</p><p>Steven opened his mouth to say something, only for it to abruptly shut close. His head turned away from her, his attention fixed to the ground as he deciphered what she said. “So,” he faced her again with a slight blush, “did you feel like, a burning sensation, before that happened?” </p><p>“Uh -“ <i>How does he </i>know<i> that?!</i> Suddenly something clicked in Spinel’s head. Something that could hopefully prove her paranoia wrong. “Wait - is this a human thing!?!”</p><p>“I mean - did the liquid come out from, down there?” he bashfully pointed to his own crotch area.</p><p>“Yes!” she zestfully replied! <i>So he‘s familiar with this! He won’t think I’m disgusting! He won’t run away!</i></p><p>Steven couldn’t help but wonder why Spinel was suddenly so happy to tell him that she pissed her pants, but he didn’t really want to dwell on that. “Spinel I, erm, I think what you’re describing is called ‘going to the bathroom.’”</p><p>“But I’m not goin’ anywhere?”</p><p>“That, that’s a figure of speech. It’s a bodily action that expels waste from your body in the form of a liquid called, uh, pee.” <i>Yeesh, this is awkward.</i> “And just so you know, we have special rooms called ‘bathrooms,’ so you don’t need to go outside to pee.”</p><p>Spinel smiled. “Hehe, good to know! I guess that’s the place you also go to bleed?”</p><p>“I - <i>what?</i>” Steven questioned. “‘Bleed?’ What do you mean?”</p><p>The teen froze. Was, was her bleeding not a human thing?! It <i>has</i> to be! “Y’know,” she chuckled, “the really painful bleedin’ that comes out from down here too?”</p><p>Steven gawked at her as if she had just confessed to a murder. Still, he couldn’t help but think that what Spinel was saying sounded, oddly familiar. <i>Bleeding . . . from her, privates.</i> Before he could remain confused any longer, a memory of something Connie had mentioned to him once shot to the forefront of his mind. “Ooohhh.”</p><p>Spinel, who was starting to get really worried that her affliction was in fact, not a human thing and just another example of her modification abnormalities, perked up. “D’ya know what I’m talkin’ about?”</p><p>He nodded. “I think so. That happens like, once a month, right?” An affirming nod from her convinced him to continue. “Yeah, that’s a thing girls go through as a part of, like, a cycle. It’s all a part of the female reproductive system, Connie said, but other than that - and the fact that it sucks - I don’t know a whole lot about it.”</p><p>Despite his own words, he smiled in hopefulness. “If you want, I can probably get Connie to talk about it with you over the phone,” he brought up, referring to the fact that the human girl had just resumed her stay at Space Camp.</p><p>Spinel was instantly averse to the idea. True, if Connie was friends with Steven then she probably was nice. But she really didn’t know her, and just wouldn’t feel right calling her up to ask her about this. Heck, Steven was the only human she really felt comfortable around with right now.</p><p>It still was, nice, to know that her bleeding was a human thing. Technically, up until learning of her intensive modifications she had thought that it was so, but that changed when she learned that she wasn’t a run-of-the-mill human. It was only now, when Steven said that liquids coming out of humans was a normal thing, did she begin to think it was something human. Now she knows that it <i>is</i> some bizarre human feature, albeit only for females. And speaking of which, she knew what her response was going to be about Connie.</p><p>“No, no, you don’t have to do that, Steven,” she responded. “I just, I’m not familiar with her all that much.”</p><p>“Well, okay,” Steven said, understanding her reasoning. “But the offer still stands, just so you know,” he added with a friendly smile.</p><p>Spinel returned the gesture, only for her nose to suddenly crinkle up. “Eugh! What - where’s that stench <i>coming</i> from?” </p><p>Steven tried his damndest to hold back a snicker. “Another thing about pee: it smells. Pretty bad.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” she lamented as she looked down at her soiled attire. “Sorry that I ruined these jeans for good.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry. We can just wash them,” he replied in an attempt to mitigate her anxiety.</p><p>“. . . what.”</p><p>“Yeah! Don’t worry, that’ll come right out.” <i>Probably.</i></p><p>An allayed smile crossed Spinel’s face. So she <i>can</i> wash these things! Unfortunately for the levity she was experiencing, a strike of sweat-inducing realization bore into her soul. She would have to take her shorts off. <i>And</i> her underwear. Which, in and of itself wasn’t a big deal, she’d taken her bodysuit off to clean it many times before. But this time she was with <i>Steven.</i> The idea of her being without pieces of her clothing around him was both nightmare-instilling and lust-inducing.</p><p>Face flushed like a tomato, Spinel brought a concealing hand up to her mouth as she smiled bashfully. “Steven . . . I’ll have to take off my clothes.” </p><p>“Oh, that’s okay!” Steven cheerily replied, seemingly not the least bit flustered. “Amethyst has some spare clothes in her room, and you can change in the bathroom!” </p><p>
  <i>Oh. Huh. That - that’s good, that’s good.</i>
</p><p>Pushing himself up off the ground, he held out a hand to Spinel. “C’mon. Let’s get you cleaned up - again,” he smirked. Just as Spinel grabbed his hand, he brought his other hand up, snapping. “Oh! This would be a really good time to teach you how to shower!”</p><p>
  <i>S-shower?</i>
</p><p>As he lead her back up the porch stairs, he got a glimpse of Spinel. “Spinel? Are you okay? You look really, red.”</p><p>“O-oh! Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just a bit hot, that’s all!”</p><p>
  <i>So, so hot.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Nighttime Rollercoaster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bedtime isn’t usually the time humans feel an onslaught of varying emotions - but Spinel ain’t your average human, is she?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Showering went, nicely.</p><p>Like, it wasn’t <i>hard</i> or anything. In all honesty, it was the easiest human thing she learned - second to birthdays. It struck her how similar it was to bathing in the Garden’s assortment of pools, with the only major difference being that instead of sitting in water, the water came to her. Guess she figured it would’ve felt more, revolutionary, or something like that.</p><p>The only thing that felt really weird was being naked. Even though Steven was completely out of the bathroom while she was showering, her heart still couldn’t stop itself from beating a mile a minute. She swears, there was more nervous sweat on her in the shower than actual shower water.</p><p>And while all that was happening Steven was so kindly washing her jeans. Well, technically they were now called “jorts,” as Steven had trimmed off the shredded pant leggings. Which Spinel figured would be beneficial for her; she wanted to be able to stretch as much as possible in her attire, so the less of it, the better!</p><p>But she wasn’t wearing her doctored jeans right now. Because Steven explained that it was “bedtime,” she was to wear something called “pajamas.” In all honesty, they were <i>really</i> comfortable. <i>Extremely</i> comfortable, somehow even more than her old bodysuit. It felt like being wrapped in the physical embodiment of coziness.</p><p>How much she liked the pajamas quickly became apparent to Steven. “Glad you find them comfy,” he appreciated as he stood beside his bed, currently occupied by the girl. She nodded slowly, soaking in the softness of the pajama fabric. Steven chuckled at that.</p><p>Her attention turned away from her clothing once Steven began speaking. “So, sleeping is basically just shutting down your mind - like entering a state of unconsciousness. In order to become asleep, you have to lie down, close your eyes, stay calm, and not think about anything. Then bingo! - you’re asleep!”</p><p>It sounded simple enough. “That’s all ya do?”</p><p>He nodded sluggishly, tiredness effecting his energy. “You also might experience something called ‘dreaming,’ which is where your mind plays like, mixed-up T.V shows for you to watch,” he elaborated, having shown her what those were when she came out of the shower.</p><p>“Wow! Sounds funky!” she thought aloud.</p><p>“Yeah, they can be,” Steven acknowledged, rubbing the back of his neck. </p><p>He let out a drawn-out yawn. “M’alright. Les’ get some sleep,” he slurred, almost collapsing into the sleeping bag beside the bed. “G’night, Spinel.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Stevie!” </p><p>She laid herself down onto the bed, slipping under the comfy duvet. Being a human that never gets tired, it was hard to even begin to feel slightly sleepy. But the dark, milky solitude of the bedroom and the comforting, warm softness of the duvet fabric eventually lulled Spinel into a good sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <i>Spinel didn’t know when the dream began. There was no clear start; it sort of just, happened. It didn’t even feel like she was there, more like she was watching through another person’s eyes and only experiencing vague feelings. It still felt real enough, however. Of course she didn’t know it was a dream at the time - apparently humans rarely ever do.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She was in the Garden again, with its towering hedges and fields of vibrant flowers that stretched on forever. Clad in her jester’s outfit, she was having the time of her life. She was just about shattering Pink with her jokes, so much so she was rolling around on the floor. Laughing, and laughing, and laughing. Golly, was Spinel proud.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Pink Diamond still kept laughing as she felt a sudden wave of cold wash over her. Her breath caught in her throat as the freezing sensation hit her, alongside a sudden inability to move.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Wait. Oh no no <b>no no no -</b></i>
</p><p>
  <i>Shrieks bounced around the teenager’s mind as she became stuck in that cryochamber once more. But Pinkie didn’t stop laughing. Those howls of laughter morphed into howls of ridicule as she stood in front of the machine, mockingly pointing at her.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Others gradually began appearing, too. Nondescript gems at first, but she soon began recognizing familiar faces. The other Diamonds. The Crystal Gems. Pearlie. And with horror, she witnessed Steven come into the forefront. All laughing at her as well.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Why would you think we’d <b>ever</b> want you around us?” he sneered.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Are you stupid or somethin’?” that runt amethyst of the Crystal Gems chided.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, obviously!” Pearl mocked. “Only a fool would dress in that <b>ridiculous</b> clothing!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The lapis snickered. “Wow, is she <b>pathetic.</b>”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Completely hopeless,” the fusion dubbed “Garnet” delivered flatly.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The peridot cackled. “I know, right? Why doesn’t she just leave already?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Probably ‘cause she knows nobody else would want to fake tolerating her,” the bismuth commented.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Spinel didn’t know how much more she could take of this. Despite her frozen state, she still managed to feel the tears sliding down her cheeks as she felt herself growing smaller in her confines.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She heard a sigh. “Let’s just get rid of this embarrassment already,” Yellow Diamond decided.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The jeering crowd parted to allow the giant easier passage towards the terrified teen. She got so close to the machine that Spinel could only see her gargantuan jockey boots.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Without warning a giant lemon hand smashed through her cage, seizing hold of her. Ripping her out as if she was some grimy little bug, Yellow looked down on Spinel with nothing but utter contempt and disgust.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Alright - let’s get this over with.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The tyrant began squeezing. It started out soft, but Yellow’s grasp got tighter and tighter and <b>tighter.</b> And Spinel couldn’t move anything - not even her head that was poking out of Yellow’s fist.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The life was slipping out of her. Her body felt like it was about to burst, and she couldn’t do anything, and it was just too tight and she couldn’t move and Yellow looked so callous and she couldn’t move she couldn’t move <b>she couldn’t move -</b></i>
</p>
<hr/><p>“Spinel! Spinel, wake up!”</p><p>“<i>N-no! Let go‘a me!</i>”</p><p>“Spinel!”</p><p>Her eyes shot open just as she shoved <s>Yellow</s> whatever was shaking her off of the bed. Hearing a thud, she sprung in in a defensive stance, backing herself up against the bed’s headboard. Only then did she recognize her surroundings.</p><p>“St-Steven?” she croaked, her throat sore from screaming and crying.</p><p>Hoisting himself up, Steven looked at her with a sympathetic gaze. His hands were held out as if he were comforting an injured animal. “Spinel, it’s okay. You just had a bad dream.”</p><p>“I . . . I . . . .” Her voice began warbling.</p><p>Steven sat himself on the bed, opening up his arms. <i>He wanted to hug her.</i> “It’s alright. You’re safe now.”</p><p>Spinel’s shock only lingered on for a couple moments until it petered out and gave way to blueness. With a sob she fell into Steven’s waiting embrace, her body wracked with trembles as he warmly held her. The swelling she felt in her heart from being so intimate with Steven at the moment was nonetheless swamped by the lingering trauma from her nightmare.</p><p>“I - I couldn’t move,” she sputtered after a couple minutes of crying, voice sounding as if it was being mercilessly shaken by an earthquake. “I c-couldn’t do a-anythin’. *<i>sniff</i>* They jus’ kept laughin’ at m-m-me, I -“</p><p>“Shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s over. You’re safe now,” he soothed, arms wrapped around her.</p><p>A couple more choked sobs escaped from Spinel. “Wh-why would dreams *<i>hic</i>* s-show me that? I thought sleeping w-was supposed to *<i>sniff</i>* to be relaxin’!”</p><p>“It -“ Steven paused. “Dreams can be scary sometimes. They‘re like, visual representations of your feelings and thoughts. At least, I think that’s what Connie said,” he worded. His tone remained friendly and nurturing, but became more professional as he spoke. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Spinel swallowed. Oh, <i>hell</i> no. How could she talk about her dream when it apparently put Steven and the Crystal Gems in a bad light? About how it revealed that - no matter how much she wanted to - she still couldn’t fully trust them? They’d kick her to the curb for sure!</p><p>And why should this one little nightmare matter? Steven <i>should</i> be focused on trying to get her to become more human; he already explained why she had that nightmare - why should she tell him what it was about?</p><p>She spat out a mirthless chuckle. “You’re silly, Universe. Why bother, it doesn’t matter,” she opined.</p><p>She could hear the frown forming on Steven’s face. “Spinel, you woke up screaming - it <i>does</i> matter. You mentioned something about laughing -?”</p><p>“I <i>thought</i> I heard laughin’,” she interrupted. “I-it was probably somethin’ else.”</p><p>“Well, still, we should probably talk about it,” Steven responded.</p><p>Sniffling her tears away, she forcefully pulled herself out of Steven’s arms. “I <i>said,</i> it doesn’t matter. I’m <i>fine.</i>”</p><p>“<i>You’re fine?</i>” he asks incredulously. “You had a really bad nightmare, Spinel! It’d be good for you to talk this out.”</p><p>“No, Steven! You, you wouldn’t wanna hear about it!”</p><p>“Why not?” he interrogated, before really thinking about what she said in the last sentence. <i>Oh.</i> “Does it have something to do with me?”</p><p>Spinel looked as if she just got something caught in her windpipe. <i>Grr! How is he so good?!?</i> Ashamed, she fell silent and averted her eyes from Steven’s all-knowing gaze.</p><p>He apprehensively laid a hand on her shoulder. “Spinel, I’ve already told you: <i>nothing</i> you do will stop me from helping you - especially telling me a bad dream. Not only because I really <i>want</i> to help, but I get that any . . . ‘bad’ thing that you do stems from your trauma and you don’t really mean it.”</p><p>Man, how much she wanted to trust him on that. But that gnawing part of her brain - like an itch that never seemed to be satisfied - pestered her with thoughts of doubt and fear. Dodging Steven’s words of comfort, her eyes darted around his well-decorated room. They settled on a poster splattered with strange, alien writing.</p><p>“Whuzzat say?” she said pointing to it, the poster poorly visible in the dead of night.</p><p>Steven sighed like a disappointed schoolteacher. “Spinel, you’re dodging the question.”</p><p>“No, I - I think I saw this in my dream,” she made up on the spot.</p><p>Shifting his mouth to the side, Steven looked as if he didn’t fully believe her, but nonetheless glanced up at the poster. He squinted his eyes to try and see in the dark. “It says, ‘The New Star Battlers.’”</p><p>“Ooohhh, right,” she faked recognition, “That did show up in my dream.” She tsked. “It’s a darn shame I can’t read it.”</p><p>“Spinel -“</p><p>“<i>Buuuut</i> you can teach me! As a matter of fact, you can start teachin’ me right now!”</p><p>He rubbed his sleep-deprived eyes. “Spinel, <i>please</i> don’t do this, I -“ He paused. “I get it if you don’t wanna talk about your dream right now. We can talk about it some other time.” </p><p>Spinel mentally cheered for her victory, which felt less like winning an offensive battle and more like successfully defending a castle from a siege. But she didn’t know how long it would last. How long would it be until he brought it up again? Until he demanded answers? It could be the following morning, for all she knew and feared. She had to keep him preoccupied.</p><p>As Steven got off the bed and began readjusting to the so-so comfort of his sleeping bag, she enacted her master plan. “I still don’t know how to read, Steven,” she said, leaning over the bed.</p><p>“You’ll learn it in Little Homeschool, Spinel,” he mumbled drowsily, eyes shut.</p><p>“And you’ll teach me, right?”</p><p>A grumble. “M’think Pearl’ll be doing that.”</p><p><i>Wait.</i> “I - y-you, you won’t be teachin’ me? A-Around me?”</p><p>“M’gonna be principal. Gotta help other gems.”</p><p>Spinel froze. It felt like she just got stabbed. “Why? Why - why can’t you just teach me here?” <i>Why is he gonna leave me alone? With other gems?</i></p><p>“Spinel, please, I’m really tired -“</p><p>“WHY?!” she shouted. “Did - did I mess up <i>that bad?</i> You finally deciding ya hate me for everything I’ve done?!”</p><p>That knocked Steven out of his exhaustion. He shot up. “Wha - no, no Spinel! Of course not! You -“</p><p>“Then <i>why</i> don’tcha want me around ya!?” she blubbered.</p><p>“It’s not like that! I can’t be the only one to help you, Spinel. I have to help other people, too.”</p><p>She whimpered, her face contorting in pain. “I - I can’t be alone again, Steven. *<i>sniff</i>*, Please d-don’t leave m-me alone, I -“ Spinel broke down once more, tears running freely down her face as her begging became consumed by sobs.</p><p>Pity laden across his features, Steven once more hoisted himself up onto the bed and invited her for an embrace. Even though Steven was abandoning her in her mind, Spinel readily accepted the offer.</p><p>“You won’t be alone, Spinel,” Steven reassured. “You’ll meet a lot of new people there. People that are trying to change, just like you.”</p><p>Spinel chuckled mirthlessly, embarrassed to have to be saying this. “That doesn’t matter, Steven. Even when I’m around other people I feel alone.” She pulled her head out of the hug, looking up at him like a child would their parent. “You’re the only one I don’t feel alone with.”</p><p>Man, did Steven have to use every ounce of his willpower to fight back the warmth threatening to appear on his cheeks. <i>That‘s not cute,</i> he mentally scolded himself, <i>that‘s sad.</i></p><p>“Choosing to stay only around me isn’t good for any of us,” he calmly lectured. “Trust me, Spinel: you won’t feel alone once you put yourself out there among others.”</p><p>“But what if they don’t like me?”</p><p>He flashed his thousand-watt smile in spite of his sleepiness. “How could they? You’re curious, driven, really funny, and have this awesome bubbly personality.”</p><p>Y’know how coral turns white when it’s stressed? Well, if Spinel could to the same whenever Steven got her all flustered, she would’ve been a damn snowman right then.</p><p>Instead, she became redder than blood. “Hehe, uh, w-wow, I -“ Why was finding words like finding a needle in a haystack whenever she got all hot and bothered!?! She swallowed in some sort of attempt to cool herself down. “Th-thanks, Stevie.”</p><p>His grin somehow widened. “I know it’ll be a weird adjustment, but I also know that you’ll grow to like it. There’s all sorts of curriculums you can take - painting, botany, yoga, sports, engineering, ecology, to name a few - there’s <i>bound</i> to be some class there that you’ll like.”</p><p>As Steven listed off all the activities Spinel could partake in - all those <i>human</i> activities - there was that little feeling she seldom felt. The little flickers of hopefulness down deep in her gut that Steven somehow always managed to ignite within her.</p><p>Steven’s eyes screamed tiredness during this whole discussion, but his voice spoke otherwise. “D’ya wanna stay up or nah?”</p><p>She harkened back to her nightmare, mentally grimacing at it before her attention became focused on one of its aspects. “Steven?”</p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>She paused, eyes darting as she rummaged through her nightmare and gathered up what she wanted to say. “. . . I was, released, from that machine <i>just</i> in time to see your message. Why d’ya think that was?”</p><p>He raised his eyebrows. <i>Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.</i> “I’m, not sure,” he admitted, scouring his mind for any sort of proper answer. Suddenly, the words that came from the booming voice of Yellow that faithful day reached the forefront of his attention. “Actually - I think I do.”</p><p>“<i>Really?</i>” she perked up. “What is it?”</p><p>He began. “During the preparations for the broadcast, Yellow mentioned something about there being more energy needed to power the transmission.”</p><p>Before he could continue, his expression soured. “So White suggested that we remotely cut the power to a defunct project of Pink’s - one that ‘aimed to find a way to preserve organic life indefinitely’ - in order to power it.”</p><p>Spinel forgot how to breathe. Almost instantly she knew what he was getting at. The only reason she was released from millennia of confinement to a sick science experiment . . . was to power a news broadcast.</p><p>A huff of angry air escaped from Steven’s mouth, partially snapping Spinel out of her suffocating stupor. “I - I still can’t believe Mom could be <i>so</i> fucking, just -“ Inhaling deeply, he calmed himself down for Spinel’s sake. “I’m, sorry that happened.”</p><p>“It-it’s okay, Steven,” she replied, shaking her head in an attempt to fully ground herself. “You didn’t - she - <i>gosh</i>, this is hard to talk about,” she chuckled mirthlessly at how difficult it was for the both of them to try and view Pink in a non-hostile light.</p><p>Air shot out of Steven’s nose. “I know, right?”</p><p>She became silent for a moment before her attention turned to something Steven said. “Steven? What’s a mom?”</p><p>The teen being asked looked as if he bit down on something crunchy in soft food. Meeting her curious eyes with an uneasy expression, he cleared his throat to answer Spinel’s question. “Well, um . . . a mom is, is what Pink Diamond is to me. Someone - the person who brought you into the world, biologically speaking.”</p><p>“Oh! So they’re the ones who make you born?”</p><p>“Yeah, you could look at it like that,” he stated, questioning whether or not he should just leave his explanation at that. But, for some odd reason, he decided to press on.</p><p>“Moms are the women in your life who take care of you,” Steven continued. “They look after you, provide for you, help you grow up, they . . . they can be the ones you look up to and admire. Moms are, people you platonically love, basically.”</p><p><i>Platonically . . . love . . . .</i> Spinel could only think of two other people who she felt that sensation with. “Did, <i>you</i> feel like that with Pink?”</p><p>“No,” he answered almost instantly. “Well, I mean, <i>kind of</i>,” he relinquished his statement soon after.</p><p>“Ya ever feel that way with Pearl?” she asked hesitantly, wringing her hands together. </p><p>He raises an eyebrow. “I - yeah, actually, kinda. How’d you -“</p><p>“I kinda felt the same way with her,” Spinel admitted. “She looked after me when I lived with her and Pink; always there to stop me from gettin’ into too much trouble,” she spoke with a wan smile. “And even after I moved to the Garden, she would pop by every now and then and check up on me.”</p><p>Steven stayed speechless for a minute before a coherent thought finally crossed his kind. “Do you, still feel that way? With her?”</p><p>How <i>did</i> she feel? Her brain was assaulted with a barrage of varying emotions trying to answer that question, which didn’t let up until one reigned supreme: resentment. “No. She - she abandoned me, Steven. Even if she didn’t have a say in it, she . . . .” Spinel trailed off, trauma and anger meddling with her words. “She neva’ came back! </p><p>“She coulda -!” She paused, waving her hand up in frustration, “she coulda convinced her and Pink or Rose or whatever to get me outta there. To let me come back with ‘em. But she didn’t!”</p><p>To her surprise, Steven didn’t seem to openly object to what she was saying. He just remained attentive, with a sympathetic yet not wholly agreeing look in his eye.</p><p>A pitiful snort shot out of her nose, “And why would she? Why would she want a repeat of having to deal with <i>this?</i>” she gestured to herself. </p><p>“Don’t sell yourself short, Spinel,” Steven finally spoke up. “Pearl - she’s a, complicated person. But despite what she’s done - or, what she <i>hasn’t</i> done - she’s still a good person.” </p><p><i>Heh - where’ve I heard somethin’ like </i>that<i> before?</i> Spinel thought, mentally rolling her eyes.</p><p>She eyed Steven, busy nodding to himself like a teacher deciding with deliberation what grade a student shall receive, before he spoke. “I think you should talk with her about this, Spinel.”</p><p>“Wh - really?” Spinel replied, more confused than alarmed or angry at such a notion. </p><p>“I mean, it’s kinda obvious that you both are uneasy around each other - well, mostly Pearl. Doing nothing won’t make that go away; it’s always good to talk things out with people,” he preached.</p><p>Oh, how considerate of Steven to suggest she do the one thing <i>she absolutely despised.</i> How could he even suggets that when she fought tooth and nail against discussing her nightmare?! With him? And now he wants her to talk with <i>Pearl!?</i> Hell, it was a miracle that Steven could get her to open up to him at all about even some of her issues (the only reason being how much she loved him and considered him a saint). Plus, that was all done in an effort to fix herself. How would talking to Pearl fix her? How would that help her move on from the past <i>when she played a key role in it?</i></p><p>“Mmm . . . maybe, Steven,” she lied to his face. “If a chance to talk with her eva’ comes along, I’ll do it.”</p><p>He nods. “Glad to hear that.”</p><p>Stretching his arms out behind him, he lets out a drawn-out yawn before chuckling. “Sorry, Spinel. I don’t think I can do any more helping without getting some sleep,” he admitted with a smile that reached his baggy eyes.</p><p>“Aw, don’t worry about lil’ ol’ me, Stevie,” she faked a cheery tone in her voice. “Go get your beauty sleep.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“I’m positive. You helped me a lot tonight; you deserve your rest. I’ll go back to sleep in a second.”</p><p>She didn’t have to tell him that again. Graciously thanking her and wishing her a goodnight, he was back in his sleeping bag and out like a light in a matter of minutes.</p><p>Which left Spinel to mull over the night’s meaty discussions. Her nightmare. Little Homeschool. The cryochamber. Pearl. Along with the torrent of emotions that accompanied thinking about them.</p><p>
  <i>Anger. Sadness. Fear. Exhaustion. Resentment. Paranoia. Bitterness.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Hope.</i>
</p><p>Seeking to get her thoughts in order, Spinel managed to escape outside to the bedroom balcony without disturbing Steven’s slumber. Leaning against the balcony, she managed to calm a bit as her attention became fixated on the nighttime ocean. How it was bathed so beautifully in the milk light of the Earth’s moon. How the Moon’s glow allowed the iridescence of the ocean to remain sparkling even during night. How the waves lapped against the shoreline to create a constant thrum of peaceful sound.</p><p>Earth really was beautiful, wasn’t it?</p><p>Even though the idea of going to Little Homeschool sounded somewhat appetizing, she . . . really didn’t know how to feel about going there and being away from Steven. But she guessed she didn’t really have much of a platform of opposition. If Steven says this would be good for her, then it probably will be. And even if she didn’t really know what half of the classes Steven said meant, there was apparently enough of them for Spinel to find at least one place she felt comfortable in. She’ll just have to find out what it’ll be. Once the school opens, that is.</p><p>All she could do until then was wait.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. New Hobby</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel learns about another one of Earth’s delights.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this one’s real short, I just had me an idea about Spinel discovering Earth music and felt it’d be wrong to just shoehorn an explanation of it in the next chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Spinel: could I show you something?”</p><p>Spinel perked up at Steven from her spot leaning against the balcony railing. It had been a week since her first voyage into the world of sleeping, which she has failed to attempt since. In the meantime she’d been doing the usual: continuing her efforts in cleaning up Beach City (making sure not to be in close proximity of Pearl), and learning some more human things (such as the, uh, <i>other</i> reasons to go to the bathroom).</p><p>“Yeah?” she replied, eyes pried off of the ocean. Since that fateful night Spinel had taken a liking to admiring Earth’s natural beauties, particularly the ocean. It was a bittersweet activity, one that filled her with awe at the sights and shame for trying to wipe it off the face of the universe.</p><p>Steven reached into his pocket to fish a couple things out. The first was one of those small, black rectangles that Spinel had seen humans use commonly (he had said they were called “cellphones”). Following the cellphone’s retrieval, he pulled out two long cables that joined into one and had little shoes on each end. She’d never seen those before.</p><p>He thrusted the single-end of the cable contraption into one of the cellphone’s docking ports. “Have you ever listened to music?”</p><p>She hummed, mulling his question over until bittersweet memories were jogged. “Yeah, actually. Pink, uh . . . we would take turns singing to each otha’,” she admitted melancholically, a glazed sort of look in her. “We’d sing for <i>ages</i>. She had such a pretty voice . . . .”</p><p>Face growing steely, she shook her head of such happy memories as if she was an Etch-A-Sketch. “Sorry. What were ya saying?”</p><p>“Well, uh . . . .” He turned his attention back to his device, tapping his fingers against the shiny side. “There’s another way to listen to music: on here.”</p><p>“You’re communication device can play music?” Spinel asks, both confused and flabbergasted.</p><p>Steven smiled at Spinel’s wonder. <i>Note to self: give Spinel a full run-down on phones.</i> “Yeah! They can do all sorts of stuff!”</p><p>“Woooow! Like what?”</p><p>“I mean, a <i>lot</i>, but I don’t wanna digress.” He held his phone out to Spinel, silently telling her to take it.</p><p>Her heart skipped in a moment of fear. “O-oh, no, don’t give that to me! What if I break it?”</p><p>“You won’t break it, Spinel,” he reassured as he relinquished control of his phone, placing it in a stuttering Spinel’s hand and letting the cables hang limply towards the balcony deck. “Just keep a steady grip on it so you don’t drop it.”</p><p>Spinel held the device as if she was a newlywed parent holding her infant. “O-okay, now what?”</p><p>His mouth opened to speak before his eyebrows shot up. “Oh! Almost forgot - you gotta put your earbuds in.”</p><p>“The - <i>what?</i>” she asked for clarification, as if he suddenly began speaking Greek to her.</p><p>Steven nodded towards the funky-looking cables. “Those. You put the spongy ends in your ears to hear music.”</p><p>“. . .  the <i>fuck?</i>”</p><p>He held back a snort. <i>Another mental note: really get Amethyst to stop teaching Spinel swears.</i> “I - I know it sounds weird at first, but it isn’t bad or anything.”</p><p>The look of stunned horror diminished from Spinel’s features as sense got a hold of her. She’s eaten, drank, and slept - why should she be surprised about this relatively minute human thing? </p><p>“Right, yeah, my bad,” she apologized, focused on putting the strange yet squashy ear-whatchamacallits inside her ears. It felt . . . okay, she won’t lie, it felt bizarre at best and excruciatingly discomforting at worst. In spite of this, Spinel put on a brave face. She then looked expectantly at Steven, the pupil awaiting further instructions from her teacher.</p><p>He peered over to look at the phone. “Alright, now tap the image on the screen that looks like a triangle.”</p><p>“Okay.” Honestly, she wasn’t really getting the point of this whole -</p><p>
  <i>~<b>Still Woozy - Foolsong</b>~</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh my fucking Stars.</i>
</p><p>If eating fruit gummies for the first time felt like an orgasm of flavor in her mouth, then this was like an orgasm of sound in her ears. It felt like her ears were starving, and this was the replenishment she never knew she needed. She never knew music could sound like . . . like <i>this</i>. The uneasiness brought on by the earbuds was swiftly evicted from her mind.</p><p>The notes bounced to-and-from her ears like a rapid game of Pong. The lyrics danced and fluttered among her head. The soft, cooling voice of the singer echoed through her brain. Despite the storm of sensations she was experiencing, Spinel wasn’t overwhelmed in the slightest. She was entranced. Captured in the music’s wonderful, <i>wonderful</i> snare.</p><p>“Are - are you okay, Spinel?”</p><p>Blink. How long had Steven been trying to grab her attention? Despite her ecstasy begging her not to, she yanked her earbuds out to pay attention. “Y-yeah,” she replied in a soft voice. </p><p>He lifted a confused finger to point at her face, but ultimately let it drop as semi-realization hit him. “Oh. You’re a little overwhelmed, right?”</p><p>She dabbed at her cheeks - when had she started crying? Dimly she heard the music coming from the headphones resting in her palms. “I-it’s just so . . . beautiful.”</p><p>“Well, we could always stop and -“</p><p>“<i>NO!</i>” Spinel shrieked as if he was suggesting she sell her own child. “I -I wasn’t overwhelmed. I just,” she chuckled, “<i>really really</i> like it. Thanks for showin’ me this, Stevie,” she answered, looking up at Steven all bashful-like.</p><p>Barely a discernible amount of red dusted his cheeks. “Oh, y-yeah, of course, Spinel! My bad!”</p><p>Not wishing to put off on experiencing this amazing sensation any further, the teenager grabbed the earbuds and rammed them back in her ears (wincing afterwards as she realized she shouldn’t have done that). She was quickly welcomed back into that world of sound, while Steven participated in his own ocean-gazing.</p><p>Only when the serenade had come to a close did Steven return to her attention. “That … was … AMAZING!” she cheered, lassoing her arms around Steven and pulling him into a bear hug. </p><p>“<i>Grk!</i> - I’m, I’m glad, S-Spinel,” he choked out. Letting him go, Spinel giggled jubilantly as Steven took in some deep breaths.</p><p>“Is, there . . . more?” Spinel asked cautiously, not wanting to get her hopes up. Again.</p><p>Steven cocked his head a bit. “More . . . music?” he asked for clarification.</p><p>Spinel didn’t know if she was sounding stupid or not; it was a genuine question. “Y-yeah?”</p><p>A smile split across his face - a genuine smile, one that showed a sparkle of excitement behind it. “Spinel. There are entire <i>schools</i> dedicated to the study of music. *<i>chuckle</i>* There are so many songs in the world, it’s not even funny!”</p><p>Her eyes widened, a feeling of excitement bubbling within her gut. “Really? Gosh, where - where should I start?”</p><p>The excitement completely exploded on his face. “Wherever you want. And I know <i>just</i> how to do that.”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel and Steven spent the next several hours in his room, imbibing themselves on a variety of musical tastes. Classical, indie, jazz, contemporary pop, disco, rock ‘n roll, folk, doo-wop, and a whole ensemble of other genres floated through the speaker Steven hooked his phone up to as the two discussed, admired, and jammed to the varying sounds.</p><p>The teens ran the gamut for a while, trying to discover what was Spinel’s musical taste. Spinel came away confidently knowing that the music genres Steven described as being “lo fi” and “electro swing” were her favorite, the latter she loved doing the Charleston to and the former just relaxing to. Yet the two also discovered that Spinel had an overall cosmopolitan taste in music as well, which was proven by some of the songs she took a liking to:</p><p>One of them was a song whose title was comprised of solely the letters “D” and “N” and “A”, in that order. There wasn’t even any singing in it - rather just some sort of rapid-fire poetry Steven called “rap.” She never knew music could sound so, angry, and yet so, satisfying, in the speedy and concise way the verses just rolled off the rapper’s tongue.</p><p>Another one Spinel became enamored with confused her at first, even after an explanation was given by Steven. She didn’t really know what a fiddle was, who the Devil was, where Georgia was, or why even exactly the Devil went down there. Despite this, her unfamiliarity with such things didn’t stop her from absolutely thrashing to the invigorating and overall energizing sound that fiddle was making. Apparently Steven’s male mother or “father” - Greg - was a fan of the song too, Steven had said. Steven also relayed something Greg told him once concerning the “Primus cover”, which apparently was “an affront to covers and good music everywhere.”</p><p>The teenager, oddly, took a liking to a song Steven introduced to her, which was none other than the opening number to an animated musical Biblical epic. She did like it, really - especially the beginning trumpet solo, how grandiose it felt, and how the ending sent goosebumps up and down her arms. <i>But</i> she was mostly paying attention to Steven’s story about how much Connie <i>loved</i> the opener’s movie (a movie, Steven had explained, being a longer T.V show with a more concise plot). For just about half of the song she was giggling at how Steven said Connie had once passionately argued the movie it came from “is a masterpiece, without a doubt,” that the animation “is stunning in its beauty and massive in its scale” and “how the <b>fuck</b> does <i>The King of Egypt</i> only have a 7.1 on IMDB,” although she didn’t really get that last part.</p><p>Out of all of these, the one Spinel got most hooked on was a jaunty, flirtatious, and promiscuous-sounding mid-2000s duet. Sure, she liked it because it sounded really cool, especially its funky vibe and those angelic keyboard attacks. Yet it was more or less the fact that Steven <i>loved</i> that song, and sang both parts of the duet while it played.</p><p><i>He really does have a wonderful singin’ voice</i>, Spinel mused as she gazed at Steven belting out singing, switching between tenor and soprano parts with finesse. <i>Wish I payed attention to that more when we beat each otha’ up on top of the Injector.</i> </p><p>Even though many of the innuendoes flew over Spinel’s head, she still understood enough to recognize the piece’s romantic tone. Someday, when she was all better, she hoped she and Steven would be singing the duet to each other. Her on soprano, and Steven on tenor.</p><p>Evidently the teens’ music session had to end once it was time to resume cleanup operations. But Spinel wasn’t very sad about that. That became evident as she walked to town beside Steven, his earbuds plugged into her ears and blasting some catchy tunes, having uncovered a new hobby.</p><p>She paused her humming along to the music. “Stevie?”</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>Spinel looped her arm around his. He was so kind, wanting to spend the time showing Spinel the delights of Earth music. “Thanks again for showin’ me this. I love it.”</p><p>
  <i>Just like how I love you.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><b>me:</b> ok, you’re gonna have Spinel be introduced to a song that could be something she very well might fuck with and would fit her character<br/><b>also me:</b> yea but how bout after that you have her listen to songs you like because not only would it make sense for her to be curious and soak up whatever Earth music she could find but also because you’re the author and you can do whatever you damn well please as long as it makes sense and doesn’t damage the story<br/><b>me:</b> aight yea that works</p><p>basically: an attempt to get Spinel to thrash to my favorite songs</p><p>Da Songs:<br/>DNA. - Kendrick Lamar<br/>The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels Band (fuck the primus cover all my homies hate the primus cover)<br/>Deliver Us - The Prince of Egypt<br/>Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. First Day’s Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel starts her first day at Little Homeschool! It - it goes well.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Tick.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Tock.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Tick.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Tock.</i>
</p><p>The weeks wore on in a steady pace. Gradually Beach City was rebuilt until Spinel’s destruction was only a recent memory, the only physical signs remaining being a few scars etched into the lighthouse hill and some unfinished rebuilding projects. Sometime during the reconstruction Steven swapped his sky blue tee for a jet black one, which in itself wasn’t too signifcant. Other than that he was still good ol’ Steven Universe, helping Spinel acclimate to Earth life in preparation for the opening day of Little Homeschool in late September. </p><p>That day happened to be today.</p><p>Spinel eyed the clock with stones in her stomach. It was 6:45 in the AM. She knew that because Steven had taught her how to tell time. Why he couldn’t just keep teaching him stuff at the beach house and not have her go to some dumb school to learn more . . . well, she knew the answer but she still didn’t completely like it. </p><p>“Ready to go, Spinel?”</p><p>Her gaze was torn away from the clock and onto Steven, toting a brown satchel filled with school documents. Even though school wasn’t to start until 8, as instructors he and the Crystal Gems had to arrive early. Steven had said that she didn’t have to come with him so early, that as a student she could show up when class actually started. But the thought of her being alone in the Beach House scared her more than Little Homeschool.</p><p>It’s not like she was <i>completely</i> averse to the idea of going to Little Homeschool, with how Steven had convinced her to attend it that night a couple weeks ago. It was just that she was hopelessly stuck in a Catch-22. If she stayed at the beach house, then she didn’t have to go see other people, <i>but</i> she would be alone, wouldn’t have the (very rare) possibility of healing, and wouldn’t be near Steven. If she went, she wouldn’t be alone, could possibly get better, and could get a chance to see Steven. But that exposed her to the judging, appraising eyes of others. Ones that obviously knew what crimes she’d committed.</p><p>And yeah yeah, “<i>Don’t worry about what others think, there’s a good chance they’ll be as nervous as you, you’re in the same boat as everybody else.</i>” But not everybody else was some fucking Frankenstein’s monster of a human, were they? Did <i>they</i> try to destroy the Earth? Did <i>they</i> have as much of a fucked-up mind as her? Did <i>they</i> actively try to kill Steven?</p><p>. . . Well, apparently the answer to that was yes, if they really were all turned into monsters by the Diamonds. But that didn’t matter! She was <i>sentient</i> when she almost dropped Steven off the Injector, after all!</p><p>She was dreading to see how the others would view her as the monster she was. But, it’s better than not being with Steven.</p><p>Pocketing the phone Steven got her (<i>”They cost that much?! Steven that’s way too much money to waste on me!” | “Don’t worry Spinel, this is in no way a waste. Plus, my dad’s rich; he could buy you a hundred phones if we needed to.”</i>) She stood up. “Yeah, I’m ready.”</p><p>“Did you do the morning routine?” he asked, rummaging his hand through his bag.</p><p>Spinel nodded. He was referring to the morning routine he had introduced to her, one that supposedly “gets you ready for the day.” But it was all really tedious: you had to get dressed, eat, brush teeth, wash face, apply deodorant, count the number of hairs on your head, yadda yadda yadda. Nevertheless, she had pulled through for his sake and completed the task. “Yep.”</p><p>Smiling, he pulled open the screen door and ushered Spinel out with a wave of his hand. “Ladies first,” he beckoned, causing Spinel to giggle at the gesture. </p><p>The pair trekked down the Beach House’s knoll over to Steven’s Dondai, the two hopping inside. After buckling her seatbelt - something she learned from another one of Steven’s mini-lessons - Spinel allowed her eyes to wander. Even though she’s ridden with Steven in his vehicle before, the smashing panoply of buttons, doodads, and switches never ceased to amaze her. How he learned to operate this thing was completely beyond her.</p><p>She couldn’t help but jolt a tiny bit when Steven started up the ignition, the awakening rumble of the engine coursing through Spinel’s system. He mustn’t have noticed, his attention focused on fiddling with the funny-looking stick in between their two seats.</p><p>The car began moving when Steven spoke. “Okay, so the other Gems arrived at Little Homeschool a bit ago to start setting up the audience chairs - which I’ll help with. In the meantime you can say hello to any of the other students, if you want.”</p><p>That was, in fact, <i>not</i> something Spinel wanted to do at all. Spinel didn’t know anything about the denizens of Little Homeschool and Beach City. She had barely conversed with <i>anyone</i> besides Steven and Amethyst since she arrived on Earth, and the latter only sparingly. Not even Pearl, which caused Spinel to pretty confidently assume that both of them were avoiding interaction with each other. In a way she knew not talking with people would come back to bite her in the ass, and this only proves it.</p><p>Spinel didn’t reply verbally and only nodded, catching a sympathetic side-eye glance from Steven as the Dondai crossed from sand to pavement. </p><p>“I know that doesn’t sound like fun to you, but it’s always good for you to put yourself out there,” he reasoned. </p><p><i>Yeah - easy for you to say. You didn’t try killin’ anybody.</i> Spinel grumbled internally.</p><p>The car rolled to a halt at a four-way stop, allowing Steven to fully turn to face her. “At least just <i>try</i> and do that, okay? Who knows - you might meet somebody you’ll some day call a friend,” he grinned. “I know people would love to meet you.”</p><p><i>Damnit - how does he makes everything sound so appetizin’?!</i> “… Alright, alright, I said yes before,” she relented.</p><p>Smiling, Steven put his foot on the gas and the car rolled forward, the colorful grab-bag that were the structures of Little Homeworld growing ever more pronounced.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <i>That’s a lotta chairs.</i>
</p><p>Spinel watched from the sidelines at Steven and some of the Crystal Gems - namely Bismuth, Garnet, and Amethyst - setting up chairs for the induction ceremony. The others were busy putting the final touches on the stage that housed the podium, with Lapis and Peridot setting up decorations and Pearl organizing the whole shebang.</p><p>And Spinel was just . . . standing.</p><p>It’s not like she was alone or anything (which she somehow almost wished was the case). Throngs of uncorrupted gems - gems that apparently wanted to change, like her - amassed nearby, even though the ceremony wasn’t to start for a while. They all must’ve wanted to arrive early, eager to start their new, better lives.</p><p>Which, of course they deserved to have. They haven’t done anything to deserve having their minds malformed beyond sentience and their bodies warped beyond recognition. She felt great amounts of pity towards them, all while self-loathing bubbled away in her gut about why <i>she</i> deserved to be relatively unscathed - unscathed being not having literal scars crisscrossing her body. Why should Steven go and primp <i>her</i> up when he could do it to all these gems in need?</p><p>So, yeah, she felt bad about the uncorrupted gems. But that didn’t stop her from growing increasingly peeved at the stares she felt residing at the back of her skull. Okay, yeah, she got it, she almost destroyed the Earth and these gems’ new home, she almost killed the one who saved them, but could they just <i>stop fucking ogling at her?!?</i> And the whispering, too, which <i>had</i> to be about her! She was getting better - she was <i>trying</i> to get better! She wasn’t trying to be a monster anymore! Just. Stop. Fucking. Staring. At -</p><p>“Hello!” </p><p>Spinel spun around, snarling and ready to unleash Hell. “<i><b>What?</b></i>”</p><p>There was nobody.</p><p>“Down here!”</p><p>Her head panned downwards some considerable degrees. She was greeted with a face that looked like it didn’t recognize Spinel’s snappy demeanor. That face also happened to belong to an incredibly short, icy blue gem.</p><p>“Hello! I am Little Larimar!” the gem greeted with a jovially raspy voice.</p><p><i>Where are her eyes?</i> Spinel’s anger fizzled out as confusion replaced it. “Uhh … hi?”</p><p>The gem’s almost uncanny smile never faltered. “You are Spinel, am I correct?” </p><p>Spinel gritted her teeth. “Yeah. Whaddya want?” <i>The hell‘s she gonna spit at me, huh? That I’m a monster? A disgrace? Well then get it out, fucker, and see how well it ends for you!</i></p><p>“Well,” Larimar began, clasping her hands together. “I just want to welcome you to Little Homeschool!”</p><p>“<i>I</i> - what?”</p><p>The blue gem leaned back in a friendly manner. “I understand that because you are human, that you might feel alone amongst all the gems attending Little Homeschool. I just want to make you feel welcome.”</p><p>Spinel didn’t know whether to act defensive or truthful. She chose the former. “You - you don’t know <i>anything</i> about me, bub!” she spat, leaning forward threateningly. “So <i>back off.</i>”</p><p>Little Larimar remained completely placid. “No need to be defensive, Spinel,” she chided. “Just because you are human, doesn’t mean you don’t have a valid reason for being here.”</p><p>A rebuttal failed to arise from Spinel’s throat as she stepped down, tugging her hair shamefully as her eyes averted the gem’s seemingly omniscient stare.</p><p>“You were hurt,” Larimar continued, for some reason. “You are like us gems in that sense; we were all hurt in some way.”</p><p>“Hey!” Spinel jerked towards her, Larimar’s comment and the ensuing thoughts Spinel was forced to remember finally getting a verbal reaction from her. “What makes you think you know why I’m here? I’m not like -“</p><p>She was wordlessly interrupted by Larimar, who calmly lifted out her hand in front of her.</p><p>“… Whaddya doin’?”</p><p>“Do you see my fingers, Spinel?”</p><p>Spinel blinked, “What’s -“</p><p>“Just look.”</p><p>The teenager bore holes into the gem’s eye slits, seeing if there was any sort of concealed malcontent. When that failed to arise (or if she failed to detect any), her gaze turned to Larimar’s hand. They resembled claws more than anything, ending in sharp points, and appeared pretty serrated for that matter.</p><p>Larimar retracted her hand, never taking her attention off of Spinel. “My hands weren’t always like this.”</p><p>A frown managed to set itself on Larimar’s face. “I . . . really don’t remember much from when I was corrupted. Only emotions. Mostly anger. And confusion. And fear. Everything and anything was a threat. But I do still remember when the Corruption Song came …,” she trailed off.</p><p>Spinel’s expression gradually softened into a semblance of warmth once Larimar had finished recounting the years. The gem regained her thoughts. “I can tell you were hurt. Nobody goes around attacking people for no reason.”</p><p>The girl grimaced. “Don’t remind me,” she murmured, shameful and warning tones battling for supremacy.</p><p>“You may not have physical scars like me,” Larimar nonetheless continued. “Instead mental ones. And everybody here has those.”</p><p>She paused. “. . . Sudden, bright lights still frighten me,” she voiced in a quiet tone.</p><p>“I’ve attacked people that wanted to help me, too. We were both blinded by rage and torment to see the complete picture. But that is in the past now!” she added, more upbeat. “We are all here to change ourselves for the better.”</p><p><i>Fuck - did Steven mentor this gem or somethin’?</i> Spinel pondered caustically. Still, she couldn’t deny that this gem was spitting straight facts. It practically made her feel, <i>optimistic</i> about being here. Well, almost. </p><p>Even if Larimar’s little pep talk <i>had</i> failed to cheer Spinel up (which, she had to admit, really didn’t), it still gave Spinel a newfound respect towards the petite gem. “Thanks, uh, Little Larimar.”</p><p>“If you ever want to talk about stuff like that, just come looking for me,” she said with her scratchy voice. “In the meantime, I have an ice sculpture to make.”</p>
<hr/><p>The speech was nice, of course. Spinel sat amongst all the other Little Homeschool attendees in the audience as Steven spun a passionate and endearing speech welcoming them all. Once he wrapped it up Larimar had presented Steven with an ice sculpture of himself, which he seemed to have been appreciative of (even if it was uncannily accurate in its mimicry of him).</p><p>As the crowd dispersed Spinel whisked out the crumpled sheet of paper from her pocket that listed out all her classes. The first slot was filled by “Art.” And apparently the teacher was the Lapis Lazuli she chased off of the Injector. Joy.</p><p>The schoolroom’s address took her to a modestly-sized building that was shaped like an “L” both vertically and horizontally. The front appeared rectangular, but in the back-left of the building rose a tower that constituted the part that jetted out in both “L”s.</p><p>Peering into a wide window Spinel eyed an assortment of art-related products: horse easels fitted with canvases, cans hanging from a string, sheets of fabric stored amongst shelves, buckets of brightly-saturated paint. She also saw a stack of books with titles such as <i>Art for Dummies</i> and <i>Teaching 101</i> and <i>A Night of Passion,</i> which was probably a tutorial on how to paint passionately or something like that.</p><p>Right next to the stack of books was Lapis, hunched over a drafting table, an art pencil flying across the page. Seeing her brought back memories from a darker time. The age-old argument arose in Spinel’s mindscape on whether or not to seize a possible opportunity to better herself that will almost certainly guarantee more accompanying unpleasant feelings. It was strange, she thought, how her mind seemed to always go through that debate when she almost always decided to take the chance. She guessed it was mostly due to Steven’s infectious enthusiasm. Still, the whole thing almost felt like a chore her untrusting mind had to go through. </p><p>Harkening back to Little Larimar’s little pep talk, she gave herself the mental boost she needed to walk through the door and face Lapis. </p><p>The gem looked up from her drafting table. “Oh, hey! You’re here early.”</p><p>“Whaddya mean?”</p><p>She swept something off of her paper. “I mean, class doesn’t start for another ten or so minutes.”</p><p><i>You mean I could’ve - motherfucker,</i> Spinel mentally grumbled. Well, she’s already here, she already psyched herself up - she might as well stay.</p><p>Lapis dragged a finger out across the room. “You can go ahead and choose any easel you want.”</p><p>Nodding, she walked over to one in the corner of the room and eased herself down onto the hard wood bench. Hidden behind the cover of the canvas, Spinel discreetly peered around it to somehow appraise if the water gem was now openly revealing her disgust at Spinel.</p><p>She was back to drawing again, a completely at-ease look on her face.</p><p>Fucker.</p><p>Miffed, Spinel pulled out her phone, seeking to drown herself in the vestiges of the Internet. The strange yet amazing network was quickly becoming one of Spinel’s main methods of learning about Earth, second only to Steven. Earth’s geography, culture, entertainment, politics, and Western lifestyle were starting to appear not too alien for the teen to grapple with. Although, she did have to be told by Steven that not <i>everything</i> on the Internet was true. She was wondering how the Earth was flat if it didn’t appear that way when she flew into it’s orbit.</p><p>She opened up the Internet on where she last left off, looking up an example of a certain type of T.V show that Steven said was called a “cartoon.” The idea downright entranced her; she’d seen moving pictures of broadcasts before on Homeworld, but <i>moving drawings</i> were simply something else. Over the Orchard Fence, Gravitation Falls, Messiah: The Last Airmover, Impossibly Long Train, Journey Time, Sun vs. the Powers of Darkness - Spinel quickly became captivated by these wonderful escapist dreams (not that they were always so escapist. Some made her cry. A lot).</p><p>“What’re you looking at?” an amiable voice made itself heard.</p><p>Spinel nearabout flung her phone out of her hand in surprise, her stretchy arm thankfully saving it from crashing onto the floor. A deer in the headlights, Spinel glanced up at the water gem. “Whu - why d’ya ask?”</p><p>Lapis, looking at Spinel from her drafting table, shrugged nonchalantly as she placed her pencil down. “Just curious.”</p><p>The teenage girl peered down at her phone, currently opened up on an image of Wert and Gregory walking through the mysterious woods of the Unfathomed. “… I was just, uh, lookin’ up this cartoon I’ve seen,” she explained, refusing to meet Lapis’ eyes.</p><p>“Those are pretty neat,” Lapis replied all chill-like. “I mean, animation is <i>still</i> mind-boggling to me.”</p><p>“I know, right?” Spinel tittered. Immediately afterwards she slammed her hand over her mouth, seemingly shocked that such a sound could come out of her mouth.</p><p>Lapis had to have noticed this, but her relaxed smile never wavered. “What cartoon is it?” </p><p>“… Over the Orchard Fence?” Spinel replied, voice rising an octave.</p><p>The gem’s eyes widened. “Hey, that’s actually a really good show!” the gem commented. “I found out what ‘gothic’ meant because of it.”</p><p>She got up and began strolling over to Spinel. “So is it like a meme, or a reaction gif, or -“</p><p>“<i>No!</i>” Spinel barked, clutching her phone as if it was her child. Seeing Lapis’ surprised stare brought Spinel’s intensity down a peg. “I - it’s just - I don’t want anything bad happenin’ to this, that’s all,” she meekly defended. “It means a lot to me. Sorry.”</p><p>“No no, don’t worry, I get it,” Lapis reassured with some nods of her head. “It’s a part of Earth you’ve grown to really care about, I get that.”</p><p>As she turned and headed back to her station, she spoke with a bit of mirth in her voice. “But just so you know, I wouldn’t have broken it or anything. I’m not <i>that</i> destructive - anymore.”</p><p>Rather than commenting on that, Spinel took advantage of the conclusion of their conversation and resumed scrolling about the Internet. She mentally upbraided herself for how she behaved around her teacher. Even if she <i>had</i> tried attacking her at one point, she shouldn’t have been so awkward and snippy. It was never so hard for her <i>before</i> to introduce herself to people, but now it is!</p><p><i>But everything is different now,</i> Spinel bitterly reminded herself. <i>The Gempire. The Diamonds. Gemkind. You. Heh, <b>especially</b> you.</i></p><p>Spinel swallowed her thoughts with the help of the ever-entrancing Internet. It also helped her not have to face the other students gradually trickling into the classroom.</p><p>Well, <i>almost</i> all the other students. </p><p>Lapis was working on a meep-morp displaying the class agenda and Spinel was looking at Gravitation Falls theories when the door opened, once more welcoming new students into class. Specifically, two buff amethysts with wild manes of hair.</p><p>“Hey, uh, is this the art class?” the larger, darker-pigmented one asked.</p><p>Lapis turned to face them. “Yep! Go ahead and choose any station to sit at, class will start in a sec.”</p><p>The shorter, lilac-colored one performed a cursory glance around the room. “I … don’t see any,” she stated almost apologetically, fearful if she come off as sounding like an idiot for saying that.</p><p>“There’s some over by Spinel,” Lapis replied, putting the finishing touches on her art piece.</p><p>Turning her head towards the teen, the larger one’s eyes tightened as her face contorted into a scowl. She grabbed the shorter one almost protectively. “It - it’s <i>you!</i>” she barked. “The one who tried to kill Steven Universe!”</p><p>Spinel, initially taken aback, soon had her own face twist in hostility. Hoho, she <i>knew</i> there was gonna be fuckers like her! “And what do <i>you</i> want, fucker!?”</p><p>“Woah, woah, woah!” Lapis intervened, “What’s with the outburst?”</p><p>The darker amethyst prepared a reply before the lighter one clutched her arm. “You’ll have to excuse Mayshee here, she can be a <i>bit</i> defensive,” she explained. “It’s just that, we don’t wanna sit next to, <i>her.</i>”</p><p>“I -“ Lapis appeared to begin saying something, before she looked at the clock. “Look, I don’t have time for this, just sit next to her for now.” </p><p>She walked back to the meep-morp, effectively shutting off the conversation. Mayshee growled in anger until the shorter amethyst squeezed her arm a bit. Angrily reluctant the two trudged over to the pair of stools beside Spinel, who was busy shooting daggers at them.</p><p>“Alright guys,” Lapis began as the amethysts sat in their easel stations. “Or, ‘class?’ Nah, that doesn’t sound right coming from me. I’ma just call you guys ‘guys.’”</p><p>The ocean gem continued the class introduction as the hostility between the amethysts and Spinel grew. The teenager, struggling to quell the almost instinctual urge to beat the shit out of these two, wasn’t being helped by Mayshee at all.</p><p>“Why the heck are you here?” she gruffly demanded in a whisper, sitting immediately beside the girl. “Gonna try <i>destroying</i> this place too?”</p><p>“<b>Shut up,</b>” Spinel growled, eyes glued to Lapis as if doing so would help her focus on not wanting to rip this gem to shreds.</p><p>Mayshee continued her barrage. “What makes you think you can just <i>waltz</i> into Little Homeworld and expect to be welcomed after nearly <i>killing</i> everybody on this planet?” she spat, eyes boring deep inside Spinel.</p><p>“I said <b>shut up,</b>” the girl warned with a warbling voice. It felt as if her conscience had become a physical person. “I - what I did was bad, b-but I’m changin’ for the better.”</p><p>“So?” the gem scoffed. “So what if you’re changing? Doesn’t change what you did. Doesn’t change <i>who you still are.</i>”</p><p>Spinel could barely feel the stinging at her eyes, too focused on the boiling in her blood. “I - I’m not -“</p><p>“Stop it, Mayshee!” the smaller amethyst frightfully pleaded. “You’ll set her off!”</p><p>“Oh, she won’t be doing <i>anything,</i> Naomi,” the gem replied with a threatening tone directed at Spinel. “She’s too guilty about the <i>last</i> time she tried attacking someone to do so. <i>Right?</i>”</p><p>Spinel trembled, tear-streaks evident on her cheeks. “<b>Wrong.</b>”</p><p>Just as Spinel was just about to whirl around and plunge her fist into Mayshee’s stupid face, blue entered her field of vision. “What’s going on here?” Lapis demanded. With her attention focused on the three, the class’s attention thus became focused on them also.</p><p>Head still leering down towards Spinel, Mayshee darted her eyes up to face her teacher. “Nothing much. Just reminding this <i>thing</i> that if she tries anything funny, I’ll pound her into the dirt.”</p><p>Lapis waved her hands diffusively. “Woah! Okay, no, we’re <i>not</i> doing that! Spinel’s here to learn like the rest of you.”</p><p>“H-How can you say that?” Naomi cried. “Everybody in Little Homeschool knows what she did! <i>You</i> know what she did! Didn’t she try attacking you?”</p><p>She huffed. “Yeah, she did,” Lapis admitted, unabashed. “But that’s not who she is anymore. Who she’s really trying to become.”</p><p>“Well, ‘trying’ doesn’t mean squat when you’ve tainted your past with horrible actions,” Mayshee shot back.</p><p>Spinel’s perceptiveness not nullified by her tears, she just barely managed to catch onto a tense shift in Lapis’ demeanor.</p><p>Yet that tensity soon melted away. Because the last thing Spinel would’ve guessed as to be Lapis’ reaction was her laughing. But, that’s exactly what she did. “Oh, man!” she guffawed. “You guys have <i>no</i> clue who I am, do you?”</p><p>With all three students shaking their heads, Lapis snorted mirthlessly as she realized she had to recount her tormented past to prove a point. “I’ve done a <i>lot</i> of stuff that I’m not proud of. Let’s see … I stole the Earth’s ocean to try and build a space elevator to Homeworld, I almost drowned Steven and his friend Connie, I forced a gem into a toxic fusion for months, <i>and</i> I ditched my friend and took all of our stuff into space ‘cause I was a coward,” she revealed, almost out of breath even if gems didn’t need to breathe. “And that’s just all the shit I can name off the top of my head.”</p><p>Lapis gave the reeling class no time to recover as she continued. “I used to beat myself up over that for <i>ages.</i> But, I learned to forgive myself. And do you see anybody else giving me a hard time about it? No - because they’ve forgiven me too and gave me chances to redeem myself. It doesn’t matter if someone decided they want to change a couple years ago or a couple weeks ago, <i>they want to change.</i>”</p><p>“So you’re saying that just because somebody ‘wants’ to change we should just <i>forget</i> what somebody like <i>her</i> has done?” Mayshee rebutted, finally finding her words.</p><p>“Oh, hell no,” Lapis clarifies. “Changing for the better doesn’t excuse somebody’s past actions. And you should acknowledge how bad those actions were. But do you <i>really</i> want to remain <i>so</i> focused on someone’s past misgivings that you can’t look in the present and see how much they’ve genuinely bettered themselves? That, that’s just a recipe for angry living,” she stated.</p><p>“If a person honestly wants to change, <i>let them change.</i> Respect their efforts. You’ll never know what you’d miss out on if you don’t.”</p><p>Only after her sermon was delivered did Lapis once more hear crying from Spinel. <i>Ah, shit.</i> “Did - did that not work?” she asked no one in particular. “Coulda sworn that’d do -“</p><p>Her sentence was cut short as she felt Spinel’s loopy arms corral her and reel her in for a bear hug. “<i>Grk!</i>” she sputtered. <i>Oh my </i>fuck<i> this kid’s strong.</i></p><p>“Thank you so, so, <i>so</i> much, Lapis!” the teen extolled through sniffles. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”</p><p>Somehow managing to rip her arm out from under Spinel’s, Lapis grinned and patted Spinel’s head. “‘Course.” Shooting Mayshee and Naomi (who were looking down at their easel in submission and thought respectively) a look as Spinel uncoiled her arms from around her, she moved back to the front of the class.</p><p>“And that’s just one of the things you can learn here on Earth,” she spoke for all to hear, appreciation at such a truth laden in her voice. “And in this class you’ll learn art, alongside stuff like that.”</p><p>A single water fist reaching out of her gem, Lapis maneuvered it to grab and bring over a pail chock-full of paintbrushes. “So, I <i>kinda</i> forgot to set these out ahead of time, so just come up and grab one.”</p><p>Spinel was the first to grab hers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Life and Death and Flowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: panic attack, flashback</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinel was feeling good. Like, <i>wow</i> she was feeling good. It felt as if Lapis’ class ignited a flame inside her that had become a cozy campfire. And of course it wasn’t just the class that she liked (painting is actually pretty fun) but also how Lapis filled Spinel with almost as much hope as Steven usually does.</p><p>She was already well accustomed to the feeling of complete and utter pride she experienced whenever she could just <i>feel</i> herself healing. But doing it with people other than Steven left her feeling, optimistic. <i>There are, other people that can help me heal. Who apparently tolerate me. Steven won’t have to be the only one to help me heal.</i> Spinel was practically giddy at the thought.</p><p>As she skipped through the grounds of Little Homeschool, the warm sun casting happy streaks of sunlight all around, Spinel checked to see what her next class was. </p><p>“Botany.” . . . She wasn’t going to lie, her love of flowers had diminished from what it used to be. For obvious reasons. Nevertheless, she felt herself continuing at the same pace to the classroom’s address.</p><p>Turns out it wasn’t a classroom at all, Spinel noticed as she approached a strange-looking building. It looked enough like a building, but it seemed to have been made entirely out of window panes with an assortment of machinery on its roof. She managed to make out the indiscernible splotches of green alongside other bright, vibrant colors.</p><p>Right in front of the structure’s entrance was a gaggle of gems, all conversing with each other. Just outside of the crowd was Peridot, busy scrutinizing a clipboard. Invigorated by Lapis’s class, she approached the technician with a good deal of pep in her step.</p><p>“Hiya! I’m <i>so</i> excited to be in -!”</p><p>Peridot only lifted up a finger to silence as she scowled down at her notes, grumbling all the while.</p><p>Almost instantly a tsunami of dejection and doubt settled over the teen and crumbled whatever self-esteem she had just built up. <i>Oh, no! Did I say something wrong? Was I bein’ too forward? Fuck, I’m so stupid! Why can’t I do anything right? Why am I - </i></p><p>“<i>Oohh</i>, that’s why this equation is irrational, I forgot to carry over the five!” she self-chided while slapping herself on the noggin. Spinel’s eyes bulged out as she witnessed Peridot fix her mistake on a sheet of paper covered in a dizzying array of numbers and symbols. </p><p>Tucking the clipboard underneath her armpit, Peridot looked up at Spinel. “Sorry at appearing so hostile, I had a miscalculation in my photosynthesis formula I needed to fix. What did you want to say?”</p><p>She… wasn’t the one who made her frustrated. Huh. The foundations of Spinel’s self-esteem somewhat rebuilt themselves. “Yeah, sorry, I just wanted to say that I’m happy to be here,” she clarified.</p><p>Peridot grinned. “Wow, thanks! I assure you that this class will be a great learning experience!”</p><p>Both of them heard a buzzing coming from Peridot’s pocket. “It’s time!” Peridot announced to herself in a whispered cheer. Abandoning Spinel’s side for the moment, Peridot sprinted over to the front of the greenhouse’s door, facing the teenager and the ensemble of gems. </p><p>“Welcome to Botany 101, students!” she greeted, the group’s heads turning her way. “I, Miss Peridot, am <i>so</i> excited to have the honor to teach you all about the wonders of Earth’s beautiful flora!” Flashing a studious smile, she opened up the door and beckoned everyone inside.</p><p>Spinel’s breath caught in her throat as the amazed gasps of others sounded. There were plants… <i>everywhere.</i> Plants lined up along shelves, plants stored inside cubbies, plants growing along the rafters - heck, there were even plants hanging from the <i>ceiling</i>. Their leaves glistened under droplets of water and twinkled in the light of the Sun. Bags of fertilizer, unused plant pots, and spare garden hoses were also strewn about the place.</p><p>It looked… stunning. Like an odd sort of controlled, chaotic beauty. But Spinel just couldn’t shake what the scene reminded her of. The memories it jogged up as if they were being dredged up from the bottom of a mucky lakebed.</p><p>“As you can clearly see,” Peridot continued, leading her class through the <s>Garden</s> greenhouse, “we have a wide assortment of Earth flora here, including a variety of flower species.”</p><p>Spinel spun her head around, somewhat uneasily absorbing the plant scenery. Simple ferns grew here and there. Daffodils and sunflowers rested in flower beds while pitcher plants and chrysanthemums hung in flower pots. </p><p>A single, wilted hibiscus sat pitifully on a countertop.</p><p>Spinel froze as Peridot’s anger became pronounced. “Gah! I <i>told</i> Lapis, ‘Please make sure to water all the greenhouse plants while I work on my schedule,’ and she said ‘Yeah, sure, I’ll do that.’ She’s a <i>water gem</i>, for Stars’ sake, it shouldn’t be too much to ask her to <i>water</i> plants!”</p><p>Peridot’s ranting was all but undetected by Spinel. The world around her was put on mute. She could feel her breathing simultaneously tightening and quickening. Her vision shrunk. Her eyes became tunnel visioned on the brown, crumbling plant. Only for the greenhouse around her began to melt away into a place she never wanted to revisit. </p><p>
  <s>Dead hibiscuses. Dead hibiscuses that seemed to stretch out forever in a sea of greenish-brown. All the other types of flowers were brown. The decaying shrubs were brown. The leafless bushes were brown. The withered grass was brown. Spinel was the only non-brown thing there.</s>
</p><p>
  <s>Because she was all alone.</s>
</p><p><i>Why - why am I seeing this?</i> Spinel begged to know, the plea swirling in her mind. The suffocating death and decay seemed to be closing in on her. Shrinking in on herself, she fell to her knees. <i>Stars, <b>why</b> am I being forced to see this again?! What did I do!? I don’t wanna be here again! What did I do?! Please, I’m sorry -!</i> </p><p>And, just like that, as if her prayers were answered, she was abruptly yanked back into the real world.</p><p>“Spinel!”</p><p>Her eyes shot open.… Did she have them closed to begin with? Or, did she just blink? It - what she saw felt so, <i>real</i>, did she not really go there? Was it a nightmare? Every bit of her senses told her otherwise, hell she could nearabout <i>smell</i> the Garden and its lingering scent. She was - she felt so confused, what -</p><p>“Are you okay, Spinel?” Peridot requested, having obviously stopped her ranting and was now puzzled. The teenager just stared at her and the other equally-confused, staring gems.</p><p>When had she started sweating? When had she started panting? Slowly regaining her bearings, Spinel‘s initial shock bled into embarrassment. “S-sorry,” she croaked after taking a gulp of air, trying and failing to steady her shaking hands. “I - I dunno what that was.”</p><p>“You don’t?” the green gem spoke with utter bewilderment. “How can you <i>not?</i> You were completely out of it for a moment.”</p><p>A moment. Had it only been a moment? “I’m sorry, I’m - I just, I s-saw somethin’ odd, that’s all,” Spinel managed to explain, pushing herself up to stand. ”I’m fine.”</p><p>Peridot twisted her mouth a bit, eyes appraising the human. It seemed as if a million calculating thoughts were running through the circuitry of her mind. Before the human could grow more uneasy at her examining stare, Peridot summoned forth from her gemstone an incredibly thick stack of papers. They landed on one of the countertops with a crunching thud. “Take one of these pre-tests and begin completing them,” she instructed, “while I show Spinel something in the back.”</p><p><i>Oh, fuck.</i> Spinel’s eyes shrank into pinpricks as Peridot promptly turned and ushered her into a second room of the greenhouse, her slowly steadying heartbeat now once again kicking into overdrive. D-did she say something wrong? Did she <i>do</i> something wrong? Spinel’s brain was a maelstrom of anxiety, trying to think of what she did wrong. She must’ve done something wrong. Peridot’s probably mad at her for disrupting class - which it <i>was</i> her this time, unlike those amethysts from Art. Why else would she be getting punished? </p><p>Should she run? Just high-tail it out of there? Each and every bit of her instincts were screaming at her to just book it. But a not-as-loud, yet still potent part of her ordered that she ought to take it. Not only did she deserve the punishment (hell, she knew she deserved <i>many</i> more due to, y’know, almost destroying the Earth) but she knew it would help with the healing. It’d tell her what not to do, after all.</p><p>“Are you coming?” she heard. Peridot was looking at her at the doorway to the greenhouse’s back room, a seemingly genuine look of concern in her eyes.</p><p>Oh, she’s <i>good</i>. </p><p>Spinel tried ignoring the sweat forming on her palms as she trudged over to meet her teacher. Stepping inside as Peridot closed the door she was welcomed with an almost equally beautiful sight as the previous room. A couple dozen seedlings and sprouts were organized amongst the room, all laid in various starter pots.</p><p>Peridot turned from the door and opened her mouth to speak, but Spinel beat her to the punch. “I’m so so <i>so</i> sorry that I interrupted your class! I’m, I know I’m supposed to be here healing ‘n getting better, but,” she chuckled pitifully, “I‘m just really good at messing things up.… I d-deserve whatever punishment I get.”</p><p>The lime green gem blinked. “… What are you talking about?”</p><p>Spinel blinked in turn, reeling from being woefully unprepared at her response. “W-whaddya mean?” Spinel stuttered, fearfully. Is Peridot trying to lull her into a false sense of ease? Is she playing dumb? Why is she being so cruel in delaying the inevitable?!</p><p>Peridot remained befuddled until she realized their setting and the fact that she, the <i>teacher,</i> wanted to speak with Spinel, the student, <i>alone</i>. Her face scrunched up as confused realization dawned on her. “You thought I was going to <i>discipline</i> you?” she asked in disbelief. “Why would I do that?”</p><p>“B-but I -“ The teen felt her mouth dry up. “I <i>made a scene</i> in your class! I made a fool of myself and distracted people from doing important stuff!” Stars, why did that reasoning sound so familiar? “And now you’re wasting important time here with me! H-hurry up and get it over with!”</p><p>“Hey, hey, slow down!” Peridot ushered. “I’m not going to punish you, Spinel! I just brought you back here so we could talk about… what happened.”</p><p>Silence stretched on for a couple seconds after Peridot spoke. It was evidently interrupted once Spinel’s arms collapsed onto the floor in noodly heaps. “Y-you’re not gonna, p-punish me?”</p><p>She shook her head. ”Of course not,” Peridot replied, “I simply want to understand what just occurred back there,” she thumbed behind her to the door.</p><p>Reeling her arms back in to normal length, Spinel was wholly averse to such an idea. She could tolerate Steven discussing stuff like that with her, but she didn’t know this gem at all. ”<i>*Ha!*</i> You’re funny! Why‘d we - why‘d‘ja even want to open up <i>that</i> can of worms?” she dismissed.</p><p>“It won’t do you any good to leave what bothers you unaddressed - it’ll just, keep bothering you,” Peridot calmly reasoned. “Even something you’d label being as insignificant as worm cans.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t <i>wanna</i> talk about it,” she retorted, choosing to ignore Peridot’s misunderstanding of her idiom. “I’ll stop bein’ bothered by it once you, like, teach me a life lesson or some shit, I dunno.”</p><p>Getting that calculating look in her eyes again, Peridot seemed to be considering her request even though she clearly appeared to disagree with her reasoning. </p><p>“…Well, alright,” she sighed, shrugging in acquiescence. “Steven <i>is</i> usually better at that sort of stuff than me,” she said as Spinel’s mental fortress once again proved to be unyielding to any siege. Well, <i>some.</i></p><p>“But I still would like to show you something,” Peridot reminded as she approached a row of potted plants.</p><p>The GMO human bobbled her head almost cartoonishly. “‘Course! Lead the way, teach’!”</p><p>Peridot leaned in close in front of some seedlings as Spinel walked to her side. The three pots showed a progressing order of growth, with the first showcasing a bud barely poking out of the soil and the last displaying a healthy young sprout. </p><p>“Are you observing these plant forms, Spinel?” Peridot asked.</p><p>She nodded, a look on her face that tried to show her attention while also showing her confusion. “Yep . . . why are we doin’ this, exactly?” Of course, she didn’t want to criticize her teacher, but… these were plants.</p><p>Peridot tapped her finger against the counter. “It’s… clearly evident that you had some sort of bad experience with dead plant matter.” Spinel shrunk in on hearing that, nearly opening her mouth up to rebuke that idea but quickly put to rest as she realized it would be fruitless. “But, I get it,” Peridot continued. “My friend went through the same.”</p><p>“She <i>did?</i>” </p><p>“Well, not exactly,” she clarified. “It involved water, specifically. As such she was incredibly averse to anything water-related for a long time - which I,” she snorted, “found out in trying to lift her spirits <i>with</i> water’s help. I then had to discover other ways to help her.”</p><p>Realization crept up on Spinel as she heard Peridot’s anecdote, her eyes searching the plant sprouts. “You’re trying to cheer me up with… plants?”</p><p>“Mmh, yeah!” Peridot eagerly replied. “I mean, <i>living</i> plants, in particular,” she remedied. </p><p>“So, as you’ve clearly had a negative experience with dead plant matter it would make sense to show you a related, yet positive experience!” That… could be something, Spinel had to admit.</p><p>Peridot pressed on, however now with an air of trepidation. “Steven, erm, told me a bit about where you were, stuck,” she revealed as Spinel hardened her eyes at the memory. The pensive look on her face was obvious, but she managed to quiet her curious mind for the task at hand. “I’m guessing you never saw any plants growing there.”</p><p>Now that she thought about it, Spinel never seemed to notice any plants that grew there at all. All painstakingly primped to meet the ideal standards, she never saw anything particularly change amongst the flora <s>except for watching them slowly wilt in front of her -</s> No, no, bad thought. Bad brain. Bad -</p><p>“Spinel?”</p><p>The girl in question jerked. “I - uh - no, yeah, nothing ever really changed there. Besides… .” The sentence died in her mouth.</p><p>Rubbing a finger against one of the largest seedling’s leaves, Peridot smiled. “Well, they do here. All of Earth’s biotic features change,” she spoke in admiration, “as a part of its highly complex and continuous cycle of life and death.”</p><p>“B-but they still die,” Spinel told, a mixture of glumness and anxiety in her voice. </p><p>“I mean, you’re correct? But although death ends the existences of some, it also provides openings for others.” She pointed over to a lab setup that was comprised of several mushroom-looking flowers. “Those mycotrophic wildflowers over there feed off of the nutrients of dead plant material.” Her finger then drifted over to a diagram of ecological succession. “And some plants can only grow once others have died off,” she taught.</p><p>“What I’m trying to get to is… .” She hummed, trying to articulate her words. “Stuff like death can have new meaning to it - if you’re willing to put in the effort to see it in a new light. And that’s not hard at all to do on Earth - there’s so much to learn!” Once Peridot had concluded, she swiveled her head over to see what Spinel had to say.</p><p>Unsurprisingly Spinel was… quiet, as she usually was whenever these types of bombshells were dropped onto her. It’s like, okay, yeah, what Peridot was suggesting didn’t sound <i>too</i> revolutionary or anything. But this still was the first time she was hearing it.</p><p>Looking at things in a different light… sounded kind of hard. It was still a bit difficult for her to comprehend how a lowly peridot technician could teach a class comprised of several gems of higher ranks. The same applied with the wilted hibiscus; how could she <i>possibly</i> see that as anything else besides a reminder of her torture?</p><p>But, she figured she could try. For the sake of healing herself. For Steven’s sake. “That sounds, cool, Miss Peridot. That sounds cool.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>peridot in suf, still the best character:  “me like plant”</p><p>me, tearing up: you’re goddamn right you do</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. She’s Trash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel spends time Bismuth’s and Amethyst’s classes. And an alley.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<i>Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride</i></p><p>
  <i>Nobody gonna slow me down</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh no</i>
</p><p><i>I got to keep on movin'</i>.”</p><p>Earbuds plugged into her ears, Spinel stepped in time to the music. She needed it, after all. Vibing with the eighties bop, the teenager was in a good space to lose herself in her thoughts.</p><p>Last class was . . . kinda heavy. The lingering emotions from her flashback had all but disappeared by the time she exited the greenhouse after taking that killer pretest (how the hell was she supposed to know what the difference was between a broadleaf and evergreen tree?!). But it was all a part of changing for the better, she guessed. And at least Peridot was nice - really nice, actually. Understanding, too. So that’s a plus.</p><p>Now she was on her way to a class called “Metallurgy.” She, um… yeah she had no clue what that meant. It had “metal” in the name, so maybe it had something to do with that. Nevertheless, she knew there was only one way to find out: to simply just <i>go</i> there.</p><p>In the meantime, she had an absolute banger to imbibe her ears with.</p><p>“<i>Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride</i></p><p>
  <i>I'm running and I won't touch ground</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh no</i>
</p><p><i>I got to keep on movin'.</i>”</p>
<hr/><p>Bismuth’s classroom was by <i>far</i> the most captivating. Aesthetically, that is.</p><p>The building seemed to be comprised of half of a stone yurt and half a literal earthen hill, decked out with grass and flower bushes and everything. It also had an impressive brick chimney sprouting out the top and a monumental sword hanging above the doorway.</p><p>Inside was like stepping underground. It was dark. <i>Really</i> dark. Almost the complete opposite of the greenhouse. The interior was lit only by the glow from molten metal flowing out of taps. The glow also illuminated just. An. <i>Ungodly</i> amount of weaponry. Halberds, broadswords, scimitars, flails, and battle-axes choked the forge’s walls. It was a consuming sight to be sure.</p><p>It was <i>so</i> captivating, in fact, that Spinel didn’t hear Bismuth’s thundering gait approaching her until she felt a massive hand clap down on her shoulder. Yanking herself out of the grip, she whirled around and almost instinctively threw a fist at the unknown attacker until she realized who it was.</p><p>“Woah! Easy there, Springs,” Bismuth said with open palms raised in a conciliatory manner. “Just tryna say ‘hi’ here. Sorry if I freaked you out.”</p><p><i>Springs?</i> Before Spinel could pay much more attention to that nickname, she realized what she was doing and jerked her fists back down to her side in shame. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve reacted like that.”</p><p>“Ah, don’t worry about it. ‘Sides, I doubt you could put a scrape on <i>my</i> gem,” Bismuth boasted breezily. </p><p>The hulking gem marched over in front of the large vat of molten metal. Just Bismuth’s presence and confident demeanor alone attracted the attention of Spinel and the several other students present. “Alright cadets - listen up!” she called, her booming voice bouncing off the forge’s walls. </p><p>“As I look at all of your faces today,” she began, “I see a great deal of variety. A jade, a nephrite, a snowflake obsidian, a zircon, and,” she winked towards Spinel, “a human like <i>no</i> other.” The teen rubbed her arm, embarrassed at the attention.</p><p>Bismuth gave her a brief look that just barely provided Spinel a silent apology before pressing on. “Yet the thing each and every one of you share in common is that you know you weren’t meant to do <i>this</i>,” she lectured as she gestured to the forge equipment around her. “That it isn’t your purpose. That it would be ‘off-color’ to do. That you should only stick to what you were made to do,” she spoke mockingly.</p><p>“Well, y’know what I say to that? <i>Fuck</i> that!” she touted, surprising everyone at the sudden vulgarity. “Look at me! I’m a bismuth! I was made to build structures for the elite, but I became the <i>finest</i> blacksmith the Rebellion had. By Homeworld logic, that shouldn’t be possible. And yet, here I am.</p><p>“I’m only <i>one</i> example that disproves Homeworld’s twisted ways of thinking,” Bismuth told. “Look around you! All your other teachers have been through the same thing I have; they learned how to break away from Homeworld’s chains and think for <i>themselves</i> with <i>no one</i> to tell ‘em they’re wrong!” she spoke, revolutionary zeal erupting from her voice.</p><p>She jabbed a finger at Spinel and the class in a manner reminiscent of Uncle Sam’s “I Want You” poster. “You can learn to be free too! You can learn how to unlock your full potential! You can learn how to live life to the fullest!” She pumped her fist in the air. “<i>You</i> are the masters of your own destiny! <i>Nobody</i> can tell you otherwise!” </p><p>Spinel wasn’t gonna lie - this Bismuth <i>sure</i> could fire up a crowd. Even she felt a good deal more eager to partake in whatever metallurgy was. </p><p>Bismuth threw her arm over to seize a fistful of iron ingots, hoisting them in the air. “Now: let’s get cookin’!”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel picked at the bandages wrapped around her fingers. Okay, so, <i>apparently</i> touching red-hot metals with your bare hands <i>wasn’t</i> something a human could do. It was only due to her modified durability and a vial of Steven’s spit (which the hazardous forge seemed to have a lot of in store) that prevented her from getting severe second-degree burns. </p><p>Even if she did spend a sizable percentage of her class time being dressed for her wounds, she wouldn’t say that Bismuth’s class was a complete waste. Kind of. The idea of choosing her own destiny was something that she’d already been doing, with all her music and cartoons and wanting to better herself and all. Bismuth’s firebrand speech only really served to strengthen it.</p><p>Walking on to her next class - “How to Decide Stuff for Yourself 101” - she hoped she’d be taught something that was, well, useful. <i>Yeesh.</i> She cringed at that desire. Who the hell was <i>she</i> to be in demand of such a novelty! Wasn’t she already as unfixable as could be?</p><p><i>No, no. Bad thought.</i> She, she’s changing. She wants to change. I-it doesn’t matter if she began wanting to change two years ago or two weeks ago - she still wants to change for the better. Yeah. </p><p>As she convinced herself that she deserved this, she finally spotted where her nest class was to take place - and instantly faltered. She double-checked the address on her sheet - yep, it just said “look for Amethyst near LH’s center.” And there said gem was, equipped with only a flip-chart and scholarly glasses. </p><p>It’s not like she didn’t <i>like</i> the gem, actually far from it; she found her the most tolerable to be around with how easy-going and not-prying she was, and how she was helping her acclimate to Earth culture. It’s just that, unlike the captivating settings of her previous classes which drew her into the learning process, Amethyst’s class was… literally just in one of Little Homeworld’s plazas. </p><p>. . . Well, who was she to judge, any who? She ought to just swallow whatever vestiges of her pride remained and power through, her historically pampered lifestyle be damned. Spinel’s here to change; she ought to focus on that.</p><p>Approaching Amethyst with a barely-relaxed gait, she drew the gem’s attention. “Yo! What’s - I mean,” she cleared her throat, “good morning, Spinel. Glad to see you could make it to our class today.”</p><p>“Hey, um, good morning to you, too,” Spinel greeted back, silently wondering why Amethyst’s voice dropped an octave lower. </p><p>“Go ahead and take a seat, class’ll start in a minute,” Amethyst instructed easily, adjusting her bifocals.</p><p>Lowering herself down to sit in a criss-cross position near to Amethyst, Spinel resumed picking at her bandages, awkwardly waiting for the other students to file in. After several minutes, with several more students arriving, Amethyst began:</p><p>“Hello, I’m Professor Amethyst, as some of you might know,” she glanced amongst the collection of students. “I’ll be your teacher for ‘How to Decide Stuff for Yourself 101,’” she informed while pointing to the flip chart.</p><p>“Today’s lesson is… ,“ Spinel sat with bated breath, eagerly waiting for whatever knowledge to be dispensed to her, when she said - “… there is no lesson.”</p><p>Spinel felt herself deflate as Amethyst cast away her glasses like common trash. “Just do whatever you want for an hour.”</p><p>“Wh - really? We’re doing <i>nothing?”</i> a carnelian queried, voicing Spinel’s inner thoughts perfectly.</p><p>Amethyst shot her a finger gun. “Yeah. Do whatever floats your boat - as long as it’s legal, I guess.” The carnelian only shrugged and followed the other students filing out of the courtyard.</p><p>All except for Spinel. Remaining seated, with a scowl on her face, she felt… dejected. Shot down. Like she was cheated out of a deal. Or game. She’d put herself out there in the world, and she’d learn to get better. She‘d get embarrassed in classes like Botany or Metallurgy, while simultaneously learning solid life skills. But <i>this</i> - this wasn’t right.</p><p>Amethyst wasn’t playing fair.</p><p>This wasn’t how the game worked.</p><p>“Hey, Spinel?” Amethyst questioned. “Ya gonna go do some-“</p><p>“<i><b>Why won’t you teach me!?</b></i>” Spinel exploded, bolting upright.</p><p>Amethyst jutted back, spotting the spirals in the teen’s eyes.  “Hey! Chillax, what’s a-“</p><p>“Is is <i>me?</i> Am I - d’ya think I’m not <i>good enough?!</i> Am I not <i>good enough</i> for you to play fair with?!!”</p><p>“Wha - <i>no!</i> I -“</p><p>“<i>I’m trying! I’m <b>fucking</b> trying!</i>” Spinel shrieked, rage at the perceived injustice blinding her to whatever words were trying to come out of Amethyst’s maw. “Can’t you just let me <i>have</i> that!?”</p><p>“Spinel, I’m -“ The gem swallowed, carefully selecting which would be the appropriate response to this. She might as well go with the direct one. “I think you’e good enough.”</p><p>The teenager bristled, but nevertheless let her continue. “It - I dunno what really brought, <i>that</i> on, but I’m not doing this ‘cause I think you’re not worth it or whatever,” she elaborated. “I’m doing this to help.”</p><p>“… You are?” Spinel asked, smallish. Oh, did <i>she</i> feel like an ass. Hurting people that were trying to help her. Again. “Fuck - <i>why</i> do I keep doing this? Why am I just <i>such</i> a little -“</p><p>“Hey hey hey, slow down there,” Amethyst interrupted. “It’s cool. You were just confused, that’s all.” </p><p>Spinel heard her, but she simply couldn’t believe what she was saying. There was no way Amethyst could just, <i>forgive</i> her like that! She guessed she could be forgiven for making a scene in her previous classes, and obviously Steven forgives her because, well - he’s <i>Steven</i>. But <i>this?</i> Amethyst wasn’t Steven. Spinel just ruined whatever friendship they had in the span of ten seconds. She couldn’t forgive her. She <i>couldn’t.</i> </p><p>She sniffed. “You said we were free to go?”</p><p>“Uh - yeah, but dont’cha wanna -“</p><p>Wordlessly Spinel interrupted Amethyst as she turned and began trudging away, head hung low. “Hey, Spinny,” the gem spoke, laying a hand on her shoulder, effectively halting her advance. “Where ya going?”</p><p><i>Heh, wow, everybody’s gifting me nicknames today,</i> Spinel thought pitifully. <i>Like they think I deserve such a royalty.</i> “I just… need some time alone.”</p><p>Amethyst appraised her, getting why she wanted to leave but still not wholly agreeing with her on it. “You sure?”</p><p>She nodded. She wanted to add “<i>I knew I’d eventually blow it with you,</i>” but she decided to leave that out. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Mmmh… alright,” Amethyst relented, concern coating her voice. “If ya need me or anything, I’ll be off coaching baseball.”</p><p>The gem was met with another nod. With that, Spinel was off.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <i>
    <b>*Punt!*</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>*Smash*</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>*Whump!*</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Fuck!”</i>
</p><p>Spinel drew her hand close to her, examining her fingers. Oh, great. They were hurting again.</p><p>She guessed that’d make sense. The teenager had spent the last five or so minutes mercilessly walloping trash cans in some alley. Even though she knew causing damage to her surroundings never let off any of her steam (that time in the Garden proved that), she still found herself pounding those trash bins into the dust in some futile attempt.</p><p>It’s just that, her mind was in turmoil over what had just transpired. Angry at just throwing away their relationship like that. Relieved that Amethyst no longer had to put up with her shit. Pissed off at even <i>having</i> such an internal conflict.</p><p>After flattening the latest trash can into a metal pancake, Spinel thudded to the ground, slumped against a wall. She must’ve remained like that for a good while, negative thoughts filling her head. Stars, she was the <i>worst</i>. How could she <i>do</i> that to Amethyst! Why did anyone bother to fake wanting to be around her!?</p><p>…</p><p>… Hold on.</p><p>Did . . . didn’t Lapis say she used to feel like this? So <i>spiteful</i> at herself? So negative towards every action she took? So snippy at everyone? But now she’s so, at ease. How did she learn to stop?</p><p>Spinel stared down at the bandages lacing around her fingers. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn’t have the answer to that. But she did remember Lapis saying that people gave her a chance to be better. Heh, well, she already fucked <i>that</i> chance up with Amethyst, so she’s a no-go. </p><p>… Right? I mean, she just accused Amethyst of throwing her under the bus <i>in full view of anyone to see</i> - of course she’d hate her! . . . But, she did somehow, possibly, at least artificially forgive her for trying to destroy the Earth. <i>Maayybbee</i> she could forgive her for this? At least, she hoped so.</p><p>But then again, if she didn’t forgive her, then she’d be one less person that was forced by some tacit agreement to tolerate being around her. One less person that would be exposed to her corrosive influence. And that was good . . . right? It’s just that, she <i>did</i> seem to enjoy being around Spinel. <i>Gahh,</i> it was all so <i>confusing!</i> How - how could Lapis be so calm?!</p><p>Without warning, an image broke through the muck of her mind to be seen at its forefront; one that made her think once again of Lapis. It was the slight flinch she made when Mayshee was arguing with her. When the amethyst said bad people didn’t deserve to change. Lapis used to be bad, she said, but she’s moved beyond that… why would that little jibe affect her if she’d moved on?</p><p>Unless she wasn’t <i>fully</i> over it.</p><p>A thousand-watt lightbulb lit up in Spinel’s head. <i>Lapis wasn’t perfect.</i> She wasn’t some shining angel in white, completely flawless. She still struggled with her self-worth. All the while still seeming so much, <i>healthier</i> than her. Huffing out a sigh of relief, Spinel’s mind was consumed by one realization: it wasn’t impossible to emulate the water gem’s tranquil existence. <i>Mostly</i> tranquil existence.</p><p>Hanging on to this new thread of hope, the teenager was renewed with energy. Spinel whipped out her phone to peep the o’clock. She still had a good half-hour until she had to be at her next class. Said class was with -</p><p> - With Pearl.</p><p>Oh boy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Longing for Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel talks with Pearl.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Man, I was damn <i>excited</i> to write this chapter, and I liked how it turned out! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walking with the ease of somebody being forced to move at gunpoint, Spinel approached Earth Technology. Unlike her previous two classes this one looked fairly populated. An assortment of gems sat in a collection of wooden bleachers, either conversing with each other or reading from several different instructional pamphlets. </p><p>And right, smack dab in front of the bleachers, was Pearl.</p><p>Upon seeing her that same, dreaded feeling of discomfort arose inside Spinel. Discomfort that, oddly enough, she couldn’t quite pinpoint where it stemmed from. Besides the gem tolerating her abandonment, of course. It felt like it resulted from multiple wrongdoings on Pearl’s part. </p><p>Wanting to avoid as much conversation with Pearl as possible, Spinel began shuffling over to the bleachers. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Pearl passing out a bunch of color-coded pamphlets. The gem turned towards her direction to hand one to a quartz. And saw her.</p><p>It was difficult to determine what was going through Pearl’s mind right then when she saw the teenager. Mostly because she just froze, her hand in the midst of giving the other gem a blue pamphlet. The same went for Spinel, just about to step onto the bleachers.</p><p>The two stayed like that for a short moment before the quartz piped up. “Uhh… Miss Pearl? Are you gonna, uh, hand me that?”</p><p>That snapped Pearl out of her stupor. “Oh! Yes, my apologies,” she replied, thrusting the pamphlet into the gem’s awaiting hand. Fluffing out her jacket (for some reason) she marched over to meet Spinel.</p><p>“Welcome, Spinel!” she greeted, awfully bright. “That’s right, you <i>are</i> in my class!” she remembered.</p><p>Spinel slapped on a convincing smile. She was pretty good at it, after all. “Hiya, Pearl,” she nevertheless spoke with little enthusiasm.</p><p>“Here are some informational pamphlets you might need -“ Pearl began immediately after Spinel did, shoving her a handful of papers, “- and feel free to choose anywhere to sit.” And with that, she turned on a dime and strutted off.</p><p>. . . Huh.</p><p>Something stirred inside Spinel. </p><p>She was hesitant to call it <i>anger</i> (shocking, I know), rather just a sort of irritation. But why? Why <i>now</i> would she get peeved at how standoffish their relationship was? It’s not like she wanted to get closer to her . . . right? Pearl hurt her! </p><p>Spinel guessed she just, wanted it to stop. To stop feeling so uneasy around her. <i>Yeah, that’s it,</i> she concluded at she sat amongst the top row on one of the bleachers. <i>It’s that.</i></p><p>It didn’t take long for class to begin. Pearl stood in front of the bleachers, informing everyone to skim through the introductory pamphlets for a moment before she’d formally start. Most were in Gem Glyph and detailed the basics of Earth Technology, while the last was a fairly thick English dictionary.</p><p>“The white one is a Gem Glyph-English dictionary,” Pearl further clarified. “All your classes will be providing at least a minimal amount of English lessons, though most decided not to begin today. However, I say it’s never too early to start!” </p><p>The teenage girl already knew a fair bit of English, thanks to her time on the Internet, but she figured this could help.</p><p>Pearl began her lecture on Earth tech, with her first example being her smartphone. After showing everybody its fancy tricks and doodads, she opened up the Phone app. “Does anybody have any experience with conversing via a human short-range telecommunication device - also known as ‘talking on the phone?’”</p><p>Spinel felt her heart skip in anticipation. Sure, she didn’t really have any, well, <i>expertise</i> in handling phone calls - mostly just introductory lessons with Steven and spam calls from halfway across the country. Still, it was all the excuse she needed.</p><p>“Anybody?” Pearl requested. “Who has any -“</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>Something momentarily flickered across Pearl’s eyes before it swiftly subsided. “Spinel! G-great!”</p><p>She fiddled with something on her phone as Spinel stretched one leg out and reached Pearl in one step - all the way from the top of the bleachers. Her body snapped like a rubber band to meet it. Pearl jolted at the suddenness of it, before diverting her attention back to the class.</p><p>“Spinel and I will be demonstrating a typical human conversation via phone call,” Pearl explained, completely in teacher-mode. The two exchanged numbers, with Pearl lecturing what that meant and how to do it. Then Pearl rang Spinel up.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Why hello, Spinel! To what do I owe the pleasure of your calling?”</p><p>The girl shot Pearl a look before said gem made a “go along with it” gesture. She felt the bolts of righteous action zip through her nerves.</p><p>“I’ve decided I wanna talk things out.”</p><p>Under the passing of a blink, Pearl’s previously scholarly demeanor evaporated. She now ogled at Spinel with a look that obviously contained more emotion than it was overtly showing, which even that <i>screamed</i> of complete shock. There was also a strange mixture of happiness and fear.</p><p>“… Wh-what ever do you mean, Spinel?” she sputtered, flailing to regain her grasp on propriety. </p><p>“After class. I have a free period. If you’re not busy, I wanna talk,” Spinel calmly reasoned. </p><p>Another blink. “Really? A-alright. It was nice talking with you, Spinel. Goodbye.”</p><p>She hung up, then swiveled back to face the other students. “A-as you can see, a typical human phone conversation is a lot like in-person conversation, where there is a cordial introduction, discussion over subject matter, and a proper conclusion.”</p><p>Her eyes darted over to the human. “You can go reclaim your seat, Spinel.”</p><p>The teenager stretched back up to the top of the bleachers. In one step.</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel waited until everybody else had left before she dared approach Pearl again. However even before Spinel had stopped walking towards her, the gem spoke in favor of doing something else.</p><p>“Mind if I set something up? Where we can, talk?”</p><p>The teen didn’t know if she was stalling or not, but she decided that questioning her would be pushing it. “… Okay.”</p><p>Nodding, Pearl turned and went off to set up, whatever, leaving Spinel to wait by the bleachers. After about ten minutes’ time Pearl returned with her hands clasped. She stood up and followed her.</p><p>Just behind the setting of Pearl’s classroom laid a grove of ornamental trees nestled between some buildings of Little Homeworld. The little nook was cool, tidy, and cozy. It was no wonder Pearl chose it to be their place to talk.</p><p>As they both approached the spot Spinel noticed she had set up two chairs on either side of a patio table. Either this was Pearl’s need for everything to be proper showing, or she anticipated their interaction as much as Spinel oddly found herself feeling.</p><p>Just before they reached the chairs their advance was halted when Pearl muttered, “Wait.” </p><p>“What?” Spinel asked.</p><p>Pearl didn’t respond. She looked ahead at the setup, then down at her hands. She rubbed them together a bit. Then she peered over at Spinel. And stayed staring. It must’ve lasted for only a couple moments, but for the both of them it felt like it lasted hours.</p><p>Spinel gave Pearl’s eyes an appraising look. To her surprise, she found that they were wide and slowly being overcome with emotion.</p><p>“Pearl?” </p><p>The gem startled for a moment, taking in a breath and blinking away oncoming tears. That ended up being fruitless, as the onslaught of tears refused to be held back. Her bottom lip warbled. </p><p>And then . . . </p><p>. . . she hugged her.</p><p>“<i>I’m so glad you’re safe!</i>” Pearl sobbed, her arms thrown tightly her. “<i>I’m *sniff* so sorry about - about everything!</i>”</p><p>The human couldn’t speak. Any attempt at doing so would’ve failed to accurately articulate the emotion running through her. Emotion that stemmed from memories of the past. Happy memories, for once. The times when Pearl would hold her hand. Whenever Pearl would partake in her and Pink’s games. Whenever Pearl would arrive at the Garden alone to check up on Spinel. When Pearl would then let Spinel do her hair, or show her the prettiest flowers, or reveal the most top-secret hiding spots to her. All these memories, arisen due to one simple action. Even though she had never really been hugged by Pearl, the action still awoke such fond memories of joyful times long past.</p><p>She knew know that her desire for reconciliation didn’t stem from simply wanting to feel comfortable around Pearl. It was from a desire for a type of love she hadn’t felt in millennia. </p><p>Long, loopy arms found themselves curling around Pearl. It only made sense that Spinel found herself crying, too. “I… *<i>sniff</i>* I missed you, Pearl.”</p><p>“I missed you, too,” Pearl cried, her voice brittle. “So much.”</p><p>They remained like that for a couple minutes, crying and hugging, before Pearl carefully removed herself. “Come on,” she said, eyes red and full of love, yet still displaying a glint of nervousness. “Let’s go talk.”</p><p>The two went over and took their seats. It was only then did Spinel realize she didn’t really know what to say. “Oh, jeez. I shoulda planned this out.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” Pearl assured with a small smile. “Just… let it out. Whatever you’re feeling about me. Don’t feel afraid to express it.”</p><p>Spinel took in a deep breath. “H’okay. I… I don’t want us to feel uncomfortable around each other anymore. At first I thought that was ‘cause, I dunno, it was gettin’ tiring?” she opined. “B-but I know now that I, I miss havin’ what we had way back when. That, platonic love.”</p><p>The girl wished Pearl would’ve smiled right then. Saying “<i>I missed that too,</i>” and all that. But, she didn’t. Rather, she <i>frowned</i> as she rested her forehead on her palm. “As much as it pains me to say, you shouldn’t.”</p><p>“… Wh-whaddya mean?” Spinel asked, confusion and uncertainty bubbling in her gut. “You - you just hugged me, you said you <i>missed</i> me -“</p><p>“I <i>do,</i>” the gem weakly protested, lifting her head out of her hand. “I-it’s just that… .”</p><p>“Just <i>what</i>, Pearl?” Spinel replied earnestly.</p><p>It was Pearl’s turn to sigh. “. . . I never felt the same way. At the time.”</p><p>She swallowed. “I was <i>nothing</i> like the pearl I am today. Back all those years ago, way back when, I was the quiet and obedient servant to Pink Diamond, willing to do whatever my master requested of me. Stand there and look pretty, inform her of upcoming events, attend to whatever passing fancy caught her eye.” Pearl looked at the girl in front of her shamefully. “To me, you were just another one of those fancies. Another pet of hers. Another part of Pink’s games to clean up after.… What we ‘had’ back then wasn’t good. At all.”</p><p>The gem had braced herself for Spinel’s evident distress at hearing all this. “I have long since realized that that was wrong of me to think of another person like that. You’re a living, breathing person with so much worth, though at the time I failed to realize that.” She chuckled dolefully. “That’s <i>one</i> of the things I apologize for.”</p><p>Spinel let her confession sink in for a moment. “You still said you missed me, though.”</p><p>A fond smile tugged at the gem’s lips. “I would be remiss if I failed to say that I did slowly grow to enjoy looking after you, once you were transferred to the Garden. Although I had no concept of motherhood at the time, that was still something I found myself beginning to develop for you.”</p><p>“But you still left me alone,” Spinel found herself spitting out.</p><p>“I was a <i>pearl</i>,” Pearl defended in a tone that nonetheless showed she reckoned her excuse was barely one at all. “I had <i>no</i> say in whatever was done to you.”</p><p>The human understood where she was coming from but continued to press on. “You still coulda came back! When you and Pink rebelled for <i>a thousand years</i>, you coulda rescued me! You coulda rescued me during the <i>thousands of years</i> that passed since then! Why didnt’cha?”</p><p>“. . . We were afraid.”</p><p>Her breath caught in her throat. A pause. “… Whaddya mean?”</p><p>“Afraid of the possibilities. Afraid that Pink Diamond’s notoriously faulty organic-preserving experiment failed to work. Afraid to see what remained of your body. Afraid that the technology didn’t fail. Afraid to meet the child we both abandoned face-to-face. Her frozen smile, stuck behind glass. Afraid to admit that we failed her beyond comprehension.”</p><p>Spinel’s hand twitched. “That - that’s not an excuse.“</p><p>Pearl sighed morosely. “I‘m all too aware it isn’t. Spinel, what we did to you was <i>terrible.</i> I know that a get-together and a few apologies aren’t going to make up for it. Not even in the slightest. Heck, I couldn’t even bring myself to initiate this.” She shuffled in her seat. “Once again, because of fear. And cowardice. And shame.”</p><p>She - well, Spinel would be lying if she said she didn’t at least <i>partially</i> sympathize with Pearl’s struggle to admit her faults. It of course wasn’t enough to wipe away her indignation. </p><p>Before she could reply Pearl pushed herself up from her chair. Trudging over to Spinel, the teen thought that she would receive another hug. Instead, Pearl actually knelt down onto her knees and joined her hands with Spinel’s.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can ever properly make up for what I did to you. But, I want to try,” Pearl stated in a beseeching manner. “I want us to have a healthy relationship with one another. I want to provide for you. I want you to have someone that can properly raise you. Please, Spinel. Let me back into your life. <i>Let me be that someone.</i>”</p><p>Spinel gawked down at her. It was so strange. Normally Spinel would’ve had to look up to Pearl to talk with her (she still had to, with a height difference still existing between each other). Now, it was the other way around. </p><p>She considered her plea. It <i>was</i> something she didn’t know she had longed for: a maternal figure to be there in her life. For those warm, snuggly feelings brought on by familiar and storge love. And yet, she knew Pearl had hurt her. Tremendously so, even if it was unintentional. </p><p>Still, as she looked at Pearl down in front of her with that caring, <i>earnest</i> look on her face, such anger at the misgivings of the past were put on hold. That’ll be worked on, for sure. Right now, she wanted this. She genuinely wanted this.</p><p>Pearl was once again overcome with emotion as she felt Spinel wrap her arms around her. “I’d like that,” the teen muttered as she too was resuming her crying. “I’d like that a lot.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Mindful Yoga</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel does some meditative yoga with Garnet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The teenager walked on to her next class. But, for the first time that day, she wasn’t alone.</p><p>“I have a feeling you’re going to enjoy Garnet’s class,” Pearl opined as she led her over to a sandy-colored building. Said building was a large, towering structure topped with some sort of windmill. </p><p>“Really?” Spinel asked, she and Pearl side-by-side as they approached the tower. “Why’s that?”</p><p>“Garnet is an expert when it comes to inner peace,” she explained. “I bet she’d be happy to share with you some of her secrets.”</p><p>“I would.”</p><p>“<i>Gaah!</i>” Spinel yelped at the sudden appearance of the gem in question, who had just jumped down from the tower’s roof. Even though she knew Garnet posed no threat to either of them, Pearl instinctively wrapped her arms around Spinel once she felt the girl jump out of her skin.</p><p>The fusion chuckled lightly. “My bad,” she apologized, wiping herself clean of the dust that settled on her after landing.</p><p>Removing her arms from shielding Spinel, Pearl relaxed, although the human still appeared tense. “Oh, that’s alright,” the gem replied friendly-like.</p><p>Nodding, Garnet kept her head in a way that managed to face both of them simultaneously. “Glad to see that you two have reconciled.”</p><p>“How do you know that?” Spinel interrogated as she nudged closer to Pearl. Then she remembered the past couple of weeks she spent in close proximity with the Gems, including the fusion. “Oh. Is that your future-vision whatchamacallit?”</p><p>“That’s part of it,” Garnet said with that rich voice of hers, “but also seeing as you two haven’t stayed together in one spot as long as you are right now, something <i>had</i> to have changed,” she pointed out.</p><p>“Something did change,” Pearl stated in a grateful tone as she and Spinel shared a wholesome look. One that displayed how glad they were to have finally sifted through a long-overdue discussion.</p><p>“I’m happy to hear that,” the fusion congratulated. “In all the futures I can see, this will prove to be very beneficial for the both of you,” she coolly foretold.</p><p>Spinel allowed a small smile to tug at her lips. Sure, this fusion was a little… uncanny, in her foresight ability, but she wasn’t exactly terrifying or anything. Wherever Garnet went she exuded an almost incorruptible air of confidence and wisdom. The only thing that sort of got on Spinel’s nerves was how she just popped up every now and then. Like what happened just then. When she leapt down from the top of literally the tallest structure in Little Homeworld. Her constantly giving those unrequested predictions was also a little unnerving.</p><p>“Class is just about to start,” Garnet remarked, removing Spinel from her thoughts. “I don’t think you’ll want to be late, Pearl.”</p><p>“Oh! That’s right, my planning period’s almost over!” Pearl remembered. In spite of knowing the limited time she had to get back and prepare for her next class, Pearl made sure to provide Spinel with a proper sendoff hug. “Have a great time, Spinel!” she wished in a manner reminiscent of a mother sending their child off to their first day of school. Even though Spinel was technically almost done with hers.</p><p>Speaking of which, the teen still wasn’t quite used to Pearl giving her hugs, but she still reciprocated it anyways. “See ya, Pearl!” With that, Pearl was off.</p><p>Spinel pried her head away from watching Pearl head back when Garnet spoke once more. “You wanna head up?” she voiced while jabbing a thumb upwards.</p><p>“Mmh…,” Spinel pondered as she stared at the daunting  height of the tower. She figured it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle springing up to.</p><p>“We also have stairs,” the fusion informed.</p><p>“Oh! Uh ….” Spinel reckoned it would probably be rude to leave the gem here while she hopped all the way up to the top. “Yeah, I’ll take the stairs.”</p><p>Nodding, Garnet led Spinel through the doorway into the tower’s interior. It was pretty dark inside, the whole thing being made up of a spiral staircase.</p><p>Garnet struck up a conversation as the two began ascending the flight, with her in front. “Meditative yoga can be very helpful if done correctly. I have a feeling you’ll like it.”</p><p>“Huh,” Spinel found herself being only able to reply with. Realizing that was a dumb thing to say, she -</p><p>“It’s not.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It’s not a dumb thing to say. Sometimes that’s all you can think of.”</p><p><i>The fuck?</i> “… How’d you know I was thinking that?” <i>Does she have mind-reading powers too?</i></p><p>“You were about to say it,” Garnet answered frankly.</p><p>Yeah, no. “Okay, could - could’ja <i>not</i> do that? Predicting my every move?” At that moment Spinel figured she sounded awfully bratty right then. “I - I don’t mean to sound demandin’ or anything! I just - it kinda creeps me out. Sorry.”</p><p>Continuing her march upstairs, Garnet turned her head back to face the teen. “Alright. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”</p><p>“… Really?” Spinel questioned, more confused than unbelieving. “You’ll stop? Just like that?”</p><p>“M-hm,” the fusion replied simply, continuing her ascent.</p><p>Spinel blinked. “O-okay.” <i>Stars, she’s one cryptic motherfucker.</i> Once she finished thinking that she mentally berated herself for imagining such a derogatory thought - all the while wondering if Garnet knew what she thought, too.</p><p>Once the pair reached the tower’s roof it became clear to Spinel that she was the last student to arrive. The dozen or so yoga mats were all occupied by gems save for one that was tucked near the back. Spinel shuffled over to claim it as Garnet assumed her’s in front of the class.</p><p>As Garnet was getting settled down, Spinel took in the stage for her class. It was pretty unassuming - really just an assortment of mats on top of a beige stone roof - but the whole place gave off a sense of peace. Being so high up allowed the gentle breeze floating through the air to feel a tad bit crisper. The view of the surrounding landscape also strengthened that feeling. Waves of rolling green land and the ocean bespeckled with shimmering reflections of light treated Spinel’s senses, leaving her pleasantly dazzled by the sight. The only thing that broke the teen out of her trance was Garnet speaking. </p><p>“I’m glad you all could make it today,” the gem began, sitting criss-cross on her  yoga mat. Her tone was awfully like that of a pastor welcoming a church’s attendees to Sunday service. “I know that meditative yoga sounds pointless to most of you here. But still, it is very useful to know how to clear your thoughts and maintain a healthy mindset,” she reasoned.</p><p>“To begin, we’re all going to take some deep breaths. Lay out your hands like so,” Garnet instructed as she joined the tips of her fingers together to form an ‘O’ shape. It took Spinel a second, but eventually she mimicked her.</p><p>Garnet waited until everybody else was ready to continue. “Clear your mind,” she instructed with a voice like molasses. “Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t fret about the future. Right now is all about the present.”</p><p><i>That’s like asking a peridot to sing opera,</i> Spinel thought scathingly. Her mind was so <i>full</i> of constant second-guessing, of anxiety, of going back and forth over every little thing - how could this seemingly modified form of Pearl’s breathing techniques just kick all that to the curb?</p><p>The fusion pressed on in spite of Spinel’s silent protests. She calmly inhaled. “Take a breath in… and breathe out. Breathe in… and breathe out.”</p><p>Begrudgingly, Spinel obliged. And, surprise surprise, she didn’t feel any fabled sense of ease. She was just as untrusting in this as she had at the beginning.</p><p>Yet that was only true initially; for as the breathing continued, as Garnet’s buttery voice continued to reach the bowels of her soul, she <i>did</i> feel herself growing… quieter. Not so loud in the head. The clamor didn’t exactly feel cleared, mind you, more like just put on pause. Just like the breathing techniques Pearl taught her. Yet this ‘mind-clearing’ mumbo-jumbo felt a bit more potent. The soothing, silky sensation creeping through her mind proved that. It was a welcome feeling, to be sure.</p><p>“Breathe in, and breathe out,” Garnet repeated. </p><p>The breathing reps continued for a couple more moments until Garnet switched pace. “Alright. Now that we’re all in a calm mindset, we’ll begin our yoga. First, we’ll do stretches to warm our bodies up.”</p><p>Garnet led Spinel and the other students through some basic warm-ups. As Spinel limbered up the muscles in her arms, legs, and core, she was too busy to notice the stiffer, more boardlike stretches of her gem classmates in comparison to her supple movements. That still had yet to dawn on her as Garnet began guiding them all through yoga poses. The only bit of ineptitude she noticed amongst the others was when a hulking amethyst tried and failed to maintain something called a half-standing fold.</p><p>It began to click, however, when they moved onto the triangle pose.</p><p>“For this position,” Garnet instructed with her fruity voice, “we’re going to begin with widening out our stance.” Her right foot glided outwards from her side. “Then, we’re going to stretch out our arms.” She lifted her arms up so that they were level with each other. “Now, we shall <i>streeetch</i> down -“ she said as her body tilted to her right side “- so as to where the backside of our right hand is just underneath our calve and our left hand is reaching high into the sky, all while our arms are still in line with each other.”</p><p>Following her teacher’s instructions, Spinel maintained her form as if she’d done it thousands of times before. She was so completely focused on doing a good job that she didn’t notice how others were struggling. That was, until she heard grunts.</p><p>Her eyes drifted to the right and widened. The nephrite beside her was <i>struggling.</i> Face twisted in consternation, she looked like a building trying its damndest to withstand an earthquake. Like, <i>shit</i>, it seemed as if every part of her body was being wracked with tremors. Her frame let out one more spasm until she promptly collapsed onto her mat, her chest heaving with breath.</p><p>“It’s okay if you don’t get it immediately,” Garnet reassured, still as a statue. “Beginning something new is always a challenge.”</p><p>Spinel glanced around. A decent amount of other gems were going through the same thing - all straining their bodies to match Garnet’s form. She pondered for a moment how <i>she</i> was doing something so good while a bunch of others were struggling with the exact same thing. Was her technique improper? Was she unwittingly doing it all wrong?</p><p>Before she could start to correct herself, Garnet had moved on. “Now, we shall transition into a tree pose.”</p><p>Moving her upper body back upright in a gliding motion, she paused in a pose dubbed the “mountain pose.” The fusion then raised her hands above her head in prayer formation. “Imagine that you’re a form of common Earth flora: the tree. Spreading your roots out into the floor beneath you, grow and stretch upwards as you move the sole of your right foot to rest against your inner thigh. Make sure to relax your shoulders, and press your weight evenly through your balancing foot.”</p><p>Once again, Spinel had seemingly got to a perfect form like it was child’s play. Yet this time she was aware of how the others were doing worse than her. That fact roared back into her face as she saw the sorry state of her classmates, who all were either wobbling like wacky-inflatable-arm-flailing-tube men or had already toppled to the ground. Yet she was still standing.</p><p>“Tension won’t do you any good,” Garnet said. “You’ve got to be relaxed while doing it.”</p><p>Garnet’s shades glimmered as she turned her head towards Spinel. “Good job, Spinel. You’re a natural.”</p><p>Okay, <i>something’s</i> wrong. “No, I-I can’t be,” she argued. She could feel the sweat beginning to form. “I just started, I <i>have</i> to be doin’ something wrong.”</p><p>“You’re not. You’re doing really well - I promise you.”</p><p>Her eyebrows creased. “… I am?”</p><p>“M-hm.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p><i>Huh.</i> The sweating stopped as Garnet coolly turned her attention back to the rest of class. Spinel was… actually good at something. Something other than childish games and romps. Something that - well, she wouldn’t call it very <i>meaningful</i>, but it could help her on the road to recovery.</p><p>Yeah, that was it. She had to admit that this whole “meditative yoga” thingamajig wasn’t half-bad. Just about every aspect of it gave off some air of tranquility; the breathing reps at the beginning, the physical aspect of the yoga, and its easy chill atmosphere really allowed her to feel at peace. And being at peace meant being more, well, <i>better.</i></p><p>Once everybody picked themselves up, Garnet spoke. “We’ll try that again. For now, we’re going to try and do the Warrior poses, starting with Warrior l.”</p><p>Spinel cruised through all three like it was nobody’s business.</p>
<hr/><p>The sun was shining, the birds were singing - everything was right in the world. Spinel bounced along the streets of Little Homeworld, a smile on her face at the thought of the day being over and she’d get to go back to the Beach House. She <i>did</i> have to admit that Little Homeschool really wasn’t that bad, with how she learned a lot of useful tips about being normal and such. True, at times it was just plain horrible. But she did feel herself growing in a variety of ways.</p><p>Yeah, the day was . . . nice. And what better way to end such a day than meeting up with Pearl and - </p><p>“*<i>Gasp!</i>* <i>Steeeveeen!</i>”</p><p>The guy barely had enough time to wrap up his conversation with Pearl when Spinel glomped into him. “<i>Oomph!</i> Hey, Spinel!” he croaked, the teen’s coiling arms threatening to block access to his airways.</p><p>“Oops!” Her arms slackening, she removed herself from Steven and looked at him with a playful sort of bashfulness. “I’m <i>saw-wy</i>.”</p><p>“Psh - yeah, you knew what you were doing,” he snickered knowingly as he delivered a playful jab at Spinel’s shoulder, the contact making her all red in the face.</p><p>Pearl stood by with her hands clasped. “Hello, Spinel!” she greeted, announcing herself. The girl turning to face her, she and Pearl both hesitated for a moment before moving in to embrace each other.</p><p>“Oh yeah, Pearl was just telling me how you two finally got to talk,” he said as the two finished their hug. “I knew you guys could do it.”</p><p>The gem minutely nodded her head. “Yes, I guess we could!”</p><p>Steven directed his eyes back towards Spinel. “So, I’m guessing you had a good day at Little Homeschool?” he guessed, his tone revealing that he knew the answer to that.</p><p>Spinel tucked in her lips while nodding her head side-to-side. “… Yeah. Yeah, I kinda did.”</p><p>“That’s great!” Steven extolled while flashing a smile that could light up the night. “I’m so proud of you for giving it a shot!”</p><p>The teen did her darndest to try and quell the explosion of red on her face, but to no avail. “Hehe, thanks,” she replied while tugging her pigtails over her face.</p><p>“Me and Pearl and some of the others have to finish closing down LH, so you’re welcome to head back to the house if you want,” Steven said. Pearl nodded in remembrance, seeming to have been too caught up in the moment to remember having to do that.</p><p>Her pigtails parted away from her face. Taking in the faces of two people that she held very dear - one that was practically her fire, while the other was a rekindled flame - she decided she didn’t want that. Not even in the slightest.</p><p>“If it’s okay, could I stay here and help? S-sorry if you don’t!”</p><p>“Oh, of <i>course</i> you can, Spinel!” Pearl reassured, laying a warm hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah, for sure!” Steven added.</p><p>Spinel gave an earsplitting grin. The girl’s heart would’ve leapt out of her chest had not her ribcage been there to stop it. Of course had that happened, the two people in front of her would’ve been there to catch it.</p><p>She sniffled. “Thank you!”</p><p>And off they went.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So ends Spinel’s first day at Little Homeschool! With education under her repertoire, how else can she travel the road of recovery?</p><p>Thanks for all of y’all who’ve stuck around so far! Don’t worry, there’s plenty more story to come around! I for sure churned out these last three chapters, but I estimate that the next one will be a bit of a longer wait ‘cause I’m planning it on being a bit longer. Just thought I’d let all you guys know.</p><p>See y’all next time!</p><p>(also happy spook day)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Forest Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel hangs out with Lapis.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: mentions of trauma</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why should I do <i>school</i> work at <i>home</i>?”</p><p>It was the end of the week. Four days had passed since her first experience at Little Homeschool, and once again Spinel had arrived the end of the day. Unlike the first time, however, she was stuck with some papers tucked inside a folder.</p><p>“Think it as practice,” Pearl suggested, her and Garnet walking the girl home. “Homework helps students refine their skills and better retain information.”</p><p>Spinel hummed. “Mmh, still sounds kinda bullshit.”</p><p>Pearl gasped in horror. “Spinel! Language!”</p><p>“S-Sorry!” she cried with a flushed face, tugging her ponytails over her face.</p><p>Pearl‘s frown grew less intense. Sure, she hated such unsavory word choice, but she probably hated Spinel being so unreasonably hard on herself more. She shared a glance with Garnet, who silently nodded. “It’s fine,” the gem said in a conciliatory manner. “Just try and refrain from swearing so much, that’s all,” she stated, taking Spinel’s hand in hers.</p><p>Spinel automatically smiled. The feeling of Pearl’s physical signs of affection was growing more and more welcome. “Gotcha.”</p><p>The trio continued on in their trek through Little Homeworld, passing by wandering gems and empty classrooms. Spinel, however, soon noticed how one classroom had yet to become vacant.</p><p>As the group passed by the Art building her eye caught sight of a figure tucked away inside. It was Lapis, busy away reading a book. Upon spotting her Spinel halted along with Garnet. Pearl continued on for a step until she realized she was walking alone.</p><p>“Hmm? What’s a matter?” she asked, turning around.</p><p>Spinel bristled, “I, uh -” Digging through her folder, she yanked out a piece of homework. “I thought I’d ask Lapis about some assignment she gave out today.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, alright,” Pearl responded, sounding a little glum. “We’ll meet you back at the house.”</p><p>Garnet chuckled, patting the gem on the back. “You’ll get the chance when she comes home.” Once finished with her bit of reassurance she turned over to Spinel. “And Spinel - make sure you wash your hands thoroughly.”</p><p>Before the girl could ask whatever the hell <i>that</i> meant, the two gems were off. The fusion had wished she could tell Spinel more - that she shouldn’t be so afraid about her upcoming interaction with Lapis - but she swore to not use her foresight abilities on Spinel. At least, when it came to non-life-threatening scenarios.</p><p>The human directed her attention back to Lapis’ classroom. In doing so the anxiety lurking away inside her reared its ugly head. Her fists clenched.</p><p>Taking in a huffy breath, she tried to steady herself. Why was she getting so nervous? It’s Lapis; if there‘s anyone that’s even remotely capable of understanding Spinel, it’s her. Even if, well, she figured that’s impossible.</p><p>Swallowing her fear, Spinel stepped through the door. Her eyes immediately spotted the blue gem sitting at her desk, engrossed in a book. Almost instantly Lapis noticed the human, and looked up to greet her. “Oh hey, Spinel! What’s up?”</p><p>The human’s fingers twitched. “I - uh - what’cha reading?”</p><p>Lapis glanced down at the book in her hands and hummed. “Just something about Earth’s art history.”</p><p>She noticed how thick the volume appeared, and talking to her suddenly felt much more daunting. How could she even initiate a conversation with such a wise gem? Time to go with the backup plan! “Cool, uh, I was just… wonderin’ what, uh, ‘draw a human activity’ meant in the homework. That’s all.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that’s just asking you to draw a common thing humans do: cooking, mowing the lawn, uh -“ She rapped her fingers against her desk. “- reading a book… y’know.”</p><p>Spinel nodded, and was about to turn on her heel and head out the door when Lapis spoke again. “You sure that’s all you wanted to ask? You kinda look like you got more on your mind,” she spoke with lightness in her voice. “But, eh, what do I know?”</p><p>Her hands clenched once more. It felt as if Lapis was a hunter that unintentionally caught some prey in her trap. Trying to appear calmer, she loosened her fists and tapped the tips of her pointer fingers together. “Well, yeah, I was, um… I thought maybe we could, uh ….” </p><p>The human stammered for a couple more moments, drowning, until she noticed how Lapis had yet to demand what the hell she was doing. Stars, she’s so considerate! “Sorry! Crud, I just - doyawannawatchOvertheOrchardFencewithme?”</p><p>Lapis blinked, deciphering Spinel’s sentence. “Uh… yeah, sure!” she answered with a relaxed shrug. </p><p>“R-really?” </p><p>She nodded, gesturing over to an extra seat near the back of the room. “Here, pull up a chair,” she said as she got herself into a more relaxed position. </p><p>Heart beating a mile a minute, Spinel threw out her arm across the room like a Sticky Hand and yanked the chair over to sit beside the gem’s desk. If Lapis flinched at the ruckus the teen made, said teen was too focused on her exploding blood pressure to notice.</p><p>As she tossed herself into the plastic-and-metal chair, Spinel swiftly brought out her phone from her jean-short pocket. Fiddling with the screen as she tried to bring up the pirated cartoon website, she was too busy to notice the bemused look Lapis was giving her.</p><p><i>Man, is she nervous</i>, she thought. <i>Poor girl’s been through a lot, so I guess that make sense. Eh, I shouldn’t dwell on that right now - she’s put herself out there to watch some cartoons with me. I’ll give her that.</i></p>
<hr/><p>“~Oh potatoes, and molasses~”</p><p>Lapis snickered. “That Greg’s a wild card.”</p><p>“For sure,” Spinel mumbled.</p><p>The pair was halfway through the fourth episode of Over the Orchard Fence, and Spinel had yet to do what she originally intended on doing with Lapis. Watching the show wasn’t even giving her any enjoyment - the longer it went on, the more the fact that Spinel had yet to open her mouth was hammered in. It was all a low, building dread. </p><p>Then the song was rudely put to an end by the teacher’s father, who sent Wert and Greg and all the anthropomorphic animals to bed. She saw how Greg went into the same bed with his pet toad. Golly, those two are friendly. <i>How?</i> One’s a fucking amphibian. It doesn’t have a conscience. But <i>she</i> does. And so does Lapis. Why can’t they?</p><p>. . . Damnit, if a toad and a boy can be friends, so can one fucked-up person and one previously-fucked-up person.</p><p>“Hey, d’ya mind if I pause the video real quick?”</p><p>Lapis glanced over. “No, that’s fine.”</p><p>Reaching out a tentative finger, she paused the video. Spinel felt her throat tightening as she looked up at Lapis, but she nevertheless tried her damndest to articulate words. “Um, I didn’t just come in here to, uh, watch cartoons.”</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about something else?”</p><p>She took a breath. “Yeah, I - I guess I just, uh….” Trailing off, Spinel decided that she might as well come out in the open and say it - even if it was completely tactless. “D’ya wanna be friends?”</p><p>There it was - her wish, clear as day. And to her horror, Lapis <i>smirked</i>. “What?”</p><p>It felt like she got socked in the gut. Apparently Lapis noticed her dejection, because she quickly changed her tune. “I’m - I’m not putting you down or anything! It’s just - <i>that’s</i> what you were nervous about?”</p><p>“Y-yeah!” Spinel defended, the remnant emotions of her dejection still tangible. “I was!”</p><p>“Ah, shit,” Lapis grumbled, reprimanding herself. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known that’d be a tough thing for you to do.”</p><p>Spinel had mostly recovered by now. “I mean, it’s okay -“</p><p>“No, it’s not,” she sighed. “I should know better, I’ve been your teacher for a week now.”</p><p>“Well, we haven’t talked all that much,” Spinel pointed out. “But, that’s what I wanna change. You told me that you’ve been hurt. Like me. And yet you act like whatever happened didn’t hurt.”</p><p>“It did,” the artist interrupted with a murky voice. Then she shook her head, an Etch-a-Sketch clearing whatever images entered its screen. “Sorry. Go ahead.”</p><p>Spinel pressed on. “Still, it doesn’t feel as bad as it used to, right?” When she was met with a nod in reply, she continued. “. . . I haven’t gotten there yet. People tell me that I <i>will</i>, I <i>will</i> get there if I make an effort to do so, but… it still hurts. Sometimes, I don’t think the hurt will ever go away.”</p><p>She grinned hopefully at Lapis. “Maybe you can help make it hurt less,” she said.</p><p>“And that’s not <i>just</i> why I wanna be friends,” Spinel made sure to clarify. “You’re, like, a really cool person too; you’re so relaxed, you make your class fun, your art is <i>amazing</i>, and, yeah,” she tittered sheepishly. “I know I sound really stupid right now -“</p><p>“<i>No</i>, no! You’re not!” Lapis reassured, a noticeable dusting of dark blue on her cheeks. “I - <i>wow</i>, I-I’m flattered. Really.”</p><p>Upon noticing the pondering look Lapis grew on her face as she stared down in front of her, Spinel began wriggling her fingers together. “Sooo… whaddya say?”</p><p>Lapis tapped her finger against the desk. “Yeah.” She turned to face Spinel. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind being friends. You’re pretty cool, too.”</p><p>Spinel visibly lit up. “You really think that?”</p><p>“For sure,” the gem chuckled.</p><p>Grinning, Spinel thought for a fleeting moment to hug Lapis but decided against it. This was a different type of friendship from the cartoony one she “had” with Pink Diamond. She knew she had to adjust to different types. Even if she had yet to find out what other types of friendship existed.</p><p>Nonetheless in high spirits, she unpaused the video and soon the newly-declared friends finished up the episode. Before Spinel could press “play” on the next video, she thought better of it. Okay, yeah, this new type of friendship was different than from what she had always known. But sitting around and watching cartoons just simply didn’t sit right with her.</p><p>“Would you, er, wanna do somethin’?” she asked with trepidation. </p><p>“Like what?”</p><p><i>Play some tag. Play a game of hide-and-go-seek. I can put on a show for you, if you want.</i> “… I dunno. I just, thought we could get out and do, whatever.”</p><p>Leaning back, Lapis folded her arms in thought. She hummed, tapping her pointer finger on her arm. Then a glint of excitement passed through her eyes. “I got an idea.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p>
<hr/><p>“<i>AAAAAHHH!!!</i>”</p><p>“Do you want me to take us down?”</p><p>“<i>No!</i> This is <i>amazing!</i>”</p><p>Spinel whooped and hollered as Lapis flew them both high in the sky. Every inch of her body was coursing with adrenaline. The wind turning her ponytails into streamers only helped further that invigorating feeling. Nestled on top of Lapis’ back with her arms coiled around her waist (three times, to be safe), she and the gem were straight <i>zooming</i> through the countryside. Acres and acres of woodland and meadowland stretched beneath them, zipping by at what felt like a supersonic rate.</p><p>Lapis snickered. “That’s the same reaction Steven had.”</p><p>“You played with - I mean, you took him flyin’ too?”</p><p>“‘Course. I even managed to convince Peridot to take one once,” she told, beginning to chuckle. “She was so scared, she had her face shoved into my back the <i>entire</i> time. It was really cute.”</p><p>Spinel laughed in return. To think: her studious, wickedly intelligent teacher being frightened out of her wits!</p><p>Lapis turned her head back as far as she could to look at Spinel. “You not actually scared, right?” she asked for clarification. “‘Cause I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m peachy,” Spinel assured, then resumed gazing across the horizon. Thinking about the flying, she couldn’t help but remember something. Something from a night she wished she could forget. Something that she still found herself telling someone she hoped could become her friend. “Y’know, I’d never really seen you before.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Lapis Lazulis. I… I always lived on already gem-inhabited planets. I guess that’s why I never saw you, a terraformin’ gem.”</p><p>“Oh.” She paused. “So, that night atop that drill-thing was the first time you saw a Lapis Lazuli?”</p><p>The teenager remained silent for a moment, mentally screaming at herself for allowing such a topic to be brought up. And yet, just because it was with Lapis, she found herself able to answer her. “… Yeah. It was. . . . I’d never seen flyin’ gems before outside of aquamarines, <i>*heh*</i>, so seein’ this blue, flyin’, <i>much</i> bigger gem kinda freaked me out.”</p><p>“I don’t blame you. That, on top of me approaching you in such a nervous state.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said. “I thought you were gonna kill me.”</p><p>Spinel felt Lapis tense. “You did?”</p><p>“When you first came up, yeah. Like,” she huffed in disgrace, “why not? I already poofed the Gems, I already attacked Steven, I deployed a fuc - a freaking <i>bioweapon</i> -“</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Lapis stopped her. “That’s in the past, remember? You’re moving on.”</p><p>Spinel sighed, it being less of a calming sigh and more of a tired sigh. “Yep. You’re right. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. It takes time to stop thinking like that.… I still do, sometimes.”</p><p>Spinel’s suspicions from her first day at school were confirmed. “You do?”</p><p>Lapis nodded. At least, it looked like she did. It might have just been the wind whipping through her hair making it appear so.</p><p>Before Spinel could dwell on that any further, Lapis began veering down and left. Tucking herself closer to the gem to make the descent more bearable, Spinel barely made out their destination to be a pond settled inside a forest.</p><p>“Woah,” Spinel sounded as the two made their touchdown, uncoiling herself from Lapis. Her eyes were treated to the pond’s cool, sparkling azure. The forest around them was welcoming and verdant, with some splashes of orange or yellow from trees eager to get autumn rolling.</p><p>“Pretty, isn’t it?” Lapis commented, soaking up the natural presence as took a seat by the pond.</p><p>Spinel slowly nodded. “Definitely.” The girl looked at Lapis, sitting calmly. “… Why’dcha take us here?” she asked as she sat down beside her.</p><p>“Place helps me relax,” Lapis put it simply, leaning against her arms with her palms splayed out in the grass. Still, there was a glimmer of melancholy in her eyes. “Gets me in a better headspace.”</p><p>Turning, she met the expectant gaze of Spinel. “Right, so, what I said up there,” she pointed up at the blue sky, “it wasn’t a lie. I still deal with bad stuff from my past.”</p><p>“But you’re a lot better.”</p><p>“Yeah, for sure. I’ve accepted that it happened, that it was bad, and that it doesn’t define me. I had people like Steven and Peridot to help me realize those things,” she said.</p><p>“But, like ….” Lapis took in a long breath. “… It’s still there,” she stated in acceptance. “No matter how much you progress and change, it’ll <i>still</i> be there. It’ll always be there. You just, don’t really have to grapple with it. You just have to <i>deal</i> with it.”</p><p>Spinel blinked, cocking her head a bit. “Whaddya mean?”</p><p>Lapis twisted her mouth, trying to think of a better way to articulate her words. “Think of it as being a volcano - you know what volcanoes are, right?” The girl nodded. </p><p>“Well, imagine you as being a volcano, and negative reactions to trauma as being the lava inside the volcano. It’s constantly getting spewed out of the volcano along with ash and all sorts of other bad stuff. That’s what it feels like at first. Over time with help from,” she snickered, realizing this would be a ridiculous-if-necessary analogy, “the volcano’s loved ones, all that stuff stops coming out. Now it’s dormant. The lava’s still there, but it’s just inside. The lava’s still there, but it’s not affecting the volcano,” she explained.</p><p>“But, every now and then, something’ll cause the volcano to spit some lava out and need help stopping it. That doesn’t mean the volcano’s becoming worse. That doesn’t mean the volcano’s in danger of constantly spewing out lava. It just had a little upset. It’s moved on from a more tumultuous past. Just like I have. And just like you’re trying to do.”</p><p>Lapis let that sink in for a moment. After receiving no reaction she half-sighed, half-laughed. “Sorry, that’s a dumb analogy. I dunno how volcanoes work.”</p><p>“No, no, I get it… mostly,” Spinel assured. What Lapis was saying made sense, even if it wasn’t the most optimistic perspective. She guessed it was better than what she deserved.  “You’re sayin’ that I’m never gonna really get rid of my trauma, but I can learn to manage it.”</p><p>“… Yeah, actually,” Lapis confirmed, decently surprised at how much the teenager got out of that.</p><p>Spinel twirled her finger through a tuff of grass. “But, like, I don’t get whatcha mean about it reappearing in the future. Is that what you mean by saying it never goes away completely?”</p><p>“Well, kinda,” Lapis began. “Certain stuff can trigger memories of past trauma.” She moved her arms to sit folded against her chest, her face showing an internal discussion on deciding whether or not to reveal such personal, sensitive info. A big part of her <i>really</i> didn’t want to delve into this. But after glancing over to Spinel - somebody that, well, could very well be her friend - she decided it would be worth it. “Deep water does that for me.”</p><p>“It does?”</p><p>“Yep. Used to be all forms of water,” the water gem revealed. “But I kinda condensed it to just deeper forms of water. Ones that you can’t see the bottom of. Ones that you can easily sink in. Drown in.” Her voice gradually grew to a murmur. </p><p>She took in a deep breath, steadying herself. Spinel, hearing Lapis’ confession, suddenly found herself the ability to speak brazenly. </p><p>“Dead flowers,” she blurted out.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“It - it’s dead flowers, for me. ‘Cause of, um, ….” The sentence died on her lips.</p><p>In response, Lapis laid a hand on her shoulder. “Hey - you don’t need to tell me. I get it.” </p><p>Spinel doubted that, but nevertheless grinned at Lapis’ politely non-inquisitive nature. “Thank you.”</p><p>“‘Course.”</p><p>The teenager sighed, feeling oddly… okay. It wasn’t like the sort of okay she experienced from talking stuff out with Steven, which felt like getting to the end of some killer test she didn’t study for. This felt, less strenuous. More like two students discussing what they put down as their answers for said test.</p><p>“Feels good, right?” Lapis asked, smelling a breeze rolling in from the forest. “Just… talking.”</p><p>“Yeah, it does,” she found herself agreeing. </p><p>“Why don’t we keep doing it?”</p><p>Spinel blinked. “Wha?”</p><p>Lapis tucked in her right knee, resting her corresponding arm on it as she turned to face the human. “How ‘bout whenever we’re feeling like the volcano’s about to blow, we come and talk? Hang out, say what we’re feeling, help each other and junk - it’ll be nice. That sound nice?”</p><p>She was hesitant. Obviously. Yet oddly enough not <i>that</i> hesitant. Although revealing her inner demons made her feel uncomfortable and like a burden, Lapis might not feel exactly the same. I mean, they just had a heart-to-heart and not once did Lapis say “Hey, could you shut up for a second? You’re bumming be out.” Broken people meshed well together, she reckoned.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Spinel voiced her decision. </p><p>Lapis smiled. Not like her previous chill smirks or half-grins, but a <i>genuine</i> happy smile. “Great! This’ll be pretty cool!”</p><p>Taken aback by the gem’s sudden turn for the upbeat, Spinel couldn’t help but do the same. “Y-yeah!” She hummed in a joking manner. “Hmmm . . . meetings like this deserve a proper name.”</p><p>Lapis snickered. “This isn’t AA.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“Oh, you’ll learn about it when you’re older,” Lapis condescendingly patted the teenage girl on the head, who laughed and swatted her hands away in response. “But yeah, a name doesn’t sound too bad.”</p><p>Spinel rested her hand on her chin as she stared at the placid pond water, a philosopher deep in thought. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Suddenly, she had an idea. “<i>Ha!</i>”</p><p>“What’s up?” Lapis asked, taking her bark of laughter as a sign of her getting an idea.</p><p>She turned towards Lapis, wearing a sly grin. “FIWWY.”</p><p>“‘Fie-wee?’ And that stands for…?”</p><p>Spinel sniggered. Warming up with Lapis, the fact that Pearl wasn’t technically <i>here</i> grew more potent on Spinel’s mind when it came to talking. So she guessed she could say - “‘<b>F</b>uck <b>I</b>s <b>W</b>rong <b>W</b>ith <b>Y</b>ou,’ obviously!”</p><p>They both got a solid round of laughter out of that. “Alright, then it’s settled,” Lapis declared after a couple moments, still chuckling. “These meetings shall forevermore be known in the title, ‘FIWWY.’”</p><p>“<i>Forevermore…,</i>” Spinel echoed mystically, earning a couple more snickers from the two.</p><p>Once the humor died down the two remained peacefully reclining by the pond for a couple more minutes. Afterwards Lapis hoisted herself up, offering a hand to Spinel. “What’re we doing?” she asked, allowing herself to be lifted up by the gem.</p><p>She shrugged. “I’m kinda in the mood for a walk. You down?”</p><p>“Sure!”</p><p>Leaving the sanctity of the pond, the pair began soon entered the equally harmonious forest along a dirt path. Shadows casted by the trees raked across the winding pathway. Light that managed to avoid obstruction made the leaves appear to twinkle as it made its way down to the forest floor.</p><p>Spinel - always so captivated by the august forests of Earth - was quick to notice an ancient, gnarled hardwood ahead of her and Lapis as the two rounded a bend.</p><p>“Wow - that’s one <i>old</i> tree,” Lapis commented, pausing her walk to stare.</p><p>Spinel nodded. “Looks like it belongs in Over the Orchard Fence.”</p><p>“Hey, yeah, it does.” She gazed around. “Come to think of it, give this whole place a month and it’ll look almost like a carbon copy of the Unfathomed.”</p><p>“I’m going to be very disappointed if I don’t see any skeletons wearing pumpkins,” Spinel said with a smile. </p><p>“Who’re you gonna complain to?”</p><p>“I dunno? God? He’s like, the all-powerful nature dude, right?”</p><p>“Totally,” Lapis chuckled. </p><p>The two soon resumed their stroll. “You’ve seen any other cartoons other than OTOF?” the gem inquired.</p><p>Well, that just might’ve been <i>the</i> textbook example for opening up a can of worms. Like, Lapis wasn’t braced at <i>all</i> for the human to go on a tangent describing all the animated media she’s managed to consume during her short time on Earth. Even if she did find it really adorable. Oh, thank the <i>Stars</i> Lapis had some preliminary experience with other cartoons, otherwise she’d be getting utterly swamped by Spinel’s almost rabid enthusiasm for them. </p><p>“… and because Minnie didn’t want the summer to end, she fell into Bob Cipher’s trap, who then broke the Rift Jar and caused Weirdpocalypse!”</p><p>“He’s the villain, right?” Lapis had <i>some</i> preliminary experience.</p><p>Spinel was way too consumed to pay much attention to Lapis’s lack of Gravitation Falls knowledge. “Yeah, and he’s basically primed and ready to take over the world. I haven’t started watching the finale yet - it comes in three parts - so I’m a little anxious to see how it’ll play out.”</p><p>“Hey - maybe it’ll be a happy ending, who knows?”</p><p>“Hopefully,” Spinel wished. “… I wonder if they’ll ever bring up the brain monster from Inconveniencing Store again.”</p><p>Now <i>that</i> was something Lapis remembered in detail. “Oh, yeah! Stars, that thing came out of <i>nowhere!</i>”</p><p>“That freaked me out! I almost woke Steven up ‘cause I screamed so loud!” Spinel commented. Bringing up the brain monster caused her brain to drift to other moments from the creature’s debut episode. “Ya ever wonder what the hell was in that Grin Dip?”</p><p>“Well, it was like two decades old, so maybe <i>that</i> had something to do with it,” Lapis said. “Or maybe it’s just cocaine.”</p><p>“That’s a drug, right? I heard a bit about it on the Internet.”</p><p>“Yep,” Lapis affirmed, both taking a step over a fallen log. “It’s like, really bad and really illegal for humans and junk. Doesn’t work on gems, though.”</p><p>“How would you know?”</p><p>Lapis just grinned.</p><p>“You <i>tried</i> a drug?!” Spinel gasped.</p><p>Lapis snickered. “Yeah. This one time - I dunno, like a year ago? - I flew down to Columbiana to paint some of the rainforest there. To, well, to cut a long story short, I saw a coca plant and was all like, ‘hey, I wanna see what the fuss is all about over this.’”</p><p>“I oughta turn your ass in right now,” Spinel threatened jokingly.</p><p>“No, no, it was growing naturally, I just stumbled across it,” Lapis defended in jest. “But, yeah, it was weird ‘cause I didn’t feel anything. Like, drugs mess up humans’ chemicals and create imbalances in them or whatever, but gems don’t have those. So chewing on those leaves just felt like, chewing on leaves.”</p><p>Spinel nodded, taking in what she was telling her. “Well, you don’t need <i>drugs</i> to feel amazing. What you need, are <i>gummies.</i>”</p><p>Lapis shot her a side-eyed smirk. “Gummies? That’s a food, right?”</p><p>“Yeah! They’re, like, the greatest thing humans have ever invented,” she reasoned. </p><p>“Mmh, I usually don’t eat, but… eh, I’m sold!” Lapis acceded. “So where does one find these, <i>gummies?</i>”</p><p>Spinel’s cheery demeanor dampened a tad. “Oh man, that’s right! We’re out of them at the beach house!” Thinking, she then remembered something Pearl had mentioned about the tasty treat. “Hey! Maybe we can go to, uh, the ‘store’ and get ‘em, but I think we gotta use money. Whaddya say?”</p><p>“Way ahead of you,” the gem readily agreed, summoning forth a crumpled pile of cash from her gem. </p><p>Returning the fat stack of dough to her stone, she knelt down and patted the spot just below her gem. Taking the hint, Spinel eagerly strapped herself in to Air Lapis. </p><p>“To the store!” she beckoned. </p><p>“To the store!” Lapis echoed, laughing warmly.</p><p>Both could tell they were going to get used to this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I originally planned on this including more, but I decided that the last part wouldn’t really fit in right.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Friendship is Contagious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel gets her gummies for her and Lapis - and something else, too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Disclaimer: this is unrelated to . . . current events</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Business was as shitty as usual inside the 8/11 outside of Bayburgh. Slapped along the side of some lonely road, the crummy convenience store was doing its best just to pass the day.</p><p>“You <i>still</i> not done stocking the candies yet?”</p><p>“Gimme a minute, man, I’m almost done.”</p><p>Mitch huffed. Of course fucking <i>Taylor</i> gets assigned to stock food. His high ass moves at the speed of a fucking sloth. It’d make more sense for him to man the cash register in his place and eat edibles under Rogers’ fat nose while Mitch can go stock and actually get to do something, but <i>noooo</i>, of <i>course</i> not. Because Rogers gives about as much of a shit about running a business as Taylor does being his employee.</p><p>His eyes burned holes in the clock. 5:15. Three more hours. Mother<i>fucker.</i></p><p>Taylor hacked out a cough - a raspy, guttural cough - that drew Mitch’s attention. He frowned. “Weed making you cough?” Mitch interrogated, just <i>begging</i> Taylor to say anything contrary to that.</p><p>That damn junkie sniffled, wiping his nose with his hand. “Nah, man,” he said in his annoyingly relaxed voice, reaching into the restocking bin to grab something, “‘s not that. Got hit with a nasty case of -“</p><p>Before he could run his mouth any further, the door opened with the push of a hand. A blue hand.</p><p>Suddenly, things got a whole lot more interesting.</p><p>Both Taylor and Mitch eyed the two freaks that just walked in. One was blue. Like, <i>completely</i> fucking blue. Her eyes were blue, her hair was blue, her fucking <i>skin</i> was blue, pretty sure her <i>teeth</i> were blue. She had on some sort of crop top and baggy sweat combo - which was also blue - and sandals. And, yeah, sure, Mitch thought she looked really cute and all, but… she was also fucking blue.</p><p>The other one looked normal…er. Probably a teenager. Was wearing a black crop top, jorts, and canvas shoes. Had ginger hair. Oh, and her eyes were red. They were fucking red.</p><p>“Hiya!” the girl spoke, all peppy-like. “Do you guys have any gummies around?”</p><p>“We got cash,” the blue one said, pulling out a fistful of crumpled-up dollars.</p><p>Mitch’s employee training immediately got thrown out the window. To hell with “treating all customers with neutrality” - these people looked damn <i>weird</i>. And they definitely had a story to tell.</p><p>Taylor apparently had the same notion. “You guys come from some sorta con or something?” the druggie drawled.</p><p>The newcomers side-eyed each other. “What’s that?” the blue one asked.</p><p>“Whu -“ Mitch spits out “-what do you mean? The hell’d you guys come from?”</p><p>“Beach City?” the girl replied. “Why d’ya ask?”</p><p>Taylor nodded. “Ooohhh, <i>that’s</i> right - that town’s got some sorta . . . lesbian commune, in it.”</p><p>“Don’t - don’t fucking assume they’re in a <i>lesbian commune</i>, Taylor,” Mitch chastised. He turned to face the strangers. “You guys aren’t in a lesbian commune, right?”</p><p>“I dunno what that is, so no,” Blueface replied.</p><p>Taylor stared at them with a lopsided grin. “<i>*Heh*</i>,” he chuckled, “you guys are wild.”</p><p>“I -“ Mitch was sounding exasperated at this point, “Look, c’mon, don’t bullshit me. What’s your deal? Why are <i>you</i> blue, and why do <i>you</i> got red eyes?” he demanded, nodding towards the respective females.</p><p>It looked like something clicked inside Blueface’s head. “Oh, yeah, I’m a gem.”</p><p>The druggie snapped his greasy fingers. “Ooohhh yeeaahh, it wasn’t <i>just</i> lesbians - it was lesbian <i>aliens!</i> Awesome!”</p><p>Ignoring Taylor’s smooth-brain headass, Mitch leered at the girls in disbelief. “You’re aliens.”</p><p>Gingersnap over here shook her head. “No, I’m human - like, mostly. Lapis here’s the alien.”</p><p>Blueface - aka Lapis - chuckled and did a little bow. “Yep. Guilty as charged.” She then turned around to display some sort of shiny stone shoved into her spine. “And here’s the proof.”</p><p>“… Yeah, that explains a lot,” Mitch yielded to the facts as Taylor did another one of his “heh”s. He turned towards Gingersnap. “Well, what’s up with you then?”</p><p>“Oh, uh,” she began, shuffling her feet a bit. “I’ve kinda been, genetically modified? I think that’s what Pearl calls it.”</p><p>“Niiice,” Taylor droned. “Still, why are you two children of the stars <i>here</i> instead of, like, back at HQ? Or the pyramids?” </p><p>Lapis rolled her eyes. “We told you already - we want gummies,” she said matter-of-factly. She flashed her wad of bills. “You guys have any?”</p><p>Taylor rustled his grimy hands through the bin. “As a matter of fact….” He grabbed a couple packets of Wilches and trudged over to present them to the girl. “We do.”</p><p>Gingersnap squealed and seized the bags from Taylor. “Thank you thank you <i>thank you!!</i>” she lauded. Because he gave her some bags of fucking fruit snacks.</p><p>The girl spun towards Lapis. “Quick! We haveta go pay for these!”</p><p>She snickered. “Slow down, those aren’t going anywhere,” she said, pointing at the packets as the two neared the checkout.</p><p>Approaching Mitch at the counter, Blueface all but tossed her crumpled-up pile of cash on the counter. “How much does this all cost?”</p><p>Mitch stared at the heap. It consisted of four ones, two tens, a fifty (torn in half), a <i>hundred</i>, as well as a some pounds, pesos, euros, and a food stamp. </p><p>“. . . Just give me a ten and I’ll get you change.”</p><p>She pushed a peso towards Mitch.</p><p>“No - the green one. <i>That</i> one.”</p><p>“Oh, right.” Lapis pushed forward the identified ten dollar bill. Mitch nabbed it, grumbling.</p><p>Gingersnap cheered as Mitch ran the numbers. “Yay! Thank you, Lapis! Trust me, these taste <i>amazing!</i>”</p><p>She smiled. “I’ll take your word for it.”</p><p>“Don’t take <i>mine</i> - let the squishy goodness speak for itself.”</p><p>“Oh, trust me, I -“</p><p>“Your change is two-fifteen.”</p><p>The alien and GMO girl glanced back at Mitch and the new separate pile of currency on the table, seemingly remembering that he was there. </p><p>Lapis looked disdainfully at the dime and nickel. “Ehhh… you wanna take those, Spinel?” she asked, taking only the two dollars and glancing over to the girl. “They feel weird in my gem.”</p><p>“Sure,” Gingersnap/Spinel said, pocketing the change while Mitch mentally shouted over what in the everliving fuck <i>that</i> meant. </p><p>With that, they said their goodbyes and left. As the door closed, Taylor chuckled his stupid chuckle. “Those girls were characters, alright,” he said, coughing afterwards.</p><p>Mitch didn’t reply at first - only gawking in disbelief as he saw Lapis sprout fucking <i>wings</i> and take off in the air, with Spinel piggybacking on her. “Uh . . . yeah. Sure.”</p>
<hr/><p>Air Lapis finally entered Beach City airspace. Yet the airline food had yet to be passed out, considering it would easily get flung out in the wind.</p><p>“So, what <i>are</i> gummies?” Lapis asked.</p><p>“Well, they’e basically <i>really</i> sweet soft foods that taste a bit like fruit,” Spinel explained, approaching the beach house.</p><p>“Fruit, huh?” The two made touchdown on the wooden porch. “Sounds tasty.”</p><p>Spinel fished out a pouch from her jort pocket once they landed, handing it to the gem. “It’s more than tasty. It’s an <i>experience</i>.”</p><p>She grinned. “You sound like that pothead from the convenience store.”</p><p>“What’s a ‘pothead?’”</p><p>“Eh, you’ve been spending enough time on the Internet - you’ll find out soon enough,” she justified, ruffling Spinel’s hair with her free hand. Laughing, the teen escaped Lapis’ offending hand by going inside. </p><p>She wasn’t prepared for the sight awaiting ahead.</p><p>“<i>Surprise!</i>”</p><p>Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven were all holding up a banner, decorated with hand-drawn letters that spelled out “CONGRATULATIONS SPINEL!” A couple balloons were bobbing around them, and some streamers were hanging from the ceiling. Confetti tossed up by Amethyst was slowly floating down to the floor.</p><p>“Wh-what’s all this?” Spinel croaked as Lapis walked inside behind her.</p><p>“A celebration,” Garnet answered simply.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For <i>you</i>, dummy!” Amethyst replied, earning an elbow from Pearl.</p><p>Spinel stared at the purple gem, thoroughly confused. Did - did she really do enough to warrant <i>this</i> much praise? What was equally mind-boggling was how Amethyst was seemingly a willing participant in this. Sure, the gem had reassured her that what happened on Monday’s class was “chill” and she was “just nervous” and all. But also, like, <i>no</i>. How could she be so buddy-buddy with her?</p><p>She chuckled nervously. “Why?”</p><p>Pearl stepped away from the banner, leaving the others to hold it, and met Spinel. “Well, you’ve just been doing so well recently, and we thought we’d congratulate you for it.”</p><p>“How?? How have I - I couldn’ta done <i>that</i> much to - to need <i>this,</i> I don’t -“</p><p>“Spinel.”</p><p>The human looked beside her. Lapis had approached her with a firm, yet understanding gaze. “You deserve it.”</p><p>She sputtered. “B-but I -“</p><p>“The girl who attacked me with a rejuvenator is gone. <i>You</i> made that happen. Don’t ever forget that.” </p><p>Lapis tore open the gummie packet and popped one in her mouth. Her eyes popped open wide. “<i>Wow</i> - you’re right, this is really good.”</p><p>Spinel would’ve stayed staring at her, absorbing her words, but Pearl brought her back to reality. “You deserve this, Spinel,” the gem said as she took her hands in hers. She sniffled. “I’m proud of you. We’re <i>all</i> proud of you.”</p><p>“You really think so?” Pearl and everybody else nodded. “… Thank you. So much.”</p><p>After allowing Spinel and Pearl to have a second to embrace, Steven spoke up. “Do you wanna see your gift now?”</p><p>“Wh - a <i>gift?</i>” she exclaimed. </p><p>“Well, it’s not really a <i>gift</i>, per se, more as it is a long-overdue decision,” Pearl chuckled. She then motioned to the other Crystal Gems, who moved from the center to the side of the living room.</p><p>She failed to notice anything. “… What is it?” </p><p>“Look at the door,” Garnet said. Peering at the Temple door, Spinel’s eyes bugged out.</p><p>There was a sixth point on the star.</p><p>Spinel couldn’t speak. Her mouth stretched and contorted as if she were saying something, and yet no words came out. </p><p>“I know you don’t like to sleep,” Steven said evenly, walking over beside her. “And, well, Pearl said it was ‘unfit for a growing young lady’ to not have a place of her own.”</p><p>“So we gave you your own room!” Pearl announced merrily, clapping her hands together. She cleared her throat. “You can access it the same way you’re able to access warp pads. Now, I understand that this is a big step in responsibility, but I know -“</p><p>She was interrupted when Spinel gave her a hug with the strength of a boa constrictor. “THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!”</p><p>Pearl managed to find the strength to barely reciprocate the hug. “No problem, Sp-Spinel,” she croaked.</p><p>Letting her go, Spinel looked up at Pearl. “… Can I go in now?”</p><p>“Well, of course!” Pearl nodded. “Rooms aren’t much without people in them.”</p><p>Nodding, she looked back towards the door and began approaching. Every step she took felt like dragging her foot through water. Sure, she was obviously overjoyed to be getting such a present and all… but she couldn’t help but get nervous. What would the room look like? Would she like it? Did she even have to courage to dare and speak up if she didn’t?</p><p>She knew there was only one way to find the answers to these questions. Stopping in front of the door, she willed it to open as she would will a warp pad to teleport. The door unraveled - not swung open like human doors, <i>unraveled</i> - in a spiral-like demeanor. Spinel marveled at the smooth, satisfying motion of it. She stepped inside, the door swirling closed once she did.</p><p>Her room awaited before her.</p><p>A medium-sized circular room stretched out in front of Spinel. It’s comb-textured wall and carpeted floor had a calming, sandy color to them that appeared much richer in the low lighting. The only part of the architecture that wasn’t sandy-colored was the low ceiling, which was a gorgeous swath of different inky colors, ever ebbing and flowing.</p><p>Tucked to the left side was a large, comfy bed topped with a sizable down comforter and what appeared like a dozen different pillows. There was a nightstand and a little cubby nestled on each side of it. Over to the bed’s left a little bit were a dresser and closet.</p><p>On the other side of the room sat several different accessories. A bookshelf stood filled with many tomes waiting to be opened, along with an accompanying beanbag chair and lamp. A totable speaker, presumably for playing music, sat to the left. A fully-furnished art station, complete with an easel and paints and artist’s pencils, was assembled nearby. A yoga mat and non-intensive exercise gear laid over to the side.</p><p>The emotion that rose and swelled with each notice of her room’s wonderful features was threatening to burst. It all reached a crescendo when she finally noticed the placard hanging on the wall above her bed. The sign bore three simple words, surrounded by splotches of color:</p><p>
  <i>You are loved.</i>
</p><p>Welp - that did it. Spinel crumpled to her knees as tears began dripping down her face. She loved her room. She loved every square inch of it. She loved its colors, its style, its accessories. She loved how it felt as if it spoke to her. She loved how they all put in so much effort to make her room so amazing. She <i><b>hated</b></i> how much she felt like she didn’t deserve it.</p><p><i>What have I done to even </i>begin<i> to earn this?</i> That same old, dreaded, gnawing feeling of unworthiness bit at Spinel like a swarm of mosquitoes. Yet, oddly enough, just as it had been with that time in the alleyway, something not-negative poked at her subconscious.</p><p>Some strange, absurd notion floated to the forefront of her mind: the idea that Spinel in fact <i>did</i> deserve the kindness currently being shown to her. That Lapis was right; the old Spinel was gone. That working to better herself, befriending Lapis and rekindling a relationship with Pearl, and coming to cherish many aspects of Earth really was something the old Spinel wouldn’t have done. That the person she is now, is different. Now, she actually warranted something like this.</p><p>Spinel used both of her hands to wipe away the tears. She remained kneeling there for a moment, letting the truth sink in. Her haggard breathing soon evened out as a sort of calm settled over her like a fog. </p><p>Pushing herself up, she marched over to the door, barely allowing it time to fully unravel before she stepped back into the beach house. The Gems and Steven were waiting there.</p><p>“Well? What d-“ Pearl began, cutting her sentence off as she noticed the rings of red around the girl’s eyes. “Spinel! Are you okay?”</p><p>She sighed, smiling. “I <i>love</i> it. The room. I - I just… a part of me still feels like I really don’t deserve it. But-!” she said before the others could interrupt, “- I’m startin’ to believe I can. I can feel myself gettin’ there.”</p><p>“We all know you can do it,” Garnet nodded. “We’re glad to see that you’re beginning to think so, too.”</p><p>Spinel blushed. “…Can I hug you?”</p><p>Wordlessly the five all gathered for a group hug, with Spinel tucked near the middle. Man, was that wholly heartwarming for the teen. All sorts of bubbly feelings - drawn from being hugged by the Gems and <i>Steven oh my Stars</i> - were floating around inside her.</p><p>Along with something else.</p><p>Pearl, closest to Spinel, pulled back from her after a moment. “Are you feeling alright, Spinel? You feel awfully warm.”</p><p>“Yeah?” she replied. Almost immediately after, she coughed. “Woah! ‘S that a human thing?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. A Human Problem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pearl remembers something as Spinel’s illness worsens.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Disclaimer: again, this ain’t related to current events</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Pearl? … Can I have s’more water?” Spinel croaked.</p><p>The gem bolted over to the kitchen. “Of course, Spinel!” she said hurriedly.</p><p>Nobody knew exactly where Spinel might have gotten sick, but that was far removed from everybody’s minds. What they all were focused on instead was how Spinel had become as sick as a dog.</p><p>It was Sunday. Two days had passed since Spinel was declared sick - and <i>boy</i> did she sink. Originally taking to rest and recover in her room, her health had deteriorated so much that they had to move her over to the couch to be under constant catering. Mostly Pearl’s constant catering. Primarily Pearl, on her own insistence.</p><p>She raced back over to a heavily blanketed Spinel, a cup of water in her hands. “I’m here, I’m here!” She froze for a moment (still clearly bursting with nervous energy) as she mentally debated how to optimally perform the task at hand. “Are you able to hold this?”</p><p>Judging by her moan, she reckoned Spinel couldn’t. “Th-that’s okay, here,” she said as she guided Spinel’s chin over to face her. Gingerly, she positioned the cup to the girl’s lips and oh-so-carefully let the water dribble into her mouth. A turn of her head let the gem know she was finished drinking.</p><p>A whine escaped from Spinel’s throat. Shuffling, she tried shoving her blanket off when Pearl stopped her. “No no, let me. You want me to take it off?”</p><p>“Hot,” she muttered, face scrunched up.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll take it off,” Pearl said. She set the cup of water aside and pulled the blanket back to let her torso breath. Spinel stilled, sighing in relief.</p><p>Pearl leaned back, sighing in distress. The feeling of powerlessness weighed in on her like a crushing boulder. One of her babies was chronically ill, and it seemed like whatever she did other than the most minute actions failed to leave any sort of an impact. </p><p>Her attention managed to be diverted towards the whirring and beeping of electronic equipment. “Is there any way you can quiet that down?” she requested, annoyed.</p><p>Peridot, busy running the numbers on the other side of the couch, gave her the stink-eye. “If you mean by turning them off, then no.”</p><p>Before Pearl could retort, the screen door opened. Lapis, Amethyst, and Bismuth filed in carrying various bags of various pharmaceuticals.</p><p>“Where are the others?” Pearl demanded.</p><p>Bismuth slugged off a brown sack from her shoulder, it landed on the floor with a crunch. “Garnet’s still taking Steven to get his spit tested for medicinal properties, or something like that.”</p><p>“But! We still got all this other stuff to try out,” Amethyst stated, the reassurance partly directed at herself. She rummaged through some TVS Pharmacy bags. “I got cough syrup, nasal spray, eye drops - y’know, a-all sorts of good stuff!”</p><p>Pearl looked to Lapis. “What about you?”</p><p>“Uh,” the water gem slung around a backpack bulging with supplies. “I flew around and got some stuff from a Yanomami shaman, a Chinese acupuncturist, and a Swiss physician. There’s <i>bound</i> to be something in here that’ll work.” She glowered. “There has to.”</p><p>Bismuth didn’t wait on Pearl to tell what was in her sack. “I got a bunch of good clay in here to help; we can make a mud bath, rub it under her eyes, get her to eat it -“</p><p>“How the hell is <i>mud</i> gonna help?” Amethyst interrogated.</p><p>“It’s geophagy!” the gem defended, throwing her hands up. “Humans have been using it since before the Rebellion!”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Pearl said. “We’ll take anything we can get at this point.”</p><p>Lapis took off her pack, leaning it against the coffee table currently covered in medicine bottles and mathematical charts. An awfully pale Spinel turned her head, noticing Lapis as she approached. “Hey, Lapis,” she greeted weakly.</p><p>The gem smiled, although it failed to reach her eyes. “Hi, Spinel.”</p><p>“You try anymore kinds of fruit snacks?”</p><p>She huffed out a chuckle. “H’yeah, of course I have.”</p><p>The teen smiled for a moment before descending into a coughing fit. Pearl held her hand with incredible tenderness as brutal, phlegmy coughs wracked her frame.</p><p>Lapis stared at her with concerned eyes. “She’s still really bad, huh?”</p><p>“Yes,” Pearl said morosely. “I… I just don’t get it. Peridot said this is a common cold; humans usually don’t fall so ill with one, <i>especially</i> with treatment.”</p><p>“Well, what do you -“</p><p>Before Lapis could continue her question, frustrated mumbling from Peridot interrupted her. “. . . lymphocytes . . . cell receptors . . . genetic immunity . . . .” Clenching her fist, she slammed it down onto a heavily-doctored microwave. “<i>Gah!</i>”</p><p>“What’s a matter?” Lapis asked.</p><p>“This makes <i>no</i> sense!” she complained. “There‘s basically <i>no</i> sign of any of her antibodies going after this disease’s antigens!”</p><p>“And that means…?”</p><p>Peridot sighed, putting it in layman’s terms. “Her body isn’t recognizing the disease as a disease - it’s barely trying to fight it off.”</p><p>“<i>What?</i> Why?” all the other present gems yelped. </p><p>“I-I don’t know! There must be something wrong with her antibodies!”</p><p><i>Antibodies….</i> Pearl couldn’t help but recognize that name, in spite of her worry increasing tenfold. Suddenly, she was hit with a flash of recollection. Of horrified recollection:</p>
<hr/><p>
  <i>
    <b>Future Site of Beach City, circa 1630</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Hey, where’d all the brown humans go?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The Crystal Gems, beside their leader Rose Quartz, were returning to the Temple from an excursion into the surrounding woodland over the possible presence of a corrupted gem. Failing to find and bubble it, the group was in low spirits. That didn’t stop Amethyst, however, from voicing a thought of hers that had been ruminating for the past couple months.</i>
</p><p><i>Pearl just sighed in reaction. “They prefer to be called </i>the Lenape,<i> Amethyst,” she chided. “Honestly, it isn’t too hard to get a human to say what tribe they belong to.”</i></p><p><i>She sputtered. “Well, </i>still!<i> We haven’t been running into them as much as we used to. What’s up with that?”</i></p><p>
  <i>“It’s possible that they’ve moved somewhere else,” Pearl answered simply.</i>
</p><p><i>“And how would </i>you<i> know that?” Amethyst challenged. “Since when have you become an expert on humans, huh?”</i></p><p><i>“Oh, like </i>you<i> would know any better,” Pearl retorted.</i></p><p>
  <i>Before the bickering could continue any longer, Rose held up a hand. “That’s enough,” she calmly commanded, her voice sounding almost tired. Both Pearl and Amethyst fell silent.</i>
</p><p><i>“Hmm, that‘s true,” Rose wondered. “It </i>is<i> a little strange, how we haven’t been seeing much of them recently. The corrupted gem couldn’t’ve done much to them. Maybe they <i>could’ve</i> moved.” Pearl swelled with pride.</i></p><p>
  <i>“Or they could’ve suffered from a population decrease,” Garnet suggested with a emotionless voice.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The purple gem gasped in excitement. “Ya think those white humans who showed up a bit ago fought ‘em? They got those funny fire sticks - they pack a punch!”</i>
</p><p><i>“And they prefer to be called </i>the English<i>, Amethyst,” Pearl lectured once again. </i></p><p>
  <i>Rose hummed. “That might be a reason. But nevertheless, we can’t dwell on that too much at the moment. We still have a corrupted gem to catch.” With that, the group set aside their discussion and continued their march back to the Temple.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>~</i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Beach City Public Library, 1972</b>
  </i>
</p><p><i>With no monsters currently around to fight, Pearl thought she’d spend her time at the human literature storage. Sure, humans may not be the most </i>intellectual<i> of beings, but every now and then they do come out with something worth noticing.</i></p><p>
  <i>Which was why Pearl was reading a book about the Columbian Exchange.</i>
</p><p><i></i>Stars, that’s <b>terrible!</b><i> she thought as her eyes skimmed through the book. </i>90% of Native Americans died purely due to disease?! That’s horrifying! Their immune systems weren’t used to the highly evolved diseases of Europeans - they were helpless against facing them! How cruel!<i></i></p><p>
  <i>As distressed as she was, Pearl knew she couldn’t do anything then to mitigate this slaughter. Not even hundreds of years ago; nobody, not even her and the other Gems, knew what germ theory was. But now she had knowledge. So, say, if other humans ever stumble across those Amazonian tribespeople some day - or someone else that’s been completely isolated from modern society’s diseases - she’ll know what to do. She’ll know how to act on Rose’s stance on protecting humanity. She’ll know how to make her proud.</i>
</p>
<hr/><p>Welp. Today’s that day. And Pearl doesn’t know <i>what</i> to do.</p><p>It was DEFCON 5 in Pearl HQ. After her moment of stunned realization Pearl had erupted in a flurry of commandments and movements. She ordered Amethyst to call Steven <i>immediately</i>, demanded everybody give Spinel space, and nearly tore apart the TVS bags looking for medicine.</p><p>“The hell’s a matter, Pearl?” Amethyst asked with a mountain of concern as she scrolled through her phone to find Steven’s contact. “D-did something happen?”</p><p>Trying her darnedest not to hyperventilate, Pearl continued rummaging through the bags. “It - it’s, <i>*pant*</i>, it’s the Native Americans a-all over again!”</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>“S-she could <i>die</i>, Amethyst!” Pearl replied, blinking tears out of her eyes.</p><p>At that, a jolt of anxiety shot through the room. “<i>What?!</i>” Amethyst - along with everybody else save Spinel - shrieked. “Are you - <i>holy <b>shit</b></i>, what do we do?!”</p><p>“We <i>need</i> to get her to a - a - fuck, what are those places with the medical humans called?” Lapis asked.</p><p>“A hospital?” Pearl answered. “Oh, Stars, we should’ve brought her there in the first place!” she cried. Her eyes became stuck on Spinel, lying there in her sorry state. “W-why didn’t I? Why didn’t I bring -“</p><p>A meaty hand laid itself on the gem’s shoulder. “Quit being so hard on yourself,” Bismuth began, breaking Pearl out of her misery momentarily. “… It’ll be fine. We’ll get her healed.”</p><p>Part of Pearl really wanted to surrender herself to Bismuth’s welcoming embrace. Yet something more piquant forced herself not to. Instead, she threw herself down onto the floor - kneeling in front of the couch - and clasped her hands around Spinel’s.</p><p>“Pearl?” Spinel whimpered, only vaguely aware of the situation around her.</p><p>Pearl sniffed. “I’m here, Spinel. I’m here.” Her shaking fingers caressed Spinel’s hands. “You - <i>*sniff*</i> - you’re going to be okay. You know that, right?”</p><p>“M-hm,” Spinel replied, her voice sounding taut. </p><p>“You’re going to be okay,” Pearl repeated, voice warbling. “You’re going to love staying in your room, going to Little Homeschool, being with all of us. You’re going to love living life. You just have to <i>fight</i>, okay? <i>Fight</i> for that.”</p><p>She coughed. “M’kay… I will.”</p><p>All everybody else could do at the moment was stare at the depressing scene. Yet before anybody could perform any sort of worthwhile action, what sounded like the breaking of the sound barrier came from outside.</p><p>The door burst open and revealed a panting Garnet, who was carrying Steven under the crook of her armpit. “We were on our way back when Amethyst called,” she said breathlessly.</p><p>“Did you <i>run</i> here all the way from the clinic?” Peridot asked.</p><p>“That’s not important,” she replied, releasing Steven and setting him down on the ground. The teen immediately booked it over to the couch to be beside Pearl.</p><p>“What are the results? Is your spit medicinal?” Pearl asked, tear-lines clearly evident on her cheeks.</p><p>Acting with haste, he grabbed Spinel’s cup of water from the coffee table and hurriedly spat in it. “Y-yeah, it’s medicinal,” he said quickly, swishing the cup around.</p><p>A collective sigh of relief sounded throughout the room, its biggest contributor coming from Pearl. “Oh thank the <i>Stars</i>,” she sobbed.</p><p>“…Steven?” Spinel said, recognizing who had just showed up. “Oh, jeez, you don’t wanna see me lookin’ like <i>this</i>.”</p><p>“It’s fine.” He swirled the cup a bit faster. “The sooner you drink this, the sooner you get better a-and not die.” The thought of <i>Holy crap, Spinel could’ve <b>literally died</b></i> was all that was swimming through Steven’s mind at the moment.</p><p>Steven jerked the cup over to Pearl, which she urgently seized and brought it over to Spinel. “Here, drink this.”</p><p>“More water?”</p><p>“Uh… yes, mostly. But <i>please</i>, drink this. It’ll make you feel better.”</p><p>Opening her mouth, Spinel allowed Pearl to pour the sparkling concoction down her throat. Once finished, however, no immediate effects were visible.</p><p>“… Shouldn’t something be happening?” Amethyst thought aloud, worried.</p><p>“It <i>will</i> take a bit of time for the medicinal properties of the spit to enter into Spinel’s immune system,” Peridot explained. A semi-disgusted look appeared on her face. “Wish it didn’t have to be <i>spit.</i>”</p><p>Steven sighed, the wound-up tension in his body escaping through the expelled air. “Well, that’s how I made Connie not need her glasses, so,” he chuckled, “beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.”</p><p>As Spinel’s sickly expression began slowly warping into a healthier one, Pearl let out a tired chuckle. She resumed holding her hand. “Definitely.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me @ Me: so why’d you even bother writing this here chapter?</p><p>Me: to show how else Spinel is different from all other humans as well as cementing Pearl’s maternal attitude to Spinel</p><p>me: yeah, but did you have to take <i>this</i> route to do so? couldn’t you have written other options?</p><p>Me: </p><p>Me: i mean i guess i coulda but that ain’t fun</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Conversing with Connie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel talks with Connie.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a lazy, much-healthier Wednesday afternoon. Low music floated through the air as a treat for reaching the end of another school day. Steven and Spinel lounged on the bed in her room, each engrossed in something else. For Steven, at the foot of the bed, it was a video-call with that Connie girl. For Spinel, at the headboard surrounded by pillows, she was scrolling through Winterest on her phone and staring lazily at the images that passed by. </p><p>As well as occasionally oggling at Steven.</p><p>Despite the distracting wonders of Winterest, she couldn’t help but keep taking peeks at Steven every now and then. How his strong physique was imprinting itself onto her mattress. How he was kicking his legs in the air as he laid on his belly. How his rich laughter was causing pangs and thrums and aches to strum her heart. It was almost too much.</p><p>“So how’ve you been doing with college prep, Connie?”</p><p>Oh, yeah. Connie: the human girl who came from Space Camp. Or just went there? She didn’t know. Other than knowing that she was Steven’s friend, she really didn’t have any inkling on who she was. Which was fine, of course. All Spinel hoped was that she also forgave her for trying to annihilate the Earth.</p><p>A sigh was heard from Steven’s FaceTime. “Oh, y’know, I’m managing.” She chuckled. “It feels like these study breaks are the only thing that’s keeping me sane.”</p><p>He hummed in sympathy. “That must be tough. If it makes you feel any better, I really enjoy our talks too.”</p><p>“Must you be so schmaltzy, Steven Universe?”</p><p>“It’s in my nature, I can’t help it!” he grinned.</p><p>Spinel heard them laugh once more. Man, they sure were chummy together.</p><p>“So how’s Beach City? Is it fixed by now?”</p><p>Blood rushed into Spinel’s face at hearing that. Not hearing Steven reply yet only made that feeling of mortification worse. She shrunk, tucking her legs in even more and hiding her head amongst her shoulders.</p><p>Steven finally spoke. “Uh - yeah, all that’s been cleaned up,” he said.</p><p>Connie must’ve paused, because all Spinel could hear from the phone was silence. Finally, she piped up. “And how’s, uh, Spinel?”</p><p>Spinel could’ve disappeared right then and there. That was, until Steven said something that filled her with warmth. “Oh, she’s doing really good!”</p><p>“She is?” Connie asked. “Really?”</p><p>“I - yeah! She’s really progressed since then, and you can ask her about it now ‘cause she’s <i>right here</i>,” Steven replied in a funny tone Spinel couldn’t quite place. </p><p>“O-<i>oh!</i>” Connie said, embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry, that’d be great!”</p><p>Peeking out from behind the safety of her phone, Spinel saw Steven turn and beckon her over. Face flushing even more, she quickly shook her head. Yet, once again, the kindness and endearment radiating off of him convinced her to give in.</p><p>She crawled over to lie beside Steven. In his hand was his phone, displaying a live video of Connie sitting at some desk. </p><p>“Uh - hey, Spinel!” Connie greeted. “I heard you’re doing a lot better.”</p><p>Spinel nodded minutely. “Yeah, I am,” she mumbled shyly.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that.” Then Connie squinted. “Oh, woah - I love what you did with your hair!” she lauded. “It looks great on you!”</p><p>She blushed, bashfulness eating her up even if she did truly appreciate the compliment. “Aw, geez, ya really think so?”</p><p>“Of course! Did you go to a hair stylist or something?”</p><p>“No, actually. Steven taught me how to do it.”</p><p>Connie clicked her tongue. “Aw… Steven, that’s so sweet!”</p><p>He shrugged. “Hey, I was helping her feel better. No biggie.”</p><p><i>Oh, no, it was a biggie. The biggest biggie,</i> Spinel thought.</p><p>Connie directed her attention back to Spinel. “So, what have you been doing since… then?”</p><p>“Pssshh,” she exhaled, thinking. “I’ve been going to Little Homeschool - that’s really helped me out. I made some friends, also, and learned a lot about Earth stuff. So that’s cool.”</p><p>“Huh. Well, that’s amazing, Spinel,” Connie congratulated. “I’m glad you’re doing so well. Really.”</p><p>That was . . . really nice to hear, Spinel had to admit. She seemed so less intimidating when she looked tiny behind that phone screen and was just talking to her like a normal human being. Not being armed with a sword and having a gleaming look of channeled fury in her eyes also helped.</p><p>A beeping came from Connie’s end of the phone. “Ope! Time’s up!”</p><p>“Aw, man,” Steven moped. “You and Spinel were just getting to know each other.”</p><p>“That’s okay!” she waved him off with a smile. “You can give her my cell if she ever wants to talk again. Plus, all this sociology prep isn’t gonna study itself.”</p><p>“I hear ya,” Steven obliged. “I’ll talk to you later. Bye!” he said with a wave.</p><p>“Bye!” she concluded, returning the gesture. </p><p>The call having ended, Steven’s screen now displayed Connie’s contact icon amidst a black backdrop. He sighed with a sort of nostalgia, even though the call wasn’t even ten seconds old.</p><p>It only then occurred to Spinel how close she was laying next to Steven. “Oh! Um, St-Steven -“</p><p>“Oh yeah! Do you want me to give you Connie’s phone number?”</p><p>“Uh -“ That wasn’t the reply she was expecting. Still, she preferred that over Steven catching onto Spinel’s feelings for him deep-down. She wasn’t ready to expose herself like that, yet. “<i>Connie’s</i> number?”</p><p>He nodded. “M-hm! You two seemed to be getting along really well. It wouldn’t hurt to get to know her better.”</p><p>Honestly… yeah, that didn’t sound like that much of a frightening idea. The unfamiliar, shyness-inducing fog surrounding Connie had cleared a bit. “… Yeah. Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel couldn’t say she wanted her first meaningful discussion with Connie to begin on the toilet, but that’s exactly what happened. </p><p>She was sitting at the kitchen table doing some homework, it being a couple days since she first talked with Connie. In the midst of learning about metals she was struck by a dull, throbbing pain in her abdomen. She felt this a bit yesterday and hopefully dismissed it as being a simple stomach ache (as well as hopefully explaining her increased moodiness). Yet here it was, happening again. </p><p>Her eyes widened. All the pieces clicked together. She knew <i>exactly</i> what was going on.</p><p>Barging into the bathroom, Spinel yanked up the toilet seat and threw herself down onto it. She hurriedly tossed off her pants and underwear and onto the floor. And waited.</p><p>It didn’t take long for the bleeding to start. However, Spinel was pleased to admit that it… wasn’t that bad. It didn’t hurt as much as, erm, last time. Different circumstances, she reckoned. Unlike last time she was in an environment that was welcoming to both her and her body. </p><p>Something also different from last time was how <i>bored</i> she was, oddly enough. Just sitting there, waiting for the blood to stop coming out - it felt dull. It made any mundane feature found in the bathroom a million times more interesting.</p><p>Case in point, her eyes drifted over to the right. The bathtub still sparkled with the colorful residue from the stash of diamond essence Steven had used earlier. He and the Gems somehow uncovered a Cherry Quartz that had yet to be healed from the Corruption Light, so he healed her this morning just after Spinel left for her classes. She’s pretty certain she saw the gem walking around Little Homeworld with some other uncorrupted gems. </p><p>Soon enough the iridescence of the bathtub quickly wore out its charm. Thankfully she remembered that she had her phone on hand, and went to retrieve it from her pants before it buzzed.</p><p><i>A notification. Did Grumpy Gamers upload a new TubeTube video?</i> Spinel wondered. Pulling it out of her pocket, she realized it wasn’t that at all.</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (hey! is this Spinel? it’s Connie. i got a bit of time before my next cram session.)</p><p>A knife of fear twisted itself into Spinel’s gut. <i>Oh, shit.</i> She knew this would happen sooner or later. Sure, she was courageous enough to have Connie added to her contacts and all. But talking to her - another human being - <i>alone</i> - sounded much too daunting at the moment.</p><p>Then Spinel considered her circumstance: she was all alone in the house, dealing with a girl problem. And here’s a girl, Connie, that’s basically saying “Hey, I’m available to talk.” Who knows when she’ll get an opportunity to learn about this again? Besides, they might be friends now - at least, she hoped she wasn’t jumping onto that assumption too soon. </p><p>She sighed, blowing out her worries. <i>Alright - let’s get on with it.</i></p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (yeah it’s me)</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (great! let me add you really quick.)</p><p>Spinel paused. Was that a question? Was Connie asking permission to add her? Geez, she never figured texting could be so confusing.</p><p>Before she could confirm that request Connie replied, unintentionally answering her question.</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (alright, now I added you. anyways, how’s it going?)</p><p>Well, Spinel guessed she oughta cut straight to it. </p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (not good. im bleeding)</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (are you hurt? where’s Steven? what happened?)</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (no its from my crotch. my period)</p><p>It was a long, uncomfortable moment before Connie texted back.</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (oh.)</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (are you okay?)</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (im alright. i was just wondering if you could help)</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (i dont really know how it works or if theres a better way of dealing with it)</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (youve been on earth longer than i have. you probably have a clearer picture on it than i do)</p><p>She waited a moment for her response. When she failed to see any three dots appear, a pang of dejection shot through her.</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (i get it if you really dont wanna talk)</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (no no! I just, haven’t ever had a conversation open up like that, that’s all.)</p><p>Spinel cringed. Stars, was she making herself look like a complete dumbass. Of course bringing up her period wouldn’t be the first thing you’d say to someone you barely knew! They were barely even friends!</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (but, yeah, I wouldn’t mind helping you out with that.)</p><p>Another pang - one that basically said “holy shit, really?!” - shot through her.</p><p><b>Spinel</b>: (you sure?)</p><p><b>Connie</b>: (of course! you <i>are</i> new to Earth, after all. here, let me call you.)</p><p>Spinel’s insides became torn with both excitement and anxiety, which only increased when her phone buzzed and rang with Connie’s FaceTime. She accepted it. “Uh - hi, Connie!”</p><p> The girl on the other end of the line cleared her throat. “Hey, Spinel!” she greeted with energy to match Spinel’s, even though she had a much more meager smile slapped on her face. Her eyes shied away from the screen and onto the desk in front of her. “Sooo… are you in a good position to let me help you?”</p><p>“Yeah, uh…,” Spinel chuckled at how awkward this felt and how fast her resolve for continuing this was slipping. “Yeah. I’m ready.”</p><p>“Alright, well, here’s what you need to do . . . .”</p>
<hr/><p>“Feeling any better?”</p><p>“Oh, you <i>bet</i>.”</p><p>Spinel was relieved to find that not being a lie. Lying in her bed, covered with blankets and a healing pad, eating some dark chocolate and high-vitamin fruits, Spinel felt like she was living large. Technically the only mildly uncomfortable part about all that was something called a “pad” she was instructed to wear <i>down there</i>, which Pearl had once mentioned buying for her in an off-hand remark. But she knew that wearing it enabled her to do all these relaxing things, so she reckoned it was easily worth it.</p><p>Connie smiled, an honest and friendly demeanor radiating off of her. “That’s good. I’m glad I could help.”</p><p>Spinel snickered. “‘Course you could. You’re human, you’ve lived here your entire life.”</p><p>“Well, not all human women get periods, y’know.”</p><p>“No way! Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Connie said. “They could have something called PCOS - which is a condition where women have malformed ovaries - or they could be post-menopause - which is where women naturally reach an age where their bodies stop producing the hormones needed for menstruation.”</p><p>Spinel blinked, huffing out a chuckle. “Oh <i>man</i>, I barely got a <i>word</i> outta that!”</p><p>Connie chuckled alongside her. “Right, sorry! That all was just basically saying how there‘s a variety of ways that make women not get periods,” she explained.</p><p>“Gee - wish I had one of them.”</p><p>“I dunno,” Connie began, appearing to drift back into the recesses of her encyclopedic brain. “Not having a period can have a lot of adverse impacts on your health.” </p><p>Spinel tapped her finger on her chin. “Hmmm . . . nope! That sounds totally worth it,” she kidded. “Anything that stops such an unholy act of nature is a-okay in my book.”</p><p>Connie laughed out loud at that. “Gosh - you’re funny, Spinel!”</p><p>She blushed. “R-really?”</p><p>“Yeah!” Connie confirmed. “I never would’ve guessed.”</p><p>The blush faded. “Whaddya mean?”</p><p>The girl appeared hesitant for a moment, although it wasn’t completely obvious. A sort of neutral frown that set in on her face as well as a lowering of her gaze mostly gave it away. “Well, just, at first glance - the first time I saw you, I mean - you didn’t seem like that.”</p><p>“Oh.” Spinel sulked at that. “Yeah, I guess you could think that.”</p><p>“But not anymore!” Connie butted in, not wanting to appear harsh towards the other girl. “You - you’re living in his house now, you look a lot happier now - you <i>must</i> have changed.”</p><p>“… Do you believe that?”</p><p>“Wha - of course I do -“</p><p>“‘Cause I - I’m trying to get better,” Spinel argued, feeling her grip on the phone tightening. “I <i>feel</i> like I’m getting better. And I don’t need any naysayers in my life tellin’ me otherwise.”</p><p>Connie blinked. “I -“ Then she paused whatever she would’ve said, taking a moment to lean back in her chair and collect herself. “Yeah… look, I’m sorry. It <i>is</i> a little weird for me to grapple with all of that. I mean, it was barely even a month ago when you switched allegiances to join us.”</p><p>“I wasn’t in an <i>allegiance</i>,” Spinel corrected. “I was all by myself, runnin’ on red-hot anger from being stabbed in the back.”</p><p>“Right,” Connie corrected herself. “And since then I haven’t seen you at all. I don’t at <i>all</i> mean to diss the progress you’ve made with yourself - which is great - but all that progress happened when I didn’t see it. It’s not like ‘oh, I didn’t see any of that happen, so it didn’t happen’ or anything like that. I’m just trying to explain my position where I can’t help but feel a bit, y’know.”</p><p>Spinel took in what she said. “Oh… I’m sorry. I - I wouldnt’a made any accusations if I knew that,” she said, feeling shame pile onto her.</p><p>Connie waved her off, which made her feel a bit better. “It’s okay. I went through the same thing with Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot; I never was around to see how they changed,” she said, a hint of bitterness barely evident in her voice.</p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense,” Spinel sighed. “. . . What <i>do</i> you think of me, Connie?”</p><p>She appeared taken aback at that, mainly due to simply not expecting such a question. “I, uh… my cautiousness towards you aside, I find you kind of… remarkable, frankly.”</p><p>“You - you do?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Connie nodded. “I mean, you’re technically the oldest human alive, the only human whose spent most of their life off of Earth, <i>and</i> the only human with your array of superhuman capabilities. You’re, like, a scientific marvel!”</p><p>Huh. Spinel never really thought of it like that. Sure, such facts made her feel even <i>more</i> alien than before, but also a bit… proud? Maybe ‘special’ was the better word, she reckoned, as the word ‘marvel’ rang throughout her head. “O-oh, wow thanks.”</p><p>Connie grinned. “No problem.” She readjusted herself in her chair. “Now that you’ve asked your question, I want to ask <i>you</i> one, if you’re okay with that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel shrugged. “I’m cool with that.”</p><p>“What do you think of Steven?”</p><p>Oh boy. Spinel stared back into each one of Connie’s calm, curious eyes, both awaiting her answer. She tapped her finger nervously. Come to think of it, she never really told anyone how she felt about Steven deep down. Was she supposed to? Was this something gal-pals did? Spinel failed to find an immediate answer to that.</p><p>Well, just to play it safe, she’ll tell Connie how much she cares for Steven as a friend. It might be more of an Earth-appropriate thing to do. Above all else, she really didn’t want anybody telling Steven her feelings before she did. She might be better now, sure, but she still didn’t feel quite ready yet. When she would, though, she didn’t have much of a clue.</p><p>“Steven, is,” she began, choosing her words carefully, “… a lifesaver. He saved me from going down a dark path that - I don’t even wanna <i>know</i> where it woulda led me. He helped me begin to see that I was worth a shit, and that I could do good things with my life. And, like, he’s so much more!” she extolled. “He’s kind, patient, funny, considerate, and a - a total sweetheart,” she said, nearly failing to put ‘a total sweetheart’ in place of ‘a total hunk.’ “Steven’s… great.”</p><p>Connie was silent for a moment, folded hands tucked underneath her chin. After a minute she chuckled, as if she had a suspicion of her’s confirmed. “I kinda feel the same about him, too,” she admitted. “It’s not, <i>completely</i> the same as yours, granted, but it’s close. Like, he changed my life for the better, too. Helping me become more confident and such. He even <i>healed</i> me.”</p><p>“He healed you too?” </p><p>She blinked. “Yeah, he made me not need glasses. When did he heal you?”</p><p>Spinel clicked her tongue. “Couple’a days ago. I was really sick, and if it weren’t for him I mighta died? I dunno -“</p><p>“Wait, hold on,” Connie interrupted. “You almost <i>died?</i>”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel shrugged. </p><p>“Oh, God, I’m so sorry. What did you have?”</p><p>“Pearl said a cold, I think.”</p><p>“Wh - the common cold? H-how’d you almost die from that?”</p><p>Spinel hummed. “Uhhh… somethin’ about foreign diseases? And Native Americans?”</p><p>Connie looked stunned for a moment before slumping against the back of her chair. “…Huh,” was all she said at first, even though it was obvious she had more questions on her mind. Still, she moved the conversation forward. “Are you okay now?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Spinel answered, as if she was asked if she knew what 1 + 1 was. “It makes sense that Steven would be able to heal me.” She paused, growing somber. “Plus, it all made me realize something. Like, <i>really</i> realize something.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>A beat passed as Spinel’s eyes grew a bit downcast. “… I never woulda gotten sick in the… the Garden,” she mumbled. “There wasn’t any disease there. Nothing ever <i>changed</i> for there to be any disease there.” <i>It only took a little over six-thousand years for vines to barely even cover up the glass.</i> “Getting sick… it kinda made me appreciate being here on Earth even more.”</p><p>Connie looked interested. “How’s that?”</p><p>“‘Cause that only coulda happened here on Earth. Things are always, <i>happening</i>, on Earth.” She chuckled morbidly. “Like disease, I guess! And I guess that’s always changing, too - like me. So, I dunno, I guess all that just makes me feel . . . more human. More human than I’ve ever been.”</p><p>Silence echoed from the other end of the phone. Connie’s face was in slight awe, pleasantly surprised at another instance of Spinel exceeding her expectations. “. . . Wow. Yeah, that - that makes total sense.”</p><p>It was quiet for a moment. Yet it wouldn’t be long before an unintelligible series of words erupted from somewhere within Connie’s house. She whirled around in her chair. “<i>Coming Dad!</i>” she shouted. </p><p>She turned back to face Spinel. “Sorry, I gotta go make dinner,” she said. “It was, nice talking to you. I learned a lot.”</p><p>“Yeah. Same here,” Spinel replied with the same measure of enthusiasm.</p><p>Connie’s finger hovered over the ‘end call’ button. “I’ll, uh, see you around!”</p><p>“You too!”</p><p>“Bye!”</p><p>“Bye!”</p><p>*<i>Click!</i>*</p><p>Connie’s avatar stared at Spinel until she turned the phone off. Laying it down on her beside table, she turned her attention over to the heating pad resting a bit below her stomach. Golly, did that feel good.</p><p>That, uh, went well. Really, it did. Spinel could’ve fucked up in <i>so</i> many different ways, but she didn’t (mostly). Plus, she learned a lot more about Connie. Not any specific facts about her, of course, but more like how she operated. Spinel was good at picking that up. Like how it seemed she generally liked Spinel, which was really nice.</p><p>Heck, she might have cemented her friendship with Connie! Yippee! That’s swell! Connie was a pretty neat person, she felt. Man, they could do <i>so</i> many different things with each other that they’d both love! After all, they’re both girls, and, uh… the same age, probably. And . . . .</p><p>Wait. Hold on. What <i>did</i> they have in common? What was something else they could both relate to? Knowing Steven? Having him change their lives? Is that it?</p><p>The facts settled in on Spinel: she and Connie really didn’t share many meaningful similarities. Truth be told, she and her might not make the best of friends. They probably weren’t even friends; more like acquaintances, if even that. Huh.</p><p>Despite these notions, she was pleasantly surprised at how gently such revelations treated her. It was odd; why would she <i>not</i> be upset over failing to make a friend with someone she now liked? When had she stopped becoming so prospective for friendship?</p><p>Spinel should’ve known her answer would be staring at her flat in the face. Things have changed. Everything was different now - including her. <i>Especially</i> her.</p><p>And yet…</p><p>…that might not be such a bad thing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have said this before - I <i>am</i> a guy. So I ain’t all too familiar with periods and junk. I got feedback from people who do get periods, which made me look more into it to write chapters like these (and that ain’t a jab at them or anything, I genuinely appreciate the feedback they gave). But, there’s no way I’m gonna get it all perfect. Sorry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Pink Autumn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel experiences an autumn filled with a variety of warm colors - as well as pink.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lapis was right: much of Delmarva <i>did</i> grow to become a carbon copy of OTOF’s Unfathomed as September waned into October. It seemed like everywhere Spinel went she was treated with autumn’s beautiful reds, oranges, and yellows.</p><p>Pink - well, pink was a surprise, however. In more instances than one.</p>
<hr/><p>Down at Spacetries, an eye-popping ube role was calling Spinel’s name.</p><p>“It’s so… <i>purpley</i>,” she gasped, peering into the glass case housing the confection.</p><p>Steven stood by, chuckling at how intently Spinel was admiring it. “Y’know, this <i>is</i> a bakery; you can have it if you want.”</p><p>“Yeah,” the pink human named Lars confirmed, wiping down the counter adjacent to them. “You just gotta pay for it.”</p><p>“I gotcha Lars,” Steven said, presenting him with a crisp ten dollar bill. </p><p>He leaned up against the counter. “It’s actually $12.50.”</p><p>Spinel’s loopy arm appeared beside Steven, flashing out a five.</p><p>“<i>There</i> we go,” Lars grinned, taking both bills as Spinel chuckled while Steven playfully rolled his eyes.</p><p>Ever since her talk with Connie, Spinel found herself having a bit more courage to be out and about in public (especially now that she was vaccinated). It’s just that, she still had a pretty good time talking with the other girl even if they didn’t end up being completely buddy-buddy with each other. Which, she realized, was completely fine. Such a revelation removed a lot of social anxiety off her shoulders, for sure. Now she could be out in public and simply just <i>talk</i> to people. Sure, that was easier said than done, and other factors still limited her by a good deal, but she could tell she was better. </p><p>Putting the money in the register, Lars gave Spinel her change before heading over to the confections display to grab the ube roll. He put it in a pastry box and handed it off to her. “Thanks for dropping by,” he said to them both.</p><p>“Of course! It’s the best bakery spot in town!” Spinel commented.</p><p>Steven raised an eyebrow, smiling. “I thought you said the Big Donut was your favorite place last week.”</p><p>“Men, I changed my mind. This place won my vote.”</p><p>Lars grinned. “That place was never my favorite.” He strained his head to look out the storefront window. “Hey, you guys happen to know what that huge ship was out there? Saw it here on the way to work.”</p><p>Steven’s previously cheery demeanor turned uncomfortable. “O-oh yeah, that’s, um, that’s Blue Diamond’s old human zoo.”</p><p>Both Spinel and Lars balked. “A human <i>zoo?!</i>”</p><p>“But it’s cool now!” Steven replied. “The zoomans - the zoo humans - they run the ship now! And they, let out all the bubbled rose quartzes. Who are at my house now. Y’know, great stuff!” he said uneasily.</p><p>Lars turned to Spinel. “Wait. How come you don’t know about this?”</p><p>“…I just got back from hanging out with my friend,” she managed to answer after experiencing a little spike of anxiety at such a prodding question. “Golly… rose quartzes. I haven’t seen one in <i>ages!</i> Well, aside from the one hangin’ by the stairs in that painting.”</p><p>“Heh, wonder why,” Steven said, rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p>Lars resumed his look outside the window. “…Huh,” he muttered. “Well, I’ll be seeing you guys,” he said, leaning back over to Steven and Spinel.</p><p>“Yep, bye,” Steven responded.</p><p>“Laters!” Spinel said a beat later.</p><p>The two teenagers exited Spacetries and began their stroll over to the beach house, previously having been towered over by a gargantuan space station. Spinel eyed the house with anticipation, as if it was currently housing several cryptids. </p><p>“What are they like?” she asked Steven. “There’s not any at Little Homeworld, ‘cause I think I heard Yellow Diamond personally sent them all into bubbles.” She huffed, although it came out more like a spat. “Makes sense she’d do that. Fucking bitch.”</p><p>“They’re - the Diamonds aren’t like that anymore, Spinel,” Steven said. “And… yeah, the rose quartzes are nice, I guess.”</p><p>Spinel mentally wondered why Steven seemed so uncomfortable about the topic of the rose quartzes. Yet they had arrived at the door before she could ask why. </p><p>Opening it, they were greeted to a scene of mixed emotions.</p><p>There they were: three rose quartzes. A sultry-looking one with smooth hair, one that just exuded peppy energy, and one that seemed a bit more restrained and nervous. They were all standing beside a table currently serving Garnet and Pearl, who both looked equally miserable in their own way.</p><p>Spinel had a gnawing feeling that she was missing out on something here, but before she could open her mouth - again - the peppy rose quartz greeted them. “Hey! You’re back! *gasp* And your brought one of your Earth friends!”</p><p>Steven chuckled, a half-assed smile on his lips. Spinel could tell this was gonna be quite the dinner.</p>
<hr/><p>Yeah, dinner was… something.</p><p>“He's cutting one of those carrot beans again,” the gem Spinel mentally dubbed ‘Superfan Quartz’ said as she oggled at Steven. “Going... up... to... his... mouth! Ah, and it's gone! Wow!” she cheered, amazed. “No one can eat a carrot bean like you!”</p><p>Superfan Quartz and the two others (Hippie Quartz and Shy Quartz) were in the midst of observing Steven and Spinel eat their meals as Garnet and Pearl sat with them. From what Spinel could tell, the quartzes seemed all-around pretty tolerable (though they were just grazing the amount of strangers Spinel could tolerate being in her house). They still were pretty nice, even if a bit unannounced at their stay for dinner. Which made the others’ barely concealed discomfort all the more confusing.</p><p>Steven swallowed. “I’ve been doing this for sixteen years now, I’d hope I’d -“</p><p>The door opened and Steven’s dad, the human called Greg, entered. “Hey, Schtu-ball? You have any idea how much longer the Zoomans are gonna stick around? Haven’t had this many exes show up at once since -“</p><p>He broke off mid-sentence once he got a complete view of the scene. A look of pure terror crossed his face.</p><p>“Hi! Are you another one of Steven’s Earth friends?” Superfan asked.</p><p>Greg looked as if he saw a ghost. “<i>I can feel the rest of my hair falling out,</i>” he moaned.</p><p>“Wait, dad,” Steven said before Greg could freak out any further. “Do you wanna stay for dinner?”</p><p>“Nope!” With that he turned tail and fled out the house.</p><p><i>Gosh - what is it with these rose quartzes that’s freakin’ everybody out?</i> Spinel wondered. <i>Is it even them? It’s not me, right? What could I have done?</i></p><p>Before Spinel could continue thinking, Superfan spoke up. “All right! Back to this eating thing!” she said, taking Steven’s plate out from under him. “So you take this ‘food’ stuff, and you jam it into your face-hole like this, right?” She then proceeded shove a forkful of carrots into her maw.</p><p>“Mhm, yep, you got it,” Steven answered, lips pressed into a thin line.</p><p>“Wow! Shish ish sho <i>cool!</i>” Superfan exclaimed as carrot bits dribbled out of her mouth. She turned to Spinel, pointing to her mouth. “Golly, you gotta try shish!” she said, careless childlike wonder radiating off of her.</p><p>…Alright, yep, that kind of irked Spinel. Spinel found herself cringing as if she was a senior staring at her freshman self.</p><p>Thankfully other events distracted her from that. “Y’know, if I could have had a pearl, I’d get me one just like you,” Hippie Quartz said all chill-like to Pearl, who blushed.</p><p>She pushed forward a stick of butter on a plate. “You wanna try this ‘butter’ stuff with me?”</p><p>Pearl shook her head. “Oh, that’s quite alright Ro<i>ooose….</i>”</p><p>Shy Quartz noticed Pearl’s distress and rested a hand on the table. “Excuse me, Pearl. Are you feeling okay?”</p><p>“. . . I’m going to the bathroom!” Pearl announced abruptly, bolting upright. Stiff as a board she shuffled on over, to the confused looks of the Rose Quartzes.</p><p>Hippie Quartz noticed how Garnet seemed to somehow become even more statuesque than before. “Hey, you look kinda tense. If ya want, I can give you a nice, <i>relaxing</i> back massage -“</p><p>“I’m also going to the bathroom,” Garnet interrupted without emotion, getting up after Pearl. </p><p>Steven sighed as he saw her leave. “I should probably go talk to them.”</p><p>“Could I tag along?” Spinel asked. Maybe she might get some answers in there. </p><p>He looked at her, tucking his mouth to the side. “Mmm… yeah, sure.” </p><p>“What about us?” Superfan questioned. “Can we come?”</p><p>“Oh, no, you don’t need to do that,” Steven declined as he and Spinel met the door. “We’ll only take a quick sec.”</p><p>“Well, alright,” Hippie said, pointing a relaxed finger at them. “Don’t take too long.”</p><p>Nodding, Steven was about to push the door open when he stopped. His hand rested on the wood as he turned his head towards Spinel. “This isn’t weird, right?”</p><p>She looked at the door. “I mean, I usually don’t go in the bathroom with a group, sooo….”</p><p>“That’s not what I - wait,” he paused. “You know who my mom is, right?”</p><p>“Pink Diamond?” she spoke with malice.</p><p>“Well - yeah, that too. And?”</p><p>“… And what?”</p><p>Steven’s eyes widened a tiny bit. He brought a hand to his forehead. “Oh, geez… thought you would of figured that out somehow.”</p><p>“Figured out what?” she said, confused as ever.</p><p>He pushed the door open. “I’ll, uh, explain inside.”</p><p>The teens entered the bathroom, where a distraught Pearl and Garnet were residing within. “Steven, isn’t this super weird?!” the former cried.</p><p>Garnet sighed. “Pearl, of <i>course</i> it’s weird.”</p><p>“Oh for <i>Pete’s</i> sake - couldja <i>please</i> just tell me what’s goin’ on?” Spinel finally demanded. </p><p>Pearl cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Pearl,” Steven began informing her, “she doesn’t know about Rose.”</p><p>“Oh… she doesn’t?” </p><p>“Who’s Rose?” Spinel asked.</p><p>An series of uncertain glances were exchanged throughout the room. “That’s a . . . <i>long</i> story,” Pearl said, wringing her wrist. She sighed. “When Pink Diamond came down to Earth, she adopted the persona of a rose quartz.”</p><p>Spinel blinked. “So nobody could tell she was a Diamond?”</p><p>“Yes, but it also took on a symbolic meaning,” Pearl stated. She looked guiltily at the human. “It eventually represented her desire to leave every part of her old life behind.”</p><p>Spinel stared at the floor, her hands aching to turn into fists. “Including me.” </p><p>Pearl nodded sorrowfully as Spinel heard Steven huff in anger. </p><p>“And the gems out there remind you of her,” Spinel put two-and-two together.</p><p>Chuckling, Pearl shook her head. “They don’t just <i>remind</i> us of her, they practically <i>are</i> her. She made them.” She sighed. “I thought I’d be more ready for this.”</p><p>Spinel stared at her with concern. She blew out some air. “Gosh… I’m sorry she hurt you guys, too. Never figured you hated her guts as much as I do.”</p><p>“We don’t <i>hate</i> her,” Garnet corrected.</p><p>Spinel‘s brow crinkled. “But - but you guys are hiding from <i>them</i>,” she waved towards the doorway, “‘cause you can’t even stand the sight of her.”</p><p>“You got that right,” Steven mumbled.</p><p>“<i>Steven!</i>” Pearl hissed. “Don’t say such a thing!”</p><p>He threw up his hands. “Well, Spinel’s right! Mom did so many terrible things, hurt so many people, like - like them out there!” he argued. “They were bubbled because of <i>her</i>. They look like her, they act like her, they’re even just another case of people who had their lives ruined because of her!”</p><p>Garnet sighed. “I know we all have mixed feelings about Rose, but we all know that she changed from what she once was.”</p><p>“I don’t <i>care</i>,” Steven spat. “Doesn’t <i>excuse</i> everything that happened because of her. Everything that happened to <i>us</i>. Everything that happened to -“</p><p>Steven cut himself off. He look as if his mind was a hornet’s nest, swarming and buzzing with painful memories. Spinel also noticed that he was… blushing? Although it didn’t quite resemble his warmer, much more adorable ones. This one looked a cold, <i>neon</i> pink.</p><p>“Steven…?” Spinel said.</p><p>The teen jolted, snapping back to reality. As he looked around the room at his family and Spinel, he seemed to calm down. He swallowed roughly, his blush managing to disappear. </p><p>“Alright, fine,” he sighed, “you guys can stay here. But I need to go back and make sure they have a good time.” With that, he turned and walked out of the bathroom.</p><p>Spinel frowned. “What was… that?”</p><p>“Rose did a lot of things good and bad, before and after she started the Rebellion,” Pearl said. “The fallout of her actions still linger with us.”</p><p>“All of us,” Garnet added. “Especially Steven.”</p><p>Her mind tinkered. Pink - or, Rose - hurt a lot more people than just her, and Steven seemed to bear the brunt of it. Oh, how Spinel’s heart ached for him right then; no <i>way</i> did he deserve such torment. Not at all!</p><p>Spinel thought back to the blush he had. She herself blushed whenever she was uncomfortable, so the action itself wasn’t such a big deal. He was just a bit overcome. She could relate to that. Plus, it’s okay! He’s <i>Steven</i>, the ever-resilient Savior of the Galaxy! What could he <i>not</i> defeat?</p><p>“I get it. Thanks for tellin’ me all that,” she responded to Pearl and Garnet. Yet even as she was saying that, she couldn’t get that color out of her head. The color of his blush. Cold, neon pink.</p>
<hr/><p>It wouldn’t be long before Spinel saw that color again. </p><p>As the end of Little Homeschool’s first semester grew closer, its staff anticipated a new wave of attendees for the second. So, a week after the Rose Quartzes came over, Steven and the Gems decided to throw a party to welcome any prospective students to Earth. </p><p>Even if she figured this would be true, Spinel was still frustrated over how such a crowd proved much too overwhelming for her to handle at the moment. The Gems and Steven said it was okay for her to not be quite ready yet, but she still felt pretty low once she retired to her bedroom for the party’s duration.</p><p>Which was why it came as a surprise to Spinel to suddenly see some cross-fusion start to frequent her home.</p><p><i>Bluebird Azurite</i>, the Gems explained, first showed up at the party. She was the fusion of an aquamarine and a ruby who the Gems knew from before. Specifically, they both caused harm to them all and tried to kill Steven. Now they were both on Earth to learn how to live better lives. </p><p>Spinel could empathize with that. What she couldn’t empathize with was why Steven seemed so jumpy around them. She understood that they tried to kill him, of course, but so had she! They seemed as earnest in their efforts for atonement as she did. Why was he nervous around them, but not her?</p><p>Unless he <i>was</i>, and he was just doing a really good job concealing it. It’d be a smart thing to do, with how volatile she is, Spinel figured. But that couldn’t be true… right?</p><p>Oh, thank the Stars that that thought didn’t get allowed to fester within Spinel’s mind for too long. ‘Cause it turns out, Steven was right. Which, ironically, was discovered when he had concluded that Aquamarine and Eyeball (the ruby’s name) really were on Earth to better themselves. </p><p>Early that fateful Saturday morning, Spinel was busy fixing herself some cereal when a groggy Steven walked down the stairs. “Mornin’, Spinel.”</p><p>“Heya Stevie!” she greeted peppily, returning the milk to the fridge. Turning around to meet him, she snorted. “Wow, I <i>love</i> the new look,” she snickered good-naturedly.</p><p>“Hmm?” He looked at his sleepwear. “What look?”</p><p>She pointed at her face. He rubbed his, graffitied with marker, then went into the bathroom and closed the door. “Oh,” she heard through the door, followed by a playful tsk. “<i>Bluebird</i>. Classic prank.”</p><p>Spinel turned to put back the cereal. Just as she did, however, the warp pad sounded. The horrible screeching of a car was heard. Spinel whipped her head around just in time to witness the back door to Greg’s van open, when Bluebird and a terrified Greg popped out. The fusion proceeded to book it out the front door, lugging Greg along with her.</p><p>It all happened so fast, it didn’t seem as if any of them noticed Spinel gawking at them. “Uuuhhh….”</p><p>The bathroom door burst open. “What the-“ Steven looked at the van. “Wh-! How - how’d the - Spinel, what happened?!”</p><p>She stuttered. “I-it, just, warped in,” she said, looking at the warp.</p><p>“…Oh, gotcha. Welp, I guess Bluebird and Dad must be having a ball together,” he reasoned.</p><p>That wasn’t what it looked like from Spinel’s perspective (and she liked to think of herself as being attentive to that sort of thing). But, Steven knew his father better and longer than she had, so she was ready to accept his notion.</p><p>Which didn’t end up happening. “<i>AAAHHH!</i>”</p><p>Steven looked towards the door. “Sounds like they’re watching another horror movie. I bet they’re doing well.”</p><p>“<i>Heeelp!</i>”</p><p>“Uh, Steven? I don’t think they were watchin’ any sorta movie when they drove in,” Spinel said nervously.</p><p>He shook his head. “O-okay, let’s all relax. I’m sure Dad’s fine. Bluebird’s cool!” Grabbing his letterman, he and Spinel walked out to the balcony. “Dad?”</p><p>“Up here, son!”</p><p>They both gazed up. There was Greg, dangling upside down off the corner of the roof, being suspended by Bluebird. Spinel gasped as Steven cried, “Dad!”</p><p>The fusion grinned maliciously. “An era ago, there were two gems celebrated for taking down Homeworld’s number one traitor. But then, they were cast aside, forgotten, when said traitor duped all of Homeworld into loving him instead.” She tossed Greg onto the roof. “Now, they’ve come to Earth for their revenge! And forever shall he <i>rue</i> the names -“</p><p>Bluebird unfused. Out popped two smaller gems.</p><p>“Aquamarine!”</p><p>“And Ruby!”</p><p>Spinel eyed the two with fear. These were two gems that had tried to kill Steven. Like her. Except they seemed to be the ones that got away. Stars, what were they going to do!?</p><p>“Well? It’s us!” Aquamarine said.</p><p>“It’s always been us and <i>you never knew!</i>” Eyeball boasted. </p><p>Steven, oddly enough, seemed more annoyed than anything. “I always knew. <i>Everyone</i> knew.”</p><p>Aquamarine grew shocked. “What?!”</p><p>Eyeball turned her attention towards Spinel. “Is what he’s saying true? I bet he’s lying!”</p><p>“Guys,” Steven sighed, “don’t be like that. Just…?” He trailed off as he noticed Spinel shaking in her boots. “Woah, Spinel it’s okay.”</p><p>She side-eyed him fearfully before doing a double-take. “Steven - they tried to <i>kill</i> you!” she said in disbelief at how calm he seemed. “Aren’t you scared?”</p><p>“No, not really? They’re not scary; they just seem kinda, sad, if anything.”</p><p>From above, Aquamarine growled. “Well, how’s <i>this</i> for sad?!” She grabbed Greg’s long locks and flew off of the roof. Eyeball then summoned a knife, holding it close to his face. </p><p>“Woah!” Steven yelled, summoning his shield. “If this is another one of your ‘pranks,’ cut it out! That’s my dad you got there!”</p><p>“That was just us softening you up! Now the <i>real</i> torture begins!” Eyeball menaced. </p><p>Spinel whimpered. “Steven, w-what do we do?!” she asked, her own fists inflated in preparation for any sort of offense.</p><p>He held up his hand. “Don’t do anything. This is, like, a hostage situation. They won’t hurt him if we don’t attack.”</p><p>Aquamarine snickered. “Your smart, Steven. You know how this game works.” Spinel bristled.</p><p>“We’ve learned so much about your life. Especially how much you love your friends like ‘My-Dad’ here.” She pointed unsurely at Spinel. “We didn’t have the time to get to you yet, but I think it’d safe to say he appreciates you too.”</p><p>“You don’t know <b>shit</b>, pipsqueak,” Spinel growled.</p><p>“Easy with the tongue there, <i>organic</i>,” Aquamarine lectured. “I don’t think Pink Diamond’s pet would appreciate such vulgarity.”</p><p>It took every <i>centimeter</i> of Spinel’s willpower to not fling herself at Aquamarine. “You mother-“</p><p>“Gah, just shut up!” Eyeball growled. “We have neg - nega - nig-“</p><p>“Negotiations,” Aquamarine filled in. </p><p>“Yeah, that! We got that to do!”</p><p>The blue gem sighed. “Whatever. Now listen good, Steven: if you want your ‘My-Dad’ back, you’ll have to do us a favor or two. Like… <i>destroying</i> your house!”</p><p>“Yeah!” Ruby agreed.</p><p>“<i>Bubbling</i> your friends!”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“And burning Little Homeworld <i>to the ground.</i>”</p><p>“<i>Do it!</i>”</p><p>Steven obviously didn’t like such demands. “Is there anything else we can negotiate?”</p><p>Aquamarine hummed. “Hmm, that sounded like a ‘no’ to me. Ruby - let the organic have it.”</p><p>“…Have what?”</p><p>“Have -“ She grumbled. “The knife! Stab him or something!”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Eyeball said, chuckling with a murderous look in her eyes.</p><p>Terrified for Greg’s safety, both teens were about to act when Greg did so first. “Ah! That’s enough!” With a deft movement of his hand, he grabbed hold of Eyeball’s knife and - cut off his own hair.</p><p>“<i>No!</i>” Steven cried, managing to catch Greg in his arms. “Are you okay?” </p><p>Aquamarine scoffed in contempt at Greg’s mane. “Ugh! Disgusting!” she bemoaned, throwing the mass of hair down onto the porch.</p><p>“Oh, my baby!” Greg sobbed as he crawled out of Steven’s arms and embraced the mullet once it landed.</p><p>It was still for a moment as Spinel eyed the scene. Greg held his hair as if it gave him life, nearly ready to burst into tears. Steven looked at the sad state of his father, clearly distraught over what happened to him. Meanwhile, Aquamarine and Eyeball were busy bickering amongst themselves. </p><p><i>Good,</i> Spinel figured, <i>I catch them off guard when I go up and knock their blocks off -</i></p><p>“Get inside.”</p><p>Spinel peered at Steven. “What?”</p><p>“Get. Inside.”</p><p>Greg and Spinel exchanged a look with one another. A split second later Spinel ran over to help usher Greg and his hair inside. She closed the door and turned around just in time to see Steven -</p><p>- turn pink.</p><p>“<b><i>I won’t let you get away with this!!!</i></b>” Steven bellowed as his skin became a glowing, saturated shade of neon pink. The same shade as his blush from earlier. He leapt up to the roof, outside of the window’s field of view, where he began battling Aquamarine and Eyeball.</p><p>Spinel didn’t think she’d ever seen him so angry. She stayed staring out the window, frozen with a sort of semi-horror. That was, until Greg spoke to her.</p><p>“It’ll be alright, Spinel,” he said, still clutching his hair. “He can handle this.”</p><p>“I know he can,” she replied, sounding smallish. <i>That’s not what I’m afraid of.</i></p><p>Nodding, Greg turned his head down to look sullenly at his hair like a modern day Samson. “I, *sniff*, I need to use the bathroom,” he blubbered, then proceeding to stumble over to the bathroom. Muffled sobs were then heard.</p><p>The fight had moved down to the beach, with Spinel debating on whether or not she should intervene. From what she could tell, Eyeball and Aquamarine were trying to reform Bluebird. After a couple failed attempts Steven’s blush disappeared and he began talking to them. That was when the warp pad rang again.</p><p>Whirling around, Spinel was treated to the sight of the Crystal Gems. Who were all thoroughly confused on why Greg’s van was inside.</p><p>Amethyst looked around. “What the -“</p><p>“<i>Guys!</i>” Spinel shouted, running up to meet them. “Bluebird warped the van inside and had Greg as a hostage so me and Steven went out to save him but they were like ‘you’re only getting him back if you do some fucked-up shit’ and he said ‘no’ and then Greg cut his hair -“</p><p>“<i>Spinel.</i>” Garnet interrupted, laying her hands on Spinel’s shoulders. “Are you and Steven okay?”</p><p>She sniffled. “He - he’s fighting them outside. They wanna hurt him.”</p><p>The Crystal Gems shared a look of worried urgency before running past her. They barely even paused on the porch to observe the scene before leaping down onto the beach.</p><p>Spinel followed after them. Yet before she could meet them on the sand, a new, towering figure rose up from it. The fusion had lavender skin, turquoise clothes, cyan hair, and white-gloved hands. Which she used to <i>crush</i> a newly-reformed Bluebird like the cockroach she is. </p><p>The girl sprung down to join up with Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. They and Steven were staring into the giant, hand-shaped imprint in the sand where Aquamarine and Eyeball laid. </p><p>“Are you guys okay?” he said, looking down at them.</p><p>Aquamarine sighed dramatically. “Oh, we’ve been defeated.”</p><p>“Yep,” Eyeball drawled.</p><p>“I’ve <i>completely</i> learned my lesson,” she said.</p><p>Steven blinked. “Huh?”</p><p>Oh, did Spinel’s blood boil. She could tell an ingenuous apology from a mile away. It was <i>all</i> in the eyes.</p><p>The winged gem flew up. “I’m sorry, Steven. Accept my-?”</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>*WHAP!*</i>
  </b>
</p><p>“<i>Get the <b>fuck</b> outta here!!!</i>” Spinel screeched after delivering a whammy to Aquamarine. </p><p>The gem smashed into the beach near the shore, a ditch in the sand following in the wake. Pushing herself up, Eyeball ran over to help Aquamarine up. And boy, was <i>she</i> fuming. “You <i>insolent</i> little brat! I ought to -!”</p><p>Aquamarine shut her trap once she noticed Steven and the others come to back her up. She huffed. “You may have gotten us this time, but we’ll be out there!”</p><p>“Hating <i>you!</i>” Eyeball threatened, getting picked up by Aquamarine. “Especially that organic!”</p><p>“Forever!” she added, flying up and away.</p><p>“You <i>smeeeellll…!</i>” With that last remark, the two disappeared into the expanses of the atmosphere.</p><p>Spinel gave them the bird. “Good riddance.”</p><p>Sighing, Pearl rested a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?</p><p>“I’m okay,” Steven nodded solemnly. “They’re not the one they hurt,” he said, looking over at his father kneeling by the shore. He trudged over to him and began talking.</p><p>Spinel exhaled. “<i>Hoo</i> boy, am I glad you guys showed up.“</p><p>“Us too,” Garnet agreed. “We’re glad you told us.”</p><p>“Aw, sucks, it was the least I could do.… By the way,” she began asking, excitement creeping into her voice. “was that fusion all of <i>you!?</i> You guys looked so cool!”</p><p>Amethyst grinned. “Thanks, Spinny. Alexandrite’s one of the best when it comes to putting gems <i>down</i>,” she boasted, punching her fist into her palm. She chuckled. “Man, the way you just <i>socked</i> Aquamarine? <i>Classic</i>. Glad we weren’t on the other end this time.”</p><p>Spinel cringed while Pearl elbowed Amethyst. “D-did I mess up?”</p><p>Pearl twisted her mouth. “No, no. I - that may have not been the best plan of action, per se.”</p><p>“They were already defeated,” Garnet elaborated. “Even if it was fairly warranted.”</p><p>Nodding, Spinel considered that logic. “Huh. Alright, I gotcha.” Thinking about her punch to Aquamarine, she couldn’t help but remember the blows Steven exchanged with her and Eyeball. Especially how pink his skin was during all of it.</p><p>She glanced over at Steven as he and Greg watched his hair float away into the surf. Should she tell the Gems? He wouldn’t mind them knowing, right? He’s Steven; the most open person she knew! It’d be okay to.</p><p>“So,” she began, “d’ya guys know about Steven… turning pink?”</p><p>Pearl’s eyes widened. In contrast, Garnet and Amethyst looked calm. “Oh,” the latter said, “you mean when his skin glows pink and he gets super fast?”</p><p>“Wh - <i>’fast?!’</i> What do you mean ‘fast?!’” Pearl exclaimed. </p><p>“So you guys know about this?” Spinel asked.</p><p>“I don’t,” Garnet answered simply. “This must be a new power.”</p><p>Amethyst turned to Pearl. “What’s up your gem about it? His new power let us save a rollercoaster full of people when we were Smoky Quartz.”</p><p>“That didn’t happen with me!” she refuted, before taking a calmed approach to this instead. “Was he, angry, at the time?” </p><p>The quartz shrugged. “Nah, just a lil’ stressed.”</p><p>“He got angry <i>here,</i>” Spinel piped up. “Was he angry while he was with you, Pearl?”</p><p>“…You could say that,” she answered, frowning. “He sent cracks through….”</p><p>Garnet looked over to Steven, still sitting with Greg. “Hmm. This ability might be enabled when he’s experiencing moments of stress.” She turned back to the group. “I’m guessing we haven’t seen him become pink any other times.”</p><p>“What about the time when the Rose Quartzes were over?” Spinel asked. “He kinda was, pink. A bit.”</p><p>“That could be another instance.” Garnet tapped her chin. “Whatever’s happening, we shouldn’t let it become too much of an issue. Steven is going through a transitional period in his life; this probably is caused by stress related to that.”</p><p>“Well, alright. Steven’ll be fine then, right? He’s adaptable,” Amethyst noted.</p><p>Garnet nodded. “I believe so. We’ll help him if it gets too bad.” After a moment of letting that notion sink in to their consciences, she turned her head up to the beach house. “Alright - let’s get Greg’s van out of the house.”</p><p>With that, they all began walking up to the house. Even Spinel, whose request to help with the cleanup was approved by Pearl. Yet she still felt, uneasy, about Steven’s whole “turning pink” thing, even after it was put to rest by the others. She may not have known him as long at the Gems have, but she liked to think she knew enough about him. She also liked to think she knew enough about being fucked-up in the head.</p><p>Enough about those two topics to know something wasn’t quite right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>SUF: has barely any hinting on when episodes take place and how far apart they’re from each other</p><p>me, tryna write this fic with dates in mind: this shit blows</p><p>Sorry this took a hot minute to post! It’s long and I had finals week to deal with.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel has a short, yet pleasant birthday party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this is kinda short! I’m real excited for the next chapter though, and that’ll definitely be longer.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was always in the back of her mind, but only when the day came did she really comprehend it’s significance. It was February 16. Her birthday. </p>
<p>It’s been months since Spinel first saw Steven turn pink, back in late October. Fortunately, that’s been the only time she’s seen him like that. True to their word, the Gems and Spinel kept a bit of a closer eye on Steven for any sort of pink-triggering event. But he seemed, well, fine. He gave off no sign that he seemed particularly unhappy in any way. Which made Spinel <i>very</i> happy. </p>
<p>A part of her used to wonder why she should even bother falling in love with Steven Universe. That was back when she was an absolute <i>wreck</i>. But months had passed. Months of learning and rehabilitation. And look at her now! She isn’t so consumed with toxic thoughts, she’s feeling better around people, she knows people don’t think of her as a monster! Spinel couldn’t remember the last time she felt so good.</p>
<p>True, every now and then <i>that</i> nagging voice crept out of its cave. That voice that told her how she’ll never be enough, that she should quit trying to attain something so unfeasible for her broken self. That voice that left her feeling exhausted and morose. Thankfully, such moments had grown few and far between, and she had her F.I.W.W.Y’s with Lapis to help her out of them. It also helped her to know her efforts were for a purpose:</p>
<p>To not feel like complete crap.</p>
<p>And to finally be enough for Steven.</p>
<p>Spinel would be extremely embarrassed to admit how deeply her face flushed whenever she thought about Steven for a long time. His muscles, his hair, his face, his <i>smile</i>. How selfless he was, how radiant his personality was, how affectionate he was. The way he laughed at Spinel’s jokes, or congratulated her on doing good at school, or invited her to hang out with him and Amethyst. </p>
<p>In Spinel’s eyes, there was no doubt Steven was the epitome of perfection. As she felt herself getting better, Spinel gradually became more accepting to the notion that one day she could become even like a <i>fraction</i> of his perfection. That she wouldn’t be so much of a burden if she worked hard for it. That, one day, she’d be worth Steven’s love.</p><hr/>
<p>It was snowing outside. Even after seeing it nearly a dozen times by now, she still couldn’t help but be amazed by the phenomenon. How those specks of frozen water fell from the sky and settled into glistening blankets of white. Coating everything with its shimmering ivory. Creating a magical, peaceful ambiance in the world.</p>
<p>“Pearl? Why <i>does</i> it get all quiet when it snows?” she asked, looking out the window from the kitchen table.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Oh, well that’s easy,” the gem replied from the kitchen, still focusing her attention on the pan filled with batter. “New fallen snow absorbs sound waves. Not only that, people and animals are more likely to stay inside their dwellings when it snows, thereby making less noise in the world.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Spinel gasped, “how’re you so <i>smart?</i>”</p>
<p>Pearl blushed. “Oh, I’ve only had thousands of years to learn about Earth’s natural intricacies,” she spoke, her tone humbling herself. “But thank you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” <i>Thousands of years.</i> Pearl had learned so much during those thousands of years. About Earth, about freedom, about love. Going through so much. What did Spinel do? How did Spinel spend her years? Stuck in that… <i>thing</i>. Where she stayed the same, stupid child for longer than any human’s lifespan. Waiting, like some dumbass, for the return of someone who she wouldn’t even recognize. Who wouldn’t have cared for her. Who probably wouldn’t have batted an eye if that thing had failed and Spinel ended up a corpse -</p>
<p>“Spinel?”</p>
<p>She jerked. Her eyes found her way to Pearl, who she stared dumbly at. “Huh?”</p>
<p>“I said, would you like water or orange juice?”</p>
<p>“J-Juice.” She swallowed, both to get some moisture down her dry throat and to ground herself. Stars, not another one of <i>those</i>. Those moments where she allowed her mind to drift into the dark labyrinths of her brain. Those places that were so easy to get lost in. </p>
<p>They didn’t exactly fit the mold of the other, more potent flashbacks Spinel had. As Lapis once theorized, they could simply just be her mind getting flooded with toxic thoughts. “Times where you remember a buncha bad memories, and you have a hard time focusing on much else,” she had said. She said the way to counteract this was to use her senses to drag herself back to the present. Using her eyes to focus on a particular object. Hearing birds chirping in the distance. Feeling her fingers clench and unclench.</p>
<p>Or smelling the delicious plate of pancakes Pearl was bringing her way. “Here you are, Spinel!” she announced, presenting her with breakfast and a glass of orange juice. </p>
<p>Spinel blinked. “Oh - thanks a million, Pearl!”</p>
<p>The gem eyed the human as she began diving into her meal. “Are you feeling alright? You seem, tense.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” she responded with a smile. She is fine. All of that was in the past. She’s better now. It shouldn’t concern her so much. “Just wondering how today will play out, birthday-wise.”</p>
<p>“Oh. I understand. But you have no need to worry,” she stated, smiling sweetly. “Birthdays are simply celebrations for humans whenever they reach their day of birth.”</p>
<p><i>Celebrations, huh.</i> “There… won’t be a party with, lotsa people, right?”</p>
<p>“No, not if you don’t want to,” Pearl reassured. “It can just be a get-together with whomever you’re close to.”</p>
<p>Spinel’s chest swelled with pride over how much that list had grown since first talking about birthdays with Steven.… Okay, well, the only people she could immediately think of other than Steven were Lapis, Pearl, and maybe Amethyst, but still. Achievements were achievements. “Gotcha.”</p>
<p>Pearl nodded, snickering. “Even though the only human birthdays I’ve ever participated in are Steven’s, I’m sure those are universal rules.” </p>
<p>“What‘d he do for his birthdays?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” she chuckled, reminiscing on ancient memories, “he’d put on a red cape and a little crown. Called it his ‘birthday suit.’”</p>
<p>Spinel tried fighting off her blush. <i>That sounds SO FUCKING CUTE.</i></p>
<p>“We’d sit around and eat cake or pie, play party games, and simply relax while enjoying each other’s company. Like New Year’s,” Pearl explained, providing an example. </p>
<p>Huh. That all didn’t sound so bad. New Year’s was an Earth holiday, celebrating the completion of one Earth revolution around its star and the beginning of another. That was fun: Spinel, Steven, and the Gems sitting relaxed on the beach and waiting for fireworks. It was snowing then, too, so she and Steven shared a winter blanket underneath a canopy. She was warm the whole night.</p>
<p>So… birthday parties could be like New Year’s celebrations. Well, she already experienced the latter, so she might as well emulate its template for the former. “Could we do that for me?”</p>
<p>“Of course! It’s <i>your</i> birthday, after all.”</p>
<p>“Sweet!” Spinel cheered, feeling the excitement bubble up in her chest. “This’ll be fun!”</p><hr/>
<p>Word was spread far and wide that Spinel was putting together an impromptu birthday bonanza. In actuality, the texted invitation was just sent to all of Spinel’s teachers. Yet it still felt to Spinel as if it was being sent to the farthest-flung corners of the Earth.</p>
<p>All those invited arrived in the mid-afternoon. All except Bismuth, who sent a text apologizing and stating that she was already booked to hang out with Snowflake and Crazy Lace. Still Lapis, Peridot, the core Crystal Gems, and Steven managed to attend the party.</p>
<p>Now, they all stood around the kitchen - diligently decorated with balloons and streamers by Pearl in record time - watching Spinel stare at some sort of bakery treat Pearl bought. Spinel was pretty sure it was called a “cake.” It also had some flaming sticks of wax sprouting from it.</p>
<p>“In accordance with human tradition,” Pearl began, standing next to the birthday girl, “humans blow out candles as a form of celebrating having another year added to their lifespan.”</p>
<p>Spinel tittered. “Huh. Blowing out small bits of fire… that’s something.”</p>
<p>“C’mon, we’ve seen weirder things,” Lapis reminded, smirking.</p>
<p>Peridot snorted. “<i>That</i> makes sense, seeing how much you hang out with her,” she noted beside her, also grinning. “What have you been showing her, Lazuli?” she nudged Lapis jokingly, causing a blush to erupt on her face. </p>
<p>Steven leaned against the table. “While you’re blowing out your candles, you can also make a birthday wish.”</p>
<p>“‘A birthday wish?’”</p>
<p>“Yeah! You make a wish in your head, and then you blow out all your candles.”</p>
<p>Garnet nodded. “It’s just a fun thing to do.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and couldja give me the candles afterwards?” Amethyst asked. “They taste <i>great</i>.”</p>
<p>Spinel chuckled. “Sure.”</p>
<p>She stared down the sixteen candles scattered about the cake. Getting prepped to think up of something, she looked around at everybody. A tiny fraction of her felt the teensiest bit uncomfortable with having all these people hovering around her. Yet that feeling was soon chased away with the welcome knowledge that everyone here genuinely… genuinely <i>liked</i> her. Something that Spinel would’ve thought utterly impossible not that long ago. Something that took ages to prove to Spinel. Her paranoid brain had miraculously managed to open up a crack and accept that notion.</p>
<p>It was such a relaxing feeling. Spinel closed her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <i>Let it stay just like this.</i>
</p>
<p>She blew.</p><hr/>
<p>Man, what an afternoon that was. Spinel, Steven, and the Gems spent the rest of the daylight hours hanging out in the beach house: playing board games, recounting fond memories, telling stories of recent events, and generally enjoying each others’ company. They also told their fair share of jokes, to which Spinel was happy to contribute to. It all came to a head when she shared a video with everyone:</p>
<p>https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=asoiGr0VZH4</p>
<p>Yeah, Pearl - Pearl didn’t find that very funny.</p>
<p>Still, the night was overall a rousing success for Spinel. She didn’t freak out, or feel too uneasy, or wonder why everyone bothered to stick around well into the evening. She just felt… normal. </p>
<p>And that felt <i>great</i>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Why So Blue?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel, Lapis, and Steven try to convince two lapis lazulis to attend Little Homeschool. It doesn’t go well.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Aruba, Jamaica, ooo I wanna take ya</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama</i>
</p><p>Calm, soothing music drifted through Spinel’s room. The notes floated and curled around her outstretched limbs as she stood in a contorted position. Even though doing such yoga positions were like clockwork to her, she nonetheless felt herself absorbing its relaxing effects.</p><p>Before the song could end, Spinel heard a knocking on her door. “<i>Spinel? Can I come in?</i>” </p><p>It was Steven. Eagerly Spinel uncoiled herself and hopped off her yoga mat. “Yeah! Gimme a sec!” she replied, prancing over to her bedroom door.</p><p>She summoned it open, the door unraveling like a ribbon. In front of her face was Steven. “Hiya!” she greeted.</p><p>“Are you busy?”</p><p>“Oh, no!” she shook her head. “I was just finishin’ up my yoga, that’s all.”</p><p>“Nice!” he flashed a smile, warming Spinel’s soul. “Hey, d’ya mind if I ask you something?”</p><p>Her heart fluttered for a second. “Yeah?”</p><p>Steven sniffed. “I got reports that two Lapis Lazulis were still terraforming planets, so me and Lapis were going to go talk them down.”</p><p>“Is that bad?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. It’s really bad for whatever life is on those planets,” he explained. Getting back on track, he told her the reason for his interruption. “So, I had an idea that, maybe, you’d like to come along.”</p><p>She blinked. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah! It’s like,” he began, animating his hands like some salesman trying to sell a car, “we want to get them to come to Little Homeschool, so maybe you could be there and tell them what it’s like being a student. Provide a firsthand experience on how beneficial it can be.” </p><p>He searched her eyes, seeing how wide they had grown. “I totally get it if you aren’t comfortable with that or -“</p><p>“No, no!” she waved. “It’s not that!” <i>Steven trusts me. He actually trusts me to be a part of a mission for peace! Golly, what an honor!</i> “I’d - I’d love to be a part of that!”</p><p>“Really? You sure?”</p><p>Her head bobbled up and down. “Of course!”</p><p>Steven’s face split into that classic, beautiful smile. “Great! We’ll go meet up with Lapis in an hour.” He turned away from the door. “See ya then!”</p><p>“Laters!” she said, waving him off. In an hour’s time, she’d be with two of her favorite people helping others change their lives for the better. <i>Wow.</i> She was so excited!</p>
<hr/><p>Lapis and Peridot’s shared house looked an awfully lot like a barn. One that was made of brick and had been heavily doctored. The rear end of a truck stuck out of the rafters, pipes poked through the sides, and various ornaments hung on its exterior.  All that wasn’t a surprise to Spinel as she and Steven approached the building. After all, she had hung out there many times with Lapis.</p><p>Arriving at the house’s massive barn doors, Steven knocked. “Lapis? Are you ready?”</p><p>“<i>Yep!</i>” she replied. The teens heard the sound of her wings being summoned, followed by her landing in front of the door. She opened it a bit, seeing Steven. “Sorry, I was just finishing up some reading up in the loft.” Opening it wider, she noticed Spinel standing beside Steven. “Hey! You came!”</p><p>“I did!” she responded eagerly. “I’m <i>so</i> excited to be helping you guys out with this!”</p><p>“Glad to hear that, girlie,” Lapis welcomed, stepping out of the barn to join them. </p><p>The trio began their walk to the intergalactic warp pad, with Steven and Lapis giving Spinel a rundown on the mission. “So, this shouldn’t take that long. Most gems come around pretty quickly when I invite them to Little Homeschool in person.”</p><p>“But just in case, we thought you being there would give a bit of an extra boost in convincing them,” Lapis said to the girl. “You could tell them why it’ll be a good idea to go to Earth.”</p><p>“Okay. Where are we going?” she asked.</p><p>“One of Blue Diamond’s old colonies,” Steven answered. “Apparently it was just about to start being terraformed when the Empire started dismantling.“</p><p>Spinel hummed. “That was, what, a couple years ago? Why are they still doin’ it?”</p><p>“Maybe they didn’t get the memo,” Lapis theorized. </p><p>They approached the warp pad. “Is that even possible?” Steven questioned. “Pretty sure everybody got my message.”</p><p>Lapis shrugged. “Only one way to find out.”</p><p>She, Spinel, and Steven hopped onto the crystal platform. A light beam soon encompassed them as they were whisked away to meet the Lazulis.</p><p>Once the curtain of light parted, something straight out of a fairytale awaited them. They seemed to be nestled deep within some sort of forest. Towering blue and green trees stretched out ahead of them, many having trunks dotted with glowing fungi. Other bioluminescent mushrooms sprouted up from the dirt, and bushes covered much of the forest floor.</p><p>“Woah - it’s so <i>pretty</i>,” Spinel gasped.</p><p>“I know, right?” Lapis agreed. “This place is gorgeous.”</p><p>The trio stepped off of the warp pad and began trekking through the woodland. The planet’s flora never ceased to leave them all dazzled. Now, it was the fauna’s turn.</p><p>They all soon came across something lying in the dirt, looking oddly like a rootless succulent. “What’s that? Some sorta flower?” Spinel wondered.</p><p>Lapis and Steven stared at the organism. Sharing a look, Steven decided to crouch down and poke it. The plant <i>jumped</i>, revealing itself to be some sort of small, bulb-shaped creature.</p><p>Spinel and Lapis jolted back in surprise. The creature scuttled into the undergrowth, where similar bud-like critters poked their heads out of. Exchanging glances with each other, Steven moved to go meet them. Spinel followed him soon after.</p><p>Walking up to the bush, Steven began petting one. “It’s okay, little guy,” he cooed. The bud, now purring, soon crawled out and onto his arm, climbing the chuckling teen like he was a jungle gym.</p><p>Spinel met up with two who were eyeing her with childlike curiosity. She reached out to scratch them. “Hi there, cuties.” They too purred into her hands, making her blush. Soon the pair crawled onto Spinel’s arms as well, making her laugh. The sensation was surprisingly nice and not at all overwhelming.</p><p>Lapis snickered. “Wow, Steven. It took you a whole five seconds to make a new friend. You’re getting rusty.” She approached him. “S’matter of fact, I think girlie over here did it faster.”</p><p>He looked over to Spinel. There she was sitting on the forest floor, enshrined in the sunlight that managed to poke through the canopy, laughing at the buds scaling her body. A faint dusting of red stained her cheeks as she giggled her head off.</p><p>
  <i>Wow, she’s cute.</i>
</p><p>Steven‘s face instantly flushed. The fuck was that?! Why’d he <i>think</i> that?! Spinel, she’s - she’s a friend, a student. Nothing else. Steven jerked his head, emptying his mind of any other weird thoughts. </p><p>Fortunately Lapis hadn’t noticed how Steven’s face turned red, as she Lapis went over to be with Spinel. She didn’t seem to notice either. Good. Because that was nothing. It was all just his lizard brain acting up. Just a fleeting slip in his logic. Hormones and shit, y’know. He needs to focus.</p><p>Thanks to Lapis, Steven was allowed to focus in something new when she began talking about the buds. “Y’know, I never used to notice creatures like this. Before Earth and you, Steven, I used to terraform planets without thinking twice.” She sighed. “I wonder what I destroyed. Life like this is so beautiful.”</p><p>“Hey,” Spinel said, looking intently into Lapis’s eyes. “Look at you now. You’re lovin’ life like this and wantin’ to protect it. <i>That’s</i> beautiful.”</p><p>Lapis grinned. “Thanks.”</p><p>The bud creatures had by now opened up their backs, exposing their flowerlike form to the world. They all closed up, however, when something zipped through the air.</p><p>“Uh, guys?” Spinel asked, her bud friends having fled back into the bush.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Lapis reassured, helping her up. “This is what we’re here for.”</p><p>They all continued their walk. Before they could go much farther, they came across a gorge. Yet it was obvious that it wasn’t naturally formed. Rather than appearing to have been smoothed out by time and erosion, its surfaces looked too sharp, too clean. Other unnatural gouges sliced through the cliff faces as well.</p><p>“Ah. So, the rumors are true,” Steven commented.</p><p>Spinel stared in awe. “So this is what Lazulis did, huh.” Makes sense she’d never been around them before heading to Earth. No <i>way</i> would Pink Diamond and company step foot in such an ugly, hazardous place.</p><p>A streak of blue flew by Steven and them. “There they are!”</p><p>Above the gorge flew two lapis lazulis. One had slightly darker skin than Lapis, and had golden freckles decorating her cheeks. The other had more azure-like skin and much curlier hair. Both were clearly reveling in their indiscriminate destruction of the planet, sending razor-sharp slices of water through solid rock.</p><p>“Hey! <i>Stop!</i>” Steven shouted.</p><p>The two looked at him, scowling. Raising both of their arms like wicked sorceresses, they raised a mighty tidal wave from behind them and sent it careening towards him. Before it could hit him he summoned his shield right in the nick of time, deflecting the wave.</p><p>“Wait a minute,” Freckles began, noticing how he was still standing, “That’s Steven Universe!”</p><p>“He’s smaller than I thought,” Curls remarked.</p><p>They floated down to meet them all. “Well?” Freckles said, smiling. “Whaddya think? We’re almost done with this world.”</p><p>“And who’re they?” Curls asked, gesturing to Lapis and Spinel. “We don’t need the extra help, or… that.”</p><p>Steven was about to correct her when Freckles spoke up. “You must’ve heard about our exemplary work. That’s why you’re here, I presume.”</p><p>“Yeah. Well, no,” Steven corrected himself. “Look, the Empire’s over!“</p><p>“We know,” Freckles acknowledged.</p><p>“The Diamonds don’t control you anymore!”</p><p>“That’s right,” Curls said.</p><p>“So, you don’t have to terraform planets for them anymore! You’re free to do whatever you want.” He looked over to Spinel. “Why don’t you come down to Little -“</p><p>“Oohh, <i>I</i> see,” Freckles interrupted. “This is just a misunderstanding!”</p><p>Curls nodded. “This <i>is</i> what we like.”</p><p>Everyone besides them two frowned. “Oh boy, here we go,” Lapis pinched the bridge of her nose.</p><p>“Okay, look,” Steven tried again. “You’re free to do whatever you like - as long as it’s not destroying a world.”</p><p>“That’s not what you just said a second ago,” Curls pointed out.</p><p>Freckles looked puzzled. “Why would we stop?”</p><p>“Because it’s <i>wrong!</i>” Lapis suddenly exclaimed.</p><p>Blinking for a moment, Curls narrowed her eyes. “Why would <i>you</i> be against this?” she snarled.</p><p>“Wait wait wait,” Freckles waved her hands. “Why would the thing we’ve always been doing just suddenly be wrong?”</p><p>It was clear that the two lazulis had grown indignant. Spinel saw it as a chance to speak. “Cause we <i>learned</i> it’s wrong. A lotta people now know things that they’ve never known, myself included. Things that made them better people. You could learn those things if you go to Little Homeschool. And even learn a bit about yourself.”</p><p>Curls huffed. “Why would I want to learn about myself? I’m doing fine, thank you very much.”</p><p>“Like, going to Little Whatchamacallit might be fine for you,” Freckles started with a bit of a kinder tone, “but we’re already fine. We love terraforming! It’s what we’ve been doing for thousands of years! Why would it stop being right without any sort of moment’s notice?”</p><p>This was going nowhere. “Team huddle?” Steven asked.</p><p>“Team huddle.” Lapis and Spinel agreed simultaneously.</p><p>“One moment please!” Steven announced to the terraformers, him and Lapis and Spinel then retreating into the forest.</p><p>They all crouched down in a circle. “You’re right,” Steven said to Lapis, “this is harder than usual.”</p><p>Lapis sighed. “We just gotta force them to stop. This is gonna be a fight! I can tell they’re not gonna back down easily.”</p><p>“They just don’t understand that they can do better things with their lives,” Steven argued. </p><p>“So, we just gotta show it to ‘em,” Spinel thought.</p><p>Steven snapped his fingers. “Exactly! What made it click for you two?”</p><p>Lapis’ face darkened. “A cycle of horrible torture,” she bemoaned. She blinked once she felt Spinel squeezing her hand. Nodding, she switched her brain to a more positive track. “But other than that: living in nature, getting creative.”</p><p>“And, yeah,” Spinel said. “Goin’ through some gnarly shit, but also discovering new hobbies and… being with you,” she added, smiling.</p><p>“…Y-yeah” he said. “We could do that for them. The, finding out their hobbies, I mean.”</p><p>They all went back out to get the lazulis to try out their new strategy. After acquiescing, the duo allowed themselves to be led through the forest. </p><p>Soon, they approached a clearing. “Isn’t this beautiful?” Steven asked after taking in a whiff of the air. “Look at the trees, smell the fresh air. Getting any life-altering tingling sensations yet?”</p><p>Freckles appeared uneasy, a stranger in a strange land. “Everything is so… bright.”</p><p>Picking up a stick, Curls crouched down and poked a purple leaf. “I prefer only two colors: sky blue and ocean blue. Y’know,” she gestured to herself, “<i>blue.</i>” </p><p>“I understand you don’t see the beauty in this, but you will,” Lapis reassured.</p><p>“Yeah!” Spinel agreed. “It’s not just the colors, but also the really intricate biochemistry, ecology, and the composition of it all!” she said, reciting what she learned in Botany and Art class. “Watching cartoons with beautiful background designs also helps.”</p><p>“What’s a ‘cartoon?’” Curls interrogated.</p><p>“Oh, you have so much to learn.”</p><p>The gem rolled her eyes, and Lapis picked up after Spinel. “There was a time when I couldn’t see it either. But I learned to appreciate organic life.” She noticed a bud crawl out of the foliage. “It’s <i>really</i> different, and special.”</p><p>Spinel came over and nudged her side. “Life ain’t the only magic there is. Why don’tcha show ‘em those waterworks of yours?”</p><p>“Oh, ‘course!” Raising her arms out like a necromancer, Lapis willed upwards several spouts of mud to form into an abstract sculpture.</p><p>“This, ladies and gentlemen, is meep-morp!” Spinel introduced with great fanfare. “It’s supposed to be debatable and subjective and all, but I personally don’t see it. But, it’s still meep-morp nevertheless.”</p><p>Curls looked flabbergasted at such a foolish concept. “Sooo, you can do whatever you want with your powers, but you choose to make junk?”</p><p>Spinel looked hurt. “I-It doesn’t have to be <i>exactly</i> this,” Lapis defended, “You can create anything!” Proving her case, Lapis summoned a pool chair and patio table for Steven to lounge on, and gave Spinel a giant, springy bed to bounce on.</p><p>“Oookaaayyy,” Curls drawled, still not seeing the point of all this.</p><p>“It’s more satisfying than you think. Trust me. Just, give it a try,” Lapis asked.</p><p>Looking at each other, the lazulis raised their arms and formed a sphere from some puddle water.</p><p>“There ya go!” Steven congratulated. “Try making other shapes too! Anything you want!”</p><p>In under a second, the peaceful orb had been warped into a watery saw-blade and was sent flying behind Spinel and the others. The cacophonous roar of a crumbling tepui proved that the weapon had proven effective.</p><p>“Wow, that was <i>way</i> easier than what we’ve been doing!” Freckles said in awe.</p><p>“We can clear out this planet in no time,” Curls stated.</p><p>Spinel cringed. <i>No! This isn’t how you’re supposed to play the game!</i> she thought, remembering the meme of that one Asian guy.</p><p>“This isn’t working,” Lapis remarked out of the side of her mouth.</p><p>Making a displeased sound, Steven interrupted the terraformer’s revelry in their newfound technique. “O-okay. It looks like you two still have a lotta energy to get out. Maybe you’d like something more physical, like….” He hummed, looking around the area for any source of inspiration. Once his eyes met Spinel’s, however, he had an idea. “Like yoga!”</p><p>Spinel gasped, her brainwaves matching with Steven’s. Yoga. That was one of her things! She could share it so well with these two! This might work! This could be useful, <i>she</i> could be useful!</p><p>“‘Yoga?’” both lazulis repeated, confused again. </p><p>Spinel nearabout sprinted up ahead of Steven to meet the lazulis. “Yes! Yoga! It’s all about the art of making your body fall in line with good, calm vibes through the movements you do,” she eagerly informed.</p><p>Freckles appeared tenser. “Can you get your organic to calm down?” she asked Steven warily. “It seems kinda, hyperactive.”</p><p>Spinel faltered for a moment until Steven spoke up. “Spinel’s trying to help you. She’s just really excited about that.”</p><p>Spinel cleared her throat. “Yeah, uh, sorry.” She put herself into a stance. “Alright. To begin, we’re gonna do some stretches.” She, Steven, and Lapis began stretching, with Freckles and Curls awkwardly attempting to copy them.</p><p>“Now, let’s start with something real easy: a tree pose.” Spinel announced, getting Steven and Lapis to follow in line. Surprisingly, the two lazulis were managing to hold their own pretty well.</p><p>Despite their prowess, however, Curls didn’t at all seem enthused. “What’s the point of this again?”</p><p>“It’s all about channeling your energy into calm, healthy paths for both your body and soul,” she replied, her eyes closed and posture nearly statuesque.</p><p>Freckles looked like she was vibing with it, exhaling calmly. One disapproving grunt from Curls was all it took, however, to change her tune. “Uh - let’s get back to it!” she said, her and Curls quitting their yoga stance.</p><p>Spinel broke out of her position. “But, you were doing swell! Weren’tcha happy?”</p><p>”No,” Curls rolled her eyes, “This is stupid.”</p><p>Spinel visibly deflated. Though a look of vexation also became cemented on her face despite her defeated posture.</p><p>Lapis looked at Spinel sympathetically before starting up her efforts again. “I get it. This stuff won’t make you feel good right away; heck, maybe it never will. But there’s <i>always</i> something out there that can help you navigate your new way of feeling. It can be anything! Like, song!”</p><p>“Huh?” Freckles asked. </p><p>Lapis appeared hesitant to provide an example. Looking over to the right she saw Steven give her a nod and smile, while Spinel sported an ear-splitting grin and an eager sparkle in her eyes that said “girl, show these fuckers what’s GOOD!”</p><p>The gem now had a steely look of determination on her. Turning back towards the lazulis, she closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she began:</p><p>“<i>Ooo-ooo-ooh, why so bluuu-uuue,</i>”</p><p>During the course of just over a minute, Lapis sung a wonderful song about her growth as a person. One that expressed her desire to love life, and how her inner beauty is finally expressing itself after going through so much. It was haunting. It was deep. It was <i>beautiful</i>. Spinel didn’t think she heard anything so stunning, so rich before in her life. </p><p>But, after pouring her heart and soul into that beautiful melody, <i>all</i> for the lazulis - </p><p>- those fuckers <i>laughed.</i></p><p>“You - you really expect us to dance and sing like <i>pearls?!</i>” Curls ridiculed, her mocking laugh piercing through both Lapis and Spinel.</p><p>Curls took a moment to breath. “Forget it, Steven Universe. You already got a lapis and some organic to do whatever you want. And look how <i>pitiful</i> it’s made them.”</p><p>Steven and Lapis looked more-or-less taken aback. The same couldn’t be said for Spinel, however. Bridling with rage, she was doing nothing but shooting daggers at the sneering lazulis. <i>Especially</i> that Curls.</p><p>“Were they always this pathetic?”</p><p>Spinel noticed Lapis recoil at that out of the side of her eye. Turning, she noticed how hurt the gem looked. Genuinely hurt. Hands tucked close to her, the blush on her cheeks showed how embarrassed and insulted she was.</p><p>That did it. Nobody shit-talked her friends and got away with it.</p><p>Steven was about to say something, but a pissed-off Spinel beat her to it. “You’re calling <i>us</i> pathetic, motherfucker!? Look at you!” she approached them daringly. “Some stuck-up bitch who treats people who want to help her like shit!”</p><p>Curls scowled. “You got a mouth on you, <i>organic.</i>”</p><p>“Did you teach her to talk like that?” Freckles interrogated Steven.</p><p>“Wha - no!” Steven defended, approaching Spinel’s side. “Spinel, relax!”</p><p>She shrugged him off. “<b>No</b>, Steven.” <i>These fuckers haven’t been defeated yet.</i></p><p>Making an anxious sound, Steven turned towards Lapis with a look that read “help me out here!” Yet the blue gem remained glaring at the other two. It was at that moment that Steven realized that he was alone in his peaceable stance.</p><p>The confrontation continued. “God, what’s wrong with you!?” Spinel spat. “Is your head shoved <i>so</i> far up your ass that you can’t see a good thing coming? Or do you <i>like</i> acting like a dense, rude piece of shit?”</p><p>Curls was baring her teeth now. “<i>Watch</i> it,” she leered over Spinel. “The only reason I haven’t swamped you under the might of all this planet’s water is because you’re obviously his pet,” she motioned to Steven.</p><p>“Guys -“ Steven began, only to be immediately cut off.</p><p>“<b>Take it back,</b>” Spinel warned, her eyes spiraling.</p><p>She sneered. “No, I don’t think I will.” She snickered. “You must be <i>so</i> helpless, fooling yourself into thinking you’re not some trinket. That you‘re in a position to lecture <i>me</i>.”</p><p>“<b>I’m trying to help you!</b>”</p><p>“I don’t need your help! You’re <i>nothing!</i> You’re -!”</p><p>Whatever Curls was about to say, nobody knew. Because at that moment, at lightning-quick speed, Spinel’s inflated hand shot out and seized her by the waist. She lifted her up into the air equally quick.</p><p>“<i><b>YOU DON’T DESERVE IT!!</b></i>”</p><p>With the motion of a whip being cracked, Spinel slammed Curls down into the dirt. A cloud of dust immediately sprung up from the impact. One that was brown and… oddly, a bit blue?</p><p>All of that happened in the span of a couple seconds. It was only after it happened did anybody react, with Freckles being the first. After a moment of being stunned she summoned her wings in offense. Unfortunately for her Lapis was quicker, and a tendril of water from her end shot out and trapped Freckles in it.</p><p>“Spinel!” Steven ran up to Spinel. “Stop!”</p><p>She spun towards him. Seeing how worried he was, an avalanche of regret and shame piled onto Spinel as the fire of her anger died down. Oh, did she messed up. She made Steven scared. <i>She made Steven scared.</i></p><p>His eyes moved past Spinel’s to behind her. “Oh no.”</p><p>Spinel was scared to look, and yet she did. There, sitting in the dirt, was Curls’ gemstone.</p><p>“<i>No!</i>” Freckles shrieked. She writhed in her constraints. “Okay! We’ll stop! We’ll stop! Just don’t hurt her!” Spinel noticed how the fear in her eyes was practically palpitating.</p><p>She looked at Spinel. Like she was a monster.</p><p>“Please! Don’t sic that <i>thing</i> on me!”</p><p>Spinel fell on her knees, tears beginning to collect in her eyes. <i>…What have I done?</i></p><p>“No no no! We’re not gonna hurt you!” Steven reassured. “I… Lapis, let her go.” Lapis, who was watching the scene with a sort of horror, obliged and released Freckles.</p><p>The gem sprinted over and crouched down beside her compatriot’s gem. For a moment, a fleeting look of fury passed through her eyes, only to be distinguished once she remembered she was allowed to be free. Sprouting wings, she picked up Curls’ gem and floated upwards.</p><p>“I-I, *<i>hic</i>*, I’m s-sorry,” Spinel sobbed.</p><p>Freckles looked at her. Her face still glowed with anger and fear, yet she didn’t say anything. With that, she flew off into space.</p><p>Lapis stared her off. Once Freckles left she approached Spinel and Steven, who had now crouched beside the crying teen. “It . . .” he began, trying to console her, “it’s okay.”</p><p>“IT’S NOT OKAY!” Spinel wailed, bolting upwards. She hobbled away from him, hands running through her hair. “I-I <i>hurt</i> someone! I poofed them! I fucked <i>everything</i> up!”</p><p>“Spinel, you got pushed past your breaking point,” Lapis said. “What you did wasn’t right but… I don’t blame you. I was seconds off from fighting them myself.”</p><p>“My ‘breaking point’ shouldn’t be so low. I should be better,” she spat bitterly. “I’m <i>supposed</i> to be better. . . . *sniff* What if I’m not?”</p><p>Lapis walked closer to her. “Spinel, you know what’s happening. This is just the volcano blowing -“</p><p>“What if it’s <i>not?!</i> This is different, Lapis! This isn’t a ‘hey, I kinda feel like shit, wanna talk things out?’ I ruined a chance to help people! I scared them off!”</p><p>Her voice sunk low. “…Did you see the way she looked at me? Like I was a, a monster.” Her legs crumpled under her as she slumped to the ground. “Why’dcha bring me along? Why am I friends with you? You don’t deserve me. I only fuck everything up,” she said softly.</p><p>That‘s what she was good at, right? Making things worse? Making things more complicated? Being a burden? No matter how much time she spent trying to better herself, it’s still clear that she’ll always drag others down with her. Why didn’t she push them out of her life when she had the chance? Before she could hurt them? Her stupid mind actually thought she could be pampered with royalties like friendship.</p><p>She felt weakened. Zapped of energy. Which was why she really didn’t bother shoving Steven’s hand off of her shoulder. “I know you’re feeling really bad, but Lapis is right. You’re not getting worse, you’re just at a low point right now. You don’t need to let those bad feelings run wild.”</p><p>A sliver of reason reached Spinel. That . . . made a bit of sense, actually. Still, she sighed. “I just feel like a mess. A mess that hurts everybody around her.”</p><p>“We all slip up every now and then,” Lapis added, squatting down beside her. “And make no mistake, that <i>was</i> a slip up,” she said, cutting Spinel off before she could refute her attempt at consoling her. “That doesn’t make you a mess, or a monster, or a burden.” She squeezed her hand. “Really, I’m happy to call you my friend.”</p><p>An unwelcoming fuzzy feeling found itself touching Spinel’s heart. <i>God, she’s so kind. I don’t deserve her.</i> “Why do you wanna be my friend? Why do you wanna tolerate bein’ around me?”</p><p>Lapis looked as if she somewhat anticipated that question. “I don’t <i>tolerate</i> you, I <i>like</i> you. I genuinely enjoy your company and the times we get to hang out with each other. You feel the same, right?”</p><p>“…Yeah.”</p><p>“Then don’t worry. I’m not gonna ditch you, no matter how many times you slip up.”</p><p>The sides of her mouth tugged up a bit. They quickly fell, however. “B-but how many times d’ya have to slip up before that doesn’t mean anything anymore? When does it become, ‘oh, she’s just a bad person that drags people down?’”</p><p>“Messing up doesn’t make you a bad person,” Steven reassured. “Give yourself a break. I honestly can’t remember the last time something like this happened. You’ve grown so much. It’s - it’s remarkable, really,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.</p><p>“And you being around us doesn’t drag us down,” Lapis added. “Like I said, I like hanging with you.”</p><p>Taking her eyes off of Lapis’, Spinel looked into the dirt. There it goes, that civil war being waged in Spinel’s brain once again. One side was ranting on how she was such a bad person that she tricked people into thinking she didn’t hurt them. The other wanted to toss caution and doubt to the wind and just embrace this feeling of love and acceptance.</p><p>Man, the latter sounded so stupid. She felt happy knowing it was winning more and more battles.</p><p>“Thanks, guys,” she nodded. She exhaled. “I - I still don’t really feel like I fully deserve all this, but… it’s more than what I used to think. And, it’s nice to know that you think I do.” She snickered. “Maybe it’ll rub off more.”</p><p>They all stood up, with Lapis helping her up. She looked at Spinel for a moment, her brain going into overdrive on deciding what to do. Finally, she acted . . . and hugged her. </p><p>“I know it will.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Homies Help Homies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel becomes Lapis’ wingman.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here’s a fic that’s almost entirely from Lapis’ POV!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“C’mon - only a five?”</p><p>Spinel sighed in defeat. “Alright, yeah, that was pretty funny.”</p><p>Her and Lapis were over at the latter’s place watching some funny videos - and rating them on a 1-10 scale, of course. The gem had insisted that, since they both had some free time, Spinel ought to come over and hang out. To unwind on the barn’s loft couch and relax in the company of a friend. After all, it had only been a couple days since… the incident.</p><p>Lapis thought about the video they saw of some CS:GO streamer smashing his keyboard, with the keys flying out and everything. “So what would you give it then?”</p><p>Spinel hummed without much emotion. “Maybe a seven?”</p><p>“Mmh… yeah, that sounds appropriate,” she agreed, tapping her chin. “The awful mic quality really gives it that extra <i>oomph.</i>”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel only murmured, her eyes drifting down in front of her.</p><p>Lapis’ eyes switched from her phone to Spinel. It was clear that the human was still… grappling, with what happened two days ago. Which of course was a rough experience, she understood that. But Spinel never stayed so sullen for <i>this</i> long after experiencing one of her down moments. She usually recovered through both her own efforts as well as Lapis’. What she did must’ve really dragged her low.</p><p>Or maybe something else was also bothering her.</p><p>Hey now, there’s a thought. Maybe some other issue sprung up as a result of the mission. Or maybe something happened in the fallout since then. Whichever way, she was obviously troubled by something. So whatever the case may be, Lapis figured she ought to talk with Spinel about it. She couldn’t help but see a bit of herself in the girl, both new and old. Especially old. </p><p>She couldn’t stand seeing Spinel behave like her old self.</p><p>Lapis turned off her phone. “Anything troubling you right now?”</p><p>No response.</p><p>“Spinel?”</p><p>She jolted. “Uh, what? S-sorry, I was - I had another little, zoning-out moment. That’s all.”</p><p>The sides of Lapis’ mouth tugged down a bit. That was the second time that had happened since she came over. When her face would just dull over and her body become rigid. Yeah, that gave Lapis all the reason she needed to go forth with her questioning. </p><p>“You still thinking about what happened?”</p><p>Spinel’s posture slumped even further. “I -“ Mouth tucking in, her eyes guiltily met with Lapis’. “… yeah. A bit. I’m sorry, I don’t know why -“</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Lapis interrupted. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Bad experiences can stick with you.” Her hand met with Spinel’s shoulder, rubbing it. “We know that.”</p><p>“That - that wasn’t like . . . what we’ve been through,” Spinel argued, growing quieter on the last part as those painful memories momentarily resurfaced.</p><p>“Not just those,” Lapis countered. “Setbacks can make us feel bad also, if not as much. It sucks, when you’re trying to grow and then something comes along that makes it feel like all your progress was for nothing.”</p><p>Spinel clenched her fist, feeling her tendons squeezing and contracting. After a moment of taking in what Lapis said, she sighed and shook her head. “Son of a bitch, you’re good,” she spoke in regard to Lapis’ wisdom.</p><p>Lapis half-smiled. “You can know that, too. You can know ways to help you make sense of this.” She squeezed her shoulder. “I want to help you get there.… So, c’mon. Tell me what’s up.”</p><p>Her mouth twisted. “…Alright.” It took a quick second for her to choose her words. “I still feel, <i>bad</i>, about what happened with those lazulis. And, yeah yeah, I know that’s long over by now, and it was just a slip-up, but….” She laid her head on the arm resting on her knee. “I still feel bad.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Lapis reassured. “It’s okay to feel. We’re gonna get you through it.”</p><p>Spinel nodded, smiling a bit. It was clear in the way her mouth twitched and how still she’d gotten that Spinel was debating on whether or not to reveal more. Lapis decided that this situation called for no stone to be left unturned.</p><p>“Anything else?”</p><p>Blinking, Spinel blushed. Yet it wasn’t one of her shameful blushes, Lapis quickly deciphered. It looked more like a blush of embarrassment. One that wasn’t very severe, but rather of a more innocent stripe.</p><p><i>Ooo, what’s girlie been hiding from me, huh?</i> Lapis thought in good humor. “C’mon, you’re hiding something,” she smirked.</p><p>“I - no, I just - I’m only - I’m….” Her voice faded out into a whimper as she realized she’d been caught red-handed.</p><p>“Aw, c’mon, I won’t laugh,” Lapis said. “Honest.”</p><p>Spinel picked at the corner of a couch cushion. She opened her mouth, hesitating for a second. “…I’m just worried that,” she swallowed, “that Steven thinks less of me now.”</p><p>Okay, that was a bit more dire than what Lapis was expecting. “It’s Steven,” she began earnestly. “You know that he believes in everyone. And I mean <i>literally</i> everyone. Why wouldn’t he believe in you?”</p><p>Spinel nodded, understanding. “I know he does, and I love him for that.” Immediately after saying that Spinel’s eyes blew open and her mouth drew into a razor-thin line. </p><p>…</p><p>
  <i>…Oh.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>OH SHIT.</i>
</p><p>Lapis gasped in joyous surprise as Spinel flew to correct herself. “No, no, no! It’s not what you -“</p><p>“It totally <i>is!</i>” Of course! Now her bashfulness made sense! “Oh my Stars, Spinel!” she gushed.</p><p>“I - mother<i>fucker</i>,” Spinel moaned, her face becoming the color of a red dwarf star. “I-I didn’t want anyone to know yet.” </p><p>She tugged her ponytails over her face while whining, and once again Lapis was internally squealing over how adorable Spinel was being. Although that cute embarrassment was quickly melting away into alarming mortification, so Lapis decided to pull in the reigns of her amusement. “Woah, it’s okay. I’m not making fun of you at all. It’s really sweet, actually.”</p><p>A single eye peeked through the mass of ponytails. “You really think so?”</p><p>She grinned. “‘Course! Love’s for everyone.” She sniggered, “<i>especially</i> cute humans like you,” she said while winking. </p><p>Spinel’s blush remained, although it looked happier now after receiving that compliment. Both of her eyes were looking at Lapis now. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”</p><p>“Promise.” With that, Spinel’s blush quieted down and she found the courage to exit her bunker of hair. As Spinel uncovered herself, Lapis reclined deeper against the couch. “Wow, yeah, that makes a lot more sense. All the times you talk about him, how you blush whenever he smiles at you - it all clicks.”</p><p>Spinel whimpered. “Is it that obvious?”</p><p>“Hey, I didn’t find out until now.” She snickered. “I think you’re good.”</p><p>Her form growing less tense, Spinel gazed down at her folded hands. Lapis could tell by the look on her face that her mind was running a mile a minute. “Sooo, when do you think you’ll tell him?” </p><p>Unfolding her hands, Spinel played with her shirt. “I guess when I’m… when I’m better. When I feel more confident.”</p><p>“I get it,” Lapis said, empathizing with Spinel. “You also wanna make sure he feels the same, right?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel replied, her tone sounding like she recognized what her friend was saying. “Sounds like you’ve been through this before,” she commented nonchalantly, only for her tone to become more inquisitive. “Wait. Have you?”</p><p>Lapis blanched. Oh, man, isn’t <i>that</i> ironic. Of course Spinel would pick up on the subtext behind what she said. Welp, Spinel revealed her crush; she might follow up with her’s as well. She trusts that neither of them will blather on each other. And in the completely off-chance that anybody does, well then there’s mutually-assured destruction, or something. </p><p>She sighed. “Yep.”</p><p>This time it was Spinel’s turn to gush. “WHO?!” she squealed, shooting over to sit right beside Lapis. “Gimme the deets!”</p><p>“*<i>Snrk!</i>* Alright, hold your horses,” Lapis shrugged her off. She thought about the gem she was about to reveal. Not simply thinking, but cherishing the thought of her. How she was always there for Lapis, even when Lapis wasn’t there for her. How smart she was, how studious she was, how caring she was. How… <i>Stars</i>, how cute she was. </p><p>“…It’s Peridot.”</p><p>Immediately after saying that Lapis had to resist plugging her ears. “EEEEEE!!!” Spinel all but shrieked. “That’s ADORABLE!! You two would make <i>such</i> a great couple!”</p><p>Lapis’ face blushed a bit. “Ya really think so, huh?”</p><p>“I know so!”</p><p>Lapis grinned, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She huffed. “Me too. It’s just….” She stopped herself. “I’m sorry, we oughta be talking about you, making you feel better.”</p><p>“No, no!” Spinel begged. “I wanna hear about this. And. I. <i>Swear,</i> this isn’t coming from me not wanting to talk about my issues. I care about your issues just as much as you care about mine.” She laid her hands on Lapis’ shoulders. “So spill.”</p><p>“My, how the tables have turned,” Lapis commented jokingly. Her expression then turned serious. “Alright, yeah. Yeah. It…,” she began slow, “it’s just that, I don’t know if she feels the same as well.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>She blew air out of her nose. “I treated her like shit. I dismissed <i>every</i> one of her attempts to befriend me when I first started living in our old barn. I was too messed-up to even consider the person who once held me prisoner could have changed for the better.”</p><p>Spinel understood what she was saying. She had become acutely aware of Lapis’ tormented past. “Is that why you’re afraid?”</p><p>“Well, yeah, among other reasons,” Lapis admitted shamefully. “I told you how I took our house and every single one of our belongings up in space and eventually destroyed it, right?” The girl nodded. “Yeah. There’s that too. I… I don’t think I ever apologized for that. Everything happened so fast; I come back and smash Blue Diamond, I get poofed, I reform and the next thing I know Bismuth’s saying we need to go to Homeworld.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you apologize afterwards?”</p><p>“I guess I didn’t think it was appropriate,” Lapis theorized. “I mean, why bother? We just toppled the Empire, we defeated the Diamonds - we won. Why bother drudging up old dirt?”</p><p>She paused. “But, yeah, that probably wasn’t the best idea,” she admitted. Growing more discouraged, she shared more of her reasoning with a borderline scowl. “I’m not sure this would even be <i>right</i> for her.”</p><p>Spinel gave Lapis a puzzled look, allowing her to continue. “She never seemed like the most, well, <i>romantic</i> person. I’m pretty sure the only reason she was such a diehard Percy and Pierre shipper was ‘cause of how ‘compatible’ she said their characters were,” she explained, chuckling somewhat bitterly. </p><p>“You’re worried she doesn’t have any interest in that sorta thing, huh?” Spinel restated.</p><p>Her face fell. “Yep,” Lapis said, her answer coming out like a defeated sigh. She let her head sag as her eyes bore holes into the floor.</p><p>Spinel pursed her lips. “But ya don’t really know for sure.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“So there’s still a chance, then.”</p><p>Picking her head up, Lapis swiveled over to Spinel. She really wasn’t really like what the girl was insinuating, hopeless fantasies aside. “Wha - no! Spinel, I can’t just, just <i>find</i> out something like that.”</p><p>“Why not?” Spinel countered. “Ya wouldn’t be doin’ anything sneaky, you’d just find out once you tell her upfront,” she said simply. </p><p>“What?!” Lapis exclaimed, practically recoiling. “I - I can’t do that!”</p><p>“Of course you can!” Spinel said with gusto. “I know you can!“</p><p>Lapis huffed out a laugh, her ears having a hard time registering that Spinel was actually suggesting she do such a hazardous thing. “What makes you think so, huh?”</p><p>Spinel’s eyes sparkled with hope. “Every time I see you two together, you guys are just so… so connected. You’re like two peas in a pod.“ She smirked. “You wouldn’t be asking her to climb a mountain, Lapis. Even if she says no, you two would still be besties.”</p><p>Well, Lapis couldn’t lie; she liked her reasoning. Still she couldn’t help but feel like the pot was calling the kettle black here. “How come you‘re telling me to go for it, meanwhile you’re not ready to tell Steven?”</p><p>“‘Cause I’m not ready for it.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>Spinel stuttered. “I - yeah! You’ve known Peridot for more than two years, I’ve known Steven for less than half on one!”</p><p>Lapis looked at her knowingly. “‘It doesn’t matter if someone decided they want to change a couple years ago or a couple weeks ago - they want to change,’” she quoted.</p><p>It was clear to Lapis that Spinel recognized what she said, with the reference being what Lapis told her on the first day of school. On top of that, Spinel picked up the double meaning behind it. “It -” she began, “it’s not like that. I can’t tell him. Not yet.”</p><p>Sighing, Lapis knew she was getting nowhere with this. There wasn’t any use continuing to shove this back and forth onto each other. “Alright,” she said, her voice sounding like they reached some sort of tacit truce.</p><p>Which was something Spinel was determined to violate. “I hope that I’ll be ready for it one day. But I know for a fact that, right now, <i>you</i> are.”</p><p>She exhaled. “Spinel, that’s really sweet of you to think, but… I dunno.”</p><p>“What’s holdin’ you back?” Spinel prodded. “Peridot’s one of the most considerate gems I know, and that’s magnified by a bajillion whenever she’s with you. If she doesn’t feel the same, I bet she’ll let you down in the nicest way possible. Because, like you said, she’s the closest person to you.” She paused, letting that sink in. “Why not assume you’re the closest person to her?”</p><p>Hearing that, Lapis couldn’t stop herself from growing pensive. Come to think of it, Lapis probably <i>was</i> the person closest to Peridot. The person that she trusted the most, cared the most about. That notion was always there in her mind, granted, but hearing it said aloud really enforced its message. Hearing Spinel repeat how considerate Peridot was also gave Lapis a dash of hope. Oh boy, her mind really is entertaining this idea, huh?</p><p>Okay, alright. Let’s say Lapis went forth and confessed to Peridot. What if she didn’t feel the same? Both her and Spinel’s knowledge knew that she would be chill about it and want to remain close friends. Heck, Lapis could easily imagine Peridot quickly afterwards treating her with the exact same attitude as before, as if her confession never happened. Because she really was that kind, that genuine, that… amazing.</p><p>And . . . what if it did? What if - what if Peridot felt the same? What if she shared the love Lapis had for her? Ooohhh man, Lapis’ mind went wild with the possibilities that could branch out before her and Peridot. A new world where much of the old still existed in, as well as new, more intimate developments. Going on dates together - not ‘hangouts,’ but actual officially-titled <i>dates</i>. Cuddling with each other in their home to make cold Delmarva winters a bit more bearable. . . . Kissing each other. A peck on the cheek, a smooch on the forehead, a passionate dance on the lips. All of this happening while both of them knew they had reached one of the the highest forms of camaraderie. </p><p>Lapis’ face was on fire by now. Her mind had been made up. The forces of passion had won out.</p><p>“Holy shit, I could do this.”</p><p>Gasping, Spinel’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yes!”</p><p>“I-I could <i>do</i> this.”</p><p>“Yes!!”</p><p>“I - we could be like Percy and Pierre!”</p><p>“YES!!!” Spinel sung, lassoing her arms around Lapis and nearly poofing the gem with her bear hug.</p><p>Lapis managed to reciprocate it, giggling, until a new thought crossed her conscience and she gently pulled away from Spinel. “Okay, wait. We - I have to do this right.”</p><p>“How so?” Spinel asked, confused but eager as ever to help her friend out.</p><p>She looked around the barn. “I want it to happen here. So some things need to be set up. Once that’s done, then - then I’ll tell her,” she stuttered, still a bit flustered.</p><p>“Could I help? Pleeeaaase?”</p><p>“‘Course,” Lapis smiled, chortling. “Come to think of it, I think your assets will be really handy,” getting up to fly over to a box in the corner of the barn. Crouching down, she began rummaging through it.</p><p>“Ya think so?” Spinel asked, hopping up from the couch and meeting up with her.</p><p>“I know so,” Lapis answered. Standing up from looking through the box - which was labeled “Art Supplies” - she spun around towards Spinel with paintbrushes in her hands. “We’re going to Art class, girlie.”</p>
<hr/><p>Her hands couldn’t stop sweating. Lapis is pretty certain her body doesn’t even have sweat glands, and yet she’s sweating. Why?! She shouldn’t be. Everything’s ready, everything’s set up and where it should be. It didn’t even take that long for her and Spinel to assemble, given the time limit they had until Peridot returned from shopping for horticultural supplies. Why is she so nervous?</p><p>She stared at the barn doors. Two massive, towering slabs of wood. They had never seemed so intimidating until now.</p><p><i>Relax, Lapis</i> she told herself. Commanded herself, more like. She sighed, pieces of her anxiety escaping with the expelled air. </p><p>
  <i>It’s gonna happen. I‘m ready.</i>
</p><p>Not too long after thinking that did she hear muffled voices from outside the barn, her metaphorical heart rate spiking. Initially unable to make out any words, she was soon able to decipher Spinel and Peridot’s conversation.</p><p>“<i> - need me at our barn? Nothing’s wrong, is there?</i></p><p>“<i>Nope. It’s a surprise,</i>” Spinel explained. “<i>Can’t tell ya.</i>”</p><p>A pause. “<i>What’s happening?</i>” Peridot sounded a bit suspicious.</p><p>Spinel’s sounded to be right outside. “<i>You’ll see~</i>” </p><p>One of the barn doors swung open, and two figures stood. Lapis knew Spinel was standing there as well, yet her mind had become tunnel-visioned on only one person in particular. </p><p>There she was: Peridot, holding several shopping bags full of botany supplies. </p><p>“Oh! Hello, Lapis!” she greeted jovially, stepping inside with Spinel. “Did you need me for something?”</p><p><i>Oh fuck it’s really happening.</i> Before Lapis could open her mouth (thankfully) Peridot gasped as she got a look at the newly-decorated barn. Strands of multicolor lights were strung about the rafters. Soft bossa nova hung in the air. In the corner beneath the loft sat a collection of huge, fluffy cushions. </p><p>“Wow… did you two do all of this?” she asked in awe, only to gasp once more as she noticed some additional features: “Are those replicas of our first meep-morps?!”</p><p>“Y-Yeah!” Lapis replied, finding her voice. “We both did, Spinel and I.”</p><p>Spinel nodded, smiling proudly. “It was easy. If ya got one person who can stretch and bounce and another who can fly, you can decorate anything.”</p><p>Peridot was still ogling at a hodgepodge of toilets made into a sculpture. “It’s spectacular . . . why did you do all of this?”</p><p>While Lapis froze, Spinel smirked. “That’s for Lapis to know and for you to find out.” She shoved Peridot further inside with a nudge. With a wink and a snap of her fingers, she went outside and closed the door shut.</p><p>Now they were completely alone.</p><p>Lapis had never felt so nervous when she was alone with Peridot. Truthfully, she felt her calmest and most secure when she was with her. Now, however, was the complete opposite. Now, nervous energy was scourging her body as Peridot set her bags aside. It felt almost like breaking a sacred rule, that this shouldn’t be happening, shouldn’t be <i>allowed</i> to happen. Everything was so topsy-turvy. </p><p>“So, what did you need from me?”</p><p>Inhaling, Lapis then breathed out, steadying her nerves a bit. It would all correct itself when she completed this.</p><p>“I just… I need to tell you something.”</p><p>An expression of concern grew on Peridot’s face. “What happened? Are you okay?”</p><p><i>Stars, she’s so kind.</i> “I’m fine. Just, come sit with me.”</p><p>She led Peridot over to the pile of cushions. Despite her nerves, she couldn’t deny herself the feeling of magic floating through the atmosphere. The music, the lighting, the calmness… it was nice. Hopefully it would help her out.</p><p>Lapis and Peridot sat down, with the latter looking inquisitive. “So, what’s up?”</p><p>The gem being questioned was sitting kind of uncomfortably, yet she didn’t even bother to adjust herself. Lapis’ attention was focused solely on Peridot’s wonderful features. Her cute button nose. Those brilliant verdant eyes hidden beneath a yellow sheen. How genuinely, one-hundred percent concerned she was for Lapis’ wellbeing. The way she looked primed and ready to help her out in whatever way she can.</p><p>
  <i>Stars, she’s perfect.</i>
</p><p>But Lapis couldn’t continue dwelling on how amazing Peridot was. She had a mission to do. Which, right now, began with apologizing. </p><p>“H’okay, um, I wanted to say… I’m sorry, for the way I treated you in the past.”</p><p>Peridot blinked, concern being more or less swapped out by confusion. “You wanted to apologize for, that? That happened so long ago.”</p><p>“I know,” Lapis nodded, knowing she would have to explain herself further. “And I know right now we’re closer than, er, anything -“ <i>Smooth, Lapis. Real smooth.</i> “- but I never formally apologized. I need to do this.”</p><p>Saying nothing, Peridot let her continue. “I’m sorry for not giving you a chance at first, back when I unfused from Jasper and moved into the barn. I’m sorry that I broke your tape recorder.” She sighed. This was getting tough. Admitting this to Spinel was one thing, but actually telling it to the person she hurt was ten times as worse. The more she went on, the more she felt unworthy of Peridot. “I’m sorry that I took everything from you ‘cause - ‘cause I was a coward, and thought I could just keep <i>running</i> from everything -“</p><p>“Lapis,” Peridot butted in, noticing how her voice was beginning to warble. “It’s okay. You’ve made up for it a - *<i>heh</i>*, a million times over,” she reassured. While blushing.</p><p><i>Blushing.</i> She said that while she was actually blushing.</p><p>Driven by that display and her kind words, Lapis’ resolve renewed. “A-And I’m sorry for,” she chuckled morosely, “utterly destroying it all.”</p><p>“You didn’t just ‘destroy it’,” Peridot reminded, sounding a tiny bit proud, “you <i>smashed</i> it on top of Blue Diamond’s stupid head!”</p><p>“Heh, yeah I did,” Lapis made herself grin. “Good times.”</p><p>Peridot’s demeanor did a 180 and turned more somber as old memories resurfaced. “Taking the barn, truthfully, wasn’t the best thing to do,” the green gem began softly, the emotions buried within her quickly returning. “It… it hurt. It really hurt.”</p><p>There it was: more reasons why Lapis didn’t deserve her. “I’m so sorry, Peri -”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Peridot responded, picking her attitude back up. “That wasn’t good, but, you ended up doing something good with it.” She smiled a bit, looking both conflicted and appreciative. “What you did at the beach saved us - you know that. Without you, Lapis, she would’ve shattered us. It was a soul for a soul; a house for the downfall of the Diamond Authority.”</p><p>Lapis didn’t say anything to that, only nodding glumly as she acknowledged what felt like a pyrrhic victory. Peridot continued. “And, oddly enough,” she chuckled, “I barely even cared. I was just so, so happy you were back.” </p><p>Now it was the water gem’s face that was flushing. It only increased tenfold once she felt Peridot’s hand on top of hers. “I’ll gladly accept your apology.” Taking her hand away she looked around the barn, taking in all of Spinel and Lapis’ effort. “You really did all of this to apologize? Not that I don’t appreciate it, of course.”</p><p>“No,” Lapis said, sounding almost desperate to get her words out. Before she could let the doubt get a hold on her.</p><p>“Well, okay. What else for?”</p><p>“I love you, Peridot.” </p><p>Peridot looked back at her. A look of confusion appeared on the technician’s face. Although Lapis couldn’t tell whether or not it was genuine or forced. “I… love you too?”</p><p>“No, I…” Lapis was starting to feel a bit dizzy. “I love you like, like how Percy loves Pierre.”</p><p>That did it. That got through to Peridot. Almost instantly her face flushed harder than earlier - heck, probably harder than Lapis had ever seen before. It actually left her speechless for a moment. <i>Peridot</i>, was left <i>speechless.</i> Yet it soon became evident to Lapis that she didn’t seem stunned by her confession, seeing as she was averting her eyes and shrinking in on herself. It looked more like, more like shame.</p><p>“… I-I’m sorry, Lapis…”</p><p>Her soul plummeted. </p><p>“… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p><p>Huh? “What do you -“</p><p>“I just -!” Peridot suddenly began, sorrow and resentment entering her voice. Her hand found its way to her hair as the other balled itself up into a fist. Lapis could tell she was having a hard time boiling down her emotions into words. “I-I feel the same way, I do!”</p><p>Despite herself, Lapis couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope. That was quickly washed away once Peridot continued. “But wh - how I feel behaves so, irrationally!” she spat. “One day I see you as my closest friend, the next as - as someone I just want to kiss all over! It’s infuriating! Why can’t I make up my mind?! Am I <i>that</i> much of a clod?”</p><p>“Peri, I….” Man, was Lapis going through some emotional whiplash right now. She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened again. “Are you saying you feel it, sometimes?”</p><p>The gem huffed, anger directed chiefly at herself. “Yes.” She swallowed, allowing a beat of silence to pass between them. “I constantly see how gems like Ruby and Sapphire always love each other like, like <i>that</i>. Even when they go through rough patches. The-” Her mouth twisted. “- the love I have for you, just….” </p><p>She trailed off, but Lapis understood. And man, did that make her feel like crap. Again. No way in <i>hell</i> did she want to put Peridot in such a self-critical position. A position that made her feel even the slightest bit worse about herself, when there was no reason for her to do so.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Peridot. I should’ve just - I didn’t want to make you feel like that.”</p><p>Peridot shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine.” She turned to face her. “Because I… I want to be the Percy to your Pierre.”</p><p>Lapis’ eyes widened, her metaphorical heart skipping a beat. “What?! No no, I - Peridot, you don’t have to force yourself to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable!”</p><p>“I’m not!” Peridot said, chuckling out of earnest. “I’ve been feeling like this ever since you came back. Maybe even before. I just never told you because we were already so happy.” The waxing and waning blush she’d been having since Lapis confessed to her turned its darkest. “I love you too, Lapis. You’re amazing. You’re smart, talented, strong, and - and beautiful. And now I know you love me, too. I… I want to try and make this work.”</p><p>Lapis felt like her chest was going to explode. Still, she had a sizable amount of reason left within her. “But - but how do I know you won’t change your mind? What if what you’re saying is from feeling like - romantic, right now?”</p><p>“It’s not. Trust me, this is one of the most reasonable decisions I’ve ever made,” she said, chuckling. “When I don’t feel like that, we’ll just act on friendly terms. When I do,” she smiled with excitement, “we’ll do more. Even with all the possibilities of me fluctuating between the two, I still want to be committed. Because the times I feel like - like kissing you are... uh -”</p><p>“Just as precious as the times you don’t?” Lapis finished.</p><p>Peridot nodded, her face beaming.</p><p>Man, Lapis could cry. She could seriously cry. But she still had to verbalize her decision. “Yes. <i>Yes</i>, that sounds amazing!” she exclaimed, both her and Peridot laughing out of love and eased tension. “We don’t have to do anything romantic right now. We’ll take things slow. I promise.”</p><p>Both of them could feel the joy radiating off of the other. Laying her hand on Lapis’, Peridot’s smile turned mischievous. “But, what if I <i>want</i> to do something romantic right now?”</p><p>Lapis had to restrain herself. “Like… what?”</p><p>“Like, er, like having a, kiss,” Peridot stuttered, bashfulness and raw emotion battling for supremacy.</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>Taking a second to think, she nodded. “I’m positive. Noth-“</p>
<hr/><p>Whatever sentence Peridot was about to say, Spinel couldn’t tell. Because right after Peridot gave Lapis consent, the water gem all but threw her lips onto Peridot’s. This was all something Spinel could say with confidence happened, considering how she was discreetly watching them from the loft’s truck balcony. Lapis wouldn’t mind, of course - if she found out. Which likely would’ve happened if Spinel failed to restrain herself from screaming, “LET’S FUCKIN’ GOOOOOOOO!”</p><p>Eventually Lapis and Peridot removed themselves from each other and, after exchanging some words Spinel couldn’t quite hear, got up and made their way to the barn doors. Quickly Spinel hopped down from the balcony and made an attempt to act as innocuous as possible.</p><p>The left door opened. A giddy Peridot and slightly tamer Lapis walked out, holding hands.</p><p>“Did it go well?” Spinel asked jokingly. </p><p>Lapis nodded with a huge yet bashful smile, too happy to even respond with an equally snarky answer. </p><p>“We wanna go tell the others!” Peridot announced with a sparkle in her eyes and an ear-splitting grin, her form practically bubbling with happy energy.</p><p>“Alright,” Spinel agreed, spinning around and pointing her finger to the sky. “Let’s get on with it!”</p><p>The wingman and the new couple began making their way down to the beach house. When Lapis and Peridot were busy excitably discussing future plans, Spinel was allowed to think about who she loved. Helping Lapis out really gave the teen a boost of confidence. If she could help a friend get together with someone, why can’t she do the same for herself? </p><p>As they rounded the bend, however, everyone’s thoughts soon became focused on something new. Specifically the large footprints in the sand leading from the house. Trailing their eyes over Lapis, Peridot, and Spinel soon noticed a gaping hole in the front.</p><p>“What the-!” Peridot exclaimed.</p><p>“STEVEN!” Spinel cried, frantically turning her legs into springs and bouncing over. Of course she was concerned for the others’ safety, too, but his name was obviously the first that popped into her mind.</p><p>She landed on the porch with Lapis flying herself and Peridot over just after her. The interior was in tatters, but that wasn’t the first thing they noticed. Rather it was Steven and the Crystal Gems picking needles out of them.</p><p>“O-oh! Hi everyone!” Pearl greeted, laughing awkwardly. </p><p>Peridot was left speechless for the second time that day. “Tell them later?” she asked Lapis and Spinel out of the side of her mouth.</p><p>“Tell them later,” they both agreed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I kinda have mixed feelings about the whole “Peridot is aro/ace” thingamabob. On one end I have long shipped her with Lapis, and I think they could have really interesting chemistry. On the other hand Peridot being aro/ace <i>could</i> make sense character-wise, as she has never really been canon-wise that… romantic, I guess the term could be. Still, I wanna try keeping this story as canon-compliant as possible (even if Peridot being aro/ace was confirmed in a tweet, which - with complete respect to Maya Peterson - is a lame way to do it). So I thought I’d reach a happy medium and have her be grey-asexual. I spent a good amount of time researching that in order to write her as accurately as possible. I learned that according to Healthline, “[Graysexuals] experience sexual attraction very rarely, or with very low intensity.” I hope this choice is okay.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Graduation Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel has something to say.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Cactus Steven Incident, as it came to be known, was apparently a pretty concerning experience for the Gems. They informed Spinel that not only did Cactus Steven attack them all, but he also said some fairly troubling things regarding the Gems. Garnet, in all her wisdom, had deduced that the plant must have mimicked any inkling of negative feelings Steven had and magnified them considerably. That was the only likely possibility.</p><p>It was a shame, though. Cactus Steven was kind of cute when Spinel first met the sentient plant, two days before her and Lapis’ plan took off. Speaking of whom, Spinel didn’t think she’d ever seen her so happy. Her smiles had grown wider and herself more animated ever since she got together with Peridot. During hangouts with Spinel, Lapis would recount dates to the Amazon or the Pacific Northwest, as well as times when her and Peridot simply just hung out. Love did wonderful things to people, Spinel noticed. She couldn’t wait to see what it did to her and Steven.</p><p><i>Steven.</i> Ever since the guy had stepped down from his position as principal following an early graduation for Lars’ gem friends, he seemed to be… less like his usual self. It wasn’t too drastic of a change (he was still as kind and cheery as ever), yet Spinel still picked up on parts of it. Mostly how his brightness seemed a lot less genuine than what she’d known. More like he was forcing it. Spinel knew for sure what that looked like. </p><p>What puzzled her though was, why? Why was he feeling so down in the dumps? He’s Steven; he has everything going for him. What part of his life could be making him feel like this? Was it because he wasn’t principal anymore? Spinel didn’t have much of a clue, and she didn’t have the will to ask him upfront. The thought of doing that felt, traitorous, if she was essentially telling <i>Steven Universe</i> that he wasn’t doing fine. Who was she to tell him that?</p><p>Still, she found herself feeling a little unnerved at Steven’s concealed glumness. How the person she’d idolized for the past eight or so months could suddenly be showing fault. But, she knew it was only temporary. Steven will bounce back better than ever. Maybe, Spinel hoped, that might happen sooner than later.</p><p>Because as of right now, it’s May. The month of Spinel’s graduation.</p>
<hr/><p>“Pearl, my hair looks fine!”</p><p>Standing with her in front of the bathroom mirror, the gem plucked at another strand of ginger hair. “You need to look presentable. This is a big event, you know.”</p><p>“I know that,” Spinel said, her eyes squinting in pain as Pearl snagged particularly tough at a lock of hair. “But we’ve been goin’ at this for twenty minutes. If we spend anymore time on this, I’ll practically miss my graduation.”</p><p>Pearl sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I just,” she said, wrapping her arms around Spinel from behind, “You’ve come a long way. I want the celebration for all your hard-work paying off to be perfect.”</p><p>Noticing how Pearl’s voice was beginning to warble, Spinel reciprocated the hug. Stretching her arms out behind her, she lassoed Pearl and herself. “I’m proud too.… Sometimes, I wondered if I would ever get to this point.” She smiled, looking at Pearl’s reflection in the mirror. “But I did. I couldn’t’ve done it without all the help I got - especially yours. Thanks, Pearlie.”</p><p>Despite the tender moment, Spinel couldn’t hold back a snicker as she saw Pearl’s eyes look ready to burst with tears. “Don’t flood the dam yet, Pearl. Wait ‘til I get my diploma.”</p><p>After taking a moment to wipe her eyes, Pearl and Spinel exited the bathroom. The others were waiting for them there, with Amethyst sitting on the couch, Garnet leaning against the kitchen table, and Steven standing by the coffee table. They all got a good look at Spinel, who was clad in a sleek graduation gown, black shoes, and had her hair straightened out so that it fell behind her shoulders.</p><p>“Hey-o!” Amethyst whooped and hollered. “Spinel’s ready to rock!”</p><p>“You look amazing, Spinel,” Garnet complimented cooly. </p><p>She blushed. “Aw, gee, it only took twenty minutes.”</p><p>“You could’ve taken ten and you’d still look great,” Steven said, causing Spinel’s face to flame up. “Here,” he walked forward, giving Spinel her graduation cap.</p><p>“Thanks,” she said, meek from bashfulness. Pearl almost reached out her hand and stopped her from putting it on, yet she surrendered and let the cap sully the top of Spinel’s head.</p><p>Amethyst hoisted herself up off the couch. “Alright! Let’s get going!”</p><p>They all walked out the door, with Steven beside Spinel. He was more than happy to come see Spinel graduate, of course, but there was a speck of sadness in his eyes when he agreed to. It’s source, again, was unknown to Spinel.</p><p>She went to look into his eyes to see if any of that remained, but he spoke just as she did. “We’re all really proud of you, Spinel. Of how far you’ve come,” he spoke, a sizable amount of warmth in his voice. “You’ve learned to love music, yoga, art - you’re like a jack of all trades. Plus, you’re practically part of our family now,” he said, allowing Pearl to walk ahead of them once they stepped onto the hill.</p><p>“What I’m trying to say is….” He stopped, looking at her with appreciation (love?) in his eyes. “I’m glad we were able to help you. I’m glad <i>I</i> was able to help you.”</p><p>At first, Spinel couldn’t speak. All sorts of thoughts were racing through her head at near light-speed. She knew he was thanking her for changing, that was clear. But a bigger realization, one hidden by subtext, was revealing itself to Spinel:</p><p>She was ready. </p><p>After everything she did, Steven now stood telling her she’s worth him. He said that he was glad he “<span class="u">was</span> able to help” her, so that’s basically saying he thinks she‘s better now. He didn’t think she need to be helped anymore. He was giving her the go-ahead. She was officially on an equal-playing field with Steven. And look how <i>happy</i> that made him. <i>She</i> did that.</p><p>Bells rung, parishioners sang, and fireworks exploded in Spinel’s chest. This was it. This was the day she’d been waiting for so long for. She was ready. She was going to confess. She was going to lay all of herself out for Steven to witness. Without a doubt, he’d feel the same. </p><p>“Thank you, Stevie.”</p>
<hr/><p>By far, that was the most amount of people Spinel had been around in one sitting. Not only was she among hundreds of other students graduating, but throngs of other gems and humans cheered and clapped for them on the beach. Yet Spinel wasn’t in the slightest bit overwhelmed. Her attention was solely focused on the fact that <i>she did it</i>. She finished Little Homeschool. She became enough for Steven. Those facts only reinforced themselves after Garnet’s commencement speech, once she stepped onto the stage to receive her diploma from the fusion.</p><p>Looking out into the audience she saw nothing but happy faces from those she knew. Lapis and Peridot were all smiles, Bismuth gave her a thumbs up, Amethyst was cheering while pumping her fist in the air, and Steven was clapping with what looked like a genuine grin. Pearl was more or less sobbing as she snapped some pictures, but Spinel knew she was shedding happy tears.</p><p>Once everybody finished getting their diplomas and throwing their caps into the air, graduation was over. The graduated began mingling with one another and the audience, with Garnet walking Spinel over to meet back up the others. All except Bismuth, who was busy congratulating Snowflake and Biggs. </p><p>Pearl was the first to talk with the newly-graduated Spinel when she threw her arms around the girl. “<i>I’m so, so proud of you!</i>” she cried, hugging her with a strength rivaling that of Spinel’s.</p><p>“Geez Pearl, don’t choke her out,” Amethyst playfully chided as Pearl let go. “On another note, LET’S GO SPINEL!” she congratulated, throwing her hands up.</p><p>“Great job,” Garnet said, patting her on the head, with Steven nodding.</p><p>Lapis jokingly pushed Garnet aside. “Hey, that’s my thing.” Before Spinel could escape, Lapis ruffled her hair with a borderline noogie (much to Pearl’s dismay). She quickly stopped, letting appreciation show in her eyes. “In all serious though, I’m really proud of you. You’ve changed a lot.”</p><p>Beside her, Peridot nodded. “I always knew you’d end up becoming a great student.”</p><p>Blushing, Spinel looked at everyone. “Aw, man, I-I…” she began, stuttering. “Thanks. Thanks for everything.” For once she wholeheartedly accepted all of their compliments, even if Steven’s simple nod rung the loudest. Right now, she was on Cloud Nine. Nothing could topple her. </p><p>“So? Whaddya wanna do to celebrate?” Amethyst inquired. </p><p>Spinel immediately glanced over to Steven. “I think a little romp at Funland is in order. Care to join, Universe?”</p><p>Steven chuckled. “I think that sounds <i>gnarly</i>,” he agreed, twisting his hand around with his fist made into hand horns. </p><p>Spinel giggled at that. “Sweet!” She pulled her graduation gown off of her clothes, handing it, her cap, and her diploma to Pearl. “D’ya mind holding this?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Pearl answered.</p><p>She smiled. Then the teenagers went off, with Lapis and Peridot leaving as well to go congratulate other students. Unbeknownst to them, Garnet brought a hand to meet her visor once they all left. She frowned after a moment, sighing.</p><p>Pearl noticed this display, with how it was discordant with the surrounding joyous mood. “What? Do you see something?”</p><p>Her face rested, with her mouth tucking into a thin, somber line. “This was bound to happen eventually. We need to let it take place.”</p><p>“What? What’s going to happen, Garnet?”</p><p>She looked at her and Amethyst. “I’ll tell you both back at the house.”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel had grown to really like Funland. Ever since finding the courage to go out in public more, the place easily lured her in to be whisked away in rollercoasters  and carnival games. With all its glimmering lights and towering structures, it reminded her of the positive aspects of Homeworld in a way. Especially now, as it was all shrouded in twilight.</p><p>Under the darkening sky, she skipped through Funland with Steven. She’d been here with him before many times, but never with the intent of what she was warming up to do. “S’there anything ya wanna do?”</p><p>Steven chuckled. “This is <i>your</i> celebration. You don’t need to ask for my approval to do anything.”</p><p>“I know!” Spinel answered peppily. “I’ve just been here so many times, I’ve already tried everything here!”</p><p>“…Oh,” he said, sounding oddly disappointed. “You sure it isn’t because you’re struggling with the idea of free will?”</p><p>“No?” Spinel said, sounding amused. “Why would I be?”</p><p>“Uh, never-mind,” he sighed, shutting off the conversation. </p><p>Spinel mentally grumbled. He was still sad. She didn’t know if it was due to what’s been troubling him as of late, or something else entirely. <i>Welp, now’s the time to get rolling.</i></p><p>Searching for something to make him happy, Spinel quickly spotted a carnival game. “Oh! Ya wanna do a ring toss?”</p><p>“Those things are rigged,” he said as Spinel pulled him over to one.</p><p>“Nonsense!” She slammed some tickets down onto the counter, currently being manned by Blue Lace Agate. “Ring me.”</p><p>The gem exchanged her tickets a stack of plastic rings. Steven frowned. “No, like, seriously, these games are rigged. Amethyst, Peridot, and I proved that before.”</p><p>“Well, you guys just haven’t played like I have,” Spinel boasted, a gleam of focus and determination passing through her eyes. With a deft movement of her wrist, she tossed a ring over. It landed squarely around a bottleneck.</p><p>Steven’s eyes widened at Spinel getting it perfectly on the first try. Blue Lace also appeared shocked even with bangs covering her eyes. “Woah! I thought boss said this thing was rigged!” she said, astounded. “Y’know what? Just take any prize you want.”</p><p>“Woah!” Spinel awed. “I can do that?”</p><p>“Nah, but I’m making that a rule now. ‘Get it on the first try, you pick.’ I bet boss won’t mind.”</p><p>Spinel’s eyes eagerly scanned the assortment of carnival prizes, looking like a kid in a candy store. Finally, she spotted one that spoke to her. “Ooh! Ooh! That one!” she said, pointing. </p><p>Blue Lace took it down and handed it over to Spinel. She whirled around to display it to Steven. “Whaddya think?”</p><p>Steven observed the stuffed plushie. It was a giant, three-foot-long, reggae banana. Complete with dreads and hooded eyes and everything. </p><p>He couldn’t prevent himself from barking out a laugh. “Why did you pick that?” he said, chuckling.</p><p>Spinel was silently cheering that she managed to boost Steven’s spirits. Pausing from laughing herself, she configured the banana so that it was staring right back at her. “It speaks to me,” she said in a distant-sounding voice, making her and Steven laugh again. </p><p>Opening her eyes from laughing, Spinel noticed another amusement-park activity that grabbed her attention. “Ooh! Let’s go on on the Appalachian!” she said, grabbing hold of Steven’s wrist and lugging him along once again.</p><p>They waited in line for a bit, chatting about things from what’s their earliest memory of going on a roller coaster to when Steven hung out with Pearl, Bismuth, and Connie at a roller rink last weekend. Reaching the end of the line, they were about to enter the ride when the carnie stopped them. “Hello Steven! Hello Spinel!”</p><p>It made sense why only now they were catching sight of the gem in charge of the ride. “Little Larimar! How’s it hanging?” Steven asked.</p><p>“It is going very well, thank you,” she said kindly. “But I’m afraid saying hello wasn’t the reason I stopped you.” The gem pointed to the banana plush. “You can’t bring that on.”</p><p>“What!? Why?” Spinel exclaimed, sounding like a mother having its child separated from her.</p><p>“It could fly off and hit someone. Or get caught in the tracks.”</p><p>Spinel was looking momentarily distressed, only for her expression to turn sly. “Double L. C’mon. It’s me! Spinel! Y’know, ‘Ol’ Rubberhose!’”</p><p>“I have never once called you that,” Larimar reminded with her perpetual smile.</p><p>“Maybe, maybe not. But still, you <i>do</i> know that these babies,” she displayed her arms, flexing fake muscles, “are quite the useful tool. They‘re especially good at huggin’. I promise you that I will hug my son here <i>so</i> hard, that I wouldn’t let go’a him even if a Category Five Hurricane hit.”</p><p>Steven stared at her slack-jawed in awe and amusement. Who knew Spinel could become that much of a negotiator in no time flat? Particularly one that was really funny? </p><p>Unfortunately for them, Little Larimar was notorious (or renowned, depending on who you ask) for being unwavering. She held out her hand. “Spinel. Give me the Earth fruit.”</p><p>She sighed. “You better treat Cool Mondo right,” she said as she deposited the banana into her hand.</p><p>“I’ll make sure of it,” Little Larimar assured.</p><p>The duo were allowed entry. “That’s his name?” Steven said, struggling not to burst out laughing in front of all these other people.</p><p>“Obviously,” Spinel affirmed with complete certainty, as they both stepped onto a two-seated roller coaster car.</p><p>Steven couldn’t continue holding back the urge to laugh anymore. “Gosh, Spinel, you’re on fire right now!” he chuckled as both of them buckled up and put the bar over them. </p><p>Rather than turning into a blushing mess, Spinel took the compliment in stride. This was all a part of her plan, after all. “Thanks, Stevie,” she smiled sweetly. “This flame‘s staying lit <i>aaalll</i> night.”</p><p>“What?” Steven said, chuckling.</p><p>Before any of them could continue, the roller coaster started up and effectively shut down their conversation. Now the only sounds that came were in the forms of screams and laughter as the ride whizzed and zoomed them around. The momentum from each turn caused Spinel to crash into Steven or vice versa. Spinel would be lying if she said her heart didn’t flutter whenever she felt Steven’s hunky body slide into her’s. </p><p>They soon exited the ride, with Spinel’s twintails windswept and her body buzzing with adrenaline. Larimar handed her back Cool Mondo and the teenager bid her farewell. </p><p>“Man, wasn’t that a rush?” Spinel said, still coming down from her adrenaline high.</p><p>Steven nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah. It was,” he agreed. </p><p>Even though Spinel could clearly tell he enjoyed the ride as well, he looked decisively less enthused. “C’mon, you don’t seem that happy about it.”</p><p>“I am, don’t worry,” he defended, his tone sounding like he was telling Spinel that yes, she did make him happy. He then chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess once you slide down a Homeworld pipe trying to save your family from certain death, nothing really comes close to it!”</p><p>“Woah! How’d <i>that</i> go?” Spinel asked, amazed. </p><p>Steven’s mouth flattened. “It was . . . it turned out okay. I mean, I fused with Pearl for the first time! So, so that was nice,” he said with a smile that looked plastered on.</p><p>There it goes again, that phony attitude. Those fake smiles and uneasy eyes, eyes that showed how worried he was if someone looked past the cover. All paired with either a completely rigid or constantly shifting body posture. </p><p>Spinel had a sense - no matter how illogical it might’ve seemed - that it was now or never. She needed to seal the deal. And, fortunately, Steven seemed to be unknowingly on the same boat. “Hey, you wanna go on the Ferris wheel? That, that’s pretty relaxing.”</p><p>She looked over at the towering wheel. It was never her favorite part of Funland - heck, she didn’t really like it at all. It was slow and the only exciting thing about it was you were able to see the surrounding area at a bird’s eye view (which Spinel could easily do with one jump from her coiled legs). The ride was also incredibly boring, and any attempt she made to make it more fun was either not enough or a ban-able offense.</p><p>Yet now Spinel saw it as having another use: love. Think about it: it’s the epitome of amusement park romance, second only to the Tunnel of Love. Maybe even better, because it wasn’t so glaring in its romantic vibe. </p><p>Right now, it was the perfect ride.</p><p>“Yeah! I’d love to!”</p><p>Oh yeah, it was all coming together. There wasn’t even a line for the Ferris wheel; the jasper in charge let them on as soon as a free passenger car came rolling down. They settled down onto a booth, side by side, and sat as the car slowly revolved. Gosh, was Spinel just tickled by that. There were two seats on either end of the car, and yet he sat right beside Spinel without her asking for him to.</p><p>She sighed, her heart swelling as she held Cool Mondo. “Isn’t this swell? Relaxin’ up here in a dangling sky crate, having fun?”</p><p>Steven tittered. “Yeah, it is.” Still, he seemed a bit on-edge while he said it.</p><p>“You still frazzled from the Appalachian?” she asked, smirking.</p><p>Whatever smile he had on his lips fell. “I… I guess, yeah.”</p><p>“You guess?” Spinel found herself asking before she could stop herself. </p><p>Steven swallowed. “Yeah. It’s just… I dunno. That sorta stuff leaves me feeling, heightened. It just takes a minute to relax.“ He suddenly perked up a bit, looking hopeful. “You get it, right?”</p><p>“‘Heightened?’ Like - like a fun heightened? Or tense?”</p><p>“Tense,” he confirmed. “Like, I don’t know why, but it’s -“ He paused as his resolve sounded like it was growing weaker, his eyes trailing to the side. “Never mind.”</p><p>Spinel looked at him for a moment before turning her head away as well. What was <i>happening?</i> What kept making him sad? Was he deep-down not enjoying being with Spinel, and he was just putting up a facade? Spinel had learned that no matter what she felt that was really never the case, but right now it was really difficult to not fall into that line of thinking.</p><p>“Did you wish I was at Little Homeschool?”</p><p>“Huh?” Sinking into her thoughts, she was a bit surprised by such a change in direction. She thought for a moment. “I mean… yeah, that woulda been nice. But, I still get to see you at home!”</p><p>He shook his head. “No, that’s not….” He sighed. “Do you wish I’d’ve stayed helping people at Little Homeschool?”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, understanding him now. “… I dunno. I mean, you’re always helping people. What difference does it make if you’re doing it there?”</p><p>Steven stared at her for a moment. It looked as if he hadn’t heard that in forever. A soft smile soon tugged at his lips. “Thanks, Spinel. That really means a lot.”</p><p>Her heart swelled at how grateful - how <i>happy</i> - he looked. “N-No problem. Trust me, Stevie; you‘re nothing short of amazing.”</p><p>He blushed. “Gosh, uh, thanks.”</p><p>She smiled softly. It was time.</p><p><i>C’mon, Spinel. Remember what the Internet taught you.</i> Placing her banana plushie to the side, the teen gazed deeply into Steven’s eyes. It felt like she was looking into two rich, sparkling wells. “You really are just, <i>amazing.</i> You’ve helped me out in so many ways. Ways you can’t even begin to imagine.” </p><p>As she inched closer to Steven, she noticed the blush creeping onto his face. Yet she was so focused, so determined to tell him, that she didn’t even bother taking a moment to decipher what sort of blush it was. </p><p>“When we first met, I just saw you as something to take my aggression out on. Just something Pink cared about. But now I know you’re so much more! You’re sweet, funny, wholesome, and - and a total <i>hunk</i>. I knew that from the second you did my hair, all those months ago. Back then, I didn’t know if I’d ever be enough for you. But now I know I am.”</p><p>Steven said something. What he said, she couldn’t tell. Not even as she was practically snuggled right up next to him.</p><p>She placed her hand on one of his strong arms. “I love you, Steven.” </p><p>Closing her eyes, she leaned in for a kiss.…</p><p>… </p><p>…</p><p>…Only to open them once her lips grazed only air.</p><p>She finally forced herself to get a good look at Steven. Of course, the first thing she noticed were his eyes. How intently they were staring back at hers. How… how <i>blown open</i> they were. How they appeared to be literally wobbling.</p><p>Those were scared eyes.</p><p>But that wasn’t even the worst discovery.</p><p>Spinel then noticed how those usually bright eyes looked so much dimmer than usual. Which made sense, seeing as they sat bathed in a neon pink glow.</p><p>Her breath caught in her throat as she scrambled back. That only served to make him more on edge - both literally and figuratively. If Steven was leaning away from Spinel any further, he practically would’ve fallen out of the passenger car.</p><p>“St-Steven?”</p><p>He stuttered. “Spinel, I-I-“ His eyes soon came to notice the light radiating off of him. “Gah!” he shouted in panic, ripping his hands away from gripping the railing. They came away leaving hand-shaped indents in the metal.  </p><p>“Steven, what - what did I do?”</p><p>Swallowing, his neon blush faded. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t m-mean to do that. I’m - I just-“ He sighed. Looking straight into her eyes, he spoke. “… I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same way.”</p><p>
  <i>S n a p.</i>
</p><p>Something broke inside Spinel.</p><p>She stilled. Spinel had been shaking up until those words were said, and yet those words - those horrible, <i>horrible</i> words - caused her to go completely motionless. She was pretty sure every other part of her body had stopped operating: her brain, her lungs, her heart. The last, she felt break into thousands of pieces.</p><p>Somehow, she regained control. Yet she still felt detatched. “. . . What do you mean?”</p><p>“I don’t - I don’t love you like that. I just see you as a friend.”</p><p>There was silence. Spinel couldn’t muster any will to speak. Everything - <i>everything</i> - felt like it was crashing down. All of her senses felt caulked up. A myriad of emotions battled for control over her mind, quickly chasing out her feelings of shame and shock and removing her attention from what Steven was saying.</p><p>“You’re a great person, Spinel -“</p><p>
  <i>Confusion.</i>
</p><p>“- but I already love somebody else. Please don’t take -“ </p><p>
  <i>Sadness.</i>
</p><p>“- it personally or anything. You, you are really cute and -“</p><p>
  <i>Betrayal.</i>
</p><p>“- all, and have an amazing personality, but I don’t -“</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>R a g e.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>“No.” Spinel shook her head, not out of response to what Steven was saying. “No no no no, no.”</p><p>He blinked. “Spinel -“</p><p>“<b><i>NO!</i></b>” she shrieked. Her pupils had turned into layers of pink rings. “<b><i>Why?!</i> Why don’tcha love me?!</b> I did <i>everything</i> you asked!! I-I went to Little Homeschool, I learned to stop hatin’ myself - I made you happy! Tell me what to do, what to be like, and I’ll do it!”</p><p>Steven looked taken aback. “I-I asked you to do that because I wanted <i>you</i> to be happy, not me!”</p><p>“The fucking reason why I wanted to better myself was because of <i>you!</i>” she sobbed. “<b><i>You</i> made me want to be better!</b> Not - not because I actually believed I deserved to be better, but because I was <i>selfish</i> and <i><b>stupid</b></i> enough to think that’d be enough for you to love me!”</p><p>“Spin-”</p><p>“A-And I thought, I thought it would all stop, <i>hurting</i>, once I was better.” She sniffled. “<i>I just wanted it to stop hurtin’,</i>” she whimpered, her voice an octave higher. Steven moved to comfort her when her voice once again turned low and explosive. “But it <i>hasn’t!</i> It still <i><b>fucking hurts!!</b></i>”</p><p>Even with her eyes scrunched up, tears still managed to slide down her cheeks. Spinel hugged herself tightly without knowing why. “I’m - *<i>hic</i>*… I’m not gonna get better, am I? I haven’t gotten better at all.”</p><p>“No, no, Spinel,” Steven tried reassuring, “you‘ve gotten better!”</p><p>Spinel shook her head, eyes still closed. “Shut up,” she moaned. “I just… fucking <i>tricked</i> myself into thinkin’ that. I tricked everyone. I tricked <i>you</i>.”</p><p>He continued talking, trying go dispel her toxic thinking, yet Spinel didn’t register a word of it. Her mind was running with so many thoughts that it felt blank. One managed to poke out of the quagmire. It came from deep, deep down, bringing with it a sickening sense of satisfied validation. <i>You were right</i>, it told her. <i>Eventually he was gonna break your heart. Eventually the facade you built was gonna come crashing down in a blazing inferno</i>.</p><p>Even with that thought reaching the forefront of her brain, her mind was still a buzzing mess. It didn’t even feel like it was slowing down; rather it was just getting faster and <i>faster</i>. More thoughts and more emotions were flooding her conscience, bringing only more tears and more sobs. It was suffocating.</p><p>She had to get out of there.</p><p>Their passenger car had just passed its apex when Spinel roughly stood up. Not even bothering to respond to Steven’s objections, she coiled her legs into springs and jumped. She could hear the jolting of metal from the ride as she flew through the air, haphazardly landing just outside Funland.</p><p>Without waiting to steady herself, she ran. She knew Steven must be following her, yet she didn’t know how close he was. It felt like she was in a dream; she seemed too slow, too clumsy, too languid in her movements. No matter how hard, how desperately she ran, she didn’t seem to get far enough away from the demons pursuing her.</p><p>Her feet pounded into the beach, kicking up specks of sand. She panted, out of breath from both running and crying. </p><p>Spinel needed somewhere to hide. Some sanctuary to shield herself away in to wallow in peace. The first place that came to mind was her room. That place always felt safe to her. But thinking about it now, its sacredness became sullied, tainted. Didn’t the Gems give her a room because they thought she deserved it? She didn’t deserve any of their generosity. Only pain. And boy, was she getting her fix of it right now. Even as she was selfishly trying to flee from it, instead of accepting what she deserved.</p><p>Tears fell into the sand as she sped past the beach house.</p><p>Where she was running to, she didn’t know.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Steven: hey glad to know i was actually useful for something recently</p><p>Spinel, thinking: Oh Shit He Loves Me</p><p>-</p><p>Man, I’ve been looking forward to this chapter for a long time! I hope you liked it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Spinel Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel tries toughing it out.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heavy footfalls accompanied the sound of ragged breathing, along with the creaking of wooden planks. Steven bounded his way up the porch stairs two at a time. God, this was a mess. He had lost sight of Spinel by the time he made it out of Funland, with no clue where she could’ve gone. She could’ve followed along the beach, or she could’ve fled into the forest, or she could’ve gone down the road and into who knows where. Steven had no clue, and it would be a waste of time guessing where to follow after. With that sickening realization, he shamefully decided he needed help. </p><p>Man… he needs <i>other</i> people to help solve <i>his</i> mistake. Doesn’t that sound fucking familiar. </p><p>His hand slammed into the screen door, throwing it open rather roughly. “<i>Guys!</i> *<i>pant</i>* I - Spinel -“</p><p>The sight of the others’ expressions made him cut off. Garnet appeared to have been pacing, as she paused mid-step to look at him. Even without her eyes visible Steven could tell she had on a troubled expression, her mouth drawn into a tight line. Sitting on the coffee table was Amethyst, who had a disgruntled, powerless look on her face. Pearl - Pearl looked <i>terrified</i>. She raced toward Steven, her eyes wide and strained with worry.</p><p>“Where’s Spinel?!” she demanded, quickly grabbing him by the shoulders. “What happened to her!?”</p><p>At first, Steven was taken aback by how fretful they were over Spinel. Did she come over here before he did? Taking one appraising look over at Garnet, however, it all clicked. Seeing the fusion nod grimly confirmed Steven’s notion that Garnet knew what just transpired. Why she didn’t tell him before it all went down… well, he could be mad about that later. Right now he had to help people.</p><p>“She - she told me that, she loved me, and when I - when I said I didn’t feel the same, she ran off,” he stuttered. Swallowing, he continued. “I don’t know where she is.”</p><p>Tucking her arms to her chest, Pearl stifled down a gasp as Garnet huffed. “I was hoping it wouldn’t turn out this bad.”</p><p>Amethyst scoffed, turning to look at her. “Well, how <i>would’ja</i> wanted this to turn out if ya didn’t even bother telling him?”</p><p>“There was no future where Spinel didn’t confess to Steven,” Garnet explained. She looked towards Steven. “You and Spinel both would’ve preferred it if I didn’t  tell you her feelings prematurely.”</p><p>Well, the rational side of Steven had to admit, that <i>did</i> make a bit of sense. Still, he pursed his lips at the thought of Garnet keeping something like that hidden from him. He quickly dispelled that expression, however, once his mind told him that that was a selfish way to think.</p><p>Pearl was wringing her hands like a madman. “Oh Stars, oh Stars, she - she could be <i>anywhere!</i> C-Cold and alone, and - how many human gangs are there around here?!”</p><p>“It’ll be alright, Pearl,” Garnet reassured, stepping towards her. “Here, we’ll call Lapis to come help.” The idea of there being more hands on deck placated Pearl a smidge.</p><p>It had the opposite effect on Steven, however. “What! No, no! We - we don’t need to rope more people into this!” he argued nervously.</p><p>“Why not?” Amethyst reasoned. “The more, the merrier.”</p><p>“We can find her on our own just fine! Like, I could go check nearby towns, you could search in -“</p><p>“<i>Steven</i>.” Steven stopped talking once Pearl spoke to him in a surprisingly firm and steely tone. “I <i>can’t</i> have another one of my babies go missing again.” She swallowed. “I can’t.”</p><p>His will to try and fight his own fight crumbled. He sighed. “I’ll call Lapis.”</p><p>A quick phone call later and a certain blue gem made landfall onto the porch. Opening the door with the same intensity as Steven did, she barged inside. “What are we doing? What’s the plan?” she demanded, not wanting to waste any time wondering what exactly had transpired. He told her that Spinel had confessed her feelings and ran off due to being rejected. That was enough. </p><p>“We’re all gonna fan out and look for her,” Steven decreed. “Now, I’m pretty sure she went north, so -“</p><p>“Actually, Steven” Garnet began, sharing glances with Pearl and Amethyst, who both had looks of agreement on them, “we think it’s best Pearl and Lapis go searching for her.”</p><p>He looked stunned. “What!?” Steven exclaimed, sounding like a fireman being told he couldn’t do his job. “Why?!”</p><p>Pearl huffed. “Steven, we don’t have time for this!”</p><p>“No!” he shot back, a bit harsher than he intended to. “Why can’t I help solve the problem that <i>I</i> created?”</p><p>“That’s exactly it, Steven,” Garnet said, bringing a hand to her shades. “You can apologize to her later, but her seeing <i>you</i> right now in such a volatile state wouldn’t be the best for her.”</p><p>Lapis sighed. “Yeah, Garnet’s right with this one. No offense, but she needs someone else to talk to right now.”</p><p>Steven appeared ready to challenge their reasoning, but Pearl was already making her way towards Lapis. “Do you have any idea where she might be, Garnet?”</p><p>The fusion let her hand fall from her visor. “She could be in Ocean Town, the forest south of it, or its beach.”</p><p>“Alright. Let’s get to it,” Lapis said, not answering Steven’s sounds of protest as she sprouted her wings and Pearl shapeshifted into a canary. “Sorry, Steven.” With that, they flew out the door and into the rapidly darkening sky.</p><p>Amethyst wasn’t even in the mood to laugh at the sight of Bird Mom shapeshifting into an actual bird. As she and Lapis left, the purple gem hopped up from the coffee table and walked over to Steven. She brought an arm around his shoulder, drawing him closer to her. “It’ll be fine, buddy. Let’s take a chill pill.”</p><p>At first, Steven refused to budge. His mind was solely focused on the crushing sense of complete and utter <i>failure</i> that was weighing down on him like a boulder. God . . . he didn’t used to be so worthless. He used to be everybody’s rock. He used to be able to help people. Now, now it just seems so <i>hard</i>. Is it him? Is he losing his touch? It has to be; everyone’s moving on with their lives, and Steven’s still stuck in his archaic ways. And he keeps <i>hurting</i> people.</p><p>He felt sick. A queasiness began building in his gut as he thought about what he did to Spinel. Her - how <i>devastated</i> she looked. The way her frame shook as it was racked by sobs. Steven couldn’t remember hearing her cry like that, ever. All because of him. God, what type of person was he? He was nothing but a monst-</p><p>“Steven?”</p><p>Blink. He glanced over. Amethyst was looking at him with an impatient sort of concern. “C’mon man, let’s sit down.”</p><p>He sighed, it coming out more like a huff. “…Fine.”</p>
<hr/><p>Haggard breathing sounded alongside frantic sprinting and pine needles being crunched underfoot. Spinel didn’t care if she was well enough away from Beach City by now, she <i>had</i> to keep running. She had to get away. Yet not even her own body wanted her to accomplish this, as she felt her lungs tighten up and her movements become more sluggish the longer she ran.</p><p>Eventually her stamina was drained completely dry, and Spinel fell to the forest floor in a disgraceful heap. She curled up into a ball and resumed wailing. Yet she couldn’t even cry; her tear ducts felt like they had shriveled away, its reservoir completely spent. Her sobs came out tearless then, barely resembling anything more than dry-heaves at that point. </p><p>Still, her bodily pain paled in comparison to her emotional torment. That itself made it feel like her body was unraveling. She felt disgusting, sickening, like something that needed to be hidden away. Above all, she felt like such a <i>dumbass</i> for letting herself live in a fantasy world. How could she let herself think he’d love her back? She practically collapsed at everything thrown in her way. She was completely pitiful, completely hopeless. Of course he wouldn’t love her! If anything, he should be revolted by her!</p><p>She could feel such thoughts slowly consume her, a creeping tar spreading over her. Not even the thoughts she trained herself to think - ones that said she was worth it, she wasn’t a burden, she was better - were effective against what she was feeling right then. What was the point of trying anymore? All their power had been zapped away once Steven said those fateful words. Words that finally made her escape la la land and see herself for who she really is: forever fucked-up. A joke that would never be funny enough. A broken toy that needed to hide away not for its sake, but for others’ as well. They couldn’t put up with her forever, even if they tricked themselves into thinking it would be worth it.</p><p>It’s for their own good. It’s for <i>her</i> own good.</p><p>Swallowing, Spinel untucked herself from lying in a fetal position. She rolled onto her back, staring up into the canopy. Here in the forest, no one could hurt her. A calm wind caused some of the leaves to rustle, disrupting the otherwise tranquil nighttime air. Beyond the branches laid the wide, inky backdrop of space.</p><p>
  <i>Geez, Lapis would love this.</i>
</p><p>A dull shot of pain throbbed within her stomach. Spinel shook her head, trying to get rid of that feeling of shame and - and loneliness. Damnit, she’s been alone for only ten minutes! And she’s already feeling like that!? Fuck, wasn’t she a <i>mess</i>. Had she always been that needy? She’d been alone plenty of times before, like when she was in her room or in the bathroom or whatever. Now, for some fucking reason, it feels like when she was in the G-</p><p>No, no, <i>stop. Not okay.</i> She sat up, the movement jerky and powered only by her rising anxiety. This wasn’t good. Looking around, the quiet forest had lost its appeal. Now its tranquility just appeared fake. Suffocating. </p><p>Spinel rubbed her eyes, dragging side of her hand down her cheeks. She took it away to see it smudged with black. Her mascara was running again.</p><p><i>Heh</i>. Just like old times.</p>
<hr/><p>The teen trudged her way through the forest, her arms drawn tightly around herself. Moving helped. Moving helped prevent the inner demons from completely taking over. Even if that idea was oddly tempting. Just to completely submit, to lie down in the dirt and let the Earth reclaim her. Yet something inside told her not to, told her to keep on going. Spinel didn’t know whether that was coming from human instinct or any last remaining vestiges of her healthy mindset.</p><p>After a while, Spinel approached the fringes of the woods. Through the trees she could spot a small town, one that looked a bit similar in size and layout to Beach City. Passing through sounded nice right then. As much as she was tempted to at most stay there the night, she knew she shouldn’t. She didn’t want to risk getting attached to anything.</p><p>Spinel exited the forest and began trekking along a sidewalk. It was dark, and yet she could still see people out and about. Some guy walking his dogs, a woman arriving home from work. The further Spinel traveled away from the suburbs and into the beachfront stores, the more people she saw. Couples walking along the boardwalk, teenagers galavanting around shops, groups clustered around fire pits on the beach.</p><p>There were people all around her. Yet she still felt so <i>alone</i>. </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>She kept walking. Couldn’t be for her, anyways.</p><p>“Hey, red-haired girl!”</p><p>Spinel froze. Her head whipped towards the beach. Five pairs of eyes were staring at her from a campfire twenty yards away. They were all snickering. Oh shit, what did she do? How did she make herself look like a dumbass this ti-</p><p>“You <i>seriously</i> called her ‘red-haired girl’?” a girl said, chucking, while jabbing a guy next to her with her elbow.</p><p>The guy threw up his arms. “Well how else was I gonna get her attention?!”</p><p>“Fuckin’ <i>three</i>-head,” a second guy chuckled. He turned back to Spinel. “Hey - ya wanna join us?”</p><p>Spinel felt a weight drop in her stomach. These - these complete <i>strangers</i> were inviting her over to them. To what? Hang out? She - no, she didn’t want to do that! Sooner or later they’ll find out who she is, what she’s like, and then they ditch her the second they get!</p><p>“We got marshmallows!” another girl said, waving a bag of the white treats.</p><p>Boy, were <i>they</i> being stupid. Happiness, the warm feelings of being in the company of “friends” - they were all <i>lies</i>. Yet these idiots still had hope. The teen could tell that they wouldn’t back down easily. Well, if they were being so recklessly insistent . . . </p><p>. . . she might as well show them why they needed to face the music.</p><p>Her face still looking disgruntled, she turned and walked towards them. That caused a sort of uproar among the group, with one girl laughing to another, “Oh my fuck, did you actually get her to come over with marshmallows!?” They created a space in the circle for her to sit in, and she plopped down into it like a sack of rocks.</p><p>“Heya!” a guy with strikingly blond hair said, his arm wrapped around a girl. “What’s your name?”</p><p>“Spinel.”</p><p>“Nice! Mine’s Ty,” he grinned welcomingly.</p><p>“I’m Naomi,” the thin, blonde girl under his arm said. Spinel bristled at that name.</p><p>“I’m Ellie,” a brunette chuckled, this one being the girl holding the bag of marshmallows.</p><p>“Jerome,” a stocky guy said, Spinel recognizing his voice as the one that called her ‘red-haired girl.’</p><p>“My name’s Penelope,” the last girl smiled, by far the shortest and most petite out of them all.</p><p>“Haven’t seen you around here,” Ellie commented, jamming her fist into the marshmallow bag. She tossed Spinel a treat. “You a tourist? Or are you new here?”</p><p>Spinel caught it, barely even flinching (only just a bit). That was… a nice gesture. She took a moment to glance at the campfire snack in her hand, gently squeezing it to feel its softness and fresh quality. They almost felt as good as the time Steven and her roasted -</p><p><i>Stop.</i> Eyes squinting closed, her fist clenched the marshmallow until it became a sticky mess on her hand. Ignoring the regret from making that decision (<i>You fucking dumbass! You made yourself look like a freak!</i>) , Spinel’s glowering eyes shot towards Ellie’s direction. “S’that what you always ask the people you drag over here?”</p><p>Noticing the lowness in Spinel’s voice, Penelope frowned. “What’s your problem?” she admonished, sounding brave despite her stature. “We just wanna hang out with you.”</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Jerome butted in, directing most of his words towards Spinel. “Look, it’s - if we made you uncomfortable or anything, we didn’t mean to,” he said, sounding a bit apologetic.</p><p>“Yeah, uh,” Ty agreed, “if ya don’t wanna be here, that’s cool.” The others gave nods and murmurings of agreement.</p><p>Spinel could laugh. “Oh, so <i>now</i> you’re deciding I’m a threat? Took you that long?”</p><p>“The fu- no! We’re not saying that!” Naomi argued.</p><p>“It’d be fuckin’ smart to,” Spinel insinuated. “You don’t know who I am, what I’m like, what I’m capable of!” She stood up abruptly, leering over the others as they shrunk back. “You don’t know how fucked up I am! Whose to say I might <i>hurt</i> one of you, or become <i>obsessed</i> with one of you! Why are you stupid enough to take the risk?!”</p><p>Spinel felt the bolts of righteous energy electrify her veins, like a preacher giving a fiery sermon. Yet looking at all their scared and shocked faces, a twinge of embarrassment and shame struck within her. But she made an attempt to swallow it down, to chase that feeling away. Because damnit, these people needed to learn. They needed to learn not to give people like her a chance. </p><p>Yet that feeling still nagged at her. A small, dying part of her was begging for her she to stop, that this wasn’t the right thing for her to do. But, that’s just what it was: dying. And boy, was it dying fast.</p><p>“Holy shit, calm down!” Ellie exclaimed after Spinel’s outburst.</p><p>“The fuck’s a matter with you?” Penelope found herself saying kind of harshly.</p><p>Spinel spun towards her, her eyes wide and face contorted with an un-bottled rage. “<i><b>I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong with me!!</b></i> I don’t need to <i>sleep</i>, I don’t need to <i>eat</i>, I spent most of my life with someone who I practically worshipped as <i>God</i>, only for her to <i>leave</i> me to wither away all alone! I can’t trust anybody because my brain’s become a big <i>fuckin’</i> mess, I keep hurting those I actually <i>care</i> about, I fooled myself into thinking people saw me as something more than a charity case, and I’m just <b>so! <i>Fucking!</i> Tired of it!!</b>”</p><p>A new voice entered the scene. “Hey, what’s going on he-“</p><p>“<b><i>FUCK OFF!!!</i></b>”</p><p>Spinel whirled around and sank her fist inside somebody’s gut, sending them flying back into a trash can along the boardwalk. Even in the nighttime darkness, Spinel could make out the yellow star on their black uniform.</p><p>Golly, didn’t that just tickle Spinel. She punched a cop. She sent one flying at least forty feet into a bunch of trash, probably knocking the wind out of them completely. And she laughed. She laughed because that, that felt <i>great!</i> That felt so satisfying, so rewarding! It happened instantly too, with no talking or planning to talk or any of that bullshit! What the fuck has she been doing this whole time? Trying to treat a hemorrhage with a bandaid, that’s what. One thats bleeding wasn’t gonna stop. She knew there was no use in trying to delay the inevitable. Better to submit to these inhibitions while it was her choice to decide.</p><p><b>Burn</b>, baby, <b><i>burn</i></b>.</p><p>She heard the group’s sounds of shock behind her once she hit that officer, giving her a downright venomous sense of gratification. A fire well-away at burning inside her, she turned back towards the teens, ready to show them the fireworks.
</p><p>“<i>What the hell are you doing!?</i>”</p><p>“Something I shoulda done a <i>long</i> time ago!”</p><p>And then she heard the flapping of wings.
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Help Arrives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lapis and Pearl talk to Spinel.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love having Spinel and Lapis’ relation not only being one of mutual connection and friendship but also having Lapis be that one meme where it’s like “I will show you… how to love.”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lapis Lazuli and Pearl touched down a few yards away, the latter changing out of bird form. “Spinel! Stop!”</p><p>Seeing them here, <i>now</i>, Spinel froze up. It wasn’t an ashamed sort of tensing up, like a child would be at being discovered by their parents doing something naughty. She wasn’t ashamed. In the swirling, confusing sludge of her mind, anger managed to stick out the most. Anger that they were really attempting to try and talk her down. Probably trying to get her to come back <s>home</s> to the beach house as well. Well, there was no way in hell that was going to happen. </p><p>
  <i>This flame’s staying lit aaalll night.</i>
</p><p>“Or <i>what?</i>” she challenged, snorting. “You gonna fight me? You gonna make me cry uncle? Oh wait, no you won’t! Because I tricked you into liking me!” she growled, the anger in her tone lacking a clear target. Herself, or them? “Sorry to tell ya this, but you’re <i>shit outta luck!</i>”</p><p>“Spinel -” Lapis began, her mind just having finished up comprehending the sight of a bunch of scared teenagers and an officer lying amongst some trash cans. “We’re not going to fight you. Look, let’s - let’s just sit down and we can talk -”</p><p>“Talk?” Spinel restated, finding that just hilarious. “You want to talk? Sorry to burst your bubble there Lapis, but - but I’m <i>done</i> talkin’!” She enlarged her fist. “This -” Her fist plunged into a nearby lamppost, sending it crashing down into the pavement. “- is makin’ me feel the greatest I’ve felt in a while! All without any of that F.I.W.W.Y bullshit! None of that’s gonna work on me now!” she said, sounding rabid.</p><p>“This isn’t going to make you feel better, Spinel!” Pearl said. “You know this is wrong! It’ll just make you feel worse!” The gem looked beseechingly into the girl’s eyes. “I’m sorry you had to go through that with Steven. I understand you’re in a lot of pain right now.”</p><p>—<i>“Listen to me, Spinel! I understand! After everything you've been through, you must be in a lot of pain!”</i>—</p><p>Wasn’t that just a broken fucking record. “Shut up! I don’t wanna hear it! <i>NOTHING</i> you say will work! I’m too far gone! I’ve - I’ve <i>ALWAYS</i> been too far gone!” </p><p>Spinel’s blood was vibrating. Yet even as she felt the fire lace her tongue, Spinel felt herself beginning to run on fumes. The electricity coursing through her body threatened to fizzle out any second. She could tell her anger highs weren’t as powerful as they once were. Which is why she just had to not think about that. <i>Focus. Focus on how good, how <b>righteous</b> you feel right now.</i></p><p>Lapis and Pearl both had varying degrees of worry on their faces. “Oh, Spinel…” Pearl whimpered. “Please, let us help you.”</p><p>The gem stepped forward, causing Spinel to flinch despite herself. Damnit, why did she do that?! Sh-She’s not scared! She’s… she’s… </p><p>…God, she didn’t know anymore. <i>Was</i> she scared? Scared of them? Scared of herself? Or was she just angry? Or sad? Or maybe she was just a cocktail of all those as well as every other negative emotion she could think of? Her mind was choked with too many thoughts, constantly shifting. Gah, why was she so indecisive when it came to how she felt!?</p><p>Noticing how Spinel flinched, Pearl raised up her hands. “It’s okay. We’re here to help.”</p><p>Well, didn’t that just prove Spinel right. Because right after Pearl did that, Spinel’s confliction instantly reverted back into fury. “You think I’m some scared little animal?” she growled, then forcibly barking out a laugh. “Isn’t that <i>rich!</i> Tell me Pearl, who was it that set you back to default settings? Oh yeah, ME!” she snarled, that disappearing part of her feeling ashamed for telling that to Pearl.</p><p>Said gem moved with a start for a moment, but quickly regained her focus. “Spinel, I don’t think that at all. You - you’re in a distressed state right now. You need help.” She gestured to herself and Lapis. “We can help you. You <i>deserve</i> the help.”</p><p>They weren’t listening. Spinel was just talking to two brick walls. She has - she needs to <i>show</i> them why she doesn’t deserve their kindness. She needs to show them that they’ve been living in a lie.</p><p>She enlarged her fist again. “Pearl. I’m warnin’ you.”</p><p>Pearl momentarily looked horrified, until Lapis spoke up. “You won’t,” she said as she too stepped forward, not in a challenging manner but one that was calling her out. “I <i>know</i> you won’t.”</p><p>Spinel wanted to shoot that statement down. To say something like, “stop acting like you think you know me!” But refuting it would just be an invitation for them to weaken her resolve. </p><p>Lapis had called her bluff, clear as day. Spinel really did want to knock some sense into them both, honest. And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to throw a punch. The vanishing voice inside her had paused its death to remind her of all the pleasant memories she had with them. Pearl acting like her own mother, cooking for her and hugging her tight and tidying up her room. Lapis becoming her best friend, watching memes and exploring nature and talking about their feelings. She . . . she really couldn’t do it. Realizing that was less frustrating than it was <i>terrifying.</i></p><p>She had become all bark and no bite. She was powerless. She was pathetic. She was <i>scared.</i></p><p>“Please,” Pearl implored. “Let’s go somewhere where we can -“</p><p>“<i>Freeze!</i>”</p><p>Spinel whirled around towards the command, eager to focus on anything else. Yet a whole new fear became added to her system. The cop she whupped earlier was up now, pointing a black object at her with one arm. That was called a “taser,” Spinel was pretty sure.</p><p>The cop was breathing heavily, clutching her chest with her other arm. “Do-Don’t move!”</p><p>This was all too much.</p><p>“O-Officer, wait,” Pearl objected. “She’s going through something at the moment. If she caused you any difficulty, I assure you -“</p><p>
  <b></b>
  <i>*SPROING!*</i>
</p><p>Quick as a flash - quicker than anybody could realize - Spinel coiled her legs into springs and launched herself high into the night sky. Pearl and Lapis watched in horror as she was rapidly soaring away from them, poised to land somewhere in Ocean Town’s suburbs.</p><p>“Damnit!” Lapis spread out her wings and immediately took flight after her. Pearl swiftly abandoned her attempt at placating the policewoman and followed, jumping up and leaping from surface to surface in pursuit.</p><p>“Hey! STOP!” the officer yelled after them. Realizing they weren’t paying attention, she spoke into her radio. “I got an assault on a police officer in Ocean Town, possibly - scratch that, <i>definitely</i> Gem-oriented. Need backup.” Letting go of the radio, she turned towards the teens. “Y’alright?”</p><p>Ellie stared at where she last saw Spinel. “. . . What the fuck just happened?”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel landed in somebody’s backyard, pretty much flattening some poor kid’s playhouse. Yet the sound of crunching plastic was nothing when compared to the thrumming in her ears. </p><p>Everything was going wrong. How - how fucking <i>dare</i> they come in and make Spinel feel like shit! Dragging her down from being on top! They… no, no. Son of a bitch, she couldn’t even convince herself that it was all their fault! Not even coming from a place deep down, she knew this was all because of her own foolishness, her own stupidity. </p><p>“<i>Spinel!</i>”</p><p>Oh, great. Guess who’s back to remind her of that. “No!” Dashing up, she bounded over the fence into an adjacent backyard just before Lapis could try grabbing her.</p><p>Only for her to see Pearl jump down close by. “Spinel, wait a second!”</p><p>“STOP IT!” she shrieked. “I’m bad for you! Stay <i>away</i> from me!” The teen sprung up onto the top of the house, beginning to leap-frog from rooftop to rooftop.</p><p>They still pursued her. “That’s not true, Spinel!” Pearl called as she followed in her footsteps. “You’ve learned that!”</p><p>“That‘s all a <i>lie!</i>” Spinel thudded onto another roof. “I-I just tricked all of ya! I tricked <i>myself!</i>” She felt like a gazelle being hunted by a pair of lionesses; adrenaline was bursting out of her as she sped desperately to safety, constantly trying to be one step ahead of her pursuers. Her body could feel itself rapidly losing energy, though, but she knew she had to keep running. She couldn’t, <i>couldn’t</i>, let them catch up to her.</p><p>“It’s not a lie! You haven’t tricked anyone!” Lapis argued from above.</p><p>She didn’t respond. Even under the uncertainty of night, Spinel could tell she was quickly running out of houses. The trees of the surrounding forest were growing closer and closer. Maybe she could lose them in there.</p><p>
  <i>Hurry hurry hurry h u r r y.</i>
</p><p>Spinel landed onto the roof of a house at the edge of the suburbs, with only a seemingly endless ensemble of trees awaiting her. A bitter part of her joked that she’d come full circle; here she was, fleeing into the woods again, her life doomed to repeat a cycle of pain and fear. With one great jump, one last exertion of her energy, she leapt into the forest.</p><p>Only to be tackled before she could even make landfall.</p><p>Lapis, having seized hold of her from behind, spun herself and Spinel around so that she hit the ground first. Wow. She cushioned her fall. How fucking <i>nice</i> of her.</p><p>“<i>Please</i> Spinel!” Lapis begged, struggling to hold her.</p><p>“NO!” she yelled as she writhed in her constraints. Her throat felt congested as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “LET GO’A ME!” she cried.</p><p>Despite Lapis’ superhuman strength, Spinel’s frenzied movement and desperate ferocity caused her to momentarily slip. That was all the time Spinel needed, however, to break free and scramble further into the forest.</p><p>
  <i>Don’t think run faster don’t think run faster don’t -</i>
</p><p>She barely made it ten feet when Pearl flew into her. Grabbing her tight, they both tumbled into the dirt as a result of the gem’s momentum.</p><p>“<i>Grk!</i> Spinel!”</p><p>The teen was openly sobbing now. Like a fucking child. “STO-O-OP! Puh-<i>please</i>, stop!” She tried wriggling again, but she was too weak to go on. All her energy had been drained. Any remnants were now being spent on crying, pushing out the few tears that she had built back up. Physically, at least, she was wiped. But she wasn’t going down without a fight.</p><p>“You need to <i>breath</i>, Spinel,” Lapis ushered as she reached her hand out towards the girl, having come over to kneel beside them.</p><p>Spinel had finally stopped struggling, the frenzied creature having finally been pacified. Literally, Pearl was holding Spinel like she was a fucking wild animal about to be tagged. Wasn’t that uplifting. “You - you need to <i>stop</i> tryin’ to help me. I’m, *<i>sniff</i>*, not worth it.”</p><p>Lapis . . . didn’t say anything. Hand frozen in air, she looked up at Pearl with searching eyes. She turned away for a moment, tucking her lips in as she thought, before returning her gaze to Spinel as she lowered her hand. “Do you want a hug?”</p><p>She blinked. Her mouth opened, though no words came out for a couple seconds. “What?”</p><p>Lapis stared at her momentarily before replying. “If Pearl let you go, would it be okay for me to hug you?”</p><p>“Lapis -” Pearl began, only to be silenced by the other gem’s confident stare.</p><p>Spinel didn’t know what to say. This was… different. Her racing mind felt like it slowed down a bit, the offer of a hug being enticing enough to have her focus on that. Even the thoughts swimming through her brain - the ones telling her she wasn’t worthy, the ones screaming fight or flight instincts at her - were put on pause. </p><p>“…Okay.”</p><p>Pearl slowly let go of her. Spinel stayed still for a moment, finally realizing that she could actually bolt right then. And yet her eyes were glued to Lapis, sitting patiently right in front of her. She leaned forward, falling into her awaiting embrace. The water gem’s lithe arms wrapped snugly around her body, and Spinel let out a sigh she didn’t know she had in her.</p><p>That sigh was followed by sobs. </p><p>It felt good. The hug felt <i>so good.</i> Loving warmth was just radiating off of Lapis, melting the bitter coldness in the girl’s soul. Equally warm was the presence of Pearl behind her, who had summoned a toilet paper roll from her gem for the teen to use freely. Rubbing away her tear streaks and runny mascara marks, it felt like she was in a sandwich of comfort. Spinel pressed her face further into Lapis’ chest as she shook, craving more of the oh-so-addicting feeling. </p><p>“I-I don’t - why, *<i>hic</i>*, why’re you -”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” Lapis assured after a quarter minute of crying. “We’re here. We’re here for you.”</p><p>Another hand fell onto Spinel’s back. “Breath with me, Spinel,” Pearl instructed with a maternal tone, hearing the teen’s choked and haggard breathing. “In, two, three, four… out, two, three, four.”</p><p>After a couple breathing reps, Spinel had calmed down enough so that only sniffles and the occasional whimper broke out. Man, did she need that. Yet even that relieving feeling was bittersweet. Once the euphoria of it all died down, she was stuck thinking once again about how undeserving she was of it.</p><p>“Why are you doing this?” she spoke into Lapis’ chest, voice muffled.</p><p>“Because we care for you, Spinel,” Pearl answered. </p><p>She sniffled. “You keep sayin’ that, but… but how do….” She grumbled, frustrated at her lacking ability to articulate her thoughts. She pulled herself away from Lapis, sitting between her and Pearl. “How do I know you’re being sincere? How - how do I know you’re not putting up an act? Or I’m tricking you into being this way?”</p><p>“I told you, you’re not tricking us,” Lapis reassured, her voice earnest in a calm way. “And we’re not lying to you. Why would we have stepped out of our way and built you a room, hung out with you, if we weren’t being sincere?”</p><p>“That’s exactly what Pink did.”</p><p>Lapis blanched. Her eyes quickly darted up to meet Pearl’s, who took the reigns of the conversation. “Rose…,” she sighed, “she really did like you. She cherished her playdates with you. During times when her and I were alone, she’d lament over wanting you there to spice things up. You meant a lot to her, Spinel.”</p><p>“Yeah, so it makes perfect sense why she’d go and abandon me then,” she snarked. “You don’t - you don’t <i>do</i> that to people you love.… right?” she asked, her voice sounding a bit smallish towards the end.</p><p>“No. You don’t,” Pearl answered with a firm resolve. “Rose wasn’t perfect. Far from it. And - though that doesn’t excuse what she did to you, it….” She trailed off, trying to pick her words carefully. “It wasn’t right. It was terrible. I shouldn’t… I won’t try and make excuses for her. For me.”</p><p>Hearing that honest, self-correcting statement, Spinel couldn’t stop herself from feeling bitter. “Don’t stress it. I don’t deserve any of that niceness.” </p><p>“Spinel,” Lapis began, sounding the teensiest bit exasperated, “You know - you <i>know</i> - that you do. All of this is just a setback -”</p><p>“This isn’t a <i>setback</i>,” Spinel spat. “It’s a wake-up call.” She huffed out a chuckle in disbelief. “How have I fooled myself - fooled <i>everyone</i> - for <i>this long?</i>”</p><p>“What makes you think that?” Pearl asked.</p><p>Spinel didn’t have an immediate answer. “I - I’m just not worth it.” Man, did that sound convincing. How could she convince them? How could she get them to open their eyes to the truth?</p><p>“What <i>made</i> you think that?”</p><p>Spinel blinked, looking over to Lapis. “Huh?”</p><p>The gem looked at her knowingly. “You were doing so well before today - minus a couple hiccups. You’ve spent months learning that you <i>are</i> worth it, you <i>are</i> a good person. And now you’re just throwing it away all because of what happened with Steven? Do you really think all the time you spent growing was a fluke?”</p><p>“It - it’s not like that,” Spinel argued, feeling the base of her reasoning crumble.</p><p>“What if it is?”</p><p>The teenager opened her mouth, only to seize up once she realized she had nothing. It didn’t help that Lapis’ logic made a bit of sense. Her brain <i>was</i> notoriously fucked up, after all… what if this thinking was a result of that? But, but she was sure that part was right! Just about every inch of her told her so!</p><p>Before Spinel could think up of something to refute Lapis’ claim, said gem leaned forward ever so slightly as she took Spinel’s hands in her’s. “I get it, y’know. Right now, you’re feeling <i>really</i> bad. And it’s okay to feel like that; you’re feelings matter. But, this isn’t the end of the world. This doesn’t undo everything. And I know you don’t want to give that up.”</p><p>Spinel wanted to accept that. She really did. Yet, she squinted her eyes closed as if she was in pain. “Don’tcha get it?” Spinel opened her eyes, looking at Lapis imploringly. “I <i>have</i> to. I don’t deserve it. I-I just keep messin’ up. Messin’ up <i>bad</i>. I’m never gonna be good enough.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be good enough for us to like you,” Pearl told her tenderly.</p><p>“But I have to be <i>good!</i>” Spinel argued, taking her hands away from Lapis and turning towards the other gem. “How can I be good if I keep messing up!?”</p><p>“Messing up doesn’t make you a bad person,” Lapis reminded. “After everything you’ve been through, after all the people you’ve met, you know that. Plus, you try and make up for it every time.”</p><p>That minuscule (yet growing) voice told her to agree with Lapis, and she couldn’t stop herself from doing so, unlike last time. It was something Lapis told her in, like, every F.I.W.W.Y session. Something that she found herself gradually growing accustomed to thinking. She sighed, reaccepting the idea. “I know that. But it - it’s not enough.” Her voice turned small as she tucked her limbs closer to herself. “It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for him.”</p><p>Pearl looked at her sympathetically, recognizing the flaw in her argument. “That’s not how love works. You don’t <i>make</i> someone love you.”</p><p>Spinel felt her heart drop. Wide eyes spun towards the gem. “You - you don’t?”</p><p>“No,” Pearl answered. “I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. Love isn’t something that’s forced. It’s…,” she began, only to stop as she recognized she reached her limits. “Well, you should probably talk to Garnet about that. She can explain it better than any gem I know.”</p><p>Well, didn’t that just throw a wrench in Spinel’s thinking. “I just…,” Her mouth twisted as her brain flared with Pearl’s words of wisdom. “I thought I could . . . oh, God, I’m so stupid,” she moped, glumness seeping to her surface.</p><p>“You’re not,” Lapis stated firmly. “You’ve just never experienced this sort of thing before.”</p><p>“I shoulda been smarter,” Spinel said nonetheless. “I did, <i>all</i> of that for him. F-For nothin’!”</p><p>Pearl looked stunned. “Is - that’s not true, is it?”</p><p>Spinel thought for a moment. “. . . I - no, I guess not.” She swallowed. “At first, I just wanted it to stop hurtin’. I wanted to stop feelin’ like, like a monster. Like an alien. He said he could help. He said he could help me learn how to be human, learn how to love the Earth. While he did, I got to know the person he is. The sweet, amazing, genuine person he is. Then I guess I just, fell in love.“ She fell silent for a quick second. “Am I really that desperate? That I became head over heels for the first person in a long time who treated me liked I actually mattered?”</p><p>A beat of silence passed. She took that as a nonverbal yes. “I bet he hates me now.”</p><p>Lapis snickered, though it wasn’t instinctual more as it was purposely made to get ready to prove a point. “Spinel, Steven was ready to fight tooth and nail for us to allow him to come look for you. He feels <i>terrible</i>, and he wants to help you in any way he can.”</p><p>Spinel was about to ask why they didn’t have him come along, but she knew the answer before she could open her mouth. Still, she felt low hearing that. “He shouldn’t feel terrible. He shouldn’t have to worry about me so much.”</p><p>“Why not?” Lapis asked in a knowing tone.</p><p>Hearing the way she said that, Spinel knew her answer of “I’m not worth it” was going to be refuted. They’ve been telling her that for the past five minutes. And, well, maybe - just maybe - she was beginning to believe them both again. “Why should I bother tellin’ ya? You’re just gonna say I’m wrong for thinking it.” </p><p>“Spinel, the way you’re thinking doesn’t make you bad,” Pearl clarified. “It’s just, er, problematic.”</p><p>“What Pearl’s trying to say is,” Lapis picked up, “that way of thinking doesn’t define you. It’s not, helpful, to think like that, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person.”</p><p>
  <i>. . . Huh.</i>
</p><p>Spinel . . . accepted that. With barely any resistance. Each word of reassurance Lapis and Pearl had been saying strengthened the voice inside Spinel. No longer dying or even floundering, it was intermittently being built back up bit by bit. Even if that was all stuff Spinel had already heard before, Spinel was finding its allure, its reasoning, the reminder that it all even existed, more and more appealing. It wasn’t revolutionary or anything. She wasn’t going through a complete transformation. But it was a start. </p><p>The lamb was returning to its flock. But, not all of her pain had been scrubbed away. “Thanks guys. That means a lot. I just…,” she sniffled, moroseness returning, “… why did he say no?” she said, her voice rising. </p><p>Lapis held out her arms, Spinel accepting the invitation for another hug. “He just doesn’t feel the same,” the gem said. “There’s nothing you can do about it. I know that’s a tough thing to understand, much less have to deal with.”</p><p>“How would <i>you</i> know?” Spinel asked, not accusingly but with genuine confusion in her voice. “Did you ever get rejected before?”</p><p>“No,” Lapis admitted. “But I’ve seen it happen. Like, there was this huge love triangle going on in CPH, and - to cut it short, a whole lotta rejection was thrown around. I know it’s a cheesy 90s teen drama from The Great North, but it gave me an idea about what that’s like.” She looked Spinel in the eyes. “You’re not going to get over this immediately. It’s rough. And it’ll take time to move on.”</p><p>“And I actually <i>have</i> been through that. Many times,” Pearl informed somberly. “It‘s terrible. You feel like you failed, when in reality it wasn’t something you could even win in the first place.”</p><p>That last sentence soaked into the teen. “How am I supposed to face him now? After all of that?”</p><p>Lapis hummed. “I remember a girl telling me that because the person I loved was so kind, they wouldn’t let a rejection ruin our existing friendship.” She hugged Spinel a bit tighter. “Steven’s a lot like Peridot in that way. He doesn’t quit being your friend.”</p><p>Spinel stayed silent for a moment. “That’s… relieving,” she said, chuckling a bit towards the end. “I guess I shoulda known that.”</p><p>“It’s alright. We’re glad we could remind you,” Pearl said, grinning softly.</p><p>The teen smiled back appreciatively. Her heart felt a lot fuller now. Not completely, but fuller. “Is it okay it I stay here a bit more?”</p><p>Lapis looked over to Pearl, who thought for a second before replying. “Of course.”</p><p>So they stayed. A few minutes passed as Lapis held Spinel, this time in a much less depressing atmosphere. It wasn’t what someone would call very bright or anything. More like, relieved. Hopeful. Such emotions were felt most in the two gems, and to a lesser degree Spinel. What the teen most felt, though, was loved. Renewed. Replenished.</p><p>The placating atmosphere was soon punctured by the sound of a police siren. Looking beyond the trees, the group could see flashes of red and blue illuminating the night as a squad car rolled through one of the neighborhood streets.</p><p>That familiar feeling of shame and panic momentarily took hold of Spinel. “Oh, right,” she tittered nervously. “I laid one onto a cop.”</p><p>“What do we do?” Lapis asked. “We can’t really fly out of here. They’ll see us for sure.”</p><p>“And that wouldn’t mean the end of it. Sooner or later they’ll come to Beach City demanding answers,” Pearl added.</p><p>Spinel frowned. “Sooo, what‘s the plan?”</p><p>Pearl didn’t reply. Instead, she stood up and offered her hand to Spinel. Puzzled, the teen took her hand and allowed herself to be hoisted up. “We’re going to talk to them.”</p><p>The teen blinked. That wasn’t the answer she was expecting, much less really hoping for. “I - really? But I - are you sure that - I don’t wanna get -!”</p><p>“Nothing bad’s going to happen,” Pearl assured. “We’re going to talk this out. We’re going to face this. Together.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lapis agreed, standing up. “And if any of them <i>do</i> try anything,” she cracked her knuckles, “I’ll make sure to stop it.”</p><p>Spinel chuckled at that. Taking in a deep breath, she nodded a couple times. She trusted them. “Okay. Let’s do this.”</p><p>The trio exited the forest, moving forward to face the future.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this took a hot minute to get out. Recently my grandpa passed and I was busy dealing with everything came with that as well as grief. This chapter was also somewhat hard to write as well, with me often wondering “how the hell am i gonna fit in all the stuff i wanna say without it sounding like garbage?”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Garnet Spits Some Facts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Garnet talks with Spinel. She talks with Steven.</p><p>I’m real proud of how this one turned out, and I hope you enjoy it!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven lifted his head out of his hands once he heard the front door open. To his immediate relief, he saw Spinel standing there alongside Pearl and Lapis. That moment of respite was quickly washed away, however, once he noticed the cop standing beside them.</p><p>“You’re lucky, you know,” he lectured, jotting something down onto a pad of paper. “Disturbing the peace, assaulting a police officer, destruction of public property, trespassing on private property - you were this close to being arrested for all four. Fortunately for you, there’s all this leniency this county gives when it comes to Gem activities as well as mental health crises.”</p><p>“Thank you for being so understanding,” Pearl said.</p><p>The officer shrugged. “Just doing my job.” He tore off a piece of paper from the notepad, handing it to Pearl. “Here. I suggest giving one of these a call. Send the fine for the lamppost to the address before next week.” With that, he tipped his hat and walked off.</p><p>“Uh, sorry again!” Spinel called after him as he walked down the porch stairs, rubbing her arm. She and the others then headed inside.</p><p>Slowly entering the beach house, Pearl’s expression grew the tiniest bit more distressed as her eyes skimmed across the note. She stopped in the middle of the room once the door closed, her head hung low as her gaze was focused on the note.</p><p>“Hey, Spinel!” Amethyst greeted, running past Pearl. She stopped, giving an ample amount of space between her and the girl. “You, um, feeling any better?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel said softly, nodding a bit. </p><p>Amethyst glanced up behind her to Lapis, an indecipherable look in her eyes. Neither of them said anything, and the purple gem looked back at Spinel after barely even a second. “Well, that’s great!” she said with the best smile she could muster. </p><p>Steven had gotten up as well and approached Pearl. “What does that say?” he asked, pointing to the note.</p><p>The gem’s eyes shot up to meet his. She swallowed. “It’s, um….” Pearl sighed, revealing the note to Steven. On it was a hand-written address to Ocean Town City Hall, as well as several series of numbers. Steven quickly realized that they were phone numbers - which apparently belonged to several local mental health hotlines and psychiatric services.</p><p>The deepening pit in his stomach sunk even further. How many laws did Spinel break? He looked up at Pearl with worried eyes. “Pearl, what happened?”</p><p>Her mouth pressed into a thin line. “It…,” she began, pausing to take a breath, “was a difficult process. We talked to her and got her to calm down. That’s what matters.”</p><p>He felt like he was going to lose his dinner. Spinel just committed like, <i>several</i> fucking different crimes. One of them involving assault. He knew she was pretty unstable, granted, but - but that was so long ago! He thought he helped her! He thought he fixed her! Did he just fail in actuality? Or did he just hurt Spinel <i>so</i> badly, that she completely had a downward spiral?</p><p>Steven poked around Pearl to get a glimpse of Spinel, and - oh, fuck. She looked like a mess. Her hair had bits of dead pine needles in it. Her face was noticeably puffy from crying, and it looked like runny mascara had been wiped off. Looking away from Amethyst, she noticed Steven staring. Her eyes popped open, anxiety surging through them. </p><p><i>What did I do….</i> “I - Spinel, I… I’m sorry.” He turned and zoomed up the stairs.</p><p>The girl felt her own anxiety being replaced with worry. “Steven, wait -!”</p><p>“Spinel.”</p><p>If that voice had belonged to anybody other than Garnet, Spinel would’ve ignored it. The tall gem’s authoritative voice had come from the kitchen, where she had been passively standing since Spinel had returned home. Now she was moving over to the girl and laying a hand on her shoulder. “He needs a moment right now. You can talk to him afterwards.”</p><p>“How long do I haveta wait?” Spinel asked, still worried.</p><p>“Until <i>we’re</i> done talking.”</p>
<hr/><p>Spinel stared out into the surf as she had done many times before. Leaning against the porch railing and picking pine needles out of her hair, her eyes skimmed across the darkness of the sea. Beside her was Garnet.</p><p>Her eyes moved from the ocean to the fusion. She was standing as passively as before, gazing out into the surf as well. The calm neutrality she exuded was a stark contrast to the fretful nature Pearl and Lapis had displayed earlier, back in the forest. Now that Lapis had flown back to her home (not without giving Spinel another hug and bonus words of encouragement), she couldn’t help but think of that even more.</p><p>“I know you prefer me not to use my future vision on you, but I can’t help but sense that you want to speak first,” Garnet spoke up.</p><p>Spinel’s expression didn’t change as she looked back towards the water. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be, but I’ll accept.”</p><p>“I feel like I need to be punished.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>The teen looked back at her. “You do?” She shook her head, remembering who she was talking to. “Wait, of course you do.”</p><p>She could feel Garnet looking at her from the side. “I get how you think that right now, but there’s no need to.”</p><p>Spinel huffed, tired of hearing that same repeated excuse. “I did somethin’ <i>on purpose</i> with the intent of harmin’ someone.” She scoffed. “How - how do I <i>not</i> deserve any punishment?”</p><p>The fusion didn’t say anything initially, and for a moment Spinel thought she’d managed to get through to her. Her surprise was short lived, however. “What you did wasn’t right, that is true,” she agreed, turning to face her fully. “But you weren’t in your best state of mind either. You had a lot of tension built within you, and as such reacted to perceived threats the way you did.”</p><p>Well, Spinel had to admit; that Garnet sure could explain things. It still didn’t put her at ease. “Garnet, I’m <i>tired</i> of hearing the same B.S excuses you guys try ‘n tell me. I know you’re not scared of me, so - why? Why won’t you punish me?”</p><p>“You don’t need it.”</p><p>“I -” She paused from getting ready to unleash a tangent. “…I don’t, need it?” she restated, confused.</p><p>Garnet nodded. “It wouldn’t do any good.”</p><p>Her confusion turned into disbelief. It felt like she was having to explain the simplest math equation to fucking Aristotle. “I-I deserve it though???“</p><p>“Spinel, while I understand how you think that, what you need right now isn’t punishment,” Garnet repeated. “What you need is to be helped back up. I’m not much for human expressions, but I know there is one that goes, ‘Don’t kick a man while he’s down.’”</p><p>The girl wavered. “…Yeah.” Averting her eyes from Garnet’s shades, a bit of resolve returned. “But, don’tcha at least think I deserve <i>something?</i> A-At least, to make me remember not to do that?”</p><p>“You already know it’s bad, though,” Garnet reminded.</p><p>She huffed. “Well, why would I have done it if . . . .” Spinel trailed off, figuring out the answer to that question before she could get it out of her lips.</p><p>Garnet picked up after her. “You did it because you wanted to make yourself feel better. You did it, even while knowing deep down it was wrong. So there’s no use in punishing you to make you remember that.” </p><p>Spinel didn’t have the will to speak. It felt like she was getting publicly exposed in the warmest way possible. Case in point, Garnet’s voice somehow became even more tender once she noticed Spinel’s discomfort. “You know that we’re all here for you, as well as how you feel. If you’re feeling even the least bit overwhelmed, we can stop for tonight.”</p><p>Golly, was she nice. Truth be told, Spinel felt pretty wiped. Running through the forest, crying, desperately jumping across Ocean Town, more crying, letting loose all of her inner demons, even more crying - it had all taken a toll on her physically as well as emotionally. Even still, her brain wouldn’t let her rest. She still had burning questions that needed to be answered.</p><p>“I, uh… d’ya know how love works? I thought I did, but… I don’t think I do.”</p><p>Garnet snickered innocuously. “I think I might have an idea.” Indirectly beckoning her over to the porch’s patio table (by indirectly she literally just walked over to it), she and Spinel each took a seat.</p><p>“Tell me what you already know,” Garnet coolly directed.</p><p>Rapping her fingers against the table, Spinel thought. “Well, I‘m probably wrong about this, but isn’t it where you like every part of a person? Like, their personality, and also the - the way they look?” she said, chuckling at how awkward she sounded. </p><p>She nodded. “You’re correct. What you’re describing is romantic love: the desire to feel emotionally (and possibly physically) intimate with a significant other. I’m certain somebody already told you that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel concurred glumly as she remembered who explained that to her.</p><p>“The reason I bring that up is because, like other forms of love or friendship, you can’t force it.”</p><p>Spinel huffed. “Garnet, I already got told all of this. Heck, I already learned about the friendship part with Connie like, <i>months</i> ago. Could’ja tell me something new?” Immediately her sour attitude turned apologetic. “Sorry! I-I didn’t mean to come off like that.”</p><p>“Thank you, and yes, I was building up to that,” Garnet said, calmly as ever. “Romantic love is a complicated thing. It can find itself among all sorts of people; those who couldn’t be more alike - like two Topazes - or, like a certain Ruby and Sapphire, those who are nearly the opposite of each other. But all love has one thing in common: a compliment.”</p><p>“‘A compliment?’”</p><p>“Yes. In order for love to work, there needs to be a mutual sense of respect and benefit between partners. Love doesn’t exist in one-sided relationships. There, it’s nothing more than infatuation.”</p><p>The teenager pondered on that. “I . . . is that what I have with Steven?” That would make a bit of sense. Garnet was apparently invalidating her idolization of him, after all. “But, but he respects me! He benefits me!” She tensed up. “I’m not draggin’ him down, am I?” Was one of her worst fears about to me verified as true?!</p><p>“…No. He respects you. You’re okay,” Garnet answered after a moment of delay. Still, she said it in such a way that Spinel was sure the fusion was confident in her answer. Spinel found herself unwittingly agreeing with her.</p><p>She moved on. “Not everybody is willing to be romantically in-love with each other. It could be due to one or multiple reasons: personal preference, they already love someone else, or they aren’t comfortable taking it to that level. Some simply don’t have the desire to due so. Which is okay.”</p><p>Spinel was pretty sure Steven said he loved someone else, back on the Ferris wheel. Or maybe he didn’t. Her mind at that time was so messy, so chock-full of thoughts, she could’ve easily misinterpreted something he said. Still… “Has Steven ever talked about lovin’ anyone?”</p><p>“That should be something you should ask <i>him</i>, if he’s willing to tell,” Garnet told. </p><p>Initially, Spinel balked at that. She grew more accepting to the idea once she remembered she was going to talk to him anyways. “Alright. Maybe.”</p><p>Then it happened. Another sudden wave of bitter, crushing sadness hit her all at once. Hearing how Steven was never going to love her, hearing Garnet rationalize it in that soothing tone of hers, how… oddly validating that all felt - it was all too real. Her posture sagged as tears collected in the corners of her eyes.</p><p>A warm, firm hand reached across the small table and found its way to Spinel’s. “I’m sorry, Spinel. I understand that is a terrible feeling. But it’s one you can overcome. It’s going to be okay.”</p><p>“Steven…” Spinel began, struggling to hold back tears as her hand tightened around Garnet’s, “…he makes me feel like I can do anything. Even - even get rid of all the pain.” She sniffled. “And I <i>know</i> that’s impossible, b-but he just makes it seem, like there’s a chance.”</p><p>Garnet didn’t reply for a couple moments, only providing Spinel some much-welcomed alleviation by rubbing her finger along Spinel’s hand in a soothing manner. Eventually, she spoke up. “Steven does have that impact on people, that’s for sure,” she agreed. “But that shouldn’t mean he has to be your only rock. Other people are willing to help.”</p><p>“I don’t -” Spinel was about to say, before cutting herself off. The excuse of ‘I don’t deserve it’ just didn’t sound right to her now. She wiped her eyes. “…I know. Lapis, Pearl, you, Amethyst - you guys are always sayin’ you care.”</p><p>“And we do.” The fusion said nothing after telling Spinel that, instead just looking at the teenager with her hand still holding her’s. A twitch of the jaw signified to Spinel that she was ruminating on something. At last, Garnet brought up her other hand, resting it on the table. “The best way you could allow us to help you is not just to accept the help, but to open up as well.”</p><p>Spinel blinked. “Whaddya mean?”</p><p>“You need to admit what happened before you came to Earth.”</p><p>A pit opened up in her stomach. “W-What’s there to admit? It was….” Her throat seized up, words failing her as unwelcome memories came soaring to the forefront of her mind. The Garden. Being tossed aside like trash. The stench of withering plant matter. <s>Frozen. Stuck. She can’t <b>move</b></s>- </p><p>Garnet’s other hand came to meet Spinel’s. “It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s over now.”</p><p>“It-” She opened her mouth, only to stop once she heard how warbled her voice sounded. When did she start crying? “It just . . . it doesn’t feel like it!”</p><p>“I understand. That is a tough thing to rationalize. But admitting it is the first step to improvement.”</p><p>Spinel took in a shaky breath, wiping her arm across her eyes. She was tired of crying so much today. “I don’t, <i>like</i> talkin’ about it. I don’t like <i>thinkin’</i> about it.”</p><p>“But you aren’t averse to it when you talk with Lapis,” Garnet reminded.</p><p>“That’s different,” Spinel defended. “That’s just, talkin’ about any sorta bad feelings that come up. I mean, yeah, a lot of it’s gotta do with all the crap life threw at us, but - but we’re not, like, analyzing each other.”</p><p>She was pretty sure Garnet noticed the creeping blush on her cheeks as she said that. As it turned out, she did. “Spinel, you don’t have to feel ashamed about this. You don’t have to feel like this is something you can only talk about with her.”</p><p>“How will you guys understand?” Spinel asked doubtfully. “Did <i>you guys</i> get abandoned for thousands of years someplace? Do <i>you guys</i> feel like ya can’t trust anybody?”</p><p>“No,” Garnet acknowledged. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t understand your pain. We all have been hurt, too - just in different ways. Pain isn’t a competition. It’s something we all help each other with.”</p><p>She was right, and Spinel knew it. Yet she didn’t think it had to mean much to her. “I… I don’t feel like I should. Talk about it so much, I mean.”</p><p>Garnet didn’t say anything, instead continuing to stare calmly at her. It was clear to Spinel that the gem wanted her to elaborate, and the teen couldn’t help but think she had dug herself a hole. “The others, uh, say I don’t have to work for me to be loved, but, for so long, that’s what it was like.”</p><p>“Tell me what you mean by ‘work.’”</p><p>Spinel instantly knew what she wanted to say. “I had to make her happy. I had to make her laugh, to make her forget about whatever shit she had to deal with while running a colony. That was what I was there for.” She might as well spill everything else out. What was the point of holding it in anymore? “Now, I haveta be okay. I haveta be happy. I can’t show too much sadness. I need to show you guys that everything you’re doing is working. If I - if I don’t make you guys happy that way . . . you’ll leave.”</p><p>Again, Garnet didn’t immediately reply. Yet this time Spinel knew it was because the gem was processing what she had said. Finally, she spoke. “You know you can’t keep faking it, Spinel.“</p><p>“Why not?” Spinel asked defensively, feeling a spike of anxiety.</p><p>“Being genuine with us and with your emotions makes us happy - not that,” Garnet replied. “But, this isn’t about what makes <i>us</i> happy. It’s about what makes <i>you</i> happy.”</p><p>Well, didn’t that make Spinel feel like garbage. Garnet continued. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad, Spinel. I know for a fact that you’ve gotten better in many ways. Yet keeping up such an act will prevent you from fully confronting your problems - and fully healing.”</p><p>“W-Well,” Spinel began to retort, having found an argument to latch onto, “don’tcha guys say that you’re never ‘really’ gonna get over your problems, huh? And yet, you guys also say I’m better. Which is it?”</p><p>Garnet nodded. “That is a difficult thing to understand. But it can be explained easily.” She readjusted herself. “Healing behaves like wounds. Given a proper enough time and care, your wound will disappear. Behind it’ll leave a scar; a reminder of your past and it’s lingering effects. But right now, you’re picking at your wound. You aren’t letting it get the proper treatment it needs. It still festers, and it’ll continue to fester if inadequate help is given.”</p><p>Alright. Wow. Could Garnet spin a tale. “‘Not much for human expressions,’ eh?”</p><p>She grinned. “That one always stuck out to me.”</p><p>Having gotten that quip out of the way, Spinel really thought about what she said. It… alright, yeah. It made sense, as much as Spinel hated to admit.</p><p>The fusion turned her head out towards the surf. “The Earth’s ocean is beautiful at night.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spinel agreed, moving to look out at the ocean as well, “it sure is.”</p><p>Was she really going to do this? Be completely open with <i>everybody</i> she knew well enough? To fully dump <i>all</i> of her feelings onto them? And not just with Lapis? </p><p>…Well, she reckoned she didn’t have much of a choice. Everything else had just been spilled out into the open, on display for all the world to see. The bunker of lies she lived in was bound to crush her eventually. Now, she had a chance to really, truly face reality. A new approach to life awaiting her, the teen swallowed. This was gonna be new. </p><p>“Ya think it’s cool for me to go see Steven now? There’s… something I need to tell him.”</p><p>Garnet calmly turned to her, then nodded. “M-hm. Thank you for being willing to talk, Spinel.”</p><p>She allowed a small grin to appear on her face. “Yeah. No problem.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <i>I’m hopeless.</i>
</p><p>With his head pressing down into his hands, Steven was treated to another oh-so-helpful thought courtesy of his brain. He knew he shouldn’t be sitting on the edge of his bed like some lug. He knew he shouldn’t be worrying about what he thinks. What he <i>should’ve</i> been doing was trying to help Spinel. Especially since, y’know, this was pretty much his fault. Not only was her current mental state a result of his rejection, but it was also a result of his failure to help her.</p><p>He just wanted to help. Why was it getting so <i>hard?!</i></p><p>Steven was feeling another pink flash coming on. But - fortunately, sort of - the sound of footsteps climbing his stairs forced him to chase it away.</p><p>“Er, Steven?” </p><p>His head shot up. “Spinel!” Bolting off the bed, he stumbled over to the door. He straightened himself out before he opened it up. “Hey! Um, how - how’re you feeling?”</p><p>“Uh, better, I guess,” she answered, seeming a little surprised at Steven’s chipper attitude. “Could I come in?”</p><p>“Of course!” Stepping away from the door, he let the other teen shuffle on in. Now was his chance!</p><p>Once she was comfortably inside his room, Steven closed the door and turned back to her. “Alright. First off, I wanna say I’m sorry for everything that happened back -”</p><p>“Erm, Steven?” Spinel interrupted. “Ya don’t need to apologize.”</p><p>A quizzical expression grew on Steven’s face. “Wha - no no. Spinel, I let this happen, I <i>should</i> be the one apologizing.”</p><p>“You didn’t cause this,” she reasoned. “I just, had an episode back there. A, *heh*, a big one.”</p><p>“And <i>I</i> caused it.”</p><p>She shrugged. “I mean, technically? But, ya didn’t mean to. Ya didn’t mean to make me feel bad. You were just bein’ honest with me.” Inhaling, she let out a grudging sigh. “And that’s something I need to be more of, too.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>Spinel plopped down onto edge of Steven’s bed, her hands resting on her thighs. “I’m not… where I should be. Healing-wise. I thought I was all peachy-keen, but,” she shifted her mouth, embarrassed, “there’s still some stuff I need to work out. Some stuff I’ve been holding off on.”</p><p>His attention perked at that last part. “A-And I’ll help you with that!”</p><p>She smiled weakly, her eyes meeting his. Steven noticed how she didn’t seem all that enthused about his suggestion. “Thanks. But, like… I don’t want anything to be really weird between us or anything, but,” she snickered, “it already feels kinda weird? I still want us to be friends, of course!” she reassured. “You’re - it’s just… I dunno. You don’t haveta be the only one to worry about me, I guess.”</p><p>What she was saying hit Steven like a truck. “Are you, just - is there anything I can help you with right now?” he asked, almost beseechingly.</p><p>“Nope. Really, I feel pooped. ‘Specially after talkin’ with Lapis and Pearl and Garnet.”</p><p>“Garnet… already… talked to you….” Steven echoed, his voice sounding lost.</p><p>Spinel nodded, noticing his tone. “Yeah. Steven, ya really don’t haveta fret so much. They all said they’re willing to help me,” she said, waving her arm towards the stairs. “I know you’re still willing to help, too. And yeah, ‘course I’ll take it. ‘S long as there’s just a bit of space, that’s all.”</p><p>Space. She wanted space.</p><p>The girl realized what she said and chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Coming from me that sounds rich. What a 180, eh?” Spinel joked, before turning serious once more. “This’ll take some time for me to get used to. But, I think that’s what I want,” she said, nodding. Then she extended her hand out to him. “Whaddya say? Pals?”</p><p>He stared at her hand, failing to move his. Finally, he forced his hand out as if it was pushed. They shook. “Pals.”</p><p>Spinel smiled. “Thanks.” After a moment, she pushed herself off of Steven’s bed with a tired sigh. “Welp. I think I might actually try hitting the hay tonight. Think I’m <i>way</i> too tired for my brain to cook up any nightmares. Probably.”</p><p>She went over to the bedroom door and opened it. Before she fully stepped through, she turned to Steven. “G’night.”</p><p>“Goodnight,” he bid weakly as she closed the door. </p><p>Now he was alone.</p><p>Once he was certain she was far enough away, a flurry of anger flooded his system. He sunk down onto his bed. His hands found their way to his hair as his skin turned pink. “<i><b>Fuck!</b></i>” he cussed through gritted teeth, trying to minimize how much noise he made. </p><p>He was losing it. Losing control. Life itself felt like it was slipping through his fingers, fine grains of sand rapidly falling through the cracks. Why, <i>why, <b>why!?!</b></i> Why was this happening?! Hadn’t he sacrificed enough!? Hadn’t he been through enough shit!? Why couldn’t the universe just let him have peace?! Couldn’t it just give him a fucking <i>break?!</i></p><p>…It’s because he failed Spinel, wasn’t it? He didn’t do enough to help her. He thought it would be a quick and easy fix: help her adjust to living on Earth, and have Little Homeschool do the rest. But no. Of course not. Of course it wasn’t going to be that simple. Of course life would make him have to do more work. Because that’s how it all worked for him.</p><p>Even with all this bitterness filling his head, Steven was being simultaneously consumed by something even more potent. He was getting choked by mourning, by self-loathing, by regret. The toxic clouds settle over his brain like a desolating storm. <i>You’re selfish. You’re weak. You’re losing your touch. You can’t help anybody anymore. </i></p><p>
  <i>What does that make you now?</i>
</p><p>Steven removed his hands from his hair, letting them fall limply to the bed. What <i>was</i> he now? There wasn’t anybody left to help. Only Spinel - who said she wanted space. Plus, he already proved incapable of helping her. He couldn’t fix her with a couple inspirational conversations and some time spent on Earth. She needed someone better than him. </p><p>…Maybe…</p><p>…maybe that’s what <i>he</i> needs, too.</p><p>He jolted upwards. That’s it! All he needs is someone better than him! Someone that can make him feel better about himself! Someone to get him out of his funk! And no, of course this wouldn’t be him “getting help.” The helpers don’t get helped. He knows that. This is just a little boost. And a little boost every now and then from people you love wouldn’t hurt.</p><p>Fortunately for him, Steven already had the perfect person in mind. Someone who still had control over their life. Someone who had life already figured out. Someone who was going places.</p><p>Connie.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YOOOO! Thank you guys SO much for 3100+ hits! That’s the most I’ve ever gotten on one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. A Burden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel doesn’t like being a burden. So does somebody else.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the second time since she’d arrived on Earth, Spinel slept. Thankfully, it was  an all-around peaceful experience. No spiked heartbeat, no thrashing in her sleep, no waking up in a sweat - it was good. Spinel didn’t really know why she had no nightmares that night. Maybe her mind really <i>was</i> too exhausted. </p><p>As the week wore on, however, she found herself slowly recovering. There was an emphasis on the “slowly” part, for sure. She hadn’t felt this mopey for this long since during the aftermath of her attack on Earth. Yet despite her previous animosity towards the Gems’ suggestions, she couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved that they were offering help for her. It wasn’t even as intrusive as she thought it was going to be. Was it emotional? Definitely. But, sitting down and talking about feeling junk with Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl whenever they could proved to be… pleasantly cathartic.</p><p>Still, said gems were teachers, and they were already busy beginning to roll out another year of Little Homeschool (gems weren’t used to the idea of taking a vacation for months on end, after all). So that often left Spinel at home. With Steven. Who, true to his word, tried not to be so concerned with Spinel so much. He still offered her the occasional word of advice or comfort, but he was nonetheless giving a noticeable amount of distance between them.</p><p>True, Spinel was slowly feeling better as the week neared its end. Yet despite moments of respite she was still glum overall, and still felt pretty emotionally fragile.</p><p>She guess she shouldn’t have been too surprised at why Lapis chose to do what she did, then.</p>
<hr/><p>Sleeping felt like a constant gamble ever since she decided to start doing it again. For this night, Spinel lost.</p><p>She awoke with a start, the images of her nightmare barely lingering. After a couple breathing reps, she calmed down. Slowly sitting up, she tried getting her brain to shake off any remaining anxiety and assess herself. <i>‘Kay, that wasn’t… too bad. Just the Garden trying to swallow me. Again. Maybe I won’t have to talk to Amethyst about it.</i> </p><p>Spinel glanced over to her bedside table. “Eight already…?” she grumbled, still a bit groggy. As much as a risk sleeping provided, it still gave the growing teen a natural way for her to relax and shut her mind off for eight hours. Mostly. Plus, the nightmares weren’t all <i>that</i> bad! This was only the second time this week! . . . Yeah, no. That wasn’t an excuse anymore. She needed to cut the shit. She needed to face the music.</p><p>Man… she remembered thinking this was going to be nearly impossible at first. Abandoning such a survivalist mindset. Really, <i>truly</i> opening up about what she felt and actually telling them everything. It only took her being crushed, destroyed, broken down and remolded, in order for her to lose the will to counter such ideas. It still was a struggle, to abandon the instincts telling her to harden herself. Still, trying to ended up being oddly cathartic. It was like washing the dishes; it wasn’t fun, but it left her feeling less congested, less messy inside.</p><p>It still didn’t make her feel like any less of a burden, though. If anything, it made her feel like more of one. Did they blame themselves for what happened? Did they feel guilty? Ashamed? Is that the reason why they hadn’t called any of those psychoanalysts yet? Whatever the case may be, she didn’t have the willpower to go against them.</p><p>Yawning, Spinel pulled off the covers and swung her legs over her bed, leaving the scene of the crime. In a couple minutes she was up, dressed, and out of her bedroom. Her door unraveled like it always did, and she stepped out to go grab some breakfast.</p><p>She was then greeted to an extremely rare sight. In more ways that one.</p><p>“We’re not telling you to not do it, just -”</p><p>“Ruby, Sapphire, this is what I <i>want.</i>”</p><p>Steven and Garnet’s components were standing in the middle of the living room. With his back to Spinel, it made it somewhat difficult to properly see the two short gems, but Spinel could still see their concerned faces. The teenager would’ve been happier to see two gems she only saw once or twice a week, but the second reason why she was surprised stopped her: nobody argued with Garnet. Or, technically her components, but still.</p><p>Steven huffed. “How - how can <i>you</i> two be against it?”</p><p>“Watch it -” Ruby warned with a draw of her finger, only to stop once she looked past him. Her eyes grew less harsh as they settled on Spinel.</p><p>Noticing this, Steven spun around. He balked once he realized who was there. “Oh! S-Spinel! How’s, uh - how was your sleeping?”</p><p>“Uh, good?” she replied, the strangeness of the situation making her spit out an automatic reply.</p><p>“Hello Spinel,” Sapphire greeted cordially. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it right away.” She then turned her attention back to Steven, a sense of finality in her tone. “Steven, I’m running late for my lecture on alternate timelines. I’m sorry, but we can talk about this after school.” With a peck on Ruby’s cheek, she was off.</p><p>Spinel now decided was the perfect time to get herself out of this situation and go make some cereal. She didn’t want to overburden the already tense-seeming conversation. While in the kitchen, though, she still managed to pick up  on Ruby and Steven’s more subdued conversation. </p><p>“Look,” the gem began, a bit quieter, “Garnet’s been thinking more since, well… y’know. And we just think that you don’t need any more stress added to your life.”</p><p>“This isn’t <i>stress</i>, Ruby. This’ll be good for me.”</p><p>The sound of the fridge opening up covered a lull in the conversation. Finally, a sigh, courtesy of Ruby. “C’mon. Let’s walk and talk. I’m gonna be late for my introductory scouting expedition.”</p><p>“Mm, alright,” Steven relented.</p><p>Spinel turned around just in time to see them both disappear into the light of the warp beam. Now, she was all alone. Spinel had heard on the Internet about how it was apparently exciting for other teenagers to have the house to themselves. Golly, wasn’t that a strange notion. She <i>still</i> wasn’t completely okay with that, even with all her time spent on Earth.</p><p>Okay, time to get her brain back on track. What was <i>that</i> about? Why was Steven getting all heated with Ruby and Sapphire? What were they cautioning him against? Whatever it was, it sounded like something Steven was real passionate about.</p><p>Well, she guessed she could figure that out later, if it was any of her business. Right now she had bigger fish to fry, in the form of how she was going to kill time until the afternoon. Pearl had assured Spinel that she didn’t have to go back to Little Homeschool just because of her meltdown. And while a part of her felt like she ought to, another part told her it wouldn’t be worth it. Why bother going through another year of the same curriculum? Then again, the Gems had said they were toying around with the idea of introducing higher level courses in the future. If they ever came to fruition, Spinel might just take them up.</p><p>As of right now, she was lacking structure without Little Homeschool. She couldn’t remember the last time she had all this free time - all this <i>alone</i> time - on her hands. Yet despite her instincts telling her it wasn’t, she knew this was different than… before. She could actually do things, for starters. Like read, or watch some T.V, or do yoga. </p><p>Or sing.</p><p>Sitting underneath the You Are Loved sign hanging above her bed, Spinel stretched her arm out and placed the finished bowl of cereal down on her beside table. She brought out her phone, tapping on the Spot-A-Fly icon. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the headboard as the song began.</p><p>“<i>Listen to the wind blooow, watch the sun ri-ise.</i>”</p><p>She remembered how much she used to sing. Back with Pink. It all really stopped after her attack with the Injector. After that, it just sounded way too embarrassing - way too <i>wrong</i> - to sing in front of others.</p><p>“<i>Run in the shadooows, damn your love, damn your li-ies.</i>”</p><p>Now, the reality of being alone in the beach house was far too much of a tempting offer.</p><p>“<i>And if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again.</i>”</p><p>Because Spinel truly liked singing. It just felt good. <i>Really</i> good. Not only did it give the teen a bit of pride whenever she sung well, it also offered her a chance to let loose her emotions.</p><p>“<i>I can still hear ya sayin’, you would never break the chain.</i>”</p><p>Through song she could express any feelings of anger, bitterness, or depression in a way that didn’t make her feel like complete garbage afterwards. It felt like preventing a can of warm coke from fizzling over by letting out the air in increments. </p><p>“<i>And if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again.</i>”</p><p>There was another, almost equally anticipated aspect of singing. It distracted her. Not just from thinking about being alone, but from any intrusive thoughts as well. Just because Spinel was raking through the muck in her brain with the Gems now, didn’t mean she was willing to do it all the time.</p><p>Singing gave her a nice change of pace.</p><p>“<i>I can still hear ya sayin’, you would never break the chain.</i>”</p>
<hr/><p>3:00. To Spinel, that meant school was out. As well as time to go hang out with Lapis.</p><p>The teen had come to cherish her hangouts with Lapis even more. Opening up around her felt more, natural. Especially as she had come to learn that yes, Lapis does understand what she’s going through. And yes, Spinel was now learning that she wasn’t the only who understood or was willing to talk with about her problems. That didn’t mean being with the gem seemed any less attractive.</p><p>As Spinel walked through Little Homeworld, she wondered what they’d do today. She already had one F.I.W.W.Y since her meltdown - on top of her talks with the Gems. The possibility of doing another with Lapis didn’t sound as, well, unsavory as the latter. Heck, maybe they might flip the coin and do one for Lapis. It’s been a hot minute since Spinel was at the helping end.</p><p>Remembering the first time it happened, she couldn’t help but grin at her naïveté.</p><p>~~</p><p>Spinel didn’t think of herself as much of a helper - at least, not nearly in the same light as Steven was in. She was more of a person to ease the pain. Whether it be cracking jokes or lending an ear, she prided herself in being someone who could make you forget about your problems for a bit. At least, she used to be. Back with…<i>her.</i> Now, after what she’d turned into, she didn’t think she would be so good at it anymore. Even if she had been at Little Homeschool for a month already, it probably wouldn’t be enough to revive that old part of her.</p><p>Which was why she was so nervous going to see Lapis. Because this was the first time <i>Lapis</i> had asked for a F.I.W.W.Y. </p><p>Approaching the barn door, Spinel knocked on the wood with an unsteady hand. “H-Heya, Waterworks!” she said, referring to a nickname she gave her earlier. “You home?”</p><p>The door creaked open. There stood Lapis, a downtrodden posture to match her sullen eyes. Spinel forced herself to bite down the look of shock threatening to explode across her face; she had never seen the gem look so down before.</p><p>“Hi, Spinel,” she sighed, her arms drawn tightly around herself.</p><p>“Lapis!” Spinel changed her tune to match her feeling of worry. “Are you, um… how’re you feelin’?” </p><p>The gem huffed mirthlessly. “Like shit.” The door opened wider. “Come in.”</p><p>Spinel was silently cringing as she stepped inside. After closing the door, Lapis flew up into the loft like a bird retreating back into its nest. The teen coiled her legs and bounced up after her. She found the gem smushed into the corner of the couch, her eyes staring darkly ahead at something unknown. Her hand reached out and patted a seat next to her. Oh boy. Wasn’t <i>this</i> gonna be a trip down memory lane.</p><p>She mentally shook her head. <i>No, <b>stop.</b> You’re here to help Lapis. Not her. She’s gone.</i></p><p>The teenager shuffled over, sitting down in the couch’s middle section. Lapis blinked, not moving her head as a sigh rose up and fell out of her lips. “I have to force myself to do this, y’know.”</p><p>Words failed her for a moment. That wasn’t how this was supposed to begin. “I’m…sorry?”</p><p>“Don’t be,” she replied. “You know how it is. You feel the same when it happens to you.”</p><p>Spinel’s eyes darted down to the floor. This was . . . something. “Do you, uh, not wanna talk about it?”</p><p>She shook her head, finally looking at Spinel. “No. I mean - yeah, I do. Sorry, I shoulda just cut to the chase.”</p><p>“Alright, well, what happened?” Spinel asked. <i>Let me know how I can make you happy.</i></p><p>Lapis grew even more downcast. “Just,” she paused, “…too much shit reminded me of… a lot. There was this big, loud quartz in my class that just - just reminded me <i>so</i> much of her. I felt bad for likening that gem to her -  ‘cause, she’s not her, she’s my student. So I tried putting on a brave face, but -”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“What?” the gem said, wondering why Spinel seemed puzzled.</p><p>“Who’re you talkin’ about?”</p><p>Freezing, Lapis momentarily broke out of her sad state. “I - shit, have I not told you yet?” </p><p>The puzzled shaking of Spinel’s head gave Lapis her answer. “Oh man, that - I mean, I <i>guess</i> that’s my bad. I wasn’t obligated to, but I guess I coulda told you more about that earlier.”</p><p>The gem went on to tell Spinel a long-winded tale about her past. Specifically, about someone named Jasper. A cruel, intimidating beast of a gem, one that put Lapis through so much pain - as well as someone Lapis had badly hurt. She described the cycle of torture they created under the ocean, and the months they spent in it. Her only weakness, it seemed, was her ruthless desire for power. Which, as Lapis told, surprisingly made this larger-than-life gem seem kind of pitiful.</p><p>Sure, Spinel had heard bits and pieces about Lapis’ past horrors before, but never the full picture. By the end of her vent Lapis looked even more weary than before, her fists clenched into the couch. How long had she been holding this in?</p><p>Hearing Lapis sniffle, Spinel knew it was time to work her magic. Or, at least any magic that remained. “Wow. Jasper sounds like a real pill.”</p><p>“M-hm.”</p><p>“Yeah. She sounds like the type of gem whose all like -” Spinel stood up, making her legs longer and her arms beefier, “-‘Hey, lookit me, I make other people feel like trash just to better my own fragile self-esteem! <i>Doooyyy!</i>’” She glanced at Lapis, grinning hopefully. “Eh?”</p><p>Lapis just stared, unamused. “That’s… nice, Spinel.” It looked like she wanted to say more, yet her head spoke otherwise as it turned and stared down into the floor.</p><p><i>Fuck fuck fuck.</i> “N-No! Wait! I can do better!” She struck an olympic pose. “‘Hey, check out my perfect form. Come, grovel at my -’”</p><p>“Spinel.” There was an edge to her voice. “That’s not helping.”</p><p>Deflating, Spinel shrunk down to her normal size. “It - it’s not?” she asked, worried.</p><p>“No. I’m not in the mood to laugh.”</p><p>Spinel looked lost. She <i>felt</i> lost. That was… all she knew how to do. And now it just had been declared unlawful. Defeated, she sunk back down into the couch. What was she supposed to do now? Lapis had helped her in F.I.W.W.Y’s twice before, and she couldn’t even return the favor?! God, was she useless. She was just a gun with no ammo. An ambulance with no wheels. A toy without it’s owner -</p><p><i><b>Stop it.</b> Don’t go down there. Lapis needs help right now. At least just apologize for your failure.</i> “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Lapis sighed. “It’s okay.”</p><p>“I’m still new to this,” she continued glumly. “All of this. Everything is so topsy-turvy, and I-I just feel, so….” Her sentence died off. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”</p><p>Dragging herself up, Spinel was just about to jump down when - “Wait! Don’t leave!”</p><p>She stopped. Spinel didn’t think she hd hear Lapis ever sound so… desperate before. Spinel quickly turned around, again having to suppress a reaction of surprise at seeing the water gem carry such an anxious look in her eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lapis began, her apologizing voice betraying the look in her eyes. “I should’ve figured you wouldn’t be used to this.”</p><p>Spinel shuffled. “That’s why you need someone better than me to help.”</p><p>“No. That’s <i>exactly</i> why I called you over.”</p><p>“. . . Huh?”</p><p>Recognizing the disbelieving confusion in Spinel’s voice, Lapis beckoned her back onto the couch. Spinel plopped down, and Lapis resumed. “This doesn’t happen that much. Anymore, at least. Whenever it does, usually I’m with Peridot or Bismuth, and they help me out of it.”</p><p>“I….” Spinel was confused. “I thought you said this would be a, a together thing.” Boy, did <i>she</i> feel stupid. Of course Lapis didn’t really want her help. She was just the most convenient option for her right now. Something to be used and tossed aside. Because that’s what the world saw her as, right?</p><p>“It is. Trust me. I’m… just . . . scared.”</p><p>“<i>You’re</i>-” Spinel’s anger fizzled away. “…What?”</p><p>Lapis shook her head, in a <i>yeah, I know, I’m sorry</i> type of way. “I don’t open up to a lotta people like that, Spinel,” she admitted, combing a hand through her locks. “The ones I do, I can count them all on one hand.” </p><p>The gem turned to face Spinel. “Before I decided to call you, I thought back to when we first hung out. You said how, because you thought we were so alike, we’d make good friends. We’d get each other more.” Growing confident, she slapped her hand down onto the couch in a decisive manner. “I don’t wanna put this off. I don’t wanna be scared. Especially towards someone who’s my friend and someone who’s been through as much pain as I have.”</p><p>Man, did that make Spinel feel appreciated. “Really?! You mean it? You want me to be there for you?” she asked, sounding incredibly hopeful.</p><p>“Yeah,” Lapis answered. “But, like how I do it for you. Just talking it out. Helping me clear my head and just, being there for me.” After saying that, Lapis suddenly appeared anxious. “I-I don’t want to sound demanding or anything! If you don’t want to do that, we’ll -”</p><p>“No, no, it’s okay!” Spinel reassured, taking hold of her hand. “Like, yeah, I’m not a brainiac when it comes to that sorta thing, but… I’m willing to do it for you. I wanna repay what you do for me. A-And I care for you. You’re my, well, my friend.”</p><p>A smile grew on Lapis. One that, although small, still managed to speak volumes in its contrast against her current mood. “Alright,” Lapis began, her gloomy voice now having a bit more energy in it, “let’s talk.”</p><p>~~</p><p>Spinel finished recapping that story by the time she saw her barn approaching. She’d gotten - well, she wouldn’t say proficient at talking about that sort of stuff with her, but better. They had more of a routine now, one that nearly mimicked Spinel’s F.I.W.W.Y’s: Lapis would tell her how she felt and why she was upset, and Spinel would listen and tell her all the “there there”s and “your better now”s. And <i>maybe</i> crack a harmless joke or two. Just to lighten the mood a tiny bit.</p><p>Walking up to the barn door, Spinel knocked. “Yello? Lapis? Ya mind if I stop by?”</p><p>At first, there was no response. After a couple moments however, heavy, muffled footsteps grew closer to the door. Opening it up, a bulky figure stood there.</p><p>“Oh! Hey Biz!” Spinel greeted. “Is Lapis inside?”</p><p>“Yeah, uh,” she scratched her dreadlocks, seeming conflicted, “she’s just, going through another one of her moments, y’know?”</p><p>Spinel felt a pang in her gut. “She is!?” Without wasting time she slipped past the large gem, despite her half-hearted objections, and into the barn. Leaping up into the loft, she found Lapis curled into the couch with Peridot by her side. Both then stared at her, varying levels of unease on their faces.</p><p>“W-Why hello, Spinel!” Peridot greeted, her voice unnaturally bright. “What brings you to our humble abode?”</p><p>“Peridot -” Lapis objected, only to be interrupted by Spinel.</p><p>“Well, I <i>did</i> come here to hang out, but I don’t think that’d be real fitting now.” Not waiting for an invitation, Spinel sat down beside Lapis. “What’s up?” she asked tenderly.</p><p>The gem didn’t reply. Her body posture leaning more towards Peridot, it looked as if she was discovered doing something she wasn’t meant to.</p><p>“Why didn’tcha call?” Spinel interrogated, growing more confused and concerned.</p><p>“She doesn’t need this right now, Spinel,” Peridot rebuffed, taking the water gem’s hand in her’s protectively. “Lapis has other people that can help her.”</p><p>Before either of them continue, Lapis suddenly sighed. “Spinel, I’m sorry, it’s just -”</p><p>“No,” Peridot rejected, “you have <i>nothing</i> to be sorry for.” She looked back over to the teen, a less stern look in her eyes. “And, to put your mind at ease, neither do you.”</p><p>Spinel was thoroughly puzzled now, her face flushing at the thought of being left in the dark about something. “What’s going on here?”</p><p>By now Bismuth had climbed up the ladder to the loft. Hearing what Spinel had asked, she joined in the exchange of concerned looks Peridot and Lapis were engaging in. “You should probably tell her, Blue.”</p><p>Lapis looked at Spinel from the side. “I started feeling bad,” she put it simply, “and I didn’t want to burden you.”</p><p>It was such a harmless, straightforward answer. Yet the girl felt like the floor had collapsed under her. “W-What?” A sense off betrayal took her captive. “You - but you said we’d help each other out!”</p><p>“I know I did,” the gem began apologetically, “but, there’s gonna be times where we can’t always be there for each other.”</p><p>“That’s the <i>exact opposite</i> of what ya always been tellin’ me,” Spinel argued, her voice getting low again. Then, it clicked. Spinel couldn’t bother to stifle back a gasp. “Are you - do you <i>actually</i> think I -”</p><p>“Now, Spinel,” Bismuth interrupted, with a voice that matched the type someone would use when trying to calm down a feral cat, “let’s not get hasty -”</p><p>“I’m not gonna fucking, <i>explode</i>, Bismuth,” the teen shot back. She lifted her arms up and let them fall back down to her sides. “All the energy’s gone. And I’m pretty certain it’s never comin’ back.”</p><p>She looked back at Lapis. “Why didn’tcha call?” she asked again, this time fully knowing the answer.</p><p>The gem faced Spinel fully now. “You’re still recovering, Spinel. I can see it in your eyes, I can hear it in your voice. And you know it, too. That means you should know you oughta focus more on <i>your</i> wellbeing than on mine. I’ve been through countless moments like these before, I’ve had these two to help me out before - which, are two things you also know. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“And I haven’t gone through those moments before?” Spinel countered.</p><p>“This is <i>big</i>, Spinel,” Lapis reminded. Her voice has begun sounding more desperate. “I don’t…” she paused, “I <i>can’t</i> see you go through any more pain like that. . . . So, please. Just worry about yourself.”</p><p>“…No.”</p><p>Lapis huffed. “Spinel, this is -”</p><p>“-‘For my own good?’” Spinel finished. “Are you even hearing yourself right now?” She chortled in disbelief. “That - that’s gotta be some of the <i>lamest</i> shit I’ve ever heard come from you!”</p><p>“Well <i>excuse me</i> for trying to spare you any stress!” Lapis retorted angrily, springing up off of the couch. </p><p>“I’m learning to get better! Did’ja forgot that? I’m learning not to freak out so much!”</p><p>“And <i>what</i> are you doing right now?”</p><p>“I’m FUCKING-” She caught herself. Closing her eyes and clenching her fists, she took in a deep breath. <i>She’s your friend, Spinel. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Breath in, breath out.</i></p><p>Exhaling, Spinel opened her eyes. She saw Lapis staring back at her with a less angry look in her eyes. If anything, she looked mildly surprised. </p><p>“Didn’t expect that, huh?” she remarked in a calmer tone. </p><p>Lapis had no choice but to awkwardly shrug. “Kinda.”</p><p>She tucked in her lips. “I know I’m not, like, <i>doing</i> all that great right now. But I’m not some complete mess. What happened was real rough, yeah, but it’s made me… I dunno… smarter? More enlightened? I-I dunno how else to put it.”</p><p>“More aware of your feelings and willing to confront them?” Peridot suggested.</p><p>Spinel snapped her fingers. “Bingo.” Her attention turned back to Lapis. “You get why I don’t wanna ignore you, right? You’re my friend. Since when did your problems not matter as much as mine?”</p><p>“You’re going through a really <i>big</i> problem, though.”</p><p>“I know, I know, but,” she stopped to think, “‘pain isn’t a competition.’ Remember?”</p><p>Bismuth tilted her head to the side in a <i>yeah, true</i> fashion. “She’s got you there, Blue.”</p><p>“I -” Lapis began to argue, only to come up short as she closed her mouth and averted her eyes. Letting out a relenting sigh, she met Spinel in the eyes. “I want to believe you, I really do.” She paused, deciding. “…Alright. Just, <i>promise</i> me you’ll still look out for yourself, okay?”</p><p>“‘Course,” Spinel agreed gratefully, having to refrain herself from seizing Lapis in a bear hug.</p><p>“And if at any point right now you feel yourself getting overburdened, don’t be afraid to let us know.” </p><p>Spinel shook her head. “You’re not a burden, Lapis. Helping you out doesn’t hurt me,” she reassured as they both retook their seats on the couch, with Bismuth coming over to crouch beside it as well.</p><p>The moment the teen sat down, it hit her. “Oh, <i>man.</i>”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>The teen brought a hand to her forehead. “I sound like a complete hypocrite right now, don’t I?”</p><p>“Whaddya mean?” Bismuth asked.</p><p>“This is how I felt with the Gems. This is how I <i>still</i> feel with the Gems.” Really, Lapis’ situation was practically a perfect parallel to her’s. Spinel was a bit surprised she managed to pick up on that. Normally, the blatantly obvious truth would have had to be hammered into her skull.</p><p>Lapis twisted her mouth. “Do you, wanna talk about it?”</p><p>She shook her head lightly. “No. Maybe after.” The teen patted Lapis on the leg. “Let’s take it one at a time, eh?”</p><p>The water gem managed to grin slightly. “‘Course.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Everything’s Not Fine | Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steven’s downward spiral accelerates.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is it cool if I come over tomorrow?”</p><p>“If you wanna help me grade some art projects, then sure.”</p><p>Spinel chuckled. “Oh, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”</p><p>Lapis rolled her eyes, grinning. “Get outta here,” she chided, playfully nudging Spinel out the door. </p><p>“I’ll see ya!” </p><p>“Bye!”</p><p>After about a half hour of talking and being there for Lapis, Spinel was happy to report that said gem was feeling leagues ahead of how she was initially. The rest of the B Team, her, and Spinel proceeded to hang out for the next several hours, watching videos and chatting. Bismuth had to leave halfway through that to prepare for tomorrow’s class, and now Spinel had to, as Pearl had called her home for dinner.</p><p>Before Lapis could close the barn door, Spinel turned around and hurled out one last quip. “Hey! Don’t have too much fun ‘preparing for class’ in there with Peridot!”</p><p>Hearing that, the gem coughed out a laugh. “Oh, you did <i>not</i> just say that!” she warned, sprouting her fisticuff wings in a jokingly threatening manner. </p><p>By that point Spinel was already sprinting away, laughing. “Don’t tell me ya won’t!”</p><p>Soon Spinel had cleared Little Homeschool and was making her way through Beach City - and her feelings of enjoyment started to dissolve. Despite clearly seeing townspeople going about the end of their day around her, she couldn’t get rid of that gnawing feeling of loneliness. There wasn’t anybody she knew around her, nor was she in a place she would call “safe.” To her, it was fairly reasonable to say she was alone.</p><p>Months ago, Spinel would’ve dissolved into a puddle of anxiety at being hit with such a notion. Yet things had changed. Spinel had gone through a sort of metamorphosis, one that was partly willing and partly unwilling. <i>I’m better</i>, she told herself. And she truly was. Yet she wouldn’t ever be perfect, which she was helpfully reminded of as the edges of her vision began to swim and her pace picked up.</p><p><i>C’mon, think of something else.</i> Cracking her knuckles (it had proven to  help ground herself before), she thought back to her visit with Lapis. The gem really thought she would be a burden to Spinel. Man, the teen couldn’t get over how ridiculous that sounded! As well as, erm, how the truth then screamed itself at Spinel’s face. Boy, wasn’t <i>she</i> having to get used to a whole lot of new, different ideas lately. Guess she didn’t have much of a choice in that regard.</p><p>As soon as she was comfortably within the confines of the beach, she notice a figure leaning against the bend of the Temple hill. Spinel quickly realized it was Garnet, who was neutrally staring back at her. </p><p>The teen’s anxiety lifted at the sight of a trustworthy face. She was about to call out a greeting - probably something along the lines of “Heya Garnet!” - but the fusion raised a finger of silence up to her lips before she could. With Spinel quieted, Garnet then leapt all the way over to meet up with her, kicking sand up once she landed.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” she apologized as Spinel wiped sand off of herself.</p><p>“No biggie,” she said, finishing making sure no grains remained speckled in her twin-tails. “What’s up?”</p><p>“We’re taking the long way home.”</p><p>Spinel picked up on a rare bit of emotion, though indecipherable, in her voice. “Whaddya mean? Is something wrong?”</p><p>After a second, Garnet simply turned back towards the hill. “I’ll tell you on the way.”</p><p>“W-Wait, hold on a sec!” she argued, following after Garnet once she began moving away from the beach. “What’s goin’ on? Why can’t I go down that way?”</p><p>She brought a hand up to her visor, the tips of her fingers resting against it. Spinel noted with embarrassment that Garnet had been doing that more since… that night. She looked at her from the side, her slightly twisted mouth the only detectable sign of emotion on her face. It looked sympathetic, appearing to be in anticipation of a decision to reveal something rough.</p><p>“. . . Steven’s proposing to Connie.”</p><p><i>Huh?</i> “Proposing….” Spinel remembered hearing that word on the Internet somewhere. The meaning of it finally came back to her in full force. “Wait, <i>what!?</i>”</p><p>Garnet stopped walking as soon as Spinel froze in place. “There was no future where this wouldn’t have happened. I’ll have to talk to him after I take you home.”</p><p>Spinel didn’t know what to say. <i>So that’s who Steven loves.</i> It - it shouldn’t have hurt that bad. They’re giving each other space, she <i>wanted</i> the space, she <i>knows</i> she shouldn’t be feeling so… betrayed.</p><p>The fusion’s presence made itself apparent again as she placed her hand on the teen’s shoulder. “It’s okay to feel like that, Spinel.”</p><p>It took a moment for her to find the words. “I just . . . how long does it take? How long does it take to get over someone?”</p><p>“There is never a set time period. It varies from person to person.”</p><p>She chuckled bitterly. “Mine’s probably gonna take years.”</p><p>“It won’t take years,” Garnet assured. “But it won’t take days, either.”</p><p>Spinel wiped her nose. “Yeah.” How could he just, do that? Not even a week after she had poured out her soul for him, he was confessing his own feelings for someone else? She knew she shouldn’t be thinking such selfish thoughts, but… fuck. She couldn’t get that out of her head. Did he really value her <i>that</i> lowly? Was he ready to push her aside <i>that</i> quickly?</p><p>“Don’t take it personally, Spinel.”</p><p>She was kicked out of her own thoughts by Garnet’s omniscient tone, who continued. “He’s felt this way for a long time,” she sighed. Garnet relinquished her hand from Spinel’s shoulder. “Now, let’s go home. Pearl’s going to get nervous.”</p><p>“. . . I know.”</p><p>They both pressed on through the scenic route, now silent. Garnet’s towering, yet comforting figure helped quiet Spinel’s badgering thoughts for the time being. Yet as they made their way across the hill and onto the other side of the beach, a buzzing question was demanding it made itself be known.</p><p>“What’s gonna happen?”</p><p>Garnet barely broke stride. “She’ll say no.”</p><p>“Whu - really?” Spinel sounded astonished. “Connie’s gonna say no to - to <i>him?</i>”</p><p>“M-hm.”</p><p>“…Wow.”</p>
<hr/><p>Steven was a wreck.</p><p>Spinel was glumly reminded of this as she made herself a sandwich in the kitchen. The teen didn’t think he came out of his room at all yesterday, and not even today so far. She didn’t blame him - rejection <i>was</i> a bitch. He and Garnet only came inside well after dinner was done, and all he did was trudge straight up to his room. It felt as if he was holed up in there ever since.</p><p>However, that was soon to change.</p><p>Just as she closed the cupboard, she heard the upstairs door open. Resisting the urge to whip her head around, Spinel instead calmly turned to see Steven lumbering down the stairs, his head hung low.</p><p>Putting on her best affectionate smile, she greeted him. “Heya, Steven. Feelin’ any better?”</p><p>The words jostled him, breaking the guy out of some sort of depressed trance as his eyes snapped up towards her. He didn’t answer, instead asking a question. “Gems still out on their field trip, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah, sorry.”</p><p>Steven looked at her for a moment, seemingly wanting to say something. Instead, he shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine.” He wiped a hand over his face. “Don’t wanna bother them, anyways.”</p><p>That sounded familiar. As he began trudging over to the fridge, Spinel got a good look at his face. Oh, <i>man</i>, did she not like what she saw. Under his eyes were deep sets of bags, almost ghoulishly grey. He looked as if he hadn’t had a good sleep in days. It wasn’t just his face that grabbed her attention, however. His whole body seemed to sag under an invisible weight. He also smelled. Like, <i>really</i> bad. It was clear he hadn’t bothered showering in a hot minute. What happened seemed to have just… completely broken him.</p><p>
  <i>He must really love her.</i>
</p><p><i>No, stop.</i> She shook her head, scowling at even thinking of such a thought right now.</p><p>“Sooo, Steven.”</p><p>His hand hovered over the freezer handle. “Yeah?”</p><p>Spinel twiddled with her thumbs. It just didn’t feel natural, having <i>the</i> Steven be clearly in so much pain. As a friend, she had to do something. “Do you, wanna, uh… watch a movie, or somethin’?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Like, you know,” she explained, “as friends! Just to help ya get your mind offa things.”</p><p>A flurry of small, minute movements of his face showed Spinel that he was thinking it over. The offer made him look oddly hopeful, if anything. Unfortunately, his face settled back into that eternal frown. “Thanks, but I - I think I should be alone right now.” </p><p>Everything else but his voice said that was a lie. “You sure?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, a forced hardness in his tone. He opened up the freezer before Spinel could say anything. Both their eyes soon fell on some glowing pink thing, resting in the back corner.</p><p>That’s when it happened.</p><p>Lips curled back in fear, Steven’s skin turned that harsh pink neon. But that wasn’t all. Jolting back in surprise, his body <i>swelled</i> to an abnormal extreme. His newfound bulk gave him the strength to rip off the freezer door as he jerked back, just missing Spinel as he swung it in his grasp.</p><p>“<i>Gaah!</i>”</p><p>“<i>Steven!</i>” Spinel shrieked, her eyes glued to his physique and ripped clothing. “Wh-What’s happening?!”</p><p>He dropped the door, shrinking back to his normal size. Panting heavily (out of nerves or physical exertion, she didn’t know) Steven’s eyes flickered between the door and her. “I-I don’t know. I don’t - this never happened before.” He put out his hands in reassurance. “B-But I’m <i>fine!</i> It’s probably just, puberty!”</p><p>His eyes said he was lying. Again. “Steven, I dunno how puberty works for guys, but I think I woulda heard them complain about their body swelling on the Internet before.”</p><p>“You don’t know that,” he waived her off, moving over to the couch.</p><p>“That’s not - Steven, something weird’s happenin’!” Spinel protested as she followed him over. “Shouldn’t we go see the Gems?”</p><p>“I don’t wanna bother them!” Steven argued, plopping himself down onto the couch and huffing. “I can work this out myself.”</p><p>The teen would’ve said more had it not been for the ringing in his pocket. Fishing his phone out, he flashed pink again once he got a good look at the screen.</p><p>“What’s a matter?”</p><p>“I-It’s nothing,” he dismissed, only for the hand holding his phone to suddenly swell and grow larger than his head. His subsequently larger finger then accidentally accepted the video call.</p><p>“Steven!” Connie’s voice rung out like a bell. “Are you there?”</p><p>The guy tried looking unassuming. “H-Hey, Connie! What’s up?”</p><p>The facade immediately crumbled once Spinel rushed to his side. “Connie! Something’s wrong with Steven!”</p><p>She looked confused. “What?”</p><p>“No, Spinel!” His voice grew sterner as he brushed her aside. Turning back to the phone, he chuckled awkwardly. “Sorry about that, it’s -”</p><p>“A-Are you glowing?”</p><p>He stuttered. “I - I mean a bit, yeah, but not a -” His sentence was cut off once the left side of his face swelled up.</p><p>“AH! What’s happening to your face!?” she yelled.</p><p>Spinel reentered the frame. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on! Is he sick? I-I kinda swelled a bit when I got sick - is that what’s happenin’? Does he need to go to one of those human healers?”</p><p>“Spinel, I <i>don’t</i> need to go to a doctor.”</p><p>“No, she’s right,” Connie said. “This looks serious. My mom can see you at the hospital!” she suggested.</p><p>Steven made a noise of disagreement. “I wouldn’t wanna waste her time.”</p><p>His protest was met with simultaneous pressuring demands from both Connie and Spinel. As the other side of his face swelled, he sighed. “…Right. Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>As much as she begged and pleaded with Dr. Mahesweran, Spinel said she wasn’t allowed to come with to the hospital. The less people there were, the woman explained, the smoother the checkup would be. Plus, she already received enough primary information from the girl during the phone call requesting his appointment. Maybe she shouldn’t have done that.</p><p>It was late when he returned, glummer than ever but now in the company of his old man. Greg thanked Spinel, for some reason, before he and Steven went upstairs. Just as Spinel woke up the next morning, Greg informed her that he and Steven were going to head off on a mini road trip for some “father-son bonding time.” Spinel tried (mostly with success) to ignore how it was blatantly described to her as going to be a two person-only activity. Yet as they left - and as Spinel reminded herself that she wasn’t gonna be alone, she had all sorts of things to do - she couldn’t help but be happy that Steven could finally get better.</p><p>In reality, it just made things worse.</p><p>Spinel woke up that morning to the sight of the Gems, having returned from their field trip last night, uneasily going over yesterday’s events. Garnet told the girl what happened, much to her dismay. Expecting the worst, Spinel was somewhat allayed once she noticed an unharmed-looking Steven leaning against the guardrail outside. She burst outside to meet him, the sound of the door opening up making him flinch. </p><p>“It’s just me, Steven,” she responded. <i>Why is he scared?</i></p><p>His frame relaxed, resting against the porch. Spinel joined him on the railing beside him, and when he leaned away she responded by giving him a solid two feet of space. After resettling, she noticed a disappointed, almost contemptuous glaze in his eyes as he leered down towards the beach. Her gaze following his, her eyes came to rest on Bismuth, Greg, and his van - which looked like it had tumbled down a mountain.</p><p>She just managed to stifle down a gasp. “Are you alright?”</p><p>He barely moved. All he did was eye the other teen from the side, tiredness now in his expression. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Physically? Emotionally?”</p><p>“I’m <i>fine.</i>”</p><p>Hearing that, Spinel wondered if she was in a right place to lecture Steven on how well he was doing. That’s what it felt like he was telling her, after all. But something told Spinel now wasn’t the time to obey him. The alarm bells going off in her head said she shouldn’t clam up.</p><p>Before she could reply properly however, he turned and shuffled inside, leaving Spinel no choice but to trail after him. She went and stood beside Garnet as he took a seat on the couch, with Pearl pacing around the room anxiously.</p><p>“How could this happen?” Pearl questioned him as she moved, her hand pressed against her chin. “You crashed the van with Greg <i>inside?</i> You know how fragile he is!” She sighed. “These outbursts of yours are getting out of hand.”</p><p>“It’s not an <i>outburst!</i>” Steven shot back, the swelling of his body not helping his position at all.</p><p>Pearl waved her hand towards him. “See? This is exactly what I’m talking about! What - what’s <i>happening</i> to you?”</p><p>“Nothing! … It’s nothing.”</p><p>What <i>was</i> happening? Spinel’s eyes were glued to Steven, who looked like a balloon about to pop. It felt like peering into a magic mirror, one that showed the viewer an illustration of their past self. She did <i>not</i> like what she saw. Why was Steven acting like this? Like <i>herself?</i> He’s Steven; he shouldn’t - <i>couldn’t</i> - be behaving so… volatile.</p><p>Soon after he said that, he pushed himself up and began walking himself out, much to Pearl’s chagrin. “Steven? Steven!” she said in that infamously stern tone of her’s. “Where are <i>you</i> going?”</p><p>He didn’t pay her any attention, which only served to make Pearl more miffed. “We’re not done talking, young -”</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>*Tonk!*</i>
  </b>
</p><p>The gem’s sentence was rudely interrupted by a large, pink hexagon that apparated in Steven’s wake. Comprised of dozens of little hexagons, it was the exact harsh shade of Steven’s skin.</p><p>Spinel and the others gasped at its sudden appearance. “Steven! Drop this wall <i>now!</i>” Pearl ordered.</p><p>The teen finally noticed. “Ah! Pearl, I-I’m sorry!” he said in a panicky, apologetic voice. “I’m trying! I just… need… some….” Grunting in determination, he slowly willed the wall away. “… some space.” With that, he turned tail and stepped onto the stairs, practically sweating. “I’ll be in my room.”</p><p>“Not so fast, my dude,” Amethyst stopped him, the words making him look like he swallowed a lemon. “You gotta tell us what’s going on.”</p><p>“It looks like Steven is trying to avoid a serious discussion about this,” Garnet threw in her two cents as she touched her shades.</p><p>That just made him become angry. “No, I’m <i><b>not!</b></i>” he bellowed, slamming his fist onto the steps in a way that shocked Spinel, not just because it cracked the windows and shook the house.</p><p>She could feel the tension in the room bubbling. “Steven, relax! Look - let’s just sit down ‘n talk! You’ll feel better when it’s over, trust me!”</p><p>His hand flew to his hair as he started groaning. The others began closing in on him like a pack of hyenas. </p><p>“Just chill, man!”</p><p>The groans continued. He sounded like he was in literal, physical pain.</p><p>“We need to do something about this before someone gets hurt!”</p><p>They got louder. Spinel felt herself wishing she could shrink. “Uh, guys?”</p><p>“Don’t let your feelings control you. You’re better than this.”</p><p>“<i>NNGHH</i> - <b>LEAVE ME AL</b>-”</p><p>With a flash - an ugly, pink flash - he was gone. What was left behind was a stunned, utterly nonplussed living room. Everybody froze as they all stared at where Steven once stood.</p><p>“Where - Where’d he go?” Spinel whimpered.</p><p>Nobody answered her. That was, until Amethyst let out a choked gasp.</p><p>“His speed powers.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Decided to split this chapter in half in order to make it less congested.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Everything’s Not Fine | Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steven crumbles.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The house was quiet, an almost palpable sense of dread hanging in the air. It wasn’t helped at all by the pounding rain outside, making the house uneasily dark and grey as it casted its figures in a gloomy shadow.</p><p>“Has anybody called yet?”</p><p>Garnet looked away from staring out the window to answer Pearl, her mouth pressed together tightly. “No.”</p><p>Squeezing her eyes shut, Pearl let out a strangled sound. “It’s been four days….” </p><p>“It’ll be okay, Pearl,” Amethyst reassured as the gem leaned against the kitchen table, her hand coming to rest against her side. “He’ll come back.”</p><p>“Y-You think somebody would’ve found <i>something</i> by now,” she bemoaned. “I’ve sent so many messages… he hasn’t answered a single one.… Stars, I <i>can’t</i> do this again.”</p><p>Another hand found its way to Pearl - the smallest out of all of them. Pearl looked up to see Spinel staring with those concerned eyes of hers. “I… I’m here for you, Pearl. I know,” she chuckled humorlessly, “given the circumstances that might sound rich coming from me, but… this hurts us all too. And it’s not over yet.”</p><p>Pearl sniffled something fierce. “Oh, Spinel,” she said as she embraced the teen tightly, “It m-means so much to hear you say that. Thank you.”</p><p>She welcomingly reciprocated the hug. “No problem.”</p><p>Then the door swung opened.</p><p>Everybody’s heads snapped towards the sound. Their surprise grew exponentially once they saw who it was: Steven, drenched in rain and looking much worse for wear. He was clearly exhausted, judging by his labored breathing, and one of his fists was jammed inside his jacket pocket.</p><p>“STEVEN!” Pearl shrieked as she rushed to meet him, only for the guy to practically ignore her and push past her wordlessly.</p><p>“Wh-Where are you going? Where have you been?!” she called after him, Steven entering the bathroom with determination.</p><p>He slammed the door shut as Spinel and the Gems raced over. “We’ve looked <i>everywhere</i> for you!” Amethyst said.</p><p>“N-Not now!” he begged as the sound of running water soon came on.</p><p>“No, Steven!” Amethyst banged on the door. “We deserve some answers!”</p><p>Pearl, though looking as distressed as Amethyst, kept herself more restrained. “You can’t just disappear for days like that!” She turned to face Garnet. “Garnet, what do we do?”</p><p>“. . . I don’t know. It’s been so, foggy, recently.”</p><p>Spinel stared at the door for a couple moments. She had half a mind to break down the stupid piece of wood. Here was her friend - obviously going through something really bad - who had been missing for <i>four fucking days</i>, and only now returned home just to shut himself inside the bathroom. A surprising swell of anger flared in her gut.</p><p>Yep, her mind had been made up. “Guys, stand back!” With Garnet moving herself and the others away, the girl swelled her fist to the size of her torso and plunged it through the door. After reducing the door to splinters and wooden chunks, she and the others burst inside.</p><p>There was Steven, staring back at them with a mixture of fear and horror. In front of the tub next to him, on the other end, was a gem with a glare that could slice through steel. </p><p>A big, orange gem.</p><p>“Whu - Jasper!?” Amethyst exclaimed, confirming Spinel’s suspicion.</p><p>“Why are <i>you</i> here?” Pearl interrogated, jabbing a finger at her.</p><p>Man, she was <i>huge</i>. Much more formidable-looking than what she had imagined, somehow. Her face remained stalwart as she marched to stand right beside Steven. “The only person I answer to is my Diamond.”</p><p>—<i>“Let’s play a game, my Diamond!”</i>—</p><p>It wasn’t just Spinel who recoiled at that title. “Wait, <i>what?!</i>” Amethyst yelled.</p><p>Steven stumbled out of the bathroom as Jasper stuck on him like glue, her arms in that <i>damn</i> salute. The rest followed after them, with Pearl demanding, “Why are you calling him that!?”</p><p>Once they all exited the bathroom, Spinel allowed her eyes to get unstuck off of Jasper for a moment and peered over at Steven. No longer looking scared as well as ghastly, the only expression now on Steven’s face was the type one had on if they saw a ghost. His eyes were sunken into his skull as his mouth hung open limply. </p><p>“Steven… what’s goin’ on?”</p><p>He didn’t even bother to spare her a glance. Instead, he just climbed up the stairs in an almost automatic way. Again, everybody trailed after him. Although Jasper marched behind dutifully, everybody else followed as if he was a bear; afraid to get too close for the risk of provoking him in any way.</p><p>They soon entered the conservatory, the Gems and Spinel noticing that Steven had placed a foot onto the warp pad. </p><p>Pearl gasped. “Steven, wait!”</p><p>“You don’t need to go,” Garnet added beseechingly.</p><p>Sighing, Steven reached an arm out behind him as his skin glowed. One of those pink walls popped into existence again, cutting the room in half and leaving him all alone on one side.</p><p>“What. The. HECK?!” Amethyst yelled with a taught voice. </p><p>“You guys…” he began, sounding hollow. “I love you, but, you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.”</p><p>Spinel could feel Pearl’s corrosive despondency on top of her own. It didn’t lighten up as Steven continued. “So, please. Don’t follow me.”</p><p>Jasper sneered at them all, satisfied with <s>her Diamond</s> Steven asserting his authority. Her smirk quickly fell, however, once Steven addressed her directly. “You too, Jasper. Find something better to do with your life.”</p><p>“Steven!” Garnet called, placing a hand on the barrier. “Remember: we’ll always be your family.”</p><p>The girl didn’t think she had heard the fusion sound so desperate before. <i>Ever</i>. Yet her emotion fell on deaf ears as Steven didn’t pay it any mind. With a flash, he was gone.</p><p>It was eerily silent for a moment. The quiet was soon broken once Pearl’s legs wobbled and buckled, her knees crashing to the ground. “Oh - oh my Stars.”</p><p>The sound broke Spinel out of her stupor. She almost instinctively moved to squat beside Pearl as the gem brought two hands up over her mouth. Sliding her hand around her back, Spinel observed the others. Like Pearl, they were all completely rooted to the spot, simply just staring at the warp pad. Heck, even <i>Jasper</i> looked crushed.</p><p>“What’s <i>happening?</i>” Pearl whimpered. “Why is he doing this?”</p><p>The others continued staring. It was only Jasper’s lumbering figure turning towards the exit that caught their attention. </p><p>Amethyst turned her head. “What - where’re you going?”</p><p>The gem clenched her fists. “…To do something better.” Finishing that sentence, she marched out. </p><p>Spinel continued to console Pearl. Soon, she felt a hand on her own back. She quickly recognized it was Garnet’s, judging by the hard crystal of Ruby’s gem. The teen looked up at her, each displaying some level of distress.</p><p>“…Are you okay?”</p><p>Her eyes glanced over to the warp pad. “Who was he talkin’ about? S-Should we go after him?”</p><p>Even in the overcast weather, light managed to somehow bounce off of Garnet’s shades. “He’s going to Homeworld. To see the Diamonds.”</p><p>“The… Diamonds….” She hadn’t seen them since her attack on Earth, yet she still vividly remembered their presence. The <i>fear</i> she felt from their presence. Still, Steven had spoken of them as being complicated people, people who have genuinely changed and are making up for their past horrors. Like her. He told her sparingly about the times they had even called him to “chit-chat.” Nonetheless, it felt hard for her to believe they were capable of doing something so pleasant. Come to think of it, Steven had mentioned those times less and less as of late. She wondered wh-</p><p>“You don’t need to force yourself to go there, Spinel,” Garnet’s clear voice broke Spinel out of her thoughts. “Plus… I don’t think we should go after him, either.”</p><p>Pearl raised up her head for the first time. “I - <i>what!?</i>”</p><p>“He clearly doesn’t want us around him right now. Following Steven would only serve to worsen the situation.”</p><p>“Garnet, something <i>bad’s</i> happening!” Amethyst argued. “We - we gotta do <i>something!</i>”</p><p>She sighed. “I know, but right now isn’t the best time. We need to wait and see how this plays out.”</p><p>Pearl shot up. “I am not going to <i>wait</i>, Garnet! I don’t want a repeat of -”</p><p>“We have to!”</p><p>“NO!”</p><p>Spinel found herself yelling that before she knew what she was doing. The Gems, notably a miffed Garnet, turned and faced her. “I - I’m sorry, I shouldn’ta said that.”</p><p>“No,” Garnet said in a tone Spinel couldn’t quite place. “Continue.”</p><p>She swallowed, pressing her hands together. “I mean . . . Pearl’s right. Lookit what happened to me. Think what - what <i>woulda</i> happened if nobody came for me when I spiraled.”</p><p>“This is different. We know where he is. And this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s spiraling.”</p><p>“Yeah, but, h-he’s still not feelin’ good.” She thought about it all for a moment, before coming to a possibility she was all-too familiar with. “What if he’s fakin’ it?”</p><p>“‘Faking it?’” Pearl echoed.</p><p>“What if he’s downplaying what’s really goin’ on inside him?” Spinel elaborated further. “What if he’s tryna make you guys worry less about him? I mean, yeah, he’s not exactly puttin’ on an act completely,” she said, looking directly at Garnet, “but, he still could be pushin’ his own feelings aside for our sake.” Man, did this feel weird to say. It felt like she was indirectly calling herself out.</p><p>The fusion pursed her lips, thinking. While she did that, Pearl added onto Spinel’s train of thought. “Garnet, you <i>know</i> how much he cares about us. Spinel could be on to something here!”</p><p>“I… understand how you think that,” she acknowledged. “Especially you, Spinel.” </p><p>“So you get why we gotta do something, then?” Amethyst hoped.</p><p>Garnet’s fingertips pressed themselves against her visor. She pulled them away with a dissatisfied expression. “…Alright. When he returns, we’ll try to sit him down and talk.”</p><p>“When’s he gonna come back?” Spinel wondered.</p><p>“I’m not sure.” Heaving out a sigh, she abruptly turned towards the exit. “Let’s just get back inside in the meantime.”</p>
<hr/><p>The gloomy, overcast day had warped into a gloomy, overcast dusk. Still no sign of Steven. Just like before, the Gems and Spinel uselessly waited around the living room, biding their time until Steven returned. Now, however, they were joined by Connie and Greg, who had arrived as soon they received word that Steven was found.</p><p>“It’s getting late, Spinel,” Pearl spoke up suddenly. “Shouldn’t you be going to bed?”</p><p>The girl in question shook her head, completely hostile to such an idea. “No. I wanna be there for him.”</p><p>Pearl chose not to reply, only twisting her mouth and turning her head towards Connie. “Are you sure your mother is okay with you being here at this time of hour?”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am. As soon as I explained what’s going on, she let me come over,” the other human said. She sighed. “In fact, she encouraged it.”</p><p>“Encouraged it…,” Pearl echoed, gazing back towards the stairs with a fist balled beneath her chin. </p><p>Silence regained control over the room. Spinel gazed amongst the others, tapping her finger against her leg. “D’ya think we should call Lapis ‘n the others over?”</p><p>“No,” Garnet said. “This doesn’t need to concern them.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because, Steven -”</p><p>“I’M <i>FINE!!</i>”</p><p>A thunderous shout rung through the beach house. Quickly being recognized as Steven’s, all Gems and humans alike sprung up and quickly zoomed up the stairs to Steven’s room. </p><p>“Steven?! Is that you!?” Pearl called.</p><p>Amethyst was the first up the stairs. “What happe-”</p><p>Her voice shut off while everybody else filed into his room. It soon became clear why. Steven suddenly looked as if he aged ten years, and spent most of that time hitting the gym. He was tall, practically as tall as Garnet at a solid seven foot. The bodybuilder’s muscles he was spontaneously sporting stretched his black t-shirt to the limits its cotton could handle. And his <i>eyes</i>. They were fucking <i>diamond-shaped.</i></p><p>Seeing his body like that at a normal, happier time, Spinel wouldn’t have been able to stop herself from drooling. Now, it felt like her brain had entered DEFCON 5.</p><p>Everyone gasped at the sight of Steven. Likewise, Steven matched their fear once his eyes became caught on Greg and Connie. </p><p>“Steven!” Greg gasped. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Was he vibrating? It was hard to tell; the pink glow of his skin made his outline less decipherable. Whether or not Steven was, he was still clearly not taking a liking to those two being here. A cornered animal, it looked like he might book it  out of the room at any second.</p><p>But before anybody could say anything to defuse the situation, he - he <i>smiled.</i> “Hey, guys.”</p><p>It felt like Spinel just saw someone throw a blanket over a crime scene. The “nothing-to-see-here” vibe only grew once Steven spoke again. “Going to see the Diamonds was a waste of time. I thought I needed to figure myself out, but I know who I am. I’m Steven Universe! I help people, I don’t, <i>hurt</i> them!”</p><p>“Dude, w-what’s going on?” Amethyst interjected. “You look <i>really</i> different.”</p><p>“I’m still good ol’ Steven!” he answered in a tone that was way too bright. “Connie, Dad, hey! You didn’t need to come over! But, wow, what a welcome surprise that is!” </p><p>“Steven,” Garnet began, her glasses dissolving into sparkles to show her uncomfortable eyes, “we’re worried about you.”</p><p>He waved her off. “I’m okay! Honest!”</p><p>God, it felt like looking into a mirror. “Steven, I - you’re really freakin’ me out,” Spinel said, not knowing whether to keep her hands close to her chest or extend them out towards him.</p><p>A flash of panic momentarily glazed over his eyes. “H-How could I be? I’m still the same Steven you know and love! Platonically!”</p><p>She shook her head. “This isn’t you.”</p><p>“Of course it is!”</p><p>“Buddy, if being like this is what you want, we’ll support you one hundred percent,” Greg reassured. “Whatever makes you happy. But, if you’re not happy, if something’s wrong -”</p><p>“<i>Nothing’s</i> wrong!” he defended. “I don’t - you don’t have to worry about me.”</p><p>“We <i>are</i> worried!” Connie protested.</p><p>“Don’t be!”</p><p>Nobody bothered challenging him at that. Instead, they all shared uneasy glances amongst one another. In particular, Spinel could just about feel Pearl’s eyes boring into her soul as she looked back at her. Nothing shone in them except concern and guilt. Especially guilt.</p><p>“What?” Steven questioned, his bright tone sounding less so. “Why’re you doing that?”</p><p>Garnet cleared her throat. “Steven.… I really think we should talk.”</p><p>“<i>No!</i>” His hand swelled as he yelled that. Then he shook his head, trying to get rid of any impure thoughts. “I mean, wh-why bother? S’not like I’m doing anything <i>bad.</i> Matter of fact, I should go down to Little Homeworld and see if there’s anything I can help out with!”</p><p>He tried moving towards the door, but Pearl, Connie, and Spinel blocked his exit. “Steven,” the gem said, “we can’t let you go.”</p><p>“You have to stop running,” Garnet implored.</p><p>Greg stared at him. “Please.”</p><p>Steven was getting boxed in. It seemed like he was well aware of this, his eyes nervously flickering amongst them all. And boy, did that blissful tune of his take a nosedive. At first, Steven’s nostrils flared as his face warped into a snarl. Yet that display of aggression was over as soon as it began. His body shaking, Steven brought his hands up to grab at his head, which was ballooning into various extremes. </p><p>Connie shuddered. “Steven, we should take you back to the hospital.”</p><p>“<i>Hospital?!</i>” both Pearl and Amethyst exclaimed. “<i>When</i> were you in the hospital?!” the former demanded.</p><p>“Wh - you didn’t <i>tell</i> them?” Connie asked in disbelief, her eyes moving between Spinel and Steven.</p><p>The girl stammered. Why <i>didn’t</i> she say anything? Was she really that convinced, that hopeful, that he was going to be helped and everything would be fine? “I-I don’t - I just thought -”</p><p>“It wasn’t that big of a deal, you guys!” Steven interrupted her while chuckling, a frayed and distressful sound. “You’re making a big deal out of <i>nothing.</i> Have I done some things wrong, sure! I trashed my room just now, I broke someone’s heart - what teenager <i>hasn’t</i>, am I right? Dad and I had a little disagreement, sure, but that’s practically a rite of passage!”</p><p>It seemed as if everybody but Steven could sense the rising unease in the room. Yet he wasn’t slowing down in the slightest. “I mean, it would be weird if we didn’t, right? And maaayybe I had a not-so-nice thought or two of, y’know, slamming White Diamond’s head through a pillar - but it’s not like I actually went through with it! I - I only actually shattered <i>Jasper!</i>”</p><p>Sounds of gasps and exclamations erupted across the bedroom.</p><p>“O-<i>oh!</i>”</p><p>“<i>What!?</i>”</p><p>Spinel felt herself shaking. Beside her, however, Connie was rooted firmly to the spot. “You’re - you’re joking, right?”</p><p>Something passed behind Steven’s eyes. “Oh, don’t worry!” he proclaimed rabidly, flashing his open palms towards her. “I fixed that too! I can fix <i>anything.</i> I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and none of you will have to know o-or think about any of it!”</p><p>“Steven…,” Garnet said, voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>He switched his tone again, quicker than last time, as he took an unsteady breath. “How <i>messed up</i> is that . . . that I’ve gotten away with this for <i>so</i> long. You have no! Idea! How bad I am!”</p><p>Spinel should’ve said something. Anything. Yet she was rendered stone silent.</p><p>“Why do you guys even bother with me anymore… I’m useless! There’s <i>nothing</i> left for me to fix! Heck, the Diamonds - <i>the Diamonds</i> - they don’t even need me! They’ve got their court members to keep them company, they’re actually <i>doing</i> things to fix their mistakes! If <i>they</i> don’t need me, then -”</p><p>He started breathing heavier, cutting off the unbearable sentence. “Why do you guys keep me around? Y-You think I’m so great, and I’m so mature, and I’m such a savior, and I always know what to do - but that’s not true! I haven’t learned a <i>thing</i> from my problems! They’ve all just made me worse! You think of me as some angel, but I’m not that kid anymore!”</p><p>A stony expression grabbed hold of him. </p><p>“…I’m a fraud.”</p><p>He fell to the ground, kneeling. </p><p>“<i>. . . I’m a fraud.</i>”</p><p>He shook.</p><p>“I’M A <b>MONSTER!!!</b>”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. I Am My Monster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>That thing can’t be him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinel didn’t know it was possible to become too horrified to cry.</p><p>Her dry, panic-stricken eyes clung to Steven’s growingly monstrous form as it crawled out of his bedroom, glass shattering and wood splintering in his wake. But there was no way. How, <i>how</i> was that - that <i>thing</i> Steven?! The caring, cheery, savior of the galaxy. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t <i>right.</i> She couldn’t have just seen that happen to him. Witness as his body began to warp and mutate into that giant, neon pink creature. Witness as it first came exploding out of his back. There was no way any of that could have just happened to him. To <i>the</i> Steven Universe.</p><p>But it did. It did happen, and she knew it. Didn’t make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow.</p><p>The others were frozen in similar levels of shock. They also looked on in pure horror, gawking at what was becoming of Steven. All except for Pearl, who was openly weeping as well. Only when he was fully on the beach and getting bigger and <i>bigger</i> did anybody dare to venture outside, with Greg being the first.</p><p>God, he was as tall as the cliff. Shrouded in the dark of night, Steven’s darkened, towering form looked so much more terrifying. The tiny bit of Spinel that wasn’t focused on the absolute catastrophe currently unfolding felt ashamed at that. She shouldn’t be intimidated by Steven. He - he was the nicest guy she knew.</p><p>Greg’s mouth felt dry. “Holy… <i>shit</i>.”</p><p>And then he roared. Steven <i>roared.</i> It was a thunderous, guttural, animalistic sound, the kind that sent shivers down your spine and settled inside your gut. Steven shouldn’t have been able to make that sound.</p><p>“Wha - what do we do?” Amethyst asked no one specific, Pearl pressing her wet face into the gem’s shoulder. </p><p>“J-JUST <i>CALM</i> DOWN, SON!” Greg called, finally collecting himself. A bit. “TAKE DEEP BREATHS!”</p><p>“YEAH! R-RELAX, BUDDY!” Amethyst added uselessly.</p><p>As if that was gonna do shit. Case in point, Steven’s <s>hand</s> claws slammed down into the beach beside them, kicking up sand and dirt.</p><p>Once the dust cleared, Spinel heard a familiarly nasal voice. “Well, c’mon! Let’s hurry up and clobber that thing!”</p><p>“<i>Don’t!</i>” Garnet ordered roughly, turning towards the newly arrived B Team.</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>Lapis looked around hastily. “Where’s Steven?” </p><p>Hearing that, Pearl’s sobs grew in volume. The fusion’s lips opened only a fraction, those tightly said words escaping her lips. “…That <i>is</i> Steven.”</p><p>“<i>WHAT?!</i>” they all shrieked.</p><p>Interrupting their newfound shock, Steven whirled around and - and - <i>plunged</i> his face into the Temple monument.</p><p>Spinel gasped. “S-STEVEN!”</p><p>Garnet grabbed hold of her. “Run!”</p><p>“He - he’s <i>hurtin’</i> himself!”</p><p>Chunks of ancient, carefully carved stone came crashing down onto the sand, just where they all once stood. They barely dodged it in time.</p><p>“He’s not listenin’ to us!” Amethyst cried out as they found safer ground.</p><p>“W-Wait, what the - what the heck is happening?!” Peridot exclaimed.</p><p>“I don’t know!” Pearl wailed. “First h-he says he shattered Jasper, and -”</p><p>Lapis’ eyes flew open even wider. “He fucking <i>what!?</i>”</p><p>“- And n-now, he’s turned into -!” Incapable of completing such a sentence, Pearl broke down into body-wracking sobs once more.</p><p>Bismuth’s cautious, slightly calmer voice broke through. “Steven… he’s not - he can’t be co-”</p><p>“<i>No,</i>” Amethyst answered gruffly, sounding like she was convincing herself of her response as well. “He isn’t.”</p><p>“<i>Gems!</i> Focus!” Garnet’s stentorian voice broke through the hysteria, the most collected out of any of them. Though, granted, that wasn’t saying much. “We need to make a plan!”</p><p>Connie rode up to beside Garnet on Lion, who had conveniently arrived as soon as Steven turned into… that. “We can change him back, c-can’t we?”</p><p>Garnet ducked her head, speaking low. “As long as he thinks he’s a monster, he’ll stay one.”</p><p>Steven reared his head once again, his talons creating ugly furrows as they dug into the top of the hill. Everybody there quickly realized that he was trying to scale it, with Bismuth calling, “We gotta keep him away from the town!”</p><p>Garnet turned to Connie and Spinel. “You two: do what you can to protect the townspeople.”</p><p>“Right!” Connie said, determined.</p><p>Spinel balked. The idea of protecting something from Steven’s presence sounded like the definition of an oxymoron. Plus, it just felt completely disloyal to leave someone she cared about like this, in such a pained state. To abandon him like this. “But I -”</p><p>“No buts. Go!”</p><p>The girl would’ve stayed taken aback longer at Garnet’s harsh voice, had it not been for Connie‘s less severe tone ushering her as well. “Spinel! Hop on!”</p><p>It really wasn’t her choice, huh? Feeling compelled by what felt like an outside force, Spinel found herself climbing onto Lion’s back. As soon as her arms were looped safely around Connie’s torso, Lion surged ahead, towards a sleeping Beach City. Though Spinel doubted anybody was asleep anymore.</p><p>Even more destructive-sounding commotion compelled Spinel to look back. She wished she hadn’t. Alexandrite was grappling with Steven, trying to force him away from Beach City. In their swirling tussle, Steven’s massive fist slammed into the lighthouse.</p><p>—“<i>Gee, it’s swell to finally meet her other friends….</i>”—</p><p>The thing disintegrated as if it was made of sand. </p><p>Spinel’s gasp was cut short by Lion making a sharp turn, sprinting down a dimly-lit neighborhood street. Outside of their homes, people stood transfixed at the thing that was Steven, his monumental figure easily visible in the nighttime darkness.</p><p>“Everyone!” Connie announced, Lion skidding to a halt in the middle of the street. “You need to evacuate!”</p><p>Evacuate? <i>Evacuate?</i> From - from Steven???</p><p>The tiny little black lady Spinel had occasionally seen around town ran up to Connie and Spinel, dressed in what could only be described as business-casual pajamas. “Connie! What is going on?”</p><p>“I-It’s Steven, ma’am,” Connie forced the words out. “Something bad happened.”</p><p>She looked past them both and towards the Temple. “My God….” The woman’s expression soon became driven as she turned towards her neighbors, beginning to spout orders.</p><p>Lion seemed about to head off to help the girls spread the word, when Spinel spoke. “Connie? D’ya really think we need to…?”</p><p>With her eyebrows furrowed, Connie’s eyes hardened as she stared down into Lion’s mane. Whether it was in pain or determination or both, Spinel was somehow in the dark. “…I don’t wanna take any risks.”</p><p>“Y-You really think he could -!”</p><p>“I don’t know. I don’t…” She sighed, a choked sound. “…I don’t know. Let’s just, help get everybody to safety for now.”</p><p>Their exchange effectively ended as soon as Lion resumed his sprinting, yet Spinel’s anxieties remained in full. Still, she found herself grounded by the presence of the other human, as well as the bends and arches of Lion’s back as he ran. </p><p>~~~</p><p>“<i>AH! WHAT IS THAT!?!</i>”</p><p>“<i>Oh, don’t worry! This is just Lion! He’ll take a bit to warm up to you, sure, but when he does, he’s the greatest!</i>l</p><p>~~~</p><p>Spinel liked that memory. She found herself having the energy to rub his side. “Haven’t seen you in a while, buddy… feels like it’s been forever since Steven first introduced me to you.”</p><p>He chuffed. It was an animalistic sound.</p>
<hr/><p>Much of Beach City was safely on their way out, owing in part to Nanefua, Connie, and Spinel’s guidance. Well, mostly the former two. Spinel sort of just tagged along, helping parents calm babies and fairly mundane stuff like that. Still, Spinel knew such little acts were important in the long haul. The booming, not-so-distant sounds of roars and other commotion helped her be reminded of that.</p><p>As soon as they finished clearing one particular neighborhood street, the loudest roar yet echoed across Beach City. Spinel and Connie turned just in time to see what looked like neon pink rings shoot out through the night air. Once they stabilized themselves from the ground shaking, however, it got quiet. Alarmingly quiet. </p><p>“What was that?” Spinel wondered, her voice sounding tiny. “Should we go back?”</p><p>Connie peered into the darkness. For the first time that night, only one emotion was clearly visible on her face. Fear. Pure, unadulterated fear shined through Connie’s eyes. Fear at the silence. Fear at not knowing what was going on to her best friend. Fear that something <i>terrible</i> was happening.</p><p>“Oh my God, STEVEN!”</p><p>A rumble building in his chest, Lion opened his mouth to let out a mighty roar. Out came one of his signature pink portals.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“<i>He can do WHAT?!</i>”</p><p>“<i>I know, right? It’s so cool! Hey, Lion, you wanna open up a portal?</i>”</p><p>“. . .”</p><p>“<i>Well, he doesn’t usually do it on command</i>.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Weren’t those simpler times. Yet Spinel had no time to dwell on the past. With her and Connie on his back, Lion instantly leapt into it and raced through the kaleidoscopic expanse that was the animal’s portal space. In a matter of seconds Spinel, Connie, and Lion were deposited on top of the beach house.</p><p>That gave them front row seats of the completely dismal scene in front of them.</p><p>The stench of hopelessness hung in the air. Everybody was sprawled out, looking like they just got spat out of a hurricane. A majority of them were either sagging in defeat or busy crying their eyes out. Heck, even the - the <i>Diamonds</i> were crying, and their ship was knocked onto its side. That explained what that thrumming, mechanical sound was Spinel heard entering the atmosphere. The crown jewel of it all was Steven’s form barely being held back by a giant, fleshy hand. Yet, instead of acting, they still were just, <i>sitting</i> there. Spinel wondered if she should naturally be matching their melancholy of something, but…</p><p>…it all just looked so. Fucking. <i>Stupid.</i></p><p>Spinel could feel the blood boiling beneath her skin. How could they be doing this?! Moping and blubbering and feeling sorry for themselves?! It wasn’t like Steven was still <i>a hundred fucking feet tall</i> or anything! Were they really just that ready to call it quits!? After everything Steven had done for them! How <i>pathetic</i> was that! </p><p>“ - all my fault! - ”</p><p>That excerpt rang in her ears. So, that’s why they were all crying. They were realizing that Steven was really hurt, and it was all their fault.</p><p>Then the truth hit her like a bus.</p><p>A familiar emotion began eating her from the inside out. How… how badly did she hurt him? During her attack? He said it was okay, that they all forgave her. But, she knows that Steven’s been faking how he feels. Did it ever cross her mind since then that part of it could be because of her? For fuck’s sake, she almost <i>killed</i> him! She wiped the Gems’ memories to leave them both to die in a barren world! How had Steven managed to forgive her so readily? Or did he just sweep his feelings aside, for everyone’s sake? For her sake?</p><p>
  <i>What have I done?</i>
</p><p><b>No.</b> She wasn’t going to succumb. Not now. Things - things had changed. She wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself. Not anymore. </p><p>Steven needed their help. </p><p><i>Her</i> help.</p><p>Down on the Beach, White’s quivering voice was heard. “This is a-all m-my fa-a-ault!”</p><p>Spinel was about to open her mouth, when - “YES, IT IS!!”</p><p>She turned towards Connie. She didn’t recall ever hearing her yell like that before. Yet at that moment Spinel’s amount of indignation was on par with her’s so perfectly, that she barely paid that any mind. With everybody’s heads turned towards them, Lion leapt down in front of the house.</p><p>“Yes, you hurt him, but this isn’t the time to make this all about you!” she continued, sounding exasperated. “That is <i>not</i> helping! Maybe Steven would care how sad you are because he <i>always</i> puts everyone else’s feelings first! But he can’t do any of that this time, because he needs <i>us</i> this time!”</p><p>Neither of them knew it at the time, but as she spoke, the moon broke through the cloudiness of night and bathed them in a milky, almost holy glow. It seemed as if everybody else did however, as they all stood up, roused by Connie’s monologue.</p><p>“And I get it, y’know!” Spinel threw in her speech. “You feel bad for what each ‘n every one of you did! <i>I</i> hurt him, too! Really badly! But feelin’ bad isn’t gonna do shit! We actually gotta <i>do</i> something if we want things to change for the better! And right now, that starts with helping <i>him!</i>”</p><p>Beside her, Connie nodded, “We all had Steven when we needed him, but he can’t be there for himself! He’s always been there for us, so,” she sighed, “how can we be there for him <i>now!?</i>”</p><p>The air felt replenished. A newly-refused Garnet stood up, flashing on her shades. “I know how.”</p><p>Before she could continue, Mr. Flesh Arm lost his battle. In the ocean Steven tossed the limb aside, where it glitched away from existence. Now he was sprinting towards them at full speed. Yet nobody was scared, Spinel included. A new resolve had flooded everybody’s system. One that made them determined to finally help him.</p><p>“Okay! No time to waste!” Garnet announced. “Yellow, make me as big as him!”</p><p>“Right!”</p><p>“Blue, lift everyone up!”</p><p>“Of course!”</p><p>“Everyone, get ready to move!”</p><p>Spinel, Connie, Greg, the Gems, and the Diamonds readied themselves. </p><p>“It’s time to show Steven, some love.”</p><p>Steven was nearly onto the beach when Lapis flew up and crashed a wave into him. “Sorry, buddy! I need you to stay here!”</p><p>Chains made of water formed out of the wave, chaining him in place for the time being. That was their cue. By clouds, by flight, by foot, by Lion, everybody charged forward with a war cry of -</p><p>“<i><b>STEVEN!!!</b></i>”</p><p>Garnet’s towering form was the first to reach him. She seized him in a hug, struggling to keep him still as he thrashed around and roared like a wild animal.</p><p>“Steven, when I fell apart, you were there for me.” Her hug tightened. “I want to be there for <i>you</i> now. I’m here, Steven. <i>I’m here.</i>”</p><p>He became still. He <i>actually</i> became still! Flying close by, Lapis noticed this also. “I-Is it working? You hear us? Steven!” She gave him another hug. “You freed me from my prison! Now, I wanna help you get free from yours!”</p><p>Slowly, everybody else joined in on the hug from various places on Steven’s towering body. </p><p>“I’m here, Schtu-ball!” Greg yelled from his chest. “Whatever you need, I’ll make it happen! Just give me the word!”</p><p>“Steven!” Peridot shrieked. “You never gave up on me for some reason, I don’t understand! I’ll do the same for <i>you!</i>”</p><p>“You gave me a second chance, Steven!” Bismuth shouted. “Let me give you one, too!”</p><p>“I know you feel bad!” Amethyst said. “Believe me, I get it! Sometimes, it feels like you’re never gonna like yourself, but,” she smiled, “it’s <i>possible</i>, man!”</p><p>“Steven! I know how awful it feels to keep a part of yourself secret!” Pearl added. “You shouldn’t have to hide <i>anything</i> from us!”</p><p>“You helped heal a broken family, Steven!” Blue Diamond spoke up. “I know how horribly we treated you in the past, but we love you now! We can never thank you enough!”</p><p>He had grown silent now, frozen stiff with emotion. A portal opened in the sky. Out flew Connie and Spinel, the latter landing on top of Garnet’s head.</p><p>“I get how ya feel, Steven!” she cried out, hugging him. “Feelin’ like a horrible person, feelin’ like nobody wants ya around - it sucks! But you taught me all that’s not true! Please, let <i>me</i> teach you that now! Let’s make a change!”</p><p>Connie made landfall right smack dab on Steven’s nose. Walking up to his face, she sighed. “Steven….” Her voice was the quietest. “You must’ve been <i>so</i> afraid to show us this side of yourself. But we’re not going anywhere. We’re all gonna take care of you the same way you take care of us.” A pause. “Y’know what? I don’t have your powers, but….”</p><p>She sealed his fate with a kiss.</p><p>That’s when Steven started crying. Pink tears flowed freely down his face, droplets falling into the ocean he stood in. A pink, sparkling tide soon spread around the base of him. Then a glow. It started out small, but it grew brighter and brighter until it enveloped everything in its blinding light.</p>
<hr/><p>When he came to, he woke up crying. At first, Steven’s eyes stared up into the stars. A brown hand wiping away a tear broke him out of it.</p><p>He looked around. It was quiet as everybody gazed upon him, tenderness in their eyes. Looking down, he noticed how he was shrouded in an old, blue blanket that Garnet had brought from the beach house. As well as how they were all being suspended above the water by the giant, fleshy hand.</p><p>Sitting up, he groaned. His eyes darted amongst everyone and then his hands. “Wha… I… Did - did I… I -!”</p><p>A pink, furry face popped up in front of his. Lion leaned forward and licked Steven on the cheek.</p><p>“Lion….” Steven hugged him, chuckling. “Lion!” He sniffled, tears running down his cheeks.</p><p>~~</p><p>“<i>Lion’s the best. He’s always been there for me.</i>”</p><p>“<i>He must be quite the swell guy, eh?</i>”</p><p>“<i>For sure. I really couldn’t imagine life without him.</i>”</p><p>~~</p><p>He cried.</p><p>It was the hardest Spinel ever heard him cry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Really hope you guys like this! I decided to add a couple changes here and there, namely making everybody’s reactions to Steven’s monster form be much more horrified. ‘Cause, y’know - their boy literally done turned into a whole ass kaiju. I also decided to jump straight from when Kaiju Steven started crying to when he woke up as a human again, instead of following with Spinel’s POV, in order to maintain the pacing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. A Much-Needed Discussion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel and Steven finally have a heart to heart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It felt odd, there being so much noise in the week following Steven’s meltdown. All of it felt inconsiderate, a disrespectful interruption to the otherwise somber atmosphere. Still, Spinel knew Steven’s room wasn’t going to fix itself, and it was an awfully nice thing of Bismuth to say she’d repair the wall. And the sliding glass door. And part of the porch.</p><p>Yeah, there was a lot of repairs that had to be done. Not only for the house.</p><p>Steven was… managing. Given that his room was currently under construction, Garnet had somehow configured the Temple system so that Steven could access Spinel’s room for the time being (as well as Pearl, who wanted to keep an extra eye on him). It wasn’t the most ideal choice for either of the teens, but considering how Garnet’s room was too hot, Pearl’s room was too wet, and Amethyst’s room was literally trash, it was the most practical. </p><p>This allowed Spinel to see Steven in all his pain. The guy had basically confined himself to his mattress on the floor, barely moving so much as a budge. A dark cloud has settled over his face, seemingly impervious to the others’ efforts of “being there for him more.” Made sense why the Gems had been walking on eggshells during the off chance he was out of Spinel’s room.</p><p>“Spinel?”</p><p>The girl looked up from the living room couch, trying and failing to ignore the sounds of construction from upstairs. “Yeah, Pearl?”</p><p>She pressed the palms of her hands together anxiously. “Can I discuss something with you? For a moment?”</p><p>“Uh… sure thing.” What’s got Pearl all in a bunch? Besides, well, y’know. </p><p>Pearl’s eyes darted up towards the stairs, frowning. “Would you want to talk somewhere less, er, noisy?”</p><p>“That’d be nice.”</p><p>They both went out to sit on the patio chairs, which were thankfully unscathed. Given that Bismuth was repairing the exterior wall, the sounds of construction were still audible but still were diminished enough. Settling down, Pearl swallowed and began. “…Greg signed Steven up for therapy.”</p><p>Spinel blinked. “…Oh.” She guess she shouldn’t have been too surprised. Still, wasn’t that, like, a thing for sick people? Sick-in-the-head people? Steven wasn’t like that! He…</p><p>Oh, man, he really <i>was</i> that type of people.</p><p>Pearl clearly wasn’t too enthused about the idea either. “It’s the best way we can help him.” Her eyes fell to the table. “All of this has proven to be something we alone can’t fix.”</p><p>“Golly,” Spinel said, wiping a hand through her hair.</p><p>“That’s not all.”</p><p>The teen darted her eyes back towards Pearl. Tucking her lips, she spoke slowly and methodically. “I, too, have decided to sign you up with a therapist.”</p><p>“What!?” Instantly, Spinel’s heart rate spiked. “I - but I’m gettin’ <i>better!</i>”</p><p>“We know. This doesn’t mean you aren’t,” Pearl began, trying to sound reasonable. “Attending therapy sessions will continue to help you. Greg explained that in therapy, trained professionals give you methods to counteract traumatized ways of thinking, as well as ways to contextualize traumatic experiences.”</p><p>“But aren’t I….” She shook her head, the idea souring her head. “Pearl, I’m doin’ fine! If - if this is ‘cause of what happened with Steven, then -”</p><p>“It is. I won’t deny it,” Pearl admitted, guiltily. “What happened made us realize that he needs serious help. And, well, that made me think. About you. You both have gone through,” she sighed, “terrible things in your lives. You both clearly have been,” she swallowed, “damaged by such things. You and Steven deserve to get treatment. Why should you not?”</p><p>Why not? <i>Why not?</i> “Be<i>cause</i>, we’re… not . . . .”</p><p>Her sentence died off, and with it her reasoning. She couldn’t ignore the fact that Steven and her <i>did</i> share a lot in common, namely their abnormal genetics and upbringing. Trauma - which they both graciously showed evidence of to the world - was more than likely another similarly, she hated to admit.</p><p>Pressing a fist up against her forehead, an indignant huff escaped Spinel’s lips as she thought over what this could mean. “Am I - you said I’m already on the road to healin’, right?” She waved a hand. “Why bother addin’ more onto my plate?”</p><p>“Same reason why you went to Little Homeschool.”</p><p>Oh. With that analogy out, Pearl pressed on insipidly as she folded her hands. “Still, therapy won’t be exactly like Little Homeschool, Spinel. You’ll only meet two to three times a week, for an hour or so at most. Then it’ll be over.”</p><p>Spinel quickly picked up on Pearl’s lackluster attitude early on in their conversation, which she now eagerly grabbed onto as a chance to steer the conversation somewhere else. Even if she knew why Pearl was so downtrodden. “What’s a matter, Pearl?  Something bothering you? Something other than this?”</p><p>The gem opened her mouth, and for a second there Spinel thought she was in the clear. Unfortunately for her, it quickly closed as an unamused expression manifested on Pearl’s face. “Spinel, please don’t try to change the subject.”</p><p>“W-What?” <i>How did she know how the fuck did she know what the hell is -</i> “I wasn’t! I really am concerned about you!”</p><p>“I know you are,” Pearl said, “but your concern shouldn’t take the focus of the conversation off of you.” She chuckled, a dry and almost tired sound. “You don’t think Steven has pulled the same thing on me before?”</p><p>She slumped against her chair, her eyes looking away. “…Sounds about right.” Her eyes drifted back to Pearl’s. “You really aren’t gonna tell me?”</p><p>It was a moment before Pearl spoke. Unfolding her hands, she moved her arms closer to the edge of the table. “When you get tasked with looking over someone, and you pour your soul into looking after them and caring for them, and you <i>fail</i>… it… is a crushing feeling. You… you can’t help but realize you didn’t do enough.”</p><p>—<i>I won’t let Pinkie down. She needs me.</i>—</p><p>Spinel bit down the nausea churning in her gut. “I get it. Really, I do.” She hated those feelings. Maybe, maybe these so-called “professionals” could help her chase it away, considering she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Nor did she have that much of the will to refuse.</p><p>“Did Steven say he was okay with goin’?”</p><p>“Yes. But, that shouldn’t influence your attitude towards going yourself.”</p><p>She nodded. Seemed like Steven had the energy to put up an act permanently drained out of him as well. </p><p>Pearl was quiet for a couple seconds, until she corrected the conversation’s pacing. “We can video call your counselor if you like, once we officially get one.”</p><p>“What’s it gonna be like?” She stared at her. “What - what things are they gonna want me to bring outta the dark?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” the gem admitted. “I don’t know.”</p><p>A relatively long period of silence echoed between them, the only sounds heard being the lapping of the ocean waves onto the beach as well as Bismuth’s construction work. Both found themselves looking down into the table, unsure of what to say. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Spinel broke the calm.</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>“Not wantin’ to go. Thinkin’ it sounded like a stupid idea. ‘Course you know what’s best for me.”</p><p>“I don’t. That’s the whole point.” Pearl faced Spinel directly. “But, I still want to care for you. So, we’re changing our approach towards how we handle this. Garnet, Amethyst, Greg - all of us. For Steven, and for you.”</p><p>Spinel eyed her back. “Thanks, Pearl,” she said with a minute smile.</p><p>She nodded. Then, she scooted her chair back. “I have to go help Greg fill out forms,” Pearl informed as she and Spinel got out of their seats. “Will you be willing to bring Steven his lunch?”</p><p>“Yeah. No problem,” she agreed, stepping back into the house and the noise.</p><p>The gem handed Spinel a platter of lunch confections, and both of them went their separate ways. Still digesting her discussion with Pearl, she braced herself for a whole other challenge: interacting with Steven. Their relation with each other had stayed relatively stagnant since Spinel said she wanted space. Standing in front of the Temple door, she couldn’t help but fear how that had changed. How soured it could’ve become.</p><p>Steeling herself, she summoned open her door.</p><p>It was dark, the lights having been dimmed. That was the first thing she noticed. The second thing was Steven himself. He’s was actually sitting up, leaning on his haunches as he observed something above Spinel’s bed. With a slight tensing of her shoulders, she realized he was looking at her <i>You Are Loved</i> sign.</p><p>She hadn’t been expecting him to, well, move. Particularly on his own accord. Man, Spinel liked it back when Steven was… more predictable. Did it still feel weird to see Steven act so much like, her? Yeah. Very. But, this wasn’t some cheery facade. A face he had to put on every morning. This was the truth, in all its uncomfortable glory.</p><p>Steven’s eyes drifted languidly over to her, a concoction of gloom and guilt diluting his eyes. “…Hi.”</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>The awkwardness was nearly tangible. “Uh, I-I brought ya some lunch!” Spinel declared, trying her best to sound friendly yet still sincere.</p><p>He eyed it. “M’not hungry,” he said, turning his head away to stare blindly at the floor.</p><p>She turned up the light switch. “You gotta eat <i>somethin’</i>, y’know.”</p><p>“….” Steven let out a disgruntled sigh. “Fine.”</p><p>Taking the tray from her hands, he retreated back into the safety of his mattress. Spinel spared herself a quick second to observe him as he began eating. Besides taking note of his tired, unkempt appearance, she noticed that he was still wearing the same pair of pajamas he had on since… since he got back to normal.</p><p>“The, uh, the bathroom’s always available,” she suggested. “If ya don’t wanna change in here, I get it.”</p><p>Steven paused mid-chew, suddenly looking mortified. “I - I’m fine, Spinel. Don’t worry about me.”</p><p>Man, it felt like her reflection had come to life. Spinel’s posture stiffened as she recognized the signs. Everything was there: the dismissals, the unease, the watered-down tone of voice, the “I’ve-Given-Up-On-Life” demeanor, the look that something was clawing at him from the inside-out. The trauma. All of it was still there, ever the more clearer in light of his meltdown. Boy, did old habits die hard.</p><p>Her legs walked over and sat beside the bed before Spinel knew what she was doing. The guy went rigid at seeing that, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Gosh, wasn’t this a role reversal and a half.</p><p>“Are you, uh…” <i>C’mon, Spinel. Think back to your FIWWY’s.</i> “Feelin’ anything new recently?”</p><p>His plate crashed rather abruptly onto the tray. “Spinel, I’m <i>fine</i>. I think I’d know if I had horns growing out of my head.”</p><p>“I mean like, emotions ‘n junk, y’know.”</p><p>Steven sobered out at that clarification. “No . . . no.”</p><p>There was so much she wanted to say. How could she make it all sound just right? “Stayin’ here… does it bother you? Does it feel weird?”</p><p>“Spinel,” he coughed out, a bit annoyed, “what are you doing?”</p><p>“I just - I wanna know how your doin’, that’s all,” she defended.</p><p>“How do you <i>think?</i>” Hearing his clipped tone, Steven panicked. “I-I’m sorry! It’s just… I’m….” His posture sagging, he let out a strangled sigh. “Goddamnit.”</p><p>Her eyebrows settled in a concerned look, gazing upon Steven’s hangdog demeanor. “It’s okay, Steven.”</p><p>“It is not. Okay. Spinel.” He then huffed, a hand grabbing a fistful of his brown curls. “I don’t want - I don’t want to get angry like that. I don’t want anybody to have to go through that ever again.” </p><p>“You won’t, Steven.”</p><p>“HOW DO YOU KNOW?!” he exploded, throwing out his arms. “I could still lash out at someone! I’m dangerous! I’m still, <i>mad</i> at people! I’m mad at myself!”</p><p>“St-Steven, relax!” Spinel implored, seeing the pink flushing through his skim.</p><p>As he yelled, she could see the restraint behind his eyes failing miserably at holding back the angry tirade. “My head, it’s all just a jumbled, fucking <i>mess!</i>” he continued. “I’m mad, but I’m - I’m <i>scared</i>, too! I could’ve <i>killed</i> everyone! I could’ve killed you! So, why!? <i>Why</i> do you still want to help me!?!”</p><p>Spinel gawked at him as he nearly loomed over her, breathing heavily. Her lips creaked open. “I almost killed you. Remember?”</p><p>It was his turn to gawk at her. “But, that didn’t stop you from helping me, Steven. You helped me learn that I’m not a monster. I’m gonna help you remember you’re not one, either.”</p><p>He blinked. It looked as if his mind had drawn a blank. “I… I’m sorry.” The neon pink simmered away. With a sigh, he plopped back down onto the mattress with his head in his hands. “What’s wrong with me?”</p><p>“A lot’s changed, pal.”</p><p>“I used to help people.” Steven pried his face away from his hands, staring up at the wall. “That’s what I liked doing, what I was <i>good</i> at doing. Why do… why do <i>I</i> need to be helped now?”</p><p>The teen frowned. “I think I might know a couple reasons,” she said, sounding ashamed. “Other than that, I dunno. But, that’s why therapy exists, I guess. To help figure all that junk out.”</p><p>His form went rigid at that, his eyes boring holes into the bedroom wall. “Of course Pearl would tell you that.”</p><p>Oops. “I mean, on the bright side, you’re not gonna be alone!”</p><p>“What?” He turned to face her.</p><p>She spread out her arms. “Guess who’s comin’ along for the ride?“ she announced, chuckling awkwardly at the end.</p><p>At first, he looked like he was in disbelief. The reality of who he was talking to snapped him out of it. “Pearl thinks you should go, too?”</p><p>“Yeah. Are you, okay with it?” she wondered.</p><p>He frowned. “Don’t have a choice. I <i>have</i> to be.”</p><p>The girl nodded slightly. “I get it.”</p><p>They both sat in silence momentarily, going over the reality of their new situation. That was, until Steven spoke up. “What do you mean by, you might know why?”</p><p>Spinel looked queasy, like she had swallowed a lemon. Memories, memories that she’d finally begun unpacking, finally begun sifting through, came to the forefront of her mind. As well as what events they led to. “You were scared of me. When I attacked, I could see the terror in your eyes.” She faced him directly. “I tried <i>killing</i> you. How - how badly did I hurt you? Mentally?”</p><p>Her voice didn’t sound very emotional. Regretful? Yes. Concerned? Of course. But there was nothing in her tone that made it sound like <i>she</i> was the one that needed to be comforted. </p><p>As for Steven, he looked ashamed. His eyes darted away as he forced out a response. “I - Spinel, this isn’t your fault.”</p><p>“It kinda is,” she admitted. “We all hurt you, and, I dunno. I guess I just wanna say, I’m sorry. For hurtin’ you like that.” The girl couldn’t stop herself from wincing as she spoke next. “Do you forgive me?”</p><p>“Of course I forgive you, Spinel. You don’t - you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. Lord knows you’ve already done so much of that.” He let out a choked sigh. “Really, I should be the one begging for your forgiveness.”</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“Because I <i>hurt</i> you!” he exclaimed, whirling around to face the girl. “I <i>crushed</i> you! I didn’t share the same feelings you had with me!”</p><p>“That’s not your fault, Steven!” She shook her head. “‘Kay, maybe it technically is, but that <i>doesn’t</i> mean you’re bad. You were just bein’ real with me. Nobody’s a bad person in this whole… thing.”</p><p>“But I still <i>hurt</i> you,” Steven said, begging her to see reason.</p><p>“So did I. But, I did so intentionally,” she explained, bringing a hand up over her heart. “You didn’t want to hurt me. You would never <i>actually</i> want to hurt me. That’s ‘cause you’re a good person, Steven.”</p><p>Again, Steven froze. Yet this time the gears in his brain were clearly turning, trying to comprehend such nice words. Words that wouldn’t, <i>couldn’t,</i> make sense to him at the moment. </p><p>With the seconds ticking, Spinel felt herself getting cold feet as his silence wore on. “I-I’m sorry for askin’ a lotta tough shit. If ya want me to leave you alone, I understand.”</p><p>She began to push herself up off the floor, when Steven interrupted her. “Spinel.”</p><p>His voice, it didn’t sound very urgent or anything. But there certainly was emotion behind it. “Don’t,” he paused, wiping a hand over his face. “Don’t leave. This hasn’t been bad. I mean, like, it’s been… kinda…”</p><p>“‘Cathartic?’”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nodded. “But, not in a bad way, or anything.”</p><p>Spinel couldn’t help but grin. “I’m glad ya think that.” She settled down again. “And don’tcha worry - I’ll try’n stick to the not-thinky stuff. But, don’t be afraid to talk to me. I don’t bite… anymore. Plus, we’ve both been through some gnarly stuff.”</p><p>“…Yeah. Guess we have.” Tucking his lips, he lingered on his thoughts. “How, bad, do you feel? Over what… you did?”</p><p>“Goin’ straight to the thinky stuff, eh?” Spinel commented. “Hey, don’t worry, it’s cool.” A puff of air blew out of her mouth. “Yeah, I feel bad. But I’m, like, learnin’ to accept it and act instead of pushin’ it all down. Plus, I know I can’t channel all my attention towards that. I know that’s not gonna do much to help you.”</p><p>“You don’t need to help me.”</p><p>“But I <i>want</i> to. I want to do it in a way that won’t burn myself out.” She snickered lightly. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but, I still care for you. You’re feelings are just as valid as mine.”</p><p>Hearing that, Steven allowed the most minute of grins to appear on his lips. “When did you get so mature?”</p><p>She coughed out a snicker. “‘Mature?’ Steven, don’t think I’m some sorta expert on this or somethin’. I’m only lettin’ ya know you’re not alone with how ya feel.”</p><p>“That’s nice to hear. But… yeah. Thanks,” Steven said simply.</p><p>Spinel nodded, then smirked. “<i>Buuut</i>, to answer your question, I’d guess sometime between learnin’ my life actually mattered, and findin’ out love wasn’t all I thought it was cracked up to be.” </p><p>Steven laughed. He <i>laughed</i>, even if Spinel didn’t mean it to be that funny. “Wow. Just had some serious déjà vu right there.” </p><p>“I’m glad you’re as sharp as ever, Universe,” Spinel giggled.</p><p>His grin remained, if slightly smaller. “Thanks. It feels, nice, knowing I can still talk to you easily.” The grin fell off his face as a frown quickly replaced it. “I hate how people don’t know how to treat me now…. It’s like they think I’ll blow up, or something.” A look of realization dawned on his face. He looked at Spinel as if he was noticing her for the first time. “Oh, God, this is what you felt like, huh?” </p><p>She half-smiled, recognizing his mentality well. “Welcome to the club.” Readjusting herself, she added something more meaningful. “If it makes ya feel better, Lapis said this sorta thing doesn’t last that long. Sure enough, people will learn how to treat you right, and you’ll get better so long as you actually try.”</p><p>“Sounds like some advice she’d give.”</p><p>“Totally. She’s like, an old wise woman.”</p><p>Again, he smirked. “‘An old wise woman.’ Really?”</p><p>“Well, duh!” Spinel said. “S’not like I gotta explain it to ya.”</p><p>Slowly, he nodded. “No, it makes sense.”</p><p>“I’m glad you understand,” she said, smirking as well.</p><p>Silence regained control over Spinel’s bedroom. Yet this time, the solitude wasn’t stifling or dreadful. It was placated. The leftover gloom refused to completely disappear, sure, nor was it going to do so any time soon. Yet, the quiet still felt peaceful. Almost hopeful. </p><p>Spinel’s gaze flowed over to her speaker. “Ya up for some tunes?”</p><p>“Nah,” he shook his head lightly, a softly calm expression on his face. “This is nice.”</p><p>The teen smiled. “Yeah. It is.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Meeting Mara</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spinel gets therapy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spinel squirmed in the chair, bouncing her foot nervously. A pale, lithe hand placed itself on the girl’s lap, making her involuntarily tense up. Recognizing it was Pearl’s, she calmed down.</p><p>“It’ll be okay, Spinel,” the gem reassured. Spinel just nodded numbly in return, her arms coiled around each other like fighting garter snakes.</p><p>She said she was fine with going to therapy. Both her and Pearl knew that such a statement only meant she wasn’t going to put up a fight, however. Because when it came down to it, when she was truly, physically sitting in the waiting room of the therapists’ office, Spinel was <i>terrified</i>. </p><p>“Am I really gonna haveta go in there alone?” she questioned, even if Pearl had told her the answer to that before they got there.</p><p>“Yes,” she sighed. “You… deserve professional help that isn’t tampered by anything. Including, well… me.”</p><p>The girl swallowed, looking away. Pearl and her never did get a chance to video call her future therapist before today. Her mind was going wild with all the worst-case possibilities. What things were some, some <i>stranger</i> going to make her remember? What horrors of the past were going to be forcibly brought up? <i>How</i> would this help her? Spinel already knew the past happened, she wasn’t <i>denying</i> it! What if - what it she was a lost cause? What if they thought she was incurable, incapable of truly changing, and kicked her to the curb -</p><p><b>Stop.</b> Don’t even entertain such an idea. Taking in a breath, she steadied her mind. Of course her brain was going all haywire; her nerves felt like they were shot.</p><p>Taking her mind off of, well, her mind, Spinel gazed around the waiting room. It wasn’t too crowded by any means, with a couple of other <s>fucked-up people</s> mentally unwell people sitting around as well. Some appeared almost as nervous as her, whilst others looked like they were practically relaxing on their living room couch.</p><p>The door opened. A round, friendly face of a thirty-something woman peeked through the doorframe. “Spinel?”</p><p><i>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.</i> The teenager felt Pearl’s hand pressing down on her leg, as if fearful she might bounce up to the ceiling. </p><p>The woman stayed smiling as she caught her eye, stepping into the waiting room. She had on a loose, unbuttoned maroon blazer over a white button-up. Below that, she wore a green skirt that stretched down below her knees. On her head she had frizzy, tousled hair that just grazed her shoulders.</p><p>“Hey!” she greeted warmly. “I’m Dr. Miles. But, feel free to call me Mara, or whatever you like.”</p><p>Spinel felt as if she was made of lead. Thankfully, Pearl found her voice sooner than she did. “Uh, hello, doctor.” She stood up to face her, guiding Spinel to do the same as the girl took an embarrassing moment to untangle her arms.</p><p>“You must be Pearl, I’m guessing?” she presumed, taking glances at her gemstone. After Pearl nodded, her gaze switched down to Spinel. “Hello, Spinel. Will you please follow me down to my office?”</p><p>“Is Pearl gonna come with?” Spinel asked anxiously. </p><p>Mara gave her a smile that was intended to placate her, but instead sent her fear soaring through the roof. “Sorry, but I’d like our first meeting to be one-on-one. You know, in order to help us get a better understanding of each other.”</p><p>Her knees felt nonexistent. She scrunched her eyes closed and balled her fists, trying so hard to dig up any little bit of courage she might have.</p><p>“I understand that you’re nervous, Spinel,” Mara said in that stupidly kind voice of hers. “It’s perfectly reasonable to be. But, this is a safe place. A place where people - like me - want to help you and let you voice your emotions. Nobody’s going to judge how you feel.”</p><p>Those words, unreal as they sounded, compelled Spinel to crack open her eyes. “How long’s it gonna take?”</p><p>“As long as you want it to take.” She scratched the side of her head. “I mean, as long as it’s under an hour. Then, you’ll meet right back up with Pearl here.”</p><p>“…Can I say goodbye?”</p><p>She nodded. “‘Course you can.”</p><p>Turning away from the therapist, Spinel and Pearl faced each other with barely-concealed emotions. They quickly fell into each others’ embraces.</p><p>“It’s okay. I’ll be right out here waiting for you,” Pearl reassured, rubbing the teen’s back. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”</p><p>“I… I know.” She sniffled. “I love you, Pearl.”</p><p>Her hug tightened. “I love you too, Spinel.”</p><p>It took a moment or two more for the gem to let go of Spinel. “Now, go on,” she whispered, smiling softly. “Dr. Miles is waiting.”</p><p>Rubbing her eyes, Spinel forced herself to turn around. Mara was standing there patiently as ever, her hands clasped together with a welcoming smile on her face.</p><p>Well. Didn’t <i>that</i> remind her of times long gone.</p>
<hr/><p>“How‘s your morning been so far?”</p><p>Spinel didn’t immediately reply. Sitting on a couch - not strapped onto some stretcher, but resting on a <i>couch</i> - she took a split second to observe the room around her. It was decently decorated, but not obnoxiously so. Mental health posters were hung up here and there, as well as shelves holding all sorts of trinkets and knickknacks. Some potted plants dotted the office (which were thankfully all alive). Ahead of her sat Mara in a thickly-padded armchair, with a little coffee table separating her from Spinel.</p><p>“Uh, pretty . . . good. I guess.”</p><p>Mara smiled, understanding. “Mainly just nervous?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well, you shouldn’t have to worry. I don’t plan on delving into much today.” Mara then grabbed some papers off of the desk beside her, Spinel’s eyes anxiously following the woman’s hand. “Right now, our goal is to get to know each other and provide you with an idea of what to expect.”</p><p>“Uh, quick question?” she began, raising her hand. “What sorta things will we be, uh, doin’?” Spinel asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer so soon. </p><p>She placed the documents down on her lap, still giving Spinel her undivided attention. “Well, we’re here to identify any issues you might be facing, and to find out ways to tackle them. And,” Mara smiled, “you don’t have to feel like you need to raise your hand to ask a question.”</p><p>Spinel blinked, her cheeks burning up. “Oh… okay.”</p><p>Mara’s smile deepened, as if telling Spinel she didn’t have to be embarrassed. Thankfully, she moved past the subject. “Let’s start off with some icebreakers. Like, what’s your favorite show?” She chuckled. “You give me any late-night true crime drama, I’ll eat it up.”</p><p>“Um….” Man, was she cordial. Or at least, more so than Spinel expected. “I guess I like Over the Orchard Fence. That’s, that’s pretty good.”</p><p>“Good to hear. What do you like about it?”</p><p>“I just… like the art style, I guess. The characters are also really nice.” She paused, thinking. Before she could stop herself, the words all came tumbling out. What was the point in delaying the inevitable? “They’re just, tryin’ to find home. Somewhere out of a strange and new and… beautiful place. One that makes them feel so, alien.”</p><p>Mara nodded, slowly and full of understanding. “Sounds like they had to overcome many different things. Fear, isolation, frustration - it must’ve been difficult. Discouraging, even.”</p><p>She swallowed. “Yeah. But . . . yeah.”</p><p>“You’ve been through a lot, Spinel,” the therapist pointed out rather bluntly. Yet she said it in such a way that Spinel didn’t take much offense to it. “It’s okay to feel any emotions that come from such experiences.”</p><p>“But….” Spinel shook her head, finding SO much fault in her words. “I - I <i>can’t</i>. I can’t let my anger get a hold of me. I’ll go nuts!”</p><p>“You can still feel angry and not let it become explosive. You just need to learn ways to control it.”</p><p>“How?! It’s just - it’s just so <i>easy</i> to let it eat me all up inside, even when I know I shouldn’t!” She tried steadying her quaking fists. “B-But I can’t just, ignore it, either. I can’t shove it deep down. It all just eventually comes out like - like a volcano.”</p><p>Her eyes became stuck on the coffee table. After a moment, Mara folded her hands on her lap and leaned ever-so-slightly forward in her chair. “I understand where you’re coming from, Spinel. But, this isn’t as complicated as you make it out to be. You <i>can</i> be helped.” </p><p>Man, were those words nice to hear. But that’s all they were: just nice-sounding. “I’m not… <i>like</i> the other sick people here,” Spinel said, almost guiltily. She chuckled. “I’ve spent the first years of my life thinkin’ I wasn’t even human! I don’t need to eat, or drink - I can even go without sleep!”</p><p>“I know that, Spinel,” Mara calmly informed. “I was briefed on Gemkind as well as your, peculiar upbringing, before our session. Yet no matter how different you may be physically, your mental patterns are sure to be quickly recognizable, based on what I’ve gathered.”</p><p>“Whaddya mean?”</p><p>She tilted her head a tad. “Would you like me to elaborate further? Or do you wanna try another icebreaker? Either one’s a perfectly acceptable answer.”</p><p>The girl stared at her. Five minutes in, and they were already on a roll with this whole therapy thing. Yet, Mara seemed so ready to just drop the subject right then and there. For now, at least. Is this real? This is, like, some Steven levels of patience here. How could this person - who she met <i>today</i> and <i>doesn’t</i> have anything to do with Steven’s mom - be as kind as him? </p><p>It was her job. That’s why. It was her job, and she got paid to do it. She didn’t actually care for her like Steven did. She was just doing what she was assigned to do. It could’ve been anyone that Spinel could’ve gotten handed over to. Any one of the craftsmen here had the chance to fix this broken toy. </p><p>And . . . </p><p>. . . and maybe that’s okay.</p><p>Not the calling-herself-a-toy part, she chastised herself. But, goddamnit, she needed the help. She needed any help she could get. Even if it came from something impersonal. Who was she to refuse? Mara herself seemed nice, and Spinel wasn’t going to start counteracting her. All of that had been thoroughly beaten out of her.</p><p>Well, she was already here; she guess she better start facing the music. “Could’ja tell me more? About that?”</p><p>Mara nodded. “Sure thing.”</p>
<hr/><p>Pearl sat in the waiting room with her ankles crossed, biting her lip. It had been, what? Forty-five minutes since Spinel left with the human mental doctor? The form did say that these meetings took a maximum of one hour, but… what could they be doing in there? Wasn’t it just like talking with Steven? Except, while she now knew that harmed Steven and gave him something called a Hero Complex, this was supposedly a safe, professional environment. Was this more comprehensive? She wish she knew.</p><p>Finally, the door opened. Pearl bolted upright as Spinel and Dr. Miles stepped through. A spike of worry was plunged into her chest once she saw Spinel’s face, puffy and red.</p><p>She hurried over to the human, kneeling down and cupping her face with her hands. “Are you okay? What happened?”</p><p>Spinel didn’t say anything at first. As Pearl took in more of Spinel’s expression, she gradually picked up on how… not sad she seemed. The girl had evidently cried, that’s for certain, but there was an air of acceptance around her features. In a way, she looked relieved. Cleansed of some long-held burden unbeknownst to Pearl.</p><p>Then, she hugged her.</p><p>“I’m okay, Pearl,” Spinel said, her head resting against her shoulder.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she sniffled. She hugged Pearl tighter. “I’m learning.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this took me a hot minute to get out! Originally I was working on the last chapter, but decided that some of the information in it needed to be shown in it’s own separate chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>